


Scream, Scream, Scream about a Good man's life

by Basilintime



Series: Impression upon Space [2]
Category: Pacific Rim
Genre: Arguments and Fights, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Friends With Benefits, abusing canon, and of Australian weather patterns too, fuck buddies, possible (meaning definite) abuse of dubious Australian slang, smoke breaks turn into fuck breaks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 99,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1581017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basilintime/pseuds/Basilintime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is ending and Newton Geiszler finds an unlikely friends in the young Jaeger pilot, Chuck Hansen. The two's relationship grows and develops into more than Newton would typically allow himself to build with someone who consistently tries to throw their life away inside a Jaeger. Some jealousies rise, tempers flare, and life in general seems to get pretty fucked up sometimes but the two find in each other a person to lean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Man is Many Things

**Author's Note:**

> This falls in the same headcanon that produces Potential imprints of human like things, and will elaborate on the relationship between Chuck and Newton that is mentioned in that story. This is the second part of the 'Impressions upon Space' series that falls within this head canon. It will be explicit and wonderful and probably angsty. 
> 
> The title of this fic is from a song titled "Scream, Scream, Scream" by the band Ludo. You should look Ludo up if you haven't heard of them. They sound like I would imagine a band fronted by Newton would sound, just perhaps with a little more science jargon and just as much pop culture reference.  
> The title of the chapter comes from the same song.

            The rain was a welcomed relief to most of them with the heat having gotten unbearable over the last few weeks. Of course his stubborn pretentious lab partner hadn’t been one of those people who had almost cried with joy as the cloud had moved in. Newton couldn’t really blame Hermann, he knew the man’s leg acted up when there was an atmospheric pressure change and he had been just as grateful as Newt that the heat would break even for a short amount of time. Still though, it had been a long and rough day of humidity and waiting and bitching and specimens arriving in a completely disgraceful state causing Newton to have a small tantrum in the general direction of Marshall Pentecost despite the man not actually being present.

            So it hadn’t been entirely Hermann’s fault that he’d had a bad day. Ok, the guy had actually suffered silently through whatever pain he’d been in and had settled on giving Newton one of those long disapproving stares when he’d finally cursed the sky for not unleashing its glorious payload upon them by midday. It’d been a bad fucking day, and now the rain was finally blessing them with its presence as night arrived and Newton was up on the abandoned helipad having one of his usually rare but ever increasing smoke breaks.

            He wouldn’t really say that he was a smoker, but on days like this when everything just wanted to go wrong and frustrate the hell out of him Newton would find time to sneak away for one. It gave him time to still his ever frantic mind, and though he often found himself sitting there letting the lit cigarette burn itself out between his fingers while barely even remembering to ever lift it to his lips he’d found the scent alone could be calming. He was tucked back beneath an overhang now as the rain poured down in a thunderous din that wouldn’t last long, and he sighed as he decided to take a drag off the cancer stick that was resting between his fingers. Fuck, who cared, they were all on the fast track to dying as it was.

            He hadn’t heard the door open up over the sound of the rain mixing with the run on sentence of thoughts that made up his mind, but he managed to keep himself from startling in an obvious way when the person came to stand beside him. He looked up to find one of the jaeger pilots leaning against the wall next to him, lighting his own cigarette up as he met his eye.

            “Hey doc.”

            “Uh...hi Chuck.” He hadn’t really had much interaction with the younger Hansen though he’d frequently exclaimed loudly at Herc as he stood next to Pentecost when he had to give his weekly report on how they were doing. He watched now as Chuck let himself slide down the wall besides him, actively smoking opposed to Newton’s more absent minded version of the activity. “Um, rough day?” His understanding from what he heard through and the few interviews that Chuck had seemingly stumbled into before Herc could drag him away made the kid seem like an ass, but a lot of people thought the same thing about Newton so he’d gotten pretty good at giving other human beings the benefit of a doubt.

            “You could say that. You?” Okay, this seemed rather civil so far.

            “Yeah, yeah it was kind of shit.” Chuck gave a short nod, and they sat there in silence listening to the rain for a while. That was the first time they’d happened to find themselves up on the helipad together during the quiet hours. Chuck finished his cigarette without another comment and Newton had let him leave before he stood to brush himself off and head inside despite his own cigarette having long extinguished itself by that point.

 

            “Another bad day, doc?” It was past midnight this time, and Newton was back sitting in his spot with his leg jiggling up and down in a nervous tick as he sucked that damn cigarette down. It had been Hermann this time. The heat had come back, the rain seemed to have abandoned them after its last damn tease a few weeks back and Hermann...well, he was Hermann.

            “It doesn’t even qualify as a day at this point; it is instead titled simply as ‘a bitch’.” Newton splayed his hands out into the air in front of him as though displaying some sign that did in fact declare that the day was a bitch and a bitch only. Chuck gave a soft breath of a laugh as he sat down beside him again, and Newt felt a part of him relax at the sign that he was capable of causing someone a sense of happiness even if it was out of pure frustrated sarcasm. He’d heard how Chuck’s day had gone; everyone had heard how the Hansen’s combined day had gone to be honest.

            Newton hadn’t heard what started it this time other than the father and son duo had been running simulations based on some new data, and dealing with standard diagnostics on the drift when something had gone south. It had cumulated into a loud and public argument between Chuck and his father in the mess afterwards that numerous reports stated had almost come to blows. He stole a few sideway glances towards Chuck to try and study how he looked on the sly as he lit up a smoke.

            “You, uh, have a bitch too?”

            “I don’t even think that a bitch could describe the complete cock up today has been.” Chuck closed his eyes as he leaned his head back against the wall behind them, and he looked suddenly tired.

            “You want to...talk about it?” Chuck cracked an eye open to look at him, and Newton was ready to be told to fuck off. It wasn’t really his place even after they had shared a couple of stress induced smoking sessions. “You don’t have to, I just thought, yeah forget it.” Chuck stared at him lazily, still with one eye closed as he seemed to size Newton up.

            “You’d think that two people who spend half their lives inside each other’s heads wouldn’t spend half their time having a blue.” Newton stared blankly at Chuck for a long moment, and the man sighed with a slight roll of his eyes. “You’d think I wouldn’t spend half my time having a row with my old man.” Newt made an ‘oh’ noise as he got it, and Chuck gave him an exaggerated wink while pointing his hand like a gun at Newt.

            “Maybe it’s the whole being in each other’s heads that makes you two fight so much. You don’t know how to communicate unless you’re hooked up to the drift?” Chuck gave him a long look and Newton was suddenly very certain that he’d overstepped his bounds on whatever weird sort of stress smoking friendship may have been forming here. “Or I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

            “Don’t be an ass, you feel you know something own it, don’t backtrack and be a damn pussy.” Chuck actually looked more disgusted by Newt’s sudden retreat from his own suggestion than he had from the comment itself, and he looked up at the sky where a few stars managed to shine out despite the bright lights around the Shatterdome and throughout the city behind it. “Thing is we don’t talk, we yell. I’m never good enough and he can never go back and change the past so it’s easier to butt heads. And you’re right, constantly knowing just how the other is feeling makes it real simple to just not talk about it.”

            “Have you tried?” Newt threw it out there, feeling his confidence return since Chuck hadn’t just rejected him or punched him for speaking up. Granted, he wasn’t really sure why the guy was sharing with him, hell, Chuck was borderline having a heart to heart with him. The silence stretched long between them, Newton’s cigarette burning out and effectively leaving him with no reason to stay around as he realized that heart to heart was perhaps a strong phrase for whatever this was. He huffed a quiet sigh as he moved to stand up, but Chuck caught his arm by the wrist to keep him from standing.

            “You and your boyfriend have a blue of your own?”

            “What?”

            “You and the other doctor? The one with the stick up his ass.”

            “Dude most people would say you have a stick up your ass,” Newton said a bit defensively for Hermann, who was this kid to make a comment like that? Sure Newton said it at least once a week if not more frequently, but he had a free pass. He was locked in a room with Hermann for hours each day every day. “And, Dr. Gottlieb is not my boyfriend.”

            “Sure he isn’t.”

            “He’s not!”

            “You two have a row?”

            “Maybe we did, but that’s none of your business.” Newton spat it at Chuck, falling into his grump again as he decided he needed another smoke. Damn asshole Jaeger pilot trying to act like he knew anything about him and Hermann. _There is no Hermann and you._

            “And here people say I’m cranky,” Chuck said, holding his hands up in a placating manner though there was a goddamn smirk on his face that took away any sincerity from the gesture. Apparently the guy really was an ass, and Newton gave him the finger before pushing off the ground. Chuck let him go this time, watching him silently as the biologist stormed off before finishing his smoke.

 

            Chuck was already sitting out in their spot, no it was _his_ spot and Chuck was invading it. Newton had come up to the helipad several times the last few nights and come across the jaeger pilot sitting out there smoking each time. He’d turned around every single night before now and he lingered in the doorway as he debated following the same course of action again. He wanted a cigarette though, needed it. They had announced more budget cuts, had stated emphatically that they wanted to continue to cut back on the jaeger program and the Shatterdomes to put more into that goddamn wall. They were all in a bad mood, and he’d had a screaming match about nothing with Hermann earlier. And now he had the program’s resident asshole invading his spot.

            Well, he wasn’t going to have that, no, Newton stomped right out to where Chuck was sitting and flopped down hard onto the concrete ground while slamming his shoulders back to lean against the metal wall. Chuck just watched him coolly, looking a little amused by his display before pulling out some tobacco and paper to start rolling another cigarette while his already lit one dangled from his lips. He finished it before Newton had even managed to fumble his pack out of his pocket, and as he tried to get the carton open Chuck held out the freshly rolled stick to him.

            “It’s not poisoned, just take it mate. It will be better than those damn durries you suck on.” Chuck waved the cigarette at him again and Newton took it feeling just the tiniest amount of his anger at the guy fade away. Again, before he was able to fish his lighter out of his pocket he was being offered Chuck’s, the man hitting the flint as he flipped it open and Newt awkwardly leaned close to him to light up.

            “Thanks.”

            “Decided I wasn’t a complete cock then?”

            “It’s still up for debate,” Newton said, finding that Chuck had been right as he took a long drag that seemed to melt away some of the tension in his shoulders as his eyes flickered closed. When he opened them again he found the younger man watching him, and unlike most normal people Chuck didn’t turn away when he was caught. He let the look linger instead until Newt look away again and they both stared up at the dimmed out sky.

            “It’s ok if you do, everyone else does. Why should you be any different?”

            “Not everyone thinks you’re a dick, man.”

            “Name one.”

            “Uh…” Shit, he couldn’t. Even Hermann had expressed that he thought that the ‘young Mr. Hansen had a volatile personality’, which was the closest that Hermann got to calling someone a dick. Well, except for Newton, he openly had called him a dick that morning. It had been almost funny to watch how pained he’d been to use the word, would have been hilarious if Newton hadn’t been so beyond pissed himself.

            “People get an impression of you and they tend to stick with it. Why give anything different if they’re just going to sit and wait for you to fuck it up again?”

            “You’re saying that you’re secretly not a jackass with a chip on his shoulder, but some cuddly puppy who acts big and tough for his ‘public image’?” Newton said incredulously.

            “You mean you aren’t a scatterbrained genius man-child who is literally in love with the Kaiju who have killed and destroyed entire cities to the point you’ll ink them permanently on your skin?” Man, Chuck could contend with Hermann when it came to the sarcasm Olympics. The kid had reached over to trace a finger over the swirl of a wave just above Yamarashi on Newt’s arm, and the touch had given him a slight shiver down his back in the humid air. It wasn’t that it was Chuck specifically who had trailed that finger, but the fact that honestly…touch didn’t happen much for Newt in recent times. If he wasn’t elbow deep in Kaiju guts he was passed out in his room alone or arguing with Hermann. Hermann touched him…sort of, Hermann smacked, pushed, nudged and poked at him with his cane and it wasn’t the same. Newton had tried several times to egg the guy into actually grabbing him in anger and frustration.

            “Ok, I get your point, what people perceiving is rarely the entire truth of the matter. I do not love…ok, I a little love, the Kaiju, but only in the fact that they are fascinating specimens of an alien race that adapts faster than should be possible. I want them gone just as much as anyone else, and the tattoos aren’t to show affection.”

            “What are they for then?”

            “Why? You’ve already made your assumptions; you just said you can’t change the first impression.” He huffed, crossing arms lightly though he was focused enough not to accidently burn himself.

            “I value people who have value. You? My first impression of you came from my old man. He doesn’t like you, thinks you’re everything I just said though he also acknowledges you’re the best damn scientist we have working on figuring out how to kill the Kaiju faster. Well, you and your science boyfriend.”

            “Hermann is not my boyfriend.”

            “From what I gather he could be if you asked.”

            “What the hell do you know? You never even come down to K-science!”

            “I don’t need to.” Chuck pointed to the side of his head, giving Newton a look that said he was clearly doubting the man’s intellectual prowess and that perhaps his father was just really stupid instead of Newt being really smart. “What are they for?” He motioned back to Newton’s forearms where they were crossed over his chest.

            “Battle tallies, man. The ancient tradition of tattooing your defeated enemy’s names on to your skin, only instead of names I’ve decided to use their image.” Chuck seemed to think on this, jaw clenching lightly making the muscles jump and dance for a moment. Newton hoped he didn’t question the dubious and vague history of tattoos that he’d just laid on him.

            “You didn’t defeat any of them.” _Oh thank god, I don’t have references aside from old movies._ Anthropology and history had not really been Newt’s forte but he doubted the Chuck would call him on his bullshit about the historical precedent that he used to get people to understand the why behind his tattoos. Most of them still didn’t get it.

            “Like you said, I’m the science behind the slaughter. And, yeah, I wasn’t exactly in the jaeger who punched these guys into brutal submission but it was a victory for all of us, the entirety of us as human beings.” Chuck listened without interruption, and then lifted his eyebrows in one quick motion before letting them fall in a motion that came off like he’d just shrugged with his face. _Shrugged with his face?_ Newton was tired, and Newton’s brain needed to stop nitpicking his verbiage. Chuck had in essence just stated ‘true’ in response to his justification, he just hadn’t actually said the word.

            “Dad was right about one thing.”

            “What was that? My superior intelligence?”

            “You talk a lot.” Newton scoffed, tried to find a rebuttal that which avoided using more than five words before speaking.

            “Lies.”

            “Really?”

            “Yeah…” Chuck let the silence drag on, staring at Newton with a raised eyebrow as though daring him to be the one to break it first. He wasn’t going to, no, he was cool with silence. Somewhere a song started playing in the back of Newton’s head as he turned away from Chuck in a determined manner, foot starting to tap on the concrete in a nervous fashion, and he shoved the cigarette between his lips to try and keep the elaboration on his rebuttal that was bubbling up into his head and trying to come out his mouth. Shit, fuck…shit he wasn’t going to do it, nope, fuck… “You know, talking a lot is actually a sign of intelligence sometimes. There’s a fine line between brilliance and insanity, and sometimes I just have to get all the words out and so I do. Why not? Why not share my wisdom with people? Yeah, a lot of people tune me out and stop listening and then they miss something amazing and don’t believe that I could have said anything of importance. Like, did you know that the Kaiju all have the same general genetic coding with only these tiny little difference that most people would assume means nothing, but it could mean everything. I have this theory I’m working on, but I’m not ready to share it because its in its infant stages, like so infant that it’s crawling back into the womb when I have a bad day and doubt myself, which why would I doubt myself, I’m a rock star and I’m going to share the theory I have with you, because it’s a little bit awesome. I kind of think that the Kaiju are all so genetically similar with just these little slices taken out and switched around because it’s how they’re _design._ ”

            “You gonna breath sometime this year?”

            “See you already stopped listening!” Newton said it accusingly, turning so he could point at Chuck with everything he had.

            “No, I didn’t.”

            “Prove it.”

            “You think that the Kaiju are being designed and changed from one genetic pool.” Chuck actually shrugged this time as Newton stared at him with his mouth gaped open.

            “You listened to that whole thing?”

            “Yeah, some people are worth listening to and others aren’t. My _impression_ of you is that you’re one of the ones worth tuning in for.” Newton looked a little like a fish for a few moments as he sat back against the wall again.

            “Huh…the only other person who listens to everything I say is Hermms.”

            “Told you, you two just need to have a good root.” Newton rolled his eyes, realizing his cigarette had burned out at some point during his ranting and he sighed as he dropped the remaining butt into the ashtray that he’d stowed away ages ago, not able to bring himself to just leave the signs of his transgression lying about to be blow off into the already polluted ocean.

            “Your theory would indicate that if I just asked you we could have a ‘good root’ as well.” He was greeted by silence, and he felt his face heat up as he realized that Chuck was watching him and Newton wasn’t sure if he was ready to turn and see what look was on the guy’s face just then.

            “Good talk.” Chuck broke the silence that had dragged out between them for a lot longer than was comfortable, and he patted Newton companionably on the shoulder before standing up and leaving him there. For once Newt didn’t have all that many words to say.


	2. Cause you give me the Electric Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton thinks he's screwed up the first go at a new friendship he's had in a while, and tries to put things right between him and Chuck. Things turn out a little more than just alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this one gets pretty...porny. 
> 
> The title of this chapter is from the song 'Electric Twist' by A Fine Frenzy.

            Newton paced, making a sound of frustration as he glanced towards the door hoping it’d open. He’d screwed up, and now there probably wasn’t a way to fix this. He’d freaked out a little after their last conversation though, and Newton had avoided not only the helipad but anywhere he thought Chuck might show up for the last two weeks. It wasn’t that he was opposed to the thought of sleeping with Chuck, it was quite the opposite. Chuck was attractive, okay, in that sort of Ken doll dream man kind of way. But, they’d also been sort of establishing this weird sort of friendship thing and Newt found he _was_ opposed to ruining that. Surprisingly very opposed considering the other half of his minor freak out had been about getting too close. _Promised myself I wouldn’t get that close again_. Well, too late for that, genius, cause the last two weeks had done nothing but prove that he already sort of cared about the guy.

            So, figuring if he was in for a penny he may as well be in for a dollar he’d been up here every night for the last four nights, but he’d been spending his smoke breaks alone. Truthfully, he hadn’t even been smoking. Sure, he did the whole show of pulling out a cigarette and holding it at the ready so he could light it and make sure it wasn’t too obvious he was just waiting, but things had eased back to the normal levels of stress again down in the lab. Yeah, Hermann and he still nitpicked each other and argued but it had returned to their normal levels of fond criticizing disguised as utter loathing instead of being true, blow out fights of the last month. The only thing that was eating away at him was this Chuck deal, to the point that Hermann had looked at him with _concern_ and asked if he was all right. Ok, so Newt had worked himself up into a mild panic attack at the time Hermann’s usual apathy to his normal levels of twitching had worn off into actual concern at Newton’s elevated levels of twitching, but still. Baseline levels of stress, that’s what he was getting at.

            Newton stared at the door for a few seconds again trying to will Chuck to come walking through it. He needed to set things straight, apologize for making it all awkward in the first place with his conclusion jumping from before and try to see if he could get back on track with having a friend. God, that sounded pathetic, but aside from Hermann he wasn’t really close _close_ with anyone after the last seven or so years. There’d been a few other members of the K-science team, though they were all scattered now across the different Shatter domes and an alarming number of them were finding themselves let go with the recent waves of budget cuts. Mako was fond of him, but she had far more important things to focus on anymore now that she was joining the Jaeger academy, something he had adamantly tried to talk her out of but had known it was a losing battle. It’s all the kid had wanted since her family had been killed. And…well, that was his list. His epically short list of people he could consider friends.

            “Fuck!” Newton turned out to look towards the ocean, the dim line of the wall that they were building in hopes that it would keep the Kaiju out. He wanted to throw something, but he had nothing to throw except the pack of cigarettes he’d been toying with nervously so he sent that sailing the best he could only for it to fall horribly short of being an impressive throw. “Fuck,” this time with a little less gusto than before.

            Newton turned, ready to storm back inside and out of the cooling night air when he realized someone was standing a few feet away from him and watching with a critical eye as he lit his own cigarette. Chuck looked pissed, his jaw was doing that thing where it tensed and relaxed and muscles danced and he still hadn’t said a word though he kept staring. It was like the guy was a freaking robot or something, silent but unerring and making Newton lose his nerve. 

            “Must have had a pretty good last two weeks. Haven’t seen you around, doc.” Chuck broke the silence, a sharp edge to his words even though they were innocent enough. He finally looked away from Newton, letting the older man relax just slightly now that those eyes weren’t trained on him with a hint of angry accusation behind them. Maybe he hadn’t been the only one to grow a little fond over the few weeks of late night smoke breaks, but he had definitely been the one to fuck things up. 

            “It’s been about normal, I just uh…I felt like I might have made things awkward last time.”

            “Joint effort.” It seemed like a peace offering, some notion that they could find a middle ground though the guy still looked like he was contemplating punching Newton in the face.

            “Yeah, well…I sort of maybe freaked out a little afterwards and assumed that it might be better that I back off a bit. I’m not…uh…looking for that, not that I’d be opposed cause well, you’re you, but I’m also me and I’m like…old enough to be your father and that just made things even worse. Dude, if you don’t say something soon I’m just going to keep going until I make us both super uncomfortable.” There was that damned jaw thing again.

            “I don’t know how old you are though I doubt you’re the same age as my old man. And, you being you, I’m not opposed either; however, you don’t exactly seem the casual type with your whole thing with the other doctor.” That was perhaps the longest speech Chuck had ever given in his presence and Newton stared at him trying to take it all in. He wasn’t sure he’d gotten it all; that he hadn’t misunderstood something because Chuck still looked mad and had started to avoid looking at Newton all together by this point.

            “Ok, maybe we need to start this whole conversation over again, cause you look like you might punch me and I had intended to come up here to fix this and not make it worse.” Newton ran his hands though his already chaotic hair as Chuck started rolling a second cigarette even though he hadn’t finished the first.

            “I’m not going to punch you, I don’t punch first in fights and I don’t hit people who aren’t equally capable of kicking my own ass. Start over but make it good.” Chuck practically threw the newly rolled cigarette at him and Newton reacted too slow to actually catch the damn thing and had to scramble for it. When he stood Chuck was offering him his lighter again, falling back into the tentative sort of tradition they’d been building before things had gone all screwy.

            “Uh, thanks, for the light and the whole not punching me thing. Though, I could totally kick your ass if I wanted to.”

            “Sure you could, mate. You have about thirty seconds before I decide this isn’t worth my time.” Geez the guy was a hard ass when he wanted to be, though to be fair Newton knew that about him just by reputation alone.

            “So, how are things Chuck?” The man shrugged, not making it easy on him, and Newton made a frustrated growl though if he was honest with himself it was more of a whine than a growl. He was certain that Chuck could growl with the best of them. _Ok, stop, bad Newton, no side tracking, try honesty. Honesty seems like it might work._ “Look, I got a little panicked because I sort of like this whole friend thing we have going on even though I have a rule in regards of being friends with your group.”

            “My group?” Chuck raised a critical eyebrow at him, and Newton cringed a little.

            “Jaeger pilots, there’s a whole…thing…with that, maybe we can talk about it some other time cause right now really isn’t going to work for me. I can’t talk about that, just know that I typically keep my distance from all of you, because otherwise things can go bad and I can’t, shit…”

            “Doc, just focus on what you were saying about us being mates.” It was possible there was an ounce of caring in Chuck’s voice, and Newton sort of latched onto that as he tried to push all the bad memories and feelings that had suddenly decided to ambush him back.

            “Right, right…friends, so I want us to be friends but then the whole sex thing got brought up and I realized I wouldn’t mind that either. But the sex thing sometimes ruins the friend thing, and I didn’t want that so I freaked out and decided to do the whole avoiding thing.”

            “Seems counterproductive.”

            “It is! It was, that’s why I came up here, but then you weren’t up here so I figured I had already screwed it up and so I was pissed and threw my pack of cigarettes. I better pick those up before they get blown away, I tend to try and take care of the environment not destroy it more than we already have with nuclear fallout...”

            “Doc.” Newton took a deep breath as he tried to rein in all that nervous jittery energy that was successfully bubbling up out of him in a mess of words. Chuck was showing patience that, honesty, Newt hadn’t thought the guy had.

            “Ok, sorry, shit, are my thirty seconds up?”

            “Yeah, they are. You’re officially into overtime.”

            “Shit. Ok, in short, I want us to be friends but I wouldn’t mind the whole sex thing if you’re not opposed and we agreed to not let it ruin the aforementioned friendship thing. That’d be one of the ground rules, if we feel like it’s making things too messy we voice that and stop. And, we have the right to check where we’re at with each other whenever we feel necessary.” What was he doing? He was doing the exact opposite of what he had intended to do when he saw Chuck, which was to rekindle their friendship and make it clear he _wouldn’t_ be making awkward advances.

            “You and Doctor…” Chuck trailed off, and Newton realized that he didn’t even know Hermann’s name. It caused an unexpected stab of anger that had no place in this conversation, but that Newton couldn’t completely contain either.

            “Gottlieb?” He supplied it for him with a hint of annoyance in sneaking its way into his tone.

            “It’s not going to cause problems with that whole thing?” Chuck said with a deadpan stare that clearly said he heard Newton’s annoyance and didn’t give a shit.

            “There’s…nothing there for it to cause any problems for.”

            “I don’t like being lied to.”    

            “God, you’re frustrating. I’m not lying, it’s the truth. I like the guy, okay? Despite the fact that we fight and bicker and generally drive each other crazy, I like him. Like, like like him.” _You’re doing an excellent job at being articulate, Dr. Geiszler._ “But, any feelings I may harbor have long been proven to be unreciprocated so there is nothing there to complicate.” _That’s a little better._

            “All right then. We can give it a try.” Newton found himself staring again, and he wondered how Chuck managed to be so nonchalant while basically saying ‘sure, let’s fuck’.

            “What? Like now?” Chuck gave a short burst of laugher, and if Newton wasn’t mistaken in the dim light…sweet baby genotype, was he _blushing_! Chuck had raised his hand to run his thumb nail along his brow as he tried to hide what Newton fully suspected was a darkening of the guy’s cheeks, and he hadn’t realized that Chuck was capable of being embarrassed until now.

            “No, I’m still a little pissed off at you and this isn’t exactly the best place for that,” Chuck shook his head a little, glancing at Newton only once he had gotten control again to arrange his face into that slight pissed look he constantly wore. “When and if it happens, it will happen. It’s not like we have to arrange a schedule.”

            “Right, of course, no…that’d be…weird. So, if it happens…”

            “It happens.”

            “Right, right…yeah, right. Ok, um, I’ll leave you to finish smoking then,” Newton said, glancing at his own neglected and burnt down stub and feeling a bit bad that he hadn’t smoked it after Chuck had gone through the trouble of rolling it for him. But, well, he hadn’t _needed_ to smoke, he had needed to talk and he had fully and completely overachieved on that goal. That was him, overachiever of the wordy kind.

            “See ya, doc.” It was Newt’s turn to feel his cheeks go hot, not because of how Chuck had said it, but because of the little knowing smirk on the guy’s face and ugh…just ugh… he was going. Newton forced himself to turn and walk towards the door in the most unfazed way he could manage knowing he was being watched. “And doc?”

            “Yeah?” Newton twisted a little inside, wondering what could possibly need saying right then when he was so close to escaping to go huddle in his own embarrassed sort of agony somewhere until he could fully comprehend the situation.

            “Next time you have an issue, don’t fucking avoid me or you can consider any sort of friendship to be done for.” That anger he had sensed at the beginning of the conversation returned in a slightly bitter twist to Chuck’s voice.

            “Yeah…ok…good talk.” Newton sputtered out before ducking through the door, copying Chuck’s words from their previous run in without fully realizing it until he was inside and able to think again. Chuck stared after him before giving sigh, looking out towards the ocean in silence.

 

            The holidays had come and gone, and so had several smoke break chats with Chuck. Their ‘if it happens’ scenario hadn’t occurred yet, but Newton felt like they were building up to it. He was finding out a lot of things about Chuck in the meantime, the guy apparently approached a friendship much like he did his Jaeger piloting, throwing himself all in and hope for the best. He was antsy for another fight that had become clear through their talks. He’d so far only been deployed on one kaiju attack since getting paired with his father to pilot Striker Eureka, and they’d successfully taken Ceramander down outside of Hawaii. It became clearer to Newton just how much being a Jaeger pilot meant to him, and how much he expected out of himself. It made the biologist a little nervous how intense Chuck’s focus and drive was.

            This was all things that Newton would have been able to guess from how others talked about Chuck though, but it was the small things that the man didn’t seem to share with many people that he was amazed at. Chuck had a sick sort of a sense of humor that was both dry and sarcastic, he had a smile that seemed to turn the guy into someone else completely the rare occasions it graced his face, and he suffered from some serious survivor’s guilt. This last thing he hadn’t voiced directly, not even approaching the subject of his mother really, but Newton had gotten bits and pieces when Chuck aired his anger and bitterness towards his father at him. There was a rift between the father and son that came in the shape of death and loss.

            Newton had been gone for about a little over a week visiting his father and uncle over the Christmas break until shortly after New Year’s, and he had come back to a quiet Shatter dome, all nonessential personnel being allowed to take time off though there was that handful that would be there to monitor for an opening of the breach. He’d also come to find his hot water had been shut off in his bunk, and Newton had cursed the day a man named Frederick had been allowed to work in PPDC Shatter dome Maintenance.

            His flight had gotten in late and all he had wanted was to take a long hot shower and then crash into bed with the velocity of the jet liner that had brought him back. What he’d gotten was shocking cold water and a ‘not quite apology’ note from Frederick saying he’d fix it when he got back from his own vacation that Newt only noticed on the floor near his door after he’d had the unpleasant surprise of pure icy hell inflicted upon him. It had been done intentionally, and that wasn’t Newt’s paranoia, no, that was the honest truth. He’d gotten into it a little with the man about the lack of water pressure in a building that serviced a small army before he’d left, and Frederick was a vindictive one. He should have expected it. He’d gotten into it once with the maintenance worker about the temperature control in the lab, or the lack thereof, and then he’d suffered through a week of artic temperatures while Hermann bitched at him about being unprofessional and its consequences upon both of them.

            Now, determined to have that hot shower just to spite Frederick, Newton had trudged his way down to the community showers that stood off the exercise room that was supposed to promote healthy living within the ‘dome but usually was only frequented by the Jaeger pilots. He’d turned the water to as hot as he could stand, and felt his travel tight muscles melt as he just stood under the stream for a good five minutes before actually tackling his personal hygiene. He was mid lather with the shampoo doing its best to wind up in his eyes when he heard someone enter from the side that connected to the gym. Whoever it was seemed to hesitate upon finding someone else already in there, but they eventually moved to their locker before joining him in the shower area. Newton was about to get annoyed as he ducked under the water, hearing the person choose the stall next to him to set their stuff in. So much for a long, quiet shower now that random Bob was making it awkward by deciding he just had to shower next to him when there was an entire room full of showers.

            “What are you doing in here doc?” Newton pulled his head out of the stream of water when he heard the voice, not catching what it said or who it was as he wiped the water and soap out of his eyes.

            “What?”

            “Do you make a habit of using the communal showers?” It was Chuck in the stall next to him, Newton too short to see over the top and he wondered how the guy even knew it was him behind the curtain of the stall.

            “How?”

            “Your jacket isn’t exactly hard to spot.” Newton glanced towards the curtain where he knew his stuff was piled in a mess on the chair that sat just inside the first half of the stall. He hadn’t bothered to pull that curtain closed; not expecting anyone else to be there and even if they were it was unlikely anyone would steal something inside the Shatter dome. Newton swallowed a little roughly.

            “I…uh, the hot water in my bunk isn’t working.”

            “Who you piss off in maintenance?” Chuck’s voice held that hint of a laugh, though there was almost a nervous energy to it that Newton couldn’t place over the sound of running water.

            “Hey, Frederick is just an oversensitive prick who needs to learn to take constructive criticism.” He heard that breathy laugh again, and smiled a little himself as he relaxed into the water; not feeling as awkward knowing that it was just Chuck in the showers with him. He heard Chuck open the curtain in the other stall and then pull it closed behind him, and Newton turned to grab his bottle of conditioner only to find that it had been his stall Chuck had entered. “Oh hey…” Newton swallowed roughly as he did a quick look over of the man in front of him before determinedly meeting Chuck’s eyes for a few seconds before realizing that wasn’t any less awkward. Where _do_ you look when there’s suddenly a naked person in front of you? What’s the proper etiquette for this situation?

            “Hey, this ok?” Chuck stayed where he was while waiting for Newton’s response and he seemed to be doubting his decision to step in without voicing his intent beforehand.

            “Uh, yeah, this is…this is good.” Newton nodded, letting himself take a look at Chuck again and deciding that it really was good. Definitely good. A little more along the lines of ‘lean jock bod’ than Newton had spent his time with in previously encounters, but he was far from complaining. “Yeah, sorry…probably not really as good for you.” Ok, Chuck was a growler though that one was out of frustration as he took a couple of steps to close some of the distance.

            “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think I’d like what I saw. I’ve told you, I don’t choose people I feel are subpar,” Chuck said, sounding chastising as he placed his hands on Newton’s ribs lightly. Newton had just long enough to think that that was a little weird; most people went for the hips, before Chuck’s lips pressed against his and his back pressed against the shower wall and yeah…Newt wasn’t going to complain. God, he missed being touched. It didn’t even have to be more than this, just skin against skin with someone he found no niggling doubts about whether he should trust or not despite only really having gotten to know Chuck over the last two months. He was out of the stream of water pressed against the wall like this, but the heat coming off the other man eased the chill of the cold tiles against his back.

            Chuck kissed in a hungry sort of way, needy and heavy with a graze of teeth that left Newton feeling a little more than breathless by the time the man pulled away. Newton’s hands had tangled into Chuck’s hair, and he was left wondering just when that happened because his last few seconds of consciousness seemed to be wrapped up in just a heady wave of yes that left things like hand placement a little unclear. Like, when had Chuck’s hands moved down to cup his ass and press them together like this and how had Chuck’s mouth found its way to his neck where he was kissing and nipping his way down to Newton’s shoulder. The man had to bend down to him to reach, seeming almost taller than Newt remembered now that they were pressed epidermis to epidermis.

            “This still ok?” Chuck mumbled the words against the crook of Newton’s neck, and he nodded to answer until he could find his voice again.

            “Yeah, this is definitely ok; though mind me asking where we’re at right now?” Newton needed the seconds to stabilize, and he also wanted confirmation that they both were on the same page. That taking this step wasn’t going to ruin things with his one close friend, and neither of them were expecting more than another level of comfort within that friendship.

            “We’re friends moving our way rather quickly towards being fuck buddies,” Chuck said, and Newton could feel the teasing smirk against his skin as he took a few gulping breaths.

            “Ok, good, good…then yeah, this is possibly as ok as you could get.” With that Chuck was on him again, lips moving further down along his chest and was he…god he was, oh god. Chuck had fallen to his knees in front of him while trailing those lips along his skin, and Newton had just enough time to process what was happening before Chuck’s mouth was wrapping around his cock and Newton had to muffle his moan into his hand. Chuck looked up at him through his lashes, taking all of Newton into his mouth as his hands still gripped the man’s ass and making a little hum around his length before pulling back off him.

            “Chuck…don’t…be a cock tease.” Newton had aimed for it to be joking, but it came off much more pathetic and pleading and he got a grin as Chuck ran his hands down the backs of Newton’s thighs. “Come on.” There, Newton was whining and he’d fully admit it but _really_.

            Chuck took pity on him then, sucking Newton back into his mouth and he was just as desperate and determined in this as Chuck seemed to be in life. Newton tangled a hand into the man’s hair, needing something to hold on to as those lips pulled across his flesh, his tongue running along the underside of his cock with that hint of teeth skimming across his nerve endings. One of Chuck’s hands stayed steady on Newton’s thigh, but the other moved up to press against his hole lightly and Newton made a decision in the back of his head without really even thinking about it as he tugged at Chuck’s head to push the guy off his cock causing the Jaeger pilot to curse at the unexpected pull of pain.

            “Too much?” Chuck said after he managed to get Newt to loosen up on his hold, and Newton shook his head and mumbled a few clumsy apologies.

            “Conditioner.”

            “What?” Chuck stared up at him like he’d lost it, and Newton pointed.

            “Conditioner. Not the best option, but it will do.”

            “Do you seriously use conditioner, mate?”

            “My hair is a work of art, shut up and grab the damn bottle now, you jerk.” Chuck gave a laugh, reaching behind himself for the conditioner. Newton drummed his fingers against Chuck’s shoulder impatiently as the man opened the bottle and raised an eyebrow questioningly at Newton before pouring some in his hand and rubbing it between his fingers. Chuck pressed a kiss to Newton’s right hip as he set the bottle down within reach before pressing those fingers back against Newton’s opening.

            Saying it had been a while would be an understatement so he winced a little when Chuck pressed a finger inside him, working Newton loose while licking and nipping at the man’s skin along his hips but refusing to take him back into his mouth even when Newton gave a little whine about him being a tease again. Newton waited as long as he could, waiting until he could tell that he was ready enough there wouldn’t be too much discomfort.

            “Ok, now, just now.” Newt got the words out between deep breaths, wanting nothing more than to have that feeling of a body pressed against his again. Chuck paused to squeeze a little more of the conditioner into his hand before he stood, the spray of water hitting him enough to plaster his hair back down from the mess that Newton’s fingers had twisted it into. He nudged Newton to the side a little further to make sure the spray wouldn’t just wash the conditioner away before he took them both in hand, spreading the cold and thick substance over them both with a few deft strokes and Newt watched as the younger man’s eyes fluttered closed while their foreheads leaned together.

            “Turn around,” Chuck said, gruff and a little demanding and Newton was quick to comply as he turned to press his hands against the tile. Chuck placed a hand over Newton’s, their fingers tangling as the man lined himself up with his other hand.

            If you had asked Newton what he’d be doing for the New Year just a few months earlier he most certainly wouldn’t have answered with ‘getting fucked in a shower by Chuck Hansen’, and yet here he was feeling the man push inside of him with a low moan; shuddering with the first few thrusts that built into a quick and steady rhythm that pushed everything but that building sensation of pleasure out of his mind as chemicals flooded their brains and adrenaline sent their blood pumping. Chuck was leaning into him, encompassing him as his chest pressed against Newton’s shoulder blades while they both moved frantically to drive themselves to the edge, Chuck’s hand sliding along Newton’s cock in time with his thrusts.

            Newton thought he’d win the race on this one, but he was proven wrong as Chuck gave a few short thrusts before moaning the man’s name into his shoulder and god, if that didn’t make Newton come. He had to bite back his own cry of pleasure, pressing a hand against his mouth to muffle it as Chuck stroked him lazily, nuzzling against Newton’s neck until the man was spent. They didn’t say anything, just stood there for a long second before Chuck pulled free of Newton and tugged them both under the shower’s spray to rinse off in the water that was turning lukewarm. They worked up the energy to wash, and Chuck teased in a light and happy sort of way that was devoid of his normal undercurrent of tension when Newton used the conditioner in his hair. Newton smacked him on the shoulder for it, and Chuck just treated him to that contagious and rare laugh that Newton was coming to appreciate more and more.

            Newton left first, dressed back in his dirty clothes with the wet towel draped over his arm to return to his room. Chuck would follow a few minutes later, turning to go down the opposite hall to where his own room was.

 

            A few weeks later, Chuck and his father would battle Spinejackal outside of Melbourne and Newton would battle his anxiety and fear while hidden down in the lab, unable to watch.


	3. Some Broken Tune from Long Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann has suspected that something has changed in Dr. Geiszler's life recently but it takes a Kaiju attack for him to connect the dots as to just what the change is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter is from the song "Death to the Storm" by Joe Henry.

He had known something was going on with Newton during the last few weeks to almost a month now, but Hermann hadn’t been able to place just what. He had worried that his lab partner’s bouts of nervous high strung energy was turning into full manic depressive behavior at first with how he’d gone from unusually cheerful moods to quiet tones and nerves and back again. It had taken this event for Hermann to be able to put a name and a face on just what was happening with Dr. Geiszler though, and now that it had snapped into place he was staring in silent shock at the back of the man’s head.

            It had started the moment it was announced that the Kaiju who had come through the breach was heading towards Melbourne, and Hermann supposed the subsequent knowledge that it would be Striker Eureka that was deployed to battle it had been the real trigger. Newton had gone from excited chittering to silence within seconds, and Hermann hadn’t caught the change right away. It had been when he suggested they go up to LOCCENT that the solution to the equation of Newton’s odd behavior patterns had started to take shape.

            “What do you mean you do not want to watch, Dr. Geiszler? You thrive off the data brought in during the Kaiju attacks and this one is even close enough that you should get excellent video feed of the creature as well.” Hermann’s back had gone straight as he stretched himself out to his full height, feeling a familiar twist in his gut. He had seen this behavior before, this fear churning beneath Newton’s usual frenzied personality but it had been years, Lightcap had been gone for years now and there was no one else…

            Oh, but of course, perhaps there was someone else. Newton’s odd behavior could be described as typical for someone experiencing the extrema of a new budding relationship. A few short calculations followed and at first he thought there must have been an error in his thinking. This was the first time since Newton’s flux in emotions had begun that Striker Eureka had been deployed, so it would stand to reason it was one of the pilots that manned the Jaeger. However, it seemed a statistical improbability that it would be the elder Hansen as Hermann saw the two interact on a semi-regular basis during debriefings and there had been no sign of attachment between the men. Hermann couldn’t quite compute that it would be the younger Hansen either though; the man was brash, rude and over confident in his abilities. Even with having only been sent out once to deal with a Kaiju; Chuck Hansen boasted that he was the best at what he did. Not to mention the man was half Newton’s age, but then again…

            Newton’s leg was twitching underneath the table he sat at with his back turned to Hermann, the glassware singing a familiar tune and yes, it would be Chuck Hansen. If Newton had inherited a little less intelligence and quite a lot more brawn he would likely _be_ Chuck Hansen. Dr. Gottlieb experienced his own crescendo of nerves as he watched the man try to pointedly ignore the fact that he still wasn’t alone to break down in solitude. Hermann didn’t want this anymore than Newton did; he didn’t want to be the one to tell Newton that he’d lost someone else; that the battle hadn’t gone their way and another person who was important in Dr. Geiszler’s life had been taken away by the things that fascinated him. Dear god, this could not be happening again.

            “Newton…”

            “I’m not freaking out, Hermann. I can hear it in your voice, ‘Newton, you’re freaking out’. ‘Newton, please collect yourself, you are an embarrassment to this division’. ‘Newton, you have the emotional control of an infant. You are a child’.” Newton spun around in his chair to face him though some of the effect was lost as he overshot the level of propulsion necessary to land facing his lab partner and ended up bypassing him completely only to have to try and correct his error.

            “I did not state that you were freaking out, Dr. Gei-“

            “You didn’t have to, I could hear it. I could hear you thinking it in that oversized brain of yours, and no…no I’m not freaking out. I just…I just don’t want to go watch the data come rolling in on this particular Kaiju. It’s not interesting enough; it’s a boring Kaiju, its lame in every sense of the word. So, no, I’ll stay here with my samples from non-lame kaijus that honestly put this one to shame. You can come tell me when it’s over.”

            “Of course. Do you need anything before I go?” Newton fidgeted for a second, deflating slightly when he realized he wasn’t going to get the arguments or string of questions he’d undoubtedly been expecting.

            “No….I’m good, really I’m fine. Just, come tell me as soon as it’s done, ‘kay?”

            “I will,” Hermann said with a slight nod, watching his lab partner turn away from him again to pretend to be occupied by the work on his desk. “Newton…they will be quite all right. They are both exceptional pilots.”

            “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Hermms.”

 

            The battle had gone on much longer than Hermann was comfortable with, mainly because he couldn’t take his mind off of Newton sitting down in the lab waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why on earth had the man thought it was a good plan to pair himself with a Jaeger pilot? What could have convinced him to emotionally abuse himself once more after how he had handled the loss of Caitlin Lightcap? Just what the bloody hell was so special about Chuck Hansen that his terminally single lab partner had suddenly gotten so…so…

            Hermann took a deep breath, glad that no one in LOCCENT was paying him any mind and feeling guilty at the same time. He could not be standing there feeling jealous over a man who was currently risking his life trying to defend all of Melbourne from a Category IV Kaiju on only his second deployment. He should not be contemplating why the man was so damn special while his lab partner sat and worried himself into a nervous wreck while sitting alone in the K-science laboratory. He should be down there with Newton, and yet he had to be here so that he could be the one to tell the man whether his fears had been realized or not.

            Tendo was saying something as a small cheer went up around them, and Hermann realized that the battle was over. He released a breath he had not even processed that he’d been holding as he looked down at the LOCCENT officer sitting beside him.

            “I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Choi, but could you repeat that?”

            “I’m surprised Newt isn’t up here, he would have loved this thing,” Tendo said, eyeing Hermann skeptically for a second before leaning forward to give Striker Eureka some orders on how to proceed now that the fight was over. They would return to the Shatter dome, of course, being as close to home as they were.

            “He was not…feeling well.”

            “Uh-huh,” Tendo said shortly, shooting Hermann a knowing look and he realized that the man _knew._ Why was it that Tendo Choi was privy to Newton’s personal business while he was not? _You are being irrational, Hermann, stop this ridiculous behavior now._ “I suppose you have to get back down to the lab now, let him know that he’ll have some sample coming in within the next few hours?”

            “Yes, yes of course. He will be insufferable for the next month given how fresh his viscera will be this time around,” Hermann said, trying to put on the air of indifference but Tendo was watching him closely and he suspected the LOCCENT officer, as always, saw far more than most.

 

            “Newton.” The man hadn’t moved since he’d left, and upon Hermann saying his name he saw Newton freeze, all his nervous twitches and ticks coming to a halt as he just sat. He didn’t face Hermann or say anything, he just simply waited and Hermann realized his error in pausing. “They are fine, Newton, Striker Eureka took the Kaiju down and is on its way home. You will have samples by the end of the day.” Newton released a shaky breath as he spun in his chair again, this time hopping out of it and sending Hermann a grin full of relief and elation.

            “Jeez, Hermm, think you could just not with the whole suspension thing next time? Nearly give me a heart attack,” Newton said before immediately going wide eyed as he seemed to realize he was giving too much away, had been the entire time. As always was the case with Dr. Geiszler, however, the man powered onwards in hope that no one would notice his slip up and that he could cross it off and initial it away like a mistake in a data record. “Course, these samples aren’t going to be anything special. I mean, good samples are always awesome, but like I said…boring. I better head up and make sure things are ready and in place so they can get those suckers in here.” Newton moved to walk past Hermann and out the door, supposedly so he could organize the delivery of his samples though he wasn’t fooling Dr. Gottlieb for a moment. He was going to let him pass, planned on letting Newton believe he had pulled the wool over his eyes on the real reason for his aversion to being up in LOCCENT with all those others, but Hermann found he just couldn’t let it go. He used his cane to reach out and catch Newton gently by the arm to pull him back a step or two, hoping his concern would come across so the man would not think he was being antagonistic.

            “I sincerely hope you know what you are doing with this.” Hermann spoke quietly, wishing to hide his own emotions and feelings on the subject and Newton gave him a sad sort of smile.

            “Don’t worry, Hermm, I’ve got this. I’m a rock star, remember? Now go have some tea or something, you look exhausted.” Newton patted Hermann encouragingly on the shoulder, always more comfortable with touch than Dr. Gottlieb though he didn’t have the same problem that Hermann had with it. If Hermann allowed himself that kind of casual touch and interaction with Newton he’d likely find himself growing too accustom to it, drawing too close, and he wasn’t certain he had the emotional fortitude to give it up once he had it when this was all over. That was their main difference in philosophy. Newton lived and thought in the moment without considering the consequences that his actions may have upon himself and others, while Hermann could not help but draw out the living and breathing equations of action and reaction that would shape the future.

            “Yes, so you are constantly reminding me,” Hermann said a little scathingly and Newton gave him a wink and a grin before leaving Hermann standing alone in the lab to now have his own private emotional crisis.


	4. This is what it's like when worlds collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herc finds out about Newton and Chuck through the drift and has some issues, Hermann has his first run in with Chuck since discovering the situation himself and in the end no one is really completely happy with how things are going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 500. 
> 
> Thank you lovely people who read this. *fluff*
> 
> And special thanks to Nightcur who helped correct some of that dubious Australian slang on mine.

            Newt had gone to make sure the new samples would arrive without any hold ups first, keeping himself occupied so that he at least wasn’t standing around and waiting for the Hansen’s to get back from Melbourne. He did go to see that Chuck was in fact intact and alive for himself when he heard they were arriving though. He waited down the hall a little ways, trying not to seem overly eager but feeling antsy and nervous. It’d go away once he saw the man, once his brain had infallible proof that Chuck had survived and was fine.

            Well, Chuck was alive that much was for sure. He’d come bursting through the door ahead of his father who was barreling after him while trying to show a little more restraint in his anger and Newton was suddenly happy that he’d decide it would look better if he pretended to just be coming around the corner instead of standing by the door because it now allowed him to hide. Chuck and Herc were in full blown fight mode right then, and though they were both trying to be somewhat vague to keep everyone from knowing what they were fighting about it was clear enough.

            “I told you it’s none of your business, old man. I didn’t tell you about it for a reason and I tried to hold it back from you for a reason. Now drop it.”

            “It is my damn business if it’s going to distract you in the middle of a drift, boy, and not to mention your lack of…safety protocol,” Herc glanced around, more conscientious of the fact that they weren’t in private than Chuck. He had more restraint than his son, and though by every right he should be laying into his kid with little regard he would hold back. He would have preferred for it to wait entirely but the conversation was already happening and he knew his son would make it impossible to broach the subject again once he felt it was settled. Chuck turned on his father then, stabbing a finger into his chest as he got up in Herc’s face.

            “I’m not the one that got distracted by it, _Herc_ ; that was you. Now bugger off.” Chuck turned the corner to find Newton standing there looking mildly terrified, and he twisted to face his father again quickly to stop him in his tracks before he could get around the corner as well. He motioned behind his back with two fingers for Newton to just _go_ , because that wasn’t going to end well if Herc saw Newton standing there right then. “And, it’s my business what sort of _safety_ measures I take, old man-“ Newton was lucky he’d ducked quickly into one of the storage rooms because Herc wasn’t fooled by Chuck’s sudden turn around, and he paused for just a moment before pushing past his son to look down the hall only to find it empty.

            “Think before you act on your goddamn hormones next time, boy, because if you flag positive on a test for some stupid shit you get because you can’t keep it in your pants you’re out,” Herc said in a low hiss, glancing down the hall again before ending the conversation by leaving in the opposite direction. If who he thought had been waited for Chuck was down that hall it would be best that Herc not run into him just then, because he was angry enough he might just lose his hold on what was left of his self-control. Chuck waited a beat before starting down the hall and giving a frustrated huff when he realized that Newton was completely gone.

            Newton stayed inside his closet until it seemed the coast was clear, not because he was avoiding Chuck, this just…this was just more than a little mortifying.

 

            Newton had only made a brief appearance back in the lab that night when the samples arrived, and he micromanaged the team that was bringing them in to the point that they were all giving him dark looks by the end. Hermann had stayed focused and determined to continue his work on the equations scribbled across his chalkboards, but he watched Newton leave again in a ball of nerves. The man would have normally stayed and started work right away, but he picked up that something had transpired during Newton’s first absence from their work environment by the fact that in the course of the next few hours he saw the younger Hansen walk past the door to the K-science labs twice and the elder once. They had both been disappointed by the fact that Newton wasn’t present.

            A few days had passed now and Hermann had been glancing over at his colleague wondering how to approach what he’d been hoping to discuss all morning now that things seemed to have settled back to a norm. He finally simply pulled the package out of his desk drawer and moved over to Newton’s side of the lab to set it next to him far enough not to be within contamination range. Newton was examining a small section from one of the new samples, purple gloves fading into blue where they were stained on his fingertips as he looked up in surprise. He had those ridiculous lenses on over his glasses that allowed him to magnify his work and which always caused him to look like some automaton.

            “What’s that, Hermms?” Newton pulled the extra set of lenses off to be discarded on the desk so that his green eyes were looking up wide and clear. Hermann sniffed a little at the use of the nickname that he had yet to dissuade Newton from using, though he’d honestly not been trying as hard as he should have. When it was in private he found Newton’s use of the pet name endearing though he could hardly admit that to the man unless he never wanted to hear the end of it.

            “It is both a late birthday and Christmas gift. I attempted to procure it before last month, but it proved more difficult to find than I had expected,” Hermann said, feeling his cheeks go a little hot. He’d been contemplating whether he should be giving the gift to the man or not, though they had sporadically exchanged gifts throughout the years for special occasions it had never developed into a consistent habit. Holding on to it until the holidays came around again had felt a waste though and keeping it entirely would have been completely unacceptable. Newton had excitedly peeled his gloves off into a biohazard bin after pushing the tray with the sample as far away from the package as he could.

            “Dude, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Newton said, though his own cheeks had a pink flush of pleasure as he started to try and pry Hermann’s wrapping job open. He’d complained in the past that Hermann used far too much tape, and that he practically hermetically sealed any gifts that he gave.

            “I…I remembered you mentioning that you wished you could find some, and I had the opportunity through my brother Bastian to find a bottle so it seemed a shame to pass it up,” Hermann said modestly, smoothing over just how hard he really had searched for the gift as Newton made a noise that could only be described as a squeak of pleasure as he finally got the paper off.

            “No fucking way, Hermms! How the hell did you find this? They haven’t made Kraken for at least four years now,” Newton said, holding the bottle of rum out in front of him as though it was some invaluable treasure. Given the cost it nearly was.

            “As I said, Bastian had a connection which happened to own a bottle. I simply asked him to obtain it for me and send it through. That is why it was late, it took some time to make its way through customs I’m afraid.”

            “We’ve got to have some,” Newton said suddenly, eyes wide as he looked for some glasses and settling dashing around Hermann to grab their separate coffee mugs to pour a shot of the alcohol into.

            “I normally would be opposed to partaking within the lab, however, I have been curious since the bottle arrived,” Hermann said, giving Newton a small conspiratorial smile as they both took a sip. Hermann had to admit, though it wasn’t the most refined that he’d ever had, the rum was rather good and left a warm feeling in the middle of his chest. That feeling turned ice cold though when he heard someone walk into the K-science lab as though they _belonged_ there.

            “What‘s this? Getting pissed on duty?” Chuck gave them both a cheeky grin, and Hermann’s expression turned sour as he set his mug down.

            “Thank you, Dr. Geiszler,” he said a little bitterly before turning back to his side of the lab, Newton staring at him like he’d grown a second head until Chuck practically demanded his attention by getting into his space. Hermann tried not to listen, but young Mr. Hansen didn’t seem concerned about keeping his voice down as he leaned back against Newton’s desk with his arms crossed. Hermann felt the hair prickle along the back of his neck and he was positive the nuisance of a man was staring at him.

            “You’ve been avoiding me.”

            “I’ve not been avoiding you, I’ve been busy,” Newton said though there was a little hint of guilt in his tone. “Now your dad, I’ve been avoiding him like my life depends on it because it does.”

            “The old man’s not going to do anything to you, Newt,” Chuck said, though it wasn’t entirely convincing to anyone in the room. “He’s not happy but he’ll get over it. I’m assuming you heard at least some of that conversation.”

            “Uh, yeah dude, hence the whole fearing for my life thing.”

            “Herc isn’t going to do anything to you, your brain’s too valuable _Dr. Geiszler._ ” Hermann hunched his shoulders slightly, picking up his chalk to distractedly make changes along a stretch of equation. Chuck must have done something because Hermann caught Newton’s whispered ‘dude’ of shock that was followed by a laugh from the ranger. “My old man did give me the safe sex talk in a more extensive conversation after what you heard, and though I hate to admit he’s right about anything he is on this one. Got a little caught up last time, but I can ensure you there’s no reason for concern on my end. We have to get full physicals and blood panels every six months, and I’m clean. You, uh…?” Hermann bristled at the insinuation that Newton would possibly be anything but despite knowing just how irrational he was being. He knew very little about the sexual nature of Newton’s history, though during recent years he was relatively clear that there wasn’t much going on for the man.

            “Yeah, dude, clean, but yeah…all future um…safe, we’ll be safe,” Newton stuttered and Hermann felt his composure snap a little as he turned shortly to face them. He had been correct; Chuck was staring at him with an unreadable but thoroughly obnoxious smirk on his face.

            “If you two will please refrain from discussing your physical dalliances in the lab it would be much appreciated, this is a place of professionalism and science, not for your flirtations.” Newton quickly grabbed what was clearly a stack of condom packets off the desk to try and hide them in his pocket though he didn’t have the decency to look embarrassed at his behavior.

            “Jealous that you’re not getting any, doc?” Chuck said, and Newton smacked the man on the knee with a slight hiss that seemed to at least make the ranger keep his mouth shut from further comment if nothing else.

            “Sorry Hermann, you’re right this isn’t really the place.”

            “I’ve told you to call me Dr. Gottlieb numerous times, Dr. Geiszler.” Hermann should have stopped while he was ahead as he saw the switch on Newton’s temper flip at the reprimand; for whatever reason the biggest trigger for Newton’s anger seemed to be Hermann’s insistence on correcting him for using his first name in front of others. Normally Hermann welcomed the challenge of an argument with Newton, the two of them using verbal sparring matches to work through the snags in their research and clear the air of built up frustration and stress. This time though it was far from a welcomed experience with their current audience.

            “Right, of course, how imbecilic of me for slipping and calling my long term colleague by his first name. Oh, by the way, thanks for the _late_ birthday present, _Dr. Gottlieb_ , it will be very much appreciated while I’m practicing safe sex with _Mr. Hansen_.” They were both staring at each other seething while Chuck looked on with an innocuous look of amusement. Hermann could tell that his face was hot with embarrassment and complete insult as he pulled his frame up straight to its full height. Newton seemed to be realizing that he’d gone a little far, but he wasn’t willing to back down either as he kept his angry glare leveled at Hermann from behind his glasses which had slipped some down his nose. Hermann tossed the chalk back down, ignoring it when it bounced and tumbled to the floor as he strode out of the lab with the stabbing click of his cane along the floor, done being subjected to his lab partner’s poor choices.

            Newton watched Hermann go before slumping down in his chair, pressing his glasses up into his hair so that he could dig the heels of his palms into his eye sockets for a few seconds. “God, I shouldn’t have said that.”

            “I’d heard you two used arguments as sex before, but I have to say seeing it is something different entirely,” Chuck said without any shame and Newton peeked up at him from between his fingers.

            “You’re a jerk.”

            “A jerk that’s going to get you off later,” Chuck said, giving Newton a wink as he took an imaginary shot at the man as he pointed at him with his hand like it was a gun. Newton gave a short laugh, shaking his head as he adjusted his glasses back into place and ignoring the mess of his hair as Chuck stood from the edge of the desk to turn and pick up the bottle of rum. “You didn’t tell me it was your birthday.”

            “It was last month. It’s not a big deal; I don’t do anything for it most the time. Hermann went through a lot of trouble just to get that for me and there I was being a big ol’ ass,” Newton sighed, reaching to take the bottle of Kraken away from Chuck, feeling a little possessive of the thing.

            “Maybe he was hoping for a little…quid pro quo?” Chuck wiggled his eyebrows at Newton suggestively.

            “Dude, I’ve told you, Hermann doesn’t think about me like that.”

            “You sure about that, mate?”

            “Yeah, unfortunately I am. I’ve worked with the guy long enough to know.” Chuck looked at him critically like he was just itching to say something else so Newton decided to sidetrack the man before he could. “When did you start using big phrases like ‘quid pro quo’? Am I rubbing off on you or something?”

            “Well, rubbing off is the arrangement we have, but I can claim that as simply being my own underestimated smarts.”

            “You just called them ‘smarts’, dude, that completely just ruins any illusion of intelligence you were aiming to achieve,” Newton said teasingly and Chuck gave him a devilish grin as he leaned over the doctor in his chair successfully pinning Newton in place.

            “Well, you’ll just have to try to rub off on me a little harder then.” Newton felt himself flush and he pushed Chuck back with a nervous laugh.

            “Get out of here before you manage to contaminate one of my samples with your sleaze, dude, seriously,” Newton said, feeling a little too warm and itchy in his clothes right then. Chuck smiled, knowing he’d succeeded in his goal before strolling away and leaving Newton in the lab alone. The man shook his head with a slight laugh at Chuck’s behavior, but he glanced over towards the chalkboards amongst Hermann’s pristine and streamlined side of the lab with a quiet sigh. He stood, moving to carefully pick up the fallen piece of chalk that had broken in half to place it in some semblance of a whole in its home along the shelf at the bottom of the blackboard once more.

            Outside the lab Chuck’s smile disappeared as he started down the hall. Avoiding his father wasn’t an option for him, but he had handled his man for the last eighteen years and he’d continue to do so. He had something to protect now, and like hell the old man would screw that up for him before he had the chance to do it himself.  


	5. But together, forever, we'll live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton and Chuck work through the left over energy from the previous attack and Chuck agrees to something he hadn't previously contemplated; trying to live through the Kaiju war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song Werewolf Heart by Dead Man's bones.
> 
> Also, I apologize if there's any horrendous spelling or grammar errors. I usually go back through at least once to try and catch any, but I'm tired and feeling lazy >_>

            Newton was almost starting to worry that he had misunderstood Chuck, or worse that he had understood him but that the guy was actually trying to make Newt go down to his bunk instead of Chuck coming to him. It wasn’t that he had anything against Chuck’s bunk, he was sure it was a nice bunk even though he hadn’t seen the inside of it yet, but it was also right next to Herc’s. Despite the assurances, Newton was still about a hundred percent on the likelihood that Herc Hansen was going to murder him. Painfully. With his fists.

            So, it was a complete relief when he heard the knock on his door and opened it to find Chuck standing there with one arm propped up against the frame so that he was imposing on Newton’s space the moment the door was out of the way.

            “Thank god,” Newton exhaled the words with that breath he’d been holding, and pulled a laughing Chuck into the small room. Chuck was already slipping out of his old worn t-shirt by the time the door was closed, and Newt quickly moved to match his pace. He needed this, some human contact, some Chuck contact to be specific because it was very true that they’d had very little actual time since he’d gotten back from the attack on Melbourne. Newton still had the residual ball of nerves in his gut, and he fully intended to work them out right then. There was also that niggling sense of wrong from how the day had gone; Hermann’s silences after he’d finally returned to the lab and Newt’s own building frustration towards the man. Hermann had been acting like a dick too, why was he the only one being punished?

            Newton was undoing the buckle on his pants when Chuck closed the space between them, standing close and shirtless and radiating that heat the guy seemed to put off like he had a nuclear reactor in his chest like he was really just a Jaeger himself. His pants were undone but still frustratingly still on which made Newton really want to complain just about then as Chuck rested his hands first on Newton’s ribs for a few long seconds before sliding them down along the man’s sides through the fabric of the undershirt Newt hadn’t gotten to yet. Pants were more important. Chuck’s pants were most important. On the importance scale the removal of Chuck’s pants was perhaps the equivalence of discovering how to close the breach followed by the removal of Newton’s pants being along the lines of finding the cure for cancer. Newton was officially a horrible person, but he just didn’t really care right then. He wanted to get lost in just feeling someone.

            Chuck tugged at the waist of Newton’s pants, only it was up and not down and god what was the man doing….oh, right…the condoms. Chuck had pulled the string of packets out of Newton’s pants pocket and dangled them in front of him with a cheeky sort of grin, and Newton snatched them away with a numb nod.

            “You, pants off, lube is in the desk drawer,” Newton pointed while working on getting a single packet pulled free and then opened. Chuck raised an eyebrow at him, but did was he was told was he worked his way out of his jeans before leaning to fish out the small bottle of lube from the desk drawer. Newton had managed to tear the package open, and was working his way out of his own pants far less gracefully than the other man. Chuck had turned around and was watching him with a smirk.

            “You always this demanding?”

            “Yes, no…maybe, shut up.” Newton said defensively as he finally managed to kick both pants and boxers off his ankles. Chuck shook his head, moving to push Newton’s back up against the door and towering over him a little. Newton felt a little ridiculous standing there, Chuck completely nude while he still had on his undershirt and socks. Chuck leaned down to nip at the top of Newton’s earlobe, fingertips trailing up along one of his thighs and sending shivers up Newton’s spine.

            “Well, what now?” Chuck’s voice was husky with a bit of that rumbling growl behind it as he spoke in Newton ear.

            “Ah…” Newton’s brain paused on him for a moment with the tickle of Chuck’s breath on his neck as the man just _waited_ , “Well, ah, I-I think we should start with getting this on you followed the lube and then the fucking, unless you want me wearing the condom this time which I’m cool with, I’m flexible, I’m good either way but I, ah, thi-“ Chuck cut him off with a kiss that was full of bruising lips and eager tongue, and the man thought _he_ was demanding. Once he knew that Newton had been thoroughly shut up Chuck pulled back just enough to speak, holding Newton’s attention with his eyes.

            “Condom.” Newton nodded, following the stern but gentle tone in Chuck’s voice as he fumbled between them. He got the condom out of the package, and gave a little grin at how Chuck’s eyes fluttered closed when he cupped the man’s cock. He stroked its length a couple of times, watching his expression the entire time before carefully working the condom down over the head and along the shaft with a firm stroke. Chuck took a moment to collect himself as Newton let his hands move up around the man’s neck before speaking again, “Lube.”

            Chuck opened the bottle, putting some into one hand before closing it again and dropping it to the side. He tugged Newton’s hips away from the door a little gruffly as he reached down with slick fingers and pressed them against the shorter man’s hole. Newton made a quiet hum in the back of his throat as Chuck wasted no time in making sure he was loose and ready while taking the rest of the lube in his other hand to stroke along the outside of the condom .

            “Fucking?” Newton mumbled hopefully against Chuck’s lips, and the younger man gave a nod as he pulled his fingers free to place his still slick hands on his hips and lifting him. Newton went with it, legs wrapping tightly around Chuck’s waist with his shoulder blades digging into the door. Chuck braced him with one arm while carefully adjusting their position and then lowering Newton onto his cock. “Oh fuck…” Chuck gave an airy laugh that was cut off with a moan, and once he was fully sheathed inside Newton he paused to make sure he had a good hold of the man while pressing one hand against the door for support.

            Once he knew they were steady Chuck began thrusting into him, lifting Newton slightly with him arm to gain some extra push and it was everything Newton needed. It was rough and steady, the door digging into his back and Chuck’s arm around his waist, his dick pressed between them and the man’s stubble scratching along his neck and Chuck laid open mouth kisses along his skin. Newton just held on tight and let everything else go away for a while, burying himself in that building pressure that came on like a tidal wave as his fingers dug into the shoulders of someone he knew and understood would keep him from crashing.

            “Jesus,” Chuck mumbled the word against Newton’s collarbone and the man grinned as he tangled fingers into the dirty blonde hair at the nape of Chuck’s neck.

            “I appreciate the compliment but I think that’s a bit extreme,” Newton gasped out, and there was that laugh again in hot breathy bursts against Newton’s nerve endings.

            “I was talking about myself,” Chuck fired back, and then Newton was laughing until there was a burst of pleasure and an explosion of chemicals and he arched against Chuck, begging the man to keep going. Newton cursed profusely as he felt that tidal wave hit, pulling Chuck’s hair unconsciously as he came between them with one well-placed thrust from the other man. He felt more than heard Chuck’s growl from the unexpected pain of Newton’s fingers twisting tightly in his hair, but it melted away in his own muffled moan of release as Newton’s legs tightened and pull Chuck into him a little rougher.

            They stayed like that for a few moments, both seeming afraid that if they moved they may simply collapse now that all the potential energy they’d been building over the last couple of weeks had finally been given the push it needed to turn kinetic. Newton finally unwrapped himself from Chuck when he felt a slight tremor in the tension of the man’s muscles, feeling his cock slip out of him as he carefully placed his feet back on solid ground. He had no doubt that Chuck would have kept holding him, could have for much longer given the extreme strength that one had to build simply to have enough for to move a Jaeger, but he also wasn’t certain he could trust Chuck to say when it was getting to be too much.

            “Let’s clean up and then you can stay,” Newton said, nudging Chuck towards the bathroom and the shower.

 

            Chuck had stayed, which Newton hadn’t been entirely certain he would clear up to the end of the quick shower they both half slept through. He was glad though when Chuck simply sat himself down on the edge of Newton’s bed in nothing but his reclaimed boxers, because another thing they’d had yet to do much of was talk. Newton pulled on his owner boxers and a clear undershirt before shifting himself into the bed behind Chuck.

            “Things get fixed between you and Dr. Gottlieb?” The question hadn’t exactly been the first thing he expected Chuck to ask about, and he took a few seconds to situate himself under the sheet. Chuck shifted, lying down beside him once Newton was settled, staring up at the ceiling as he waited for a response.

            “He came back in to work at least which means things aren’t too big of a train wreck, but we’re not on speaking terms currently,” Newton said with a sigh, lying on his side so he could face Chuck as the man turned his head to look at him.

            “I, uh…” Chuck scowled a little, nose twitching slightly as he seemed to have to make some sort of peace with himself before he spoke his next words, “Sorry if I egged the guy on, mate. I know you have a thing for him.” Newt stared at Chuck for a long moment, long enough that Chuck gave him a glare and looked back up at the ceiling, but Newton couldn’t believe his ears. The guy was _apologizing_ , and God if it didn’t sound like the most painful thing Chuck had ever done.

            “Thanks man, but I can piss Hermann off just fine on my own. We’d been having a decent run of it recently because of….ah, things…so it was bound to happen.” Newton patted Chuck on the chest, scooting a little closer to him and the man wrapped an arm around Newton so he could rest his head on Chuck’s shoulder.

            “What things?” Chuck sounded curious and Newton cursed his hesitation on the word, but he was going to have to bring it up at some point so that Chuck wouldn’t think he was a freak or something.

            “You things…sort of…look, I suppose I should tell you that I panicked a little bit when you got sent off to fight Spinejackel. That may be an understatement, I panicked a lot, I don’t deal well with people I care about being sent out to risk their lives because my experience is they don’t always come back, so I’m going to panic like….every time you have to go out in a Jaeger to fight some crazy awesome alien monster, ok?” He felt Chuck shift a little, and Newton braced himself.

            “Where are we?” Jesus Christ, did this guy not follow predictable models of conversational flow. This should have been the time Chuck was awkwardly assuring Newton that that was fine, normal even and then remember that there was something he had to do elsewhere. “Newt, where are we?” Instead, Chuck was sounding patient and calm while asking where they were, and what the hell was up with that? They were in his bunk…oh…

            “On my end we’re one friend admitting to another that he has a slight panic issue with the knowledge that at any given moment said friend could be sent off and not come back, and really hoping that his friend can accept that he’ll be getting hit with a ball of anxiety each and every time because even if this is too much for you it’s a little late on my end because you’re already sort of the best friend I’ve managed to have in a few years unless you want to count Hermann, who isn’t a friend but is instead the colleague I’m maybe kind of sort of in love with who won’t even speak to me right now. Ok, ok…where are we?” Chuck was quiet and still and Newton just knew that he had said too much. He always said too much, he hated whatever it was that made the filter between his inner dialogue and outer malfunction and stop working at just the wrong time.

            “We’re one friend telling another that it’s fine, that I understand because not all of us come back; that not everyone has come back. We are currently one friend telling another that he’ll do his best to try and always return, but that he can’t make promises he might not be able to keep.” Chuck spoke carefully, thinking about his words before saying them to make it clear that he did understand perhaps more than Newton had expected him to.

            “You knew?” Newton spoke in a hushed tone, curling a little tighter.

            “Tendo told me after I got back when I still thought it was me you were avoiding and not the old man. Heads up, by the way, the guy’s figured us out.” Newton gave an incredulous laugh, taking his glasses off and handing them to Chuck without even asking the man to set them down on the small bedside table. Chuck reached over, tossing them a little more carelessly than Newton would have hoped but he got the overall intent before reaching up to turn off the light, allowing Newton to hide his tears.

            “Of course he has, that guy’s a freak. He sees everything.” Chuck gave Newton a tight squeeze for a second, fingers pressing gently into the divots of Newt’s ribs and massaging tangled muscles from long days sitting hunched over his work space. Little sparks of lightening shot beneath Newton’s skin as nerve endings trapped by the knotted muscles were pinched and then freed and he shut his eyes.

            “Get some sleep, doc. Tomorrow you can worry about fixing things with your Dr. Gottlieb.”

            “He’s not mine.” Newton stifled a yawn, letting himself relax into the firm hold and comforting heat.

            “He could be.” Newton made a noise of amusement, patting Chuck’s chest lightly again. The kid just didn’t understand the intricate details of his relationship with Hermann, but he was right…Newton needed to fix it before there was nothing to fix. Falling asleep was easier than Newton thought it would be, but Chuck found himself staring up at the ceiling late into the night contemplating how it was going to work being tangled up with someone who finally made him want to live through this war.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My head canon is that Chuck basically has already come to the conclusion that he'll not make it to the other side of the apocalypse, and he's been okay with this for various reasons until now. This will be addressed further later on as things get closer to the film's timeline.


	6. The blessed virgin in her proud dad's eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann and Newton manage to sort of get things back to normal between them, and then Newton almost gets killed by an angry Greek legend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapters is from the song "Rebels of the Sacred Heart" by Flogging Molly. (I don't even know anymore, it just made me break into fits of laughter when I thought of it).   
> This was originally going to be part of the previous chapter, but I decided to split it up (and was being lazy).

            Chuck had slipped out so early in the morning that Newton couldn’t even fathom how he was awake. Still, he’d watched him get dressed from where he was splayed out in the bed before mumbling a goodbye as the guy ruffled his hair annoyingly. It had helped, last night, but Newton still felt just…off. He knew it had to do with Hermann, amongst a prying anxiety that he’d still overstepped things with Chuck the night before as well despite the lack of empirical evidence that Chuck felt the same. Fuck buddies were complicated.

            He’d eventually dragged himself free of the sheet and begrudgingly gotten himself dressed when he realized he wasn’t going to fall back to sleep, and that had Newton stumbling into the lab at the ungodly hours of six forty-five in the morning with a cup of coffee gotten from the small cubby hole that had been delegated for the K-science team to use as a makeshift break room. It’d been a battle seeing how at the time there’d only been three of them, and then Dr. Rasheed had been moved off first to the Hong Kong Shatter dome followed by Russia and then finally, unfortunately, the guy had been let go with the damn budget cuts. He’d been a pretty cool guy, though he’d had a low tolerance level for Newton and Hermann’s arguments.

            This early in the morning even Hermann hadn’t managed to beat him into the work space, and Newton took advantage of this to go over to the chalkboards and just look over them. He always marveled a little at Hermann’s abilities, the man seemed capable of spitting out formulas and equations that could explain and describe just about any situation. He was a fortune teller and his tarot cards were numbers and symbols, his crystal ball a dusty old chalkboard. Newton needed more coffee, he was waxing a little less eloquently than he’d like this morning.

            He heard the familiar fall of Hermann’s steps behind him as the man entered the lab, and Newton continued to stare at the board as his colleague seemed to falter at finding him there before just powering forward to set a stack of papers on his desk. Newton waited to see if Dr. Gottlieb would give him any sort of greeting, but he was ignored once more and finally Newton sighed and turned to his own side of the lab space. The bottle of Kraken was still sitting on his desk where he’d stubbornly left it as though it wasn’t anything important and he could actually forget it was there instead of it being like a pulsing, glowing thing in the back of his mind. He was a jerk.

            “Hey, so, I just wanted to say sorry. You were right yesterday, we shouldn’t have been discussing all that here and I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” God, it was hard to do this apology thing, no wonder Chuck had almost sounded pained when he’d given Newton his the night before. Because, Newton knew he needed to apologize and that he’d been an ass, but he still felt a little indigent about the whole thing at the same time. Hermann had acted a little bit like an ass too, hadn’t he? Shouldn’t this be a two way street sort of situation? Maybe? Newton wasn’t entirely certain anymore, and he waited with his back turned to Hermann to hear if the apology would be accepted. He didn’t want to turn around and see what look was gracing Hermann’s face right then because he knew the guy had his laser eyes trained on the back of Newton’s head.

            At some point Newton accepted that they were going to continue in silence as he retrieved a few samples from cold storage, setting to work with the determination that he’d be focused. He’d been wrong calling Spinejackel boring even if it had been out of distress, because the beast had given him some of the best samples he’d had in a long time. He was coding fresh chains of DNA while building on that inkling of a theory he had. The outside package of the Kaiju were all so different, but inside they were so damn similar and it meant something bigger than he was currently grasping. He’d settle for solving that mystery if he couldn’t fix things in his own mess of a life.

 

            Hermann had silently watched Newton after the man’s apology had been sent out between them in a quiet and subdued manner that wasn’t quite like Dr. Geiszler’s normal brash personality. He should have accepted, should have apologized himself as he had been determined to do until he walked in and found Newton standing there staring at his equations in a disheveled state with hair just a little wilder than normal. Hermann had been far more capable of imagining just what had gone on to cause the mess of Newton’s hair that morning, and he’d found that bitterness take hold again. But then the fool had gone and apologized, and instead of getting angry when Hermann found himself too ashamed of his irrational anger to respond he’d simply set about work.

            There was no music drifting over from Newton’s side of the lab, no rambling theories or teasing barbs, and Hermann felt that ache in his chest. The man frequently went to pour himself more coffee, but even as Hermann took a break to eat a small snack that morning to provide the energy reserves he’d need to work through the day Newton hadn’t touched anything else. The bottle of rum still sat on the man’s desk from the day before, and he had known it had been meant as a silent defiance against him when it had been left before last night. Now though Newton had carefully moved it to its own spot on the desk, building a sort of defense tower around it with knick knacks and pictures to keep it safely shielded as he worked on bisecting some section of Kaiju flesh.

            Hermann heard the quiet curse from the other side of the lab, and turned to look over at Newton who had set his scalpel down angrily as he picked up the tray with the sample to dump it into a biohazard bin before retrieving a fresh section. There was a tremor in the man’s hand as he stripped the gloves off long enough to take another drink of coffee. The idiot wasn’t taking care of himself, something that happened more frequently than Hermann liked. Hermann pulled himself up straight, mentally shoring himself against Newton’s rejection, but one way or the other the man was going to take a break and eat something.

            “When did you last eat, Newton?” The biologist had been in the process of pulling on a new pair of purple gloves when Hermann stepped up beside him and spoke, and Newton visibly startled before turning and staring at him like Hermann had simply manifested out of thin air. “Your hands are shaking, you need to eat something. It is almost lunch and I think it would be shrewd for us both to take a break and eat.”

            “Ah…yeah, sure,” Newton said after seeming to try and calculate the length of time since he’d last had anything of substance. Hermann had gathered that Newton was avoiding many of the common areas, which included the mess hall, out of his concern for how Hercules Hansen was responding to the relationship Newton was fostering with the man’s son. Surely though his fears were exaggerated. “I think there’s one of those protein bar thingies in the break room though, I’ll just-“

            “No, you will not. You are eating a full meal in the mess hall,” Hermann said sternly, and Newton stared at him with a pleading look in his eyes. It was almost enough to make Hermann give in, but he instead just turned to start out the door and he heard Newton scramble to follow him after a few steps. Hermann thanked whatever higher power had decided to work in his favor right then, and eased into a more relaxed step as Newton fell in beside him.

            “Does this mean we’re talking again?” Newton sounded hopeful as he tried not to stare at Hermann as they walked.

            “It means we are eating,” Hermann said, and he gave a quiet sigh as he saw Newton slump a little, “and we are talking.” Newton gave him one of his bright, genuine smiles, filled to the brim with relief and Hermann felt a little joy shoot through his chest. Some of that unease relaxed as Newton started to tell him all about his theory on how the Kaiju’s traits seemed to change and shape themselves around their own advances and changes in weaponry.

            “It’s like they’re observing us, and then tweaking their genetic coding for advances against us.”

            “That would be near impossible, Newton, that would mean they would have to be developing the next generation within the spans between breaches.” They stepped into the mess hall, people milling around for the early beginnings of lunch hour. Newton was about to counter point Hermann’s comment when the man froze, and Hermann was suddenly rather certain he’d miscalculated just how accurate Newton had been in his assumed level of Hercules Hansen’s anger.

 

            Newt had spotted him standing and talking with Tendo just about the same moment Herc had looked up and seen _him._ Tendo had turned to see what had caught the ranger’s attention, and Newton didn’t even need to hear the LOCCENT officer to know he’d cursed under his breath before trying to step into Herc’s path.

            “Herc, really,” Tendo said, muttering a prayer under his breath when the man just stepped around him and started on a direct course towards Newton. Tendo had followed after him trying to remind the man of how he was a rational human being even as Newton turned tail and started off in retreat. Hermann was looking a little shell shocked still when they reached him, but he had enough sense (well, if you could call it sense) to step in front of Herc to block his path.

            “Ranger Hansen, I wanted to ask you-“

            “Doctor, can it,” Herc said, and Hermann looked rather affronted for a second before literally stopping Herc by catching him with his cane. Tendo gave Hermann a wide look, but the things someone will do for love after all.

            “Forgive me, Ranger Hansen, but I really think it would be best if you hear what I have to say.” Herc turned that full force on Hermann, stepping in close to talk in a low tone as he pushed Hermann’s cane out of his path. Hermann, for his part, didn’t even flinch as he leveled an unimpressed look at the man.

            “This is between me and him, Dr. Gottlieb, and it’d be best if you let it be,” Herc said, managing to show that restraint that marked the major difference between himself and his son. “I just want to have a chat with Dr. Geiszler.” With that Herc stormed passed him leaving Hermann and Tendo staring wearily after him.

            “Dear lord,” Hermann muttered under his breath.

            “I don’t even know if God’s gonna get involved in that one, Hermann,” Tendo said regretfully, setting a hand on Hermann’s arm to direct the doctor towards a table to wait to see the fate of their fellow comrade in intelligence.

 

            Oh god, oh god, sweet fucking Godzilla he was going to be murdered. He was going to be murdered in a painful manner by a man name _Hercules_. Really, this hadn’t even crossed Newton’s mind as the way his short but awesome life would end until recently and now it was coming to pass. Newton kept his head down as he ducked into a hall, not caring where it lead as long as it lead away from the very frightening man who was after him. He was Theseus in the maze with the Minotaur in hot pursuit, only there would be no defeating this beast. There was no getting out of this. Dear fuck…fuck, shit…His life was becoming a Greek tragedy.

            “Newton?” Oh thank the sweet imaginary lord above, that voice. Newton looked up to see Chuck standing down the hall with a J-technician looking at him critically, and Newton barreled forward to duck behind the larger man. The J-tech looked like he was suddenly wishing he was anywhere but there.

            “Your father is going to murder me. He is literally going to kill me, and I really didn’t want to be that guy that dies in the third act to further the story along.”

            “What the hell are you talking about, mate?” Chuck seemed to feel like he’d missed something, but he chose to focus on the one thing he understood. “I told you, my old man isn’t going to do anything to you.”

            “Oh? Oh really? Nothing? Tell that to the entire mess hall which probably already thinks I’m dead,” Newton said dramatically, and Chuck face went stony. The J-tech glanced between them and seemed to decide now as a good time to go as he took the diagnostics he’d been going over with Chuck back to scurry down the hall in the opposite direction that Newton had appeared from.

            “Come on,” Chuck said shortly, and Newton followed purely out of fear that if he didn’t, Herc would find him alone where no one could hear him scream. They could hear the footsteps approaching, and Chuck rounded the corner right into his father. The two men sized each other up while Newton hung back feeling suddenly like a city on the brink of a Kaiju attack with only a Jaeger between him and it, only the Kaiju was another Jaeger. “Not your business, old man.”

            “The hell it isn’t my business. I just want to talk with him, so back down son.”

            “There’s nothing for you to discuss with him. If you have issue then you keep it between you and me, but the doctor is off limits.” Chuck pressed his hand against his father’s chest and gave him a light shove to make some space between them, and Herc’s jaw did that tension thing that was so familiar. This wasn’t any better, Newton didn’t want them fighting, he’d actually actively been trying to convince Chuck not to fight with his dad so much before the whole…complication part of this had come up. That was perhaps at least half his fault.

            “What the hell do you think you’re doing? The kid’s half your age, and you’re fucking arou-“ Herc had apparently decided to ignore his son for zeroing in on Newton behind him, but Chuck inserted himself between the two of them once more.

            “Chuck its okay, really-“

            “I said back off, old man.”    

            “Or what, kid? You gonna try and take a swing at me? Go ahead,” Herc said, and Newton found himself scrambling between the two men despite thousands of years of ingrained survival instinct telling himself that he was the beta and he had no place being between two alphas unless he wanted a whole lot of death. Pain and death. But, he wasn’t going to be the cause of this.

            “Stop, stop, jeezus, you two are like a pair of apes,” Newton said, and heard the hall go silent around him. Ok, the ape thing maybe had been the wrong thing to say. “Ok, look, Chuck step back, really its ok. Herc, Hercules, Mr. Hansen, sir, uh-haha, look, I get it. I do, this whole thing probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to anyone, but I’m not just uh, fucking around, with Chuck, okay? There’s really no reason for anyone to fight or be brutally murdered by his friend’s dad or any of that, there really really isn’t. Really. I promise, because you see, yeah, there’s a certain naked nature to our-“

            “Newton.”      

            “-relationship, but really at its core what we have here is a friendship that-“           

            “Mate.”

            “-is all sorts of unconventional, but it seems to work-“

            “Doc,” Chuck turned Newton to face him, raising an eyebrow and glancing towards Herc. Right, Newton was doing that talking too much thing again, and he took a deep breath to face the force of nature that was Hercules Hansen. The man was staring at him like he wasn’t completely certain if he was allowed to punch him or not, because Newton was clearly a crazy man. A crazy man sleeping with his son, but crazy nonetheless.

            “I don’t like this or approve of it-“    

            “Not asking for your approval, Herc,” Chuck responded shortly, and Newton shrunk down between the two as Herc leaned to stab a finger against his son’s shoulder aggressively.

            “-you keep this reined in, don’t let it interfere with the drift, and don’t make a spectacle of it, you understand? You both understand?” Newton swallowed roughly, waiting to see if he was about to be crushed in the ensuing fight or not, and he was entirely too close to Herc right then cause he really didn’t need to realize that he carried that same salty air and motor oil scent that lingered around his son. Was musk a shared genetic trait? He felt like he knew the answer to that but his brain was a little too full of glutamate and adrenaline-fueled fight or flight responses to clearly pull the biology of human scent to mind.

            “We done here?”

            “For now,” Herc said, giving his son a pointed look which he then dropped down onto Newton before he turned and stormed away leaving Newton feeling like he had just defused a bomb.

            “Told you.” Chuck said carrying the smirk over into his tone of voice and setting a hand on Newton’s shoulder as the small man leaned back against him in relief.

            “Jerk.” Chuck chuckled though he still seemed a bit wound up but he started them down the hall towards the mess after his father again. “God, I abandoned Hermann. He probably hates me again.”

            “You managed to fix that?”

            “Sort of, maybe, he may just have been trying to keep me from dying of starvation at the time,” Newton said with a shrug, fidgeting a bit as the sounds of the mess hall came closer.

            “Well, no one wants that other than possibly my old man, so you better go eat,” Chuck said, giving Newton a light push out into the mess. Herc had come to a stop nest to the table that Tendo and Hermann were sitting at, and he still looked slightly murderous but not like he was actively going to kill someone right then. He seemed to be apologizing to Hermann, leaning over Tendo slightly to do so. He sent a sharp look in their direction when they emerged from the hall though, and Tendo stood to put a directing hand on Herc’s shoulder to get the man moving back out of their proximity. Tendo said something to Hermann that made the physicist scowl at him before Tendo looked at Newton and gave him two exaggerated thumbs up as he took a few backwards steps to follow along after Herc. “Go eat, mate, I have work to do but I’ll catch up with you later.”

            “What? Wait, you don’t want to eat?”

            “Already did. Go eat with your doctor.” Chuck bumped into Newton gently with his shoulder to give the man a push in Hermann’s direction, watching Newton hesitate before scurrying over to the table and mumbling out an apology to Hermann. Hermann watched Chuck with a steady scowl for a few seconds before turning back to Newton with a sigh.

            “Really, Dr. Geiszler, must you always dramatize every little incident?”

            “Dude, the guy was going to kill me,” Newton said with a look of sheer disbelief as he slid into the seat across from Hermann, and Chuck ducked back out of the mess hall with a chuckle as he went to find the coward of a J-technician to berate him for the clumsy handling of the diagnostics from the most recent Melbourne battle.

 

            Hermann had ensured that Newton had eaten properly during their lunch break, and by the time the two of them returned to the lab it was almost as if things were back to normal. Newton was talking and gesturing wildly about his thoughts on Hermann’s calculations on the breach, and Hermann was shaking his head in disagreement. They were arguing, but it was back to that comfortable and productive disagreement that had always stood between the two of them as a foundation of their relationship. Even when they had been writing to each other and had yet to meet face to face they had shared in these fond arguments.

            Newton paused when they stepped back into the lab space, Hermann’s equations waiting for him and Newton’s viscera steeping in their chemical baths. Hermann glanced back at his colleague where he had stopped and found Newton staring at him with this fond little smile that made Hermann’s cheeks prickle with heat.

            “What?”

            “I saw.”

            “Saw what?” Hermann felt an eager dread press in upon him as his mind went through the different things that Newton could have seen, glimpsed in Hermann’s own glances and ministrations. He both wanted Newton to have seen just how far his affections went, and was terrified as he could only imagine it would bring their long standing love/hate friendship to an end. The look on Newton’s face wasn’t one of repulsion, disgust or even rejection as his smile widened and he walked past Hermann without answering. “What did you see, Newton? How I am correct about my predictive model nearing the complete picture?”

            “No, I saw you step in front of Herc to try and stop him. You were defending me, dude.” Newton kept walking, but turned around to face Hermann again as he took his steps backwards. He had waited to bring the incident up all through their meal until they were alone again, but it seemed now that Newton was incapable of avoiding it any longer. “You’d actually be a little sad if I had been killed by the raging mythical hero.” Hermann gave a snort of derision at the suggestion as he started towards his chalkboards, pointedly not looking at the biologist as he stood with his arms wide as though he’d just come up with the String Theorem all his own and was awaiting his bloody accolades.

            “Of course I’d be disappointed if you died, Dr. Geiszler, it’d be a waste of a brilliant brain,” Hermann said stuffily, and he heard Newton give a laugh behind him. Hermann picked up a piece of chalk, staring at it for a long moment. It was long enough that Newton had already donned his gloves and retrieved his slice of Kaiju flesh before he spoke again. “I am also rather irrationally fond of your presence here in the lab,” _in my life,_ “and fear I would miss it if for some reason you were suddenly snuffed out.”

            Hermann held his breath as he heard the squeak of Newton’s chair, not turning to see the reaction as he just set about correcting a section of equations he’d been chewing on for some time and which still didn’t seem to want to slip into place as he felt it should.

            “I’d miss you too, buddy. So, I guess we just have to agree not to die on each other?” There was something in Newton’s voice that made Hermann’s heart skip for a moment in his chest before it resumed its habitual beat.

            “Quite.”


	7. Oh these little rejections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months passed relatively peacefully, Chuck invites Hermann to come with them for drinks and then antagonizes him, Newton ends up soaking wet in the lab and Hermann can't believe just how off the mark Newton can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song "So Unsexy" by Alanis Morissette. 
> 
> I'm putting all these songs into a playlist, I may upload them to 8tracks eventually. 
> 
> These chapters keep snowballing on me. I start off thinking it will be a short chapter ending at a certain point then these nerds just run with things, and it ends up being longer than expected and half the time not reaching the mental stopping point I planned on.

They had fallen into a routine, one that was still a bit tense but seemed ok, good even. Hermann did his best to tolerate Chuck when he came down to the labs to talk with Newton or set up plans with him, and Chuck... Ok, well, Chuck wasn’t openly an ass but he somehow made everything he said come off like he was antagonizing Dr. Gottlieb. Newton was working within the small contamination area with the ventilation running when a prime example of this occurred as Chuck strolled into the K-science labs, giving Newton a wide grin through the glass sheilds that said he had something planned. 

“Hey Newt.” 

“Hey Chuck, give me just a minute to finish this up ok?” Newton was still digging through bits of Spinejackel though after two and a half months since the Kaiju had been taken down things were degrading a little too quickly for his liking. They all did this on him, no matter how well he tried to preserve the samples there was always some degradation of the DNA and viability. Currently he was trying to manipulate an acid sac free from it’s encasing flesh, and he couldn’t exactly split his focus with this. Rupturing the sac that still contained a full load of Kaiju acid would just end bad for them all. Chuck had give a short nod, eyeing the piece of flesh suspiciously as though he was daring it to try and harm Newton during his work. Dr. Geiszler rolled his eyes just a little, completely certain that the vivisected viscera was quaking in its boots. 

Chuck strolled over to the line that cut the lab in half, walking along it purposefully to annoy Hermann as the man tried to work. Tried was the key word, Hermann never really got work done when Chuck was present as he always seemed too focused on just where the Jaeger pilot was and what he was doing to accomplish anything. This was something Newton was becoming more and more aware of, and had some growing theories on the reasoning behind this distraction. 

“Hey Dr. Gottlieb.” There was the tone of voice, just the right mix of cocky self assurance and sarcasm to make it seem a little like Chuck was insulting Hermann’s predictive model which was sort of like insulting the man’s honor really. Dr. Gottlieb narrowed his eyes though he refused to look away from his chalkboards. 

“Mr. Hansen.” Newton paused, stilling his hands as he glanced over at the two over his shoulder. Please could they not fight today, they’d been having such a good streak of well contained animosity and it’d be a shame to ruin it with another display like what had happened back in February. 

“I’m curious about something.” Newton winced, turning back to try and very quickly and carefully get this damn sac freed so he could store it and drag Chuck out of there. The younger man was still walking along the line between the two sides of the lab, and Hermann had turned to look at him with suspicion. 

“Do you intend to grace us with the knowledge of what could possibly have piqued your curiosity, Mr. Hansen?” Ugh, it was like baby sitting children, only one had far too advance a vocabulary for his own good. _Cut faster, Newton._ Chuck stopped his pacing to face Hermann and gave him a wide grin that just said trouble and Hermann’s look of suspicion darkened into dangerous territory. 

“I was going to drag Dr. Geiszler out for some drinks tonight and thought maybe you’d like to come with.” 

“What?”

“What!?” Newton and Hermann spoke the word at the same time, Newton’s a little high pitched by his incredulous surprise. Hermann, meanwhile, seemed as though he felt like he was being made the brunt of a joke as he did that thing where he suddenly remembered that he was tall and lean and perhaps sometimes a little intimidating as he pulled himself up to his full height. Chuck just smirked, clearly still a couple of inches taller than the older man even with the display. 

“Come get pissed with us, doc.” Hermann stared at Chuck for a long moment before looking to Newton as though he could supply all the answers. Maybe Chuck was trying to extend an olive branch, though Newton had a feeling it had more to do with Chuck insisting that he should just confess his feelings to Hermann. It was Newton’s turn to narrow his eyes at the back of the young Aussie’s head like he was trying to read his mind. Newton heard a soft pop come from in front of him, and suddenly pulled his hands back like he’d been bitten as he cursed violently. Both of the other two men reacted at the same time, but it was Chuck who reached him first and pulled him away from the table and past the contamination shields by the back of his shirt looking uncertain what had just happened as Newton fought his way out of his gloves to toss them into the nearby biohazard bin. 

Hermann had reacted with a more purposeful and well informed intent, though he also knew what Newton had been attempting to achieve. He had pulled the string on the emergency shower to get it running before barking at Chuck to get Newton underneath the stream despite Newton’s protests. The water hit him cold and heavy, drenching him within seconds as the two men stared at him wide eyed and worried as the Kaiju flesh hissed behind the shields on the table. 

“Well thanks for the timely response guys, that’s great, it really is. I appreciate that had I _actually_ gotten any of the acid anywhere on my _actual_ person and not just the gloves that were easily discarded I’d have been shoved in this freezing cold hell shower within seconds,” Newton said a little sarcastically. Newton held his arms out to his sides to show them both that he had no Kaiju blue stains or horrendous chemical burns on his now soaking wet person. Hermann didn’t seem to find this very funny as the guy started breathing again, and Newton felt a little bad because really they’d acted in his best interest but still. He was wet, cold and annoyed and Chuck was smirking at him now which made Newton blush on top of it all. Yep, excellent day Dr. Geiszler, get distracted by your best friend and your colleague who you have a horrible crush on leading to you almost getting horribly disfigured, only not, followed by the worst cold shower ever and now Hermann was working his way up to being indignant. Just top notch work. 

“Well, I apologize for making an attempt to save you from grievous harm, Dr. Geiszler, the next time I shall make the mental note to allow you to stew in the toxic secretion of your disgusting specimens,” Hermann bit at him, turning to storm back to his desk and Newton scrambled to follow him leaving a trail of water behind him. 

“Hey, Hermann, come on! Look, I am grateful I just didn’t really aim to end up soaking wet today.” Newton heard Chuck make a noise of amusement behind him, and he turned to give him a pointed look though he felt he failed at keeping the smile off his face completely. When he looked back at Dr. Gottlieb that man was staring at him a little strangely. He was clearly mad though cause Hermann’s face was red, and after a moment he pushed Newton back away from him a few steps with the end of his cane. 

“Do not drip all over my side of the lab, Dr. Geiszler.” 

“Fine, geez, all right. Look, thank you, really I mean it. I’m sorry I acted like a dick, just you know...not ideal.” Newton gestured at himself and Hermann turned an even darker shade of red if that was even possible. 

“It is fine, just go get changed Newton. I will inform the hazard team that there is a mess that needs to be cleared in the contamination area so you do not have to do it yourself and risk truly injuring yourself.” Newton would have hugged the man except that he was soaking wet and Hermann would likely kill him for such an action even if he wasn’t currently a waterlogged mess. 

“Thanks man, really. I’ll go changed now,” he said instead, giving Hermann a relieved smile which was somewhat shyly returned. 

“I’ll help,” Chuck said a little cheekily, and Newton felt his cheeks go hot again so he decided it was best to just make his exit. Hermann shot Chuck a murderous look as the man hung back a few steps letting Newton get out of the lab before he leaned close to Dr. Gottlieb. “One of these days you’re going to hit me for a comment like that, and I’ll love watching you explain just why you’re so riled to him.” 

“I don’t have the faintest idea why I would feel the need to act in a violent nature towards you, Mr. Hansen, despite your insistence to act in a lewd and unprofessional manner around my colleague.” Chuck gave a snort, shaking his head as he started walking away to presumably ‘go help’ Newton change. 

“You should still come for drink, _mate_.”

“I think I’d much rather not, thank you.”

“Your loss.” Hermann huffed as he was left alone in the lab, the decontamination shower hissing behind him as it ran through it’s timer setting. There was still an ominous hissing coming from the contamination area, and he did his best to erase the image of Newton standing in a soaking wet, almost see through shirt and his already too tight pants clinging to him. Unlike Mr. Hansen, Hermann could contain his more basic urges though he knew that image would haunt him later on when he was alone in the privacy of his bunk. In the meantime he got a hold of the hazard team that helped decontaminate the Jaegers when they returned from a fight as well as handling the fortunately infrequent incidents of a spill in the lab. 

 

He had not gone for drinks that night, though Newton had even come back to ask him if he’d go along with them. Chuck had stayed outside the lab, lingering in the hall near the door at what Hermann was certain had been Dr. Geiszler’s insistence. It had been harder to turn Newton down on the offer as those damnable green eyes had pleaded with him. In the end he had stuck with his rejection of the plans, and had somewhat regretted it shortly after the two men had left. 

Still Chuck clearly knew, had somehow figured it out even when Newton seemed to remain blissfully oblivious to Hermann’s real feelings. The man had been taking every moment to quietly and subtly rub it in Hermann’s face for the last two months, and he had feared that the offer for drinks with them both had been a way for him to set Hermann up for embarrassment. 

And then there had been the comment about how he expected Hermann to strike him for the remarks he made. It was true, he’d felt a couple of times as though Chuck Hansen needed someone to smack him upside the head for how he acted. He made suggestive comments to Newton at every opportunity it seemed, and though Newton usually acted as though this was just a form of teasing Hermann found it offensive. Newton was not someone you treated simply like a play thing, and though he was privy to only short interactions between the two it seemed this was all Mr. Hansen felt his colleague was. 

“I’m just saying, I don’t know why you won’t come with us. I mean, I get that Chuck can be a bit much sometimes but if you handle me I’m sure you could handle him, Hermann. He’s actually better when we go out somewhere, he’s just comfortable around you that’s why he feels free to tease.” Hermann gave a sigh as Newton talked at him from across the lab, the man pipetting something into a test tube to stick into the table top centrifuge with a few other samples he’d already prepared. Once the centrifuge was set and had started to whirr behind him Newton turned his full attention on Hermann. “Come with us this time, Hermms, come on.” 

“I have no desire to be a third wheel to you and Mr. Hansen, Newton,” Hermann reiterated again and he heard Newton make a strangled noise of frustration. 

“I told you, there would be no third wheeling going on. We’d be a tricycle, all wheels needed and appreciated.” 

“You are in a relationship with Mr. Hansen, and therefore there will be ‘third wheeling’ occurring at the outing no matter how much you try to insist otherwise. Couples almost always end up disincluding the single companion on such trips. I do not wish to be subjected to you and Mr. Hansen’s unique form of courtship anymore than I already am.” Hermann turned away from his chalkboards to find Newton staring at him, shaking his head slowly like Hermann was speaking a foreign language that he didn’t understand.

“Dude, what? Our courtship? Hermann I think you’re making this whole thing out to be more than it is.” 

“Am I really? When I must bare witness to you two constantly eluding to your...your...sexcapes.” Newton gave a bark of laughter at this, and Hermann forced himself to take a deep breath and turn away from the man. This was not the conversation he wanted to be having, he did not want or need to explain his problems with going on an outing that would be seen as the equivalent of the date to watch his colleague dote over some over toned....ass. 

“Dude are you jealous?” Hermann felt things abruptly come to a halt at the accusation from Newton, freezing in place as he felt his heart and lungs stop working. Had Chuck told him, had he sat there and laughed as he told Newton all about the affections he had correctly guessed that Hermann harbored. “Oh my god, Hermm, you are jealous of me aren’t you? I thought you might be, I had been theorizing on it for a while but I thought ‘nah, Chuck isn’t Hermann’s type. He can’t be, can he?’, but he totally is, isn’t he? Aw man, I don’t really know how that would work but you should totally go for it if you want. If I had realized you had a thing for him I wouldn’t have started this whole ‘fuck buddies’ business with him.” 

“Excuse me?” Hermann turned back to Newton, his tone icy and sharp as he looked at the man. He couldn’t possibly be serious, could not even for a moment truly think that Hermann had feelings towards Chuck Hansen. Hermann felt irrationally angry towards Newton, where moments before he’d been terrified that the man knew of his true affections he now was livid that Newton could be so far off the mark. Or, perhaps it had been Chuck’s doing. Perhaps the man had been whispering nonsense into Newton’s ear about how Hermann had expressed some sort of wanting in his direction. Not to mention the confirmation that, yes, Newton apparently was seen as just a toy to Chuck Hansen. _Fuck buddies?_ Seriously.

“Er, sorry man, um...‘friends with benefits’ is that better?” Newton had actually drawn back from him some as Hermann seethed. Dr. Gottlieb pulled himself back some mentally at seeing this, not really meaning to have leveled all that anger and disgust towards Newton himself. He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to regain control over the situation but he could tell that Newton was working up to his own anger now that the shock of the initial blow was passing. Hermann felt a pang of distress, they had not truly fought since the disastrous day back in February and that peace they had made was dangerously close to crashing down. 

“I do not have feelings for _Mr. Hansen_ , Newton, and I most certainly am not jealous of _you_ ,” Hermann said, trying to temper his voice to try and keep this from building upon itself. Hermann was about to navigate a fine line that ran parallel to the truth in hopes it would defuse this, make Newton understand that he simply could not be around the two of them anymore than he already was. “I clearly do not truly understand your relationship, and I find it difficult to...” Hermann broke off with a quiet curse in German, trying and failing for one of the few times in his life to find the words. If he could write it out on the board behind him, use symbols and notations, _numbers_ , to explain the complex system of emotions he would. He could, honestly, given the time and the emotional fortitude to face that truth so head on. 

“Hey man, it’s ok...really,” Newton said, and Hermann met his eye for a moment to find his colleague staring back at him with pity. That was worse, so much worse, and Hermann felt an ache in his chest so strong that he almost wished it was cardiac arrest. That would at least distract from this deplorable situation. “Look, you don’t have to come with us for drinks if it makes you...sad, or whatever. I won’t push anymore and I’ll tell Chuck to back off too, promise?” Hermann dropped his eyes to the floor feeling exponentially worse, he could hear the pity in Newton’s voice as well. He hated this, he hated both of them and most of all he hated himself. 

“Thank you, I would appreciate that.” Hermann forced the words out, and he heard Newton’s chair creak signaling the man had turned to go back to work. Just like that, he was content with the end of the conversation. Of course though, Newton didn't have the tumbled mess inside of him that Hermann could feel like a lump of ice beneath his ribs to contend with. To him that would be the natural conclusion of the discussion on any further invitations. Hermann blinked back confusion and tears that he refused to let fall when he saw those two ridiculous Doc Marten boots come to a stop in front of him, and he looked up at Newton in surprise. 

“I, uh, know I’ve been a little Chuck-centric recently, but you’re my friend too and I don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten that. How about we do lunch or dinner sometime? Like, actual lunch or dinner, not mess hall crap with a hundred other people around. There’s a really good Mongolian place not far from here, I know you like Mongolian.” Newton looked at him uncertainly, giving Hermann a timid sort of smile as he hesitated for a moment before setting a hand on Dr. Gottlieb's shoulder. 

“I-I would very much enjoy that,” Hermann said, somehow managing to talk through the pressure in his chest. It eased a little when Newton’s smile became more genuine and relieved with his agreement. It would be as friends, but that was better than just colleagues, better than nothing at all. 

“Good, it’s a date then.” Newton’s cheeks flushed a little, a hint of heat rising in them and Hermann had no doubt he’d realized his terminology was perhaps a bit off. Still the man just laughed through it, turning to head back to his side of the lab though he paused mid-step to glance back at him. “You’d tell me if you weren’t ok, right Hermms?” 

“Of course,” Hermann said softly, brow furrowing softly as Newton seemed to size up whether this was the truth or not. 

“So you’re ok?”

“I’m perfectly fine, Newton.” Hermann tried to keep his face neutral under the man’s scrutiny until Newton seemed satisfied, turning away to go back to work. Hermann relaxed his frame, weight resting more fully onto his cane as he let his eyes linger on the back of Newton’s head for just a few seconds longer before returning to the simpler task of mapping the breach. He chose not to dwell on the fact that if Newton had really listened he would have realized where Hermann's jealousy truly lied. 


	8. Let's get Fucked up and Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann gets forced into plans for his birthday, and dreads it. Chuck surprises Newton with some of those 'smarts' he talks about, but it all explodes into their first big fight. Hermann realizes he may still know Newton better than Chuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from 'Let's get Fucked up and Die' by Motion City Soundtrack. It felt it covered the chapter well but that might just be me. XD This one is way longer than the last few, and I still didn't get to where I had intended. 
> 
> (Next chapter will likely be up in a few days unless life gets distracting.)

            June arrived in a temperate fashion, the weather cool but not yet cold, a late evening rainstorm rolling in barely audible within the mess hall through the thick shell and multiple levels of the shatter dome. It would become a deafening roar in other areas like the Jaeger Docking Stations where the space was large and hollow, no true insulation against the sound of rain hitting metal and concrete. 

            Hermann had come to the decision he needed to eat after he found the headache he’d been developing since noon was only worsening not in small part due to Newton’s musical choices. The man had inquired where he was going, but Hermann had waved him off too afraid that he would snap in his discomfort. His father had called and it had gone about as well as was to be expected. They’d managed to make it about two minutes into the conversation, long enough for his father to wish him an early Happy Birthday and make some false attempts at seeming interested in his work. But then the wall that stood between them had come up quite literally. That damn bloody wall that they were continuing to build, that was slowly filling up the eastern and southern skylines. 

            “Don’t you think it’s time, Hermann, that you put your mind to a more practical use? The Jaeger program is going to become a thing of the past once the wall is securely in place. It would be prudent of you to focus your energies elsewhere before you find yourself suddenly included in one of these cuts they’ve been making.” It had gone downhill from there, and Hermann had no doubt in his mind that soon either his youngest brother or his sister would be giving him a call to try and soothe things between them. Deitrich made no such attempts anymore, his relationship with there father was perhaps even further strained than Hermann’s. 

            He’d found a seat off on his own, not difficult with the time of night that it was, and had grabbed some cooling meatloaf and cheese covered potatoes to down the pain meds he fully planned on taking once he no longer had an empty stomach. It should have been painfully obvious that he wished to be alone just then, but still someone had the audacity to sit down across from him. Hermann lifted his eyes, staring a little ruefully at Tendo Choi as he gave Hermann a quick smile though it was clear there was something the man wished to say. 

            “What is it, Mr. Choi?” 

            “I’m correct in assuming that we’re friends, right Hermann?” Hermann narrowed his eyes slightly, and he saw Tendo clasp his hands together on the table to subtly rub a thumb over the beads the man had running along his left hand and wrist. Hermann didn’t like the sounds of this opening of conversation, someone tended to remind you that they were your friend when they were in want something.

            “Yes, I would consider us friends, Tendo.” He spoke cautiously, putting a stern tone in his voice to convey that he really hoped this wasn’t just some way to ask Hermann for a favor. He’d likely do it if asked, Tendo was actually a dear friend to him, someone who appreciated some of the finer things that many within the Shatter dome didn’t grasp. Still, the man often times lacked boundaries.

            “Good, I’m glad. As your friend I’m going to warn you that something is about to happen, and also as your friend I’m going to request that you agree to it without putting up a fight, alright my man?” The LOCCENT officer flashed him one of his smiles which normally were contagious, but Hermann wasn’t going to be coming down with that particular bug just then.

            “Forgive me, but you will have elaborate on just what is going to happen further if you expect me to agree to something that you clearly suspect that I would typically disapprove of.”  Tendo seemed to debate on doing so for merely a moment before settling on the fact that he had come here to do this, and he fully intended to follow through. 

            “It’s your birthday in a few days.” The suspicion Hermann had quickly blossomed into annoyance as he gave Tendo is full attention and leveled his stare at him. Tendo was rarely nervous with him, in fact his ability to be completely unaffected by Hermann’s personality had been a welcomed trait that sparked their friendship in the first place, but right then the man was worrying away at the worn beads of the rosary as though he was at confession.

            “Yes I am aware of that and as usual I plan on spending it quietly and preferably alone.” Hermann raised an eyebrow to make his point with the hope of squashing whatever plan the man had churning in his head. 

            “Well, about that-”

            “Alone. Silence and peace spent without interruption.” 

            “What about if Newton wanted you to do something?” Tendo leaned a little further over the table as he said this like it was some secret and Hermann found himself mirroring the man’s posture. Tendo had been getting persistent on his attempts to get Hermann to confess his feelings for Newton. It had been a mistake sharing that particular tidbit with the man one night when Tendo had convinced him to take a small sabbatical from work to go out for sushi and sake. It had only worsened after Hermann had mentioned Newton’s offer to go for dinner a few weeks past, something that had still not come to pass.

            “If Dr. Geiszler wishes to ask me to do something then he should be the one discussing this with me,” Hermann said with a slight hiss of annoyance. This was likely another attempt by the LOCCENT officer to push Hermann into asking Newton on a date, and he was hoping to disguise it as being Dr. Geiszler’s idea. This seemed the easiest explanation as least as if Newton truly wanted to do something with him for his birthday the man would have asked himself, loudly and relentlessly.

            “Well, unfortunately that’s not really how this is going to go. Remember, it’s for Newton,” Tendo said, giving Hermann a look that somehow managed to contain both an apology and an ‘I told you so’. Hermann straightened as he heard someone approaching their table and mentally tried to throw daggers at Tendo for whatever mess he had just landed him in. 

            “Hey there Elvis, Dr. Gottlieb.” Tendo smiled, eyes lingering for a second on Hermann as he gave him a double thumbs up in a completely indiscreet fashion as Chuck leaned over the end of the table. 

            “Hey Chuck! Fancy seeing you here!” In his usually way, Tendo managed to make this phrase come out sounding careless and easy despite how he had clearly known Chuck Hansen was going to approach them. Tendo gave the younger man a wide smile, and then shot Hermann a look as though he was trying to mentally communicate something to him. Chuck frowned, glancing between them before seemingly deciding he didn’t really care what was going on or what he may have been interrupting. He instead settled his gaze on Hermann, and Dr. Gottlieb continued his silent mental murder of Tendo Choi.

            “I’ve been informed by Newton that I’m not supposed to ask you about going out drinking with us anymore, and that’s why I’m not asking. This Friday you’re coming with Newton and me to the bar, getting pissed and having a good time even if I have to hide your cane to make it easier to drag your ass there myself.” Chuck quirked an eyebrow at him as though daring Hermann to reject the invitation, and a shot of anger which Hermann previously thought only Newton capable of producing in him had Dr. Gottlieb moving to rise from his seat so that Mr. Hansen would no longer be looming over him in such an aggressive manner. Tendo caught his wrist quickly, tugging Hermann back down discreetly to his seat before he could truly even start to stand while sending a wide smile to Chuck as though this wasn’t about to turn into a horrible mess.

            “Hey, that sounds great. We were just talking about what Dr. Gottlieb was wanting to do for his birthday and he was saying how he was hoping to go out somewhere.”

            “No I most definitely was not-“

            “That sounds like the perfect thing. Tell _Newton_ that he’d be happy to go with you two.”  Hermann had a biting retort ready to interject over Tendo’s insistent chattering, but at the mention of Newton’s name he forced himself to bite his tongue. Of course, that had been what Tendo was trying to convey to him before and Hermann had letting his temper blind him temporarily to it. Newton was the one that wanted Hermann to go for drinks, but at the same time had promised not to pester Hermann about accompanying him on his outings with Chuck. Newton kept his promises; Hermann had learned that long ago in an embarrassing fashion that luckily the other man seemed to have no recollection. The fact that Newton had apparently mentioned his desire to celebrate Hermann’s birthday with him to Chuck softened his defensive anger just a fraction.

            “Yes, tell Newton that a short outing for a few beverages would be appropriate and appreciated. If he had asked me himself I would have told him the same,” Hermann said icily to Chuck who gave him a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

            “Guy didn’t exactly feel welcome to do that, _mate_. It’s a good thing I have fewer fucks to give when it comes to pissing you off. Friday, and you’re staying as long as I decide you’re staying.” Chuck pulled away suddenly from the table with a curse as he narrowed his eyes at Tendo who looked back innocently despite the kick in the shin he’d just given to Chuck to get him to back off. Hermann was developing the suspicion that the two had plotted this meeting and found some solace in the fact that Tendo seemed to be regretting his recruitment of Mr. Hansen.

            “Mr. Choi, of course, will be coming with us as well seeing as he’s such a good friend,” Hermann said with a hint of acid in his voice. If he was being made to suffer through an evening spent with Chuck and Newton doting on each other _in public_ , Tendo was going down with him. The suggestion did not quite garner the reaction he had expected however as he was disappointed to see the genuine smile on Tendo’s face.  

            “I could definitely go for a guy’s night out; the old lady’s been driving me insane.”

            “You have only been married for a year, Tendo, and rarely even see Alison. I do not understand how she could be driving you insane,” Hermann said with a frown, looking down his nose as Chuck gave a snort of amusement.

            “I wasn’t talking about my wife, I was talking about Herc. The guy’s been on top of me this last week, making sure things are ready for when Pentecost gets back. Like I’m not use to the level of order that’s expected from the Marshall. I swear sometimes he thinks I’m just a pretty face,” Tendo said with a shake of his head before brightening again. “But, Friday night, the four of us, it will be just the break I need!”

            “Good luck convincing the old man of that, Elvis. Make sure to remind him that we need someone to sing Blue Suede Shoes, and you’re the only option,” Chuck said with sarcasm as he moved to walk away from the table, clapping Tendo on the shoulder before giving Hermann a look that promised all sorts of unpleasant things if he dared to back out. Hermann sighed, seeing his night spent drinking from a glass of scotch while simply allowing himself to enjoy the quiet of his own company disappear.

            “This is a disaster,” Hermann muttered quietly and Tendo gave him an exaggerated look of sympathy that just reeked of tiny violins. The man was a marvel at conveying his thoughts with facial expressions. He relaxed back to his typical sort of swagger that made up Tendo Choi’s personality as he patted Hermann’s hand.  

            “Come off it, it will be fun Hermann. Beside, you aren’t really complaining about spending your birthday with Dr. Geiszler and I happen to know it.”

            “It is not Newton whom I am dreading spending time with, it is the combination of him with one Chuck Hansen that I rather loath,” Hermann said spitefully. Tendo waved as a J-tech walked past the table, waiting until they were as alone as could get whilst being in the mess hall to respond. At least the man had some sense of decorum when it came to discussing delicate situations.

            “Look, like I’ve said, right now Chuck and Newt kind of come as a package deal. They’re best friends and I know you’re not real happy about that, but if you eased off a bit you’d realize Chuck’s a good guy who has Newton’s best interests in mind.” Hermann huffed lightly at this, refusing to give any indication that this could possibly hold truth. The young man had come to coerce him into drinks though simply, by all appearances, because Newton wished for it to be so.

            “And what, pray tell, do you even know about Mr. Hansen other than the fact that he insists on calling you that ridiculous nickname?” Tendo reached across the table to snatch Hermann’s roll away without asking, and Hermann tried to smack his hand without success.

            “I know the kid better than you; I babysat the insolent little brat almost constantly until I got moved up to Anchorage. Could hardly believe it when I heard he was all grown up and being a model asshole down here until I saw it for myself. They grow up so fast.” Tendo got a fond smile on his face as he spoke of Chuck despite his disparaging comments, and Hermann was slightly horrified. He’d been insulting, rude and jealous in his discussions with Tendo when it came to the relationship Mr. Hansen had with Newton. Tendo in return had been sympathetic but neutral on the subject, from time to time reminding Hermann that not everyone was exactly the way they appeared, and here the man had been harboring the secret of being friends with Chuck Hansen. Apparently rather close friends in fact.

            “If I had realized you were friends with him-“

            “That’s why I didn’t tell you, my man, I knew you’d go silent on the issue and bottle it all up inside until you ruptured something. Anyway, we’re not as close as we were back then; things are a little different now that he’s over. Do me a favor on Friday though and give him a chance. You might just find that you and Mr. Hansen have more in common than you think.” Hermann gave a hum of doubt, straightening his posture once more, no longer feeling the need to be conspiratorial with Tendo though the man stayed leaning across the space a bit longer.

            “I very much doubt that. What in the world could I have in common with the man?” Hermann poked lightly at the food on his tray while Tendo chewed a large bite of the pilfered roll. He sighed lightly, suddenly not feeling quite so hungry anymore and debating whether to sacrifice the entire tray to his companion. Tendo swallowed, reaching and taking a drink of Hermann’s tea to help wash the food down and Hermann narrowed his eyes at him. He was doing it on purpose now; the man truly had no concept of personal boundaries.

            “Well, to start you both act like possessive school boys with anything to do with Newton.” Hermann pushed the tray of food across the table to Tendo who gladly took another sip of the tea before compounding on his theory. “Also, you both have that ‘I hate people’ thing.”

            “Yes, indeed, I can think of one person in particular whom I’m finding myself rather loathing right now,” Hermann said pointedly as he crossed his arms over his chest. Tendo gave him a small grin and a shrug of his shoulders.

            “What can I say? I’m eating for two now apparently.” Hermann stared for a long moment at the man as he felt the seriousness of the comment set in, and any annoyance he had felt at Tendo Choi was wiped away with a companionable elation. Tendo took another bite of the roll, chewing thoughtfully as he watched the change of emotions on Hermann’s face with a satisfied feeling.

            “You? Alison is expecting?” Hermann sputtered the words out, trying to think back to the last time Tendo would have seen his wife and then going through the calculations of how far along she must be.

            “Five months, though I’m sure you’re freaky brain had already figured that out. We figure it happened over the holidays when she came down here. I would have told you sooner, but she wanted to wait to tell the extended family until we knew things were going smoothly. She was a bit nervous,” Tendo said casually though he was barely containing his glee at the news. Though he knew it was just a catch all phrase Hermann still felt a bit honored to considered amongst the ‘extended family’ in which Mr. Choi was now sharing this news with.

            “Congratulations Tendo,” Hermann said with an honest smile, the kind that seemed to be far too rare nowadays. He had questioned the wisdom of bringing children into the world with its current state before, past conversations with Tendo himself as well as members of his own family coming to mind, but now faced with the knowledge that his friend was expecting a child he felt a genuine contentment settle in his chest. Tendo would make an excellent father.

            “Thanks brother, hope you’re ready to put up with baby talk for the foreseeable future,” Tendo said this with a wink and grin, and Hermann rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion.

            “I may have to request a transfer to a different Shatter dome.” Tendo laughed, reaching to pat Hermann on the arm as he stood with the physicist’s tea still in hand.

            “Well, lucky for us all then that I have to get back up to LOCCENT before Herc discovers I snuck out of my station. I think the guy forgets that some of us are human sometimes. Don’t forget though, Friday my man!” Hermann gave Tendo a small wave that was accompanied by a smile that was now forced into place.

            “Yes, how could I possibly forget Friday.” He muttered it to himself, frowning as he realized that Tendo had not only managed to commandeer his food but he’d still left the tray for Hermann to clear himself.

 

            Chuck had come down to the lab a while after Hermann had left. Newton had heard him talking with his dad even though Dr. Gottlieb had wandered off into the break room to do so. Newton hadn’t been eavesdropping or anything, okay, maybe he had a little but Hermann always ended up being so upset after his father called. It made Newton feel angry and sad and he’d maybe been a little disappointed when it was Chuck who walked in instead of Hermann returning from his lunch which Newton had _not_ been invited to.

            Still, he gave Chuck a tired smile as the guy leaned over his shoulder to stare inquisitively at the chunk of Kaiju Newton was examining. He felt like he’d examined this exact hunk of flesh before, but he knew that was just fatigue wearing on him. Chuck set his hands on Newton’s shoulders to give them a gentle squeeze as he pulled back, apparently satisfied that the bit of Kaiju wasn’t really interesting to him. _Jaeger pilots,_ Newton though to himself, _never thinking past wanting to punch the things to dwell on how importantly it was to study them._

            “Just a heads up, we’re going out with Tendo and _Hermann_ Friday,” Chuck said, a slight sneer in how he said Hermann’s name, purposely using his first name because he knew it would drive the guy crazy if he was there. At least Chuck had listened to Newton so far as to called his colleague Dr. Gottlieb to his face…most the time. Newton swiveled a little too quickly in his chair to face Chuck and ended almost busting the guy’s knee cap. Chuck swore at him under his breath as he caught the arm of Newton’s chair to keep him from spinning anymore.

            “What did you do? You did something!” Newton didn’t even paused as he shot the accusation at Chuck, poking the guy in the chest and receiving a dark look under lowered brows in return as the Aussie leaned over him with his hands on the armrests of the chair on either side of Newton.

            “I didn’t do a damn thing it was actually _Hermann’s_ idea, said he didn’t want to be a wowser and sit around alone doing equations in his head all night,” Chuck said defensively which let Newton know the guy really was lying. Newton glared, leaning close to Chuck’s face as he felt a panicky anger grip his chest. What if he’d said something that had made Hermann think it was his idea to harass him into doing something? Newton knew that Dr. Gottlieb preferred to spend his birthdays quietly and on his own for the most part, the guy didn’t like to have a big deal made out of the occasion though he had always tolerated Newton’s need to get him a gift in the past. He’d even started getting Newton’s gifts in return, hence the bottle of Kraken that had been way way too much once Newt looked up the cost of the stuff. The last thing he needed to do was to repay that by having his dumb ass best friend force Hermann into doing something he didn’t want to do, and knowing Chuck he’d probably threatened actual physical force.

            “Do not lie to me! What did you do? God, you’re going to ruin everything,” Newton said with a groan, fighting the urge to kick Chuck in the shins though he knew that he’d lose that particular tumble if he decided to start it. Chuck huffed like some irritated bull and Newton had that Greek tragedy feeling again. Why was it so easy to equate the Hansen’s to bullheaded Greek terrors? Oh wait, that’s because it was exactly what they were. Just in an oddly attractive way. “No lies.”

            “Fine, I may have…suggested he come out with us, but he agreed without argument and even invited Tendo to come with.” Newton crossed his arms as he gave a pointed look over the frames of his glasses, hoping for the angry hot librarian look but only managing disgruntled child. Chuck raised a hand to draw an X over his chest with, giving Newton an exasperated look. “I’m true blue on this one, I said he should come and he agreed to it. Said if you had asked him yourself he’d have agreed just the same.” Newton pouted a little because Chuck _had_ apparently said it was Newton who wanted to go out with Hermann for his birthday, which had been the truth but he hadn’t meant for the man to go and tell on him. Still though…

            “He really seemed ok with it?”

            “I’m not the expert on the guy, but he seemed fine with it.” Newton eyed Chuck a little longer as the man slowly raising an eyebrow like it was some type of challenge. Newton relaxed just an iota, leaning back in the chair and toying with Chuck’s foot with the toe of his boot.

            “You’re turning my life into a Greek tragedy, you know that?” The smirk that had come to Chuck’s face turned back into a frown as Newton voiced his previous thought seemingly out of nowhere.

            “How the hell is this a Greek tragedy?”

            “It’s a Greek tragedy, Charles, because I seem to find myself constantly at odds with the gods while they send bullheaded men to either chase me down or corner me,” Newton said, putting on the airs as he motioned in a circular manner with one hand and adopting his best snooty historian tone. He’d be the hot librarian if it killed him, dammit. “By this, I am of course referencing the tale of the Min-“

            “Yeah, yeah I get it. I’m the Minotaur, Theseus, and don’t call me Charles,” Chuck said with a drawl and Newton stared wide eyed at him.

            “Dude.” Newton whispered the word in awe, a grin growing on his face as he fully processed the fact that Chuck had just hijacked his explanation and had done so accurately. “We are totally talking about how you got that reference. What the hell do you know about Greek mythology?!” Chuck managed to look annoyed and endeared by Newton’s incredulous question as he shifted back from the chair to let the biologist start twisting in tight arcs. Chuck leaned against the desk, his turn to cross his arms as he affected the hot gym teacher look rather easily.

            “I keep telling you that you underestimate my smarts.” Newton scooted a little closer so that his knees were on either side of Chuck’s legs trying not to maim him with the chair this time.

            “I will forever underestimate your intellect if you insist on saying ‘smarts’. Greek tragedy. Now. Dish.”

            “You realize that if you just scooted a little closer you’d be one zipper away from giving me a blow job.” Chuck gave him a cheeky grin, dropping a hand to Newton’s hair to toy with it lightly.

            “Stop trying to change the subject by distracting me with your cock, _Charles_.” Chuck snorted, seeming perhaps more than a little disappointed that Newton hadn’t taken that particular bait. Dr. Geiszler made a mental note that he had yet to blow Chuck’s mind by literally blowing him yet and set a reminder to do so in the near future. Now was not the time or place, however, and they were going to have a deep discussion on Greek mythology even if he had to torture the guy into it.

            “Stop calling me Charles, _Dr. Geiszler._ ”

            “The next paper I write is going to be titled ‘How my life got turned into a Greek Tragedy by a bullheaded moron’ if you don’t spill soon.”         

            “And again, I ask, how is this a Greek tragedy? It seems more Shakespeare to me.” Newton clapped a hand over his mouth as he gave a bark of shocked laughter and Chuck looked immediately like he regretted speaking in the first place. He covered his own embarrassment with anger as he glared with that brooding brow down at Newton, foot pushing the rolling chair back from him in a clear show of displeasure. He had to be displeased to be pushing Newton further away from his crotch.

            “Now you are not getting out of it,” Newton said with a laugh, grinning as he hooked his feet around Chuck’s calf to keep him from pushing him any further. “Come on.” Newton wasn’t above whining, he’d found that whining seemed to work on Chuck at least half the time. The other half of the time it simply seemed to egg the guy into doing just the opposite of what Newton wanted, so it wasn’t a foolproof plan.

            “I did go to school, Newton.”

            “Pf, yeah, public school,” Newton scoffed as though that was supposed to show him anything. Public schools didn’t teach the good stuff, or at least that’s what Newton had always gathered. He’d gone through school too quickly to ever fully grasp what it was like for most kids, but he’d seen enough high school drama movies. The classes were always the bored teacher droning on wishing for some spark of intellect from the students. Maybe Chuck had been that plucky kid who had stepped up and shown promise. Maybe Chuck had been the jock who had taught the teachers that even the most stubborn of kids could be brilliant. Chuck had been the high school movie hero of his class!

            “Home schooled.” _Damn._

            “By _Herc_!” This came out even more incredulous and Newton wondered if he needed to back off a little. It wouldn’t do to actually make Chuck mad instead of just embarrassed to the point his cheek might just be a little bit pink. God he looked his age when he was all flustered and pissed off. It was adorable.

            “No, by Tendo mostly with study plans put together by Pentecost. He put them together mainly for Mako but I think he took pity on me when he realized that if it was outside the realm of piloting a plane or Jaeger my old man wasn’t going to be teaching me much. Herc’s smarter than he looks but he was too busy fighting with either the Kaiju or my Uncle to put things together himself.” Chuck scuffed the toe of his boot against the floor and the anger had gone out of his voice a little. Newton felt a tiny bit bad as he realized this was potentially nearing some touchy subject matter that Chuck may not want to dwell on. Newton already knew that Chuck had some issues with how Herc had approached raising him after his mom died. “Tendo was heavy on the Shakespeare whereas Pentecost seemed to enjoy the Greek stuff more. They had a few arguments about which had more merit, but Tendo was usually the one teaching me so I got more of the Shakespeare.”

            “And?”

            “What?”

            “Which do you prefer, duh.” Newton rolled his eyes, knowing that Chuck was just stalling.

            “Shakespeare. The Greeks,  like you said, seemed to blame too much on the gods interfering and fate being set; not to mention they dragged on for a long bloody while. That happened a little in Shakespeare but a lot of his stuff seemed to focus on how people were responsible for the things that happened to themselves.” Newton shook his head lightly though not in any way indicating that Chuck was wrong. Favorites were all a matter of perspective. He just still couldn’t quite believe he was having this conversation with Chuck Hansen, though it actually made more sense knowing that Tendo Choi had been responsible for his education.

            “First, Shakespeare was and always will be the bomb. But, dude, the Greeks were totally down with the gods interfering thing but it was ultimately how the mortal dealt with the interference that _decided_ their fate. It was Odysseus’s crew who opened the bag of wind and made it take them forever to get home when they would have been there if they’d just listened in the first place. Antigone was willing to choose death instead of taking the multiple ways out of that fate placed before her.”

            “It was destined to happen and couldn’t have happened any other way, they even said that at the end of that one, mate.  If your life really is a Greek tragedy then I’m destined to die and you’ll throw yourself off the helipad after me,” Chuck said with a hint of derision at the thought. Newton froze where he was sitting, fingers which had been drumming on Chuck’s knee stilling as he stared at the man’s naval. Chuck looked down at him and seemed to realize his mistake a second too late to catch Newton before he pushed his chair back with enough force to roll a few feet away while giving a shake of his head. “Newton.”

            “Don’t fucking say shit like that,” Newton’s voice had raised several levels, both in octave and decibel as he stood abruptly from the chair. That tight panic was trying to constrict his airways, and Jesus all Chuck had done was said it could happen. Newton fidgeted as his brain latched onto the thoughts, the remembered patterns of anger and fear that made it seem easier to push away. Would he throw himself off the helipad if he lost Chuck? If he lost another person to this damn war? Maybe, possibly? He would have normally said no but now he could picture it. Chuck had come up behind him, hands finding Newton’s ribs as he pulled him back against his chest.

            “Breath Goddammit,” Chuck hissed in Newton’s ear, and yeah…that helped, dick. Newton knew he needed to breath, but he had a lump of angry terror stuck in his throat right then that he couldn’t swallow down. “I didn’t mean it like that, that’s why…” Chuck sounded completely uncertain of himself in a way he’d never heard, and Newton only felt worse. The guy hadn’t gotten the full brunt of this, hadn’t been hit by the nervous ball of fear that Newton became when he was faced with something that was just too painful. Newton was suddenly afraid it’d be too much, that somehow Chuck would be disappointed by this sign of weakness in him. _I told her she’d die and she did. Now you’ve jinxed yourself, you idiot._ He tried to say the words, to get Chuck to understand but talking wasn’t happening right then. “Shakespeare, Newton, your life is Shakespeare.”

            “Yeah, well that’s just great; people die for their cause all the time in Shakespeare, Chuck! Romeo and Juliet die for love, Hamlet dies enacting revenge, Coriolanus! You’d make an excellent Coriolanus, Chuck, prideful overconfident warrior who fails to realize that looking down on people is doing nothing but damning him! It wouldn’t shock me if you self-destructed on such an epic level, hoisting yourself up on your own petard!” Newton hissed, rounding on the man as he chose to latch onto the anger so that he didn’t have to dwell on the pain of loss. The look on Chuck’s face darkened dangerously to say that even this reference he understood, and if Newton had had more sense he’d just shut up and apologize. But Newton was already too far into it to back out now, that rational side of his brain that always seemed to chastise him when he lost it just a little was screaming at him to just shut up but he paid no heed. “Let me have war, say I; it exceeds peace as far as day does night!” Newton spoke in a false and exaggerated Aussie accent to fully mock the man. Chuck looked like he may have been contemplating hitting him, and Newton almost wished he would.

            “Nature teaches beasts to know their friends,” Chuck said coolly instead, hands fisted at his side but making no move to swing as he showed some of his father’s restraint for once. Newton was all geared up to switch to Henry V when they were interrupted.

            “What on earth is going on here?” They both turned to find Hermann standing in the doorway, back straight and eyes leveled on Newton for some reason. Why did he look pissed at him? Why not Chuck? The guy should be angry at Chuck , he hated him and he should be relishing in this. Instead Hermann looks mildly disturbed upon coming across their Shakespeare battle, and was aiming that look of disapproval at _Newton?_ Dr. Geiszler looked back at Chuck, and that voice in the back of his head whispered in an anxious tone that he was the one who was clearly being the ass in this instance. He’d just called Chuck a brash, prejudice, war loving douche who lacked people skills in an epic fashion. _Fuck_.

            “Anger's my meat; I sup upon myself, and so shall starve with feeding.” Newton spoke a little more quietly, pulling his voice down several notches though he could still feel that edges of anxiety which he’d turned into full blown rage to avoid the terrible panic. It was a horrible apology if it could even be called that, and Chuck didn’t respond this time. Instead just gave a short shake of his head before storming out of the room past Hermann, sharing some look Newton couldn’t read with the physicist when he passed him at the door.

 

            Hermann at least waited until Chuck was out of the room and down the hall a ways before moving to corner Newton with a stern stare. Newton fidgeted under the look, biting back the words of anger that he wanted to shout at Dr. Gottlieb as well because with Hermann he knew it wouldn’t fly for long. Hermann would cut him down to the quick faster than he could process thanks to their years of experience and knowledge of one another. The knot in his chest was starting to loosen and be replaced by a more practical kind of concern over the argument he’d created out of nothing. _No, not nothing. Out of Chuck saying he was going to die._ Ok, almost out of nothing.

            “May I ask just what that entire fiasco was?” Seriously, what was with this Hermann having Chuck’s back thing? Was what he had said really that bad that it was turning enemies into allies? Shakespeare indeed, apparently he was Rome and Chuck and Hermann were Coriolanus and Tullus joining forces to conquer him. Wow, if he was Rome in this equation then he was the asshole who had just outcast his greatest defender. Newton needed to stop finding parallels between his life and tragic tales of death and woe because right then it wasn’t helping his mental state. “Dr. Geiszler, are you even listening to me?”

            “What?” Hermann practically seethed at the proof that he was, in fact, being ignored.

            “Newton, why in the world was I just witness to the reenactment of an obscure Shakespearian play?” Hermann pinched the bridge of his nose like he did when he was truly irritated. Hey, why not? Newton had already ruined one good friendship for the day, maybe he was on his way to the destruction of a second.

            “Chuck said he was going to die.” He blurted the words out and Newton suddenly felt all that hollow dread he’d first felt when Chuck had made his comment come rushing in again. He decided he needed to sit and he looked around for his chair which had rolled over onto Hermann’s side of the lab. “He was being glib about it, but still…” Hermann looked a little more understanding though not quite forgiving after being supplied this piece of data.

            “So you chose to compare him to a tragic Shakespearian hero who ended up dying because of his own pride?” Newton nodded heavily in response as he flopped down into the chair, rolling a short distance due to the force before he stopped himself with dragging feet.

            “I just…it was easier being mad than it was letting him see me freak. You? You’ve seen me freak out, you’ve seen me at my absolute worse dude. I mean, of course you have, you’ve been by my side the longest. Chuck hasn’t seen that yet, he’s my best friend but he hasn’t had the opportunity to see…that.” Newton made a sound of frustration, pulling his hands through his hair and causing it to stick out wildly as he slumped back into the seat. “I panicked so I got angry.”

            “You pushed away because you did not want to find yourself pushed away by him instead?” Hermann pulled his own chair up next to Newton, sitting in a far more proper manner than Dr. Geiszler had.

            “Yeah, and it made things worse.” Newton sighed, glancing at Hermann and wishing he could tell what the man was thinking. Hermann could hide his emotions well, but he’d just walked into a giant mess. That, actually, was the first big blow out he’d had with Chuck and he wondered if that was why Hermann had looked at Newton when placing blame. The guy had been on that end of Newton’s anger before and had likely recognized it.

            “Have you tried explaining to him what happened with…Dr. Lightcap?” Hermann spoke the name like he was worried it alone would set Newton off again, and there had been a time it would have. Newton still felt that painful twist and the bitter taste rise in his mouth, but he’d put up a wall around that name. It didn’t always work but it helped, but every now and then the Kaiju that was his emotions still broke through.

            “He knows. Tendo apparently mentioned it to him after his last drop when I was avoiding him. I warned him about the panic thing but he hasn’t…seen it, you know?”

            “Perhaps you should speak to him about it yourself in more depth, Newton,” Hermann said after a moment before awkwardly reaching over to pat him on the shoulder. Dr. Gottlieb allowed Newton to sit on his side of the lab the rest of the afternoon while he worked up the courage to find Chuck. Newton watched him scrawl on his blackboards at first with limited interested, but by the end he was commenting and bickering lightly with the man about whether it was likely the Kaiju would start coming more frequently. Hermann said that they would though he didn’t have enough data to find just how quickly they would increase their attacks. Newton argued that if that were true they’d already be seeing a pattern after so many years, why would they wait until now.

            By the end of the day Hermann had managed to level Newton out again with their familiar talks and arguments until it was finally time to call it a night. Newton had paused by the door to the lab on his way out, turning to watch Hermann tidy a stack of papers in his nightly ritual for leaving their work space. He might never get to tell Hermann how he felt, but if it meant he never had to see the man who’d stuck with him through the worst of it suddenly push him away he could live with that. He stuck his hands in his pockets as he started down the hall, hoping he wouldn’t be the only one who felt the need for a smoke break.

 

            “Much ado about nothing.” Newton must have dozed off  waiting out in the cooling night air for so long. He still hadn’t really gotten use to this whole winter was in summer thing even if Australia’s version of winter wasn’t anything like his back home. He flinched as he came to, feeling a familiar warmth besides him as Chuck repeated what he had said. “I would have said Much ado about nothing.” At some point the younger man had come to sit down beside him while Newton had slept and was pressed close to his side.

            “I think I’m missing something.” Newton mumbled, sitting up straight as he tried to clear the sleep from his brain. Chuck was there, had come to find him after all, and Newton felt a release of relief in his chest.

            “If you had asked which play I felt described your life it would have been Much ado about nothing.” Chuck repeated himself again as he lit his cigarette, and Newton realized he wasn’t entirely certain where his had gone. He likely had dropped it at some point when he’d fallen asleep, but it had burned out long before then anyway. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was already after midnight. He’d been sitting out there since a little after eight-thirty. “I always preferred the comedies.”

            “That…actually surprises me a little.”

            “I’ve had enough war and tragedy in my life, I enjoyed the ones that brought a bit of happiness.” Chuck hadn’t looked at him yet, and even now was staring out into the dark towards the ocean. The wall was blocking more and more of the view each day as they built and before they realized it the ocean would be cut off completely. Newton watched him, staring Chuck down like he could force the man to look at him but Chuck was the closest to an unmovable object he’d come across on a human scale. He couldn’t let his walls cut the man out.

            “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I just…I don’t handle death well. I never did really, when my grandma died back when I was ten I didn’t talk to anyone for about three weeks straight. It drove my dad insane with worry. It…I…I only got worse after Caitlin. Only Hermann has really seen me at my worse and when I felt that…I didn’t want you to see that and decide it was too much.” Chuck offered him a glance at this, but he was quick to go back to staring outwards in silence and letting Newt either talk himself out of this corner or not. “Before she left the last time I said some things I shouldn’t have, but every time she went out on a drop it had felt like this wire in my chest kept getting pulled tighter and tighter around my heart. I blamed her partner at first, D’onofrio, but by the end I just blamed her. I told her she’d die, told her not to come crying to me if it happened. And then Hermann came down and…” Newton was crying and he wiped furiously at his eyes, pulling his glasses off and out of the way to leave them lying in his lap. He felt that knot again, and the walls were up to shelter himself from having to face those bitter memories once more. “I can’t, I’m sorry.” Chuck shifted beside him, draping an arm over Newton’s shoulders to pull him close and Newton curled into his side and tried to stifle a sob. It hurt too much, it would always hurt too much so he’d decided long ago to just never let it out. It could sit and fester behind his mental blocks while he moved on with life like a part of him wasn’t dying.

            “You remember what I said after this last drop?” Newton nodded, not able to manage words as he tried to push back the wave of emotion. “I understand, I understood why what I said made you upset. It may surprise you but I don’t always think before I talk and I still don’t appreciate the shit you said. I get enough of that bullshit about who I am from everyone else, I had trusted I wouldn’t get it from you.” Newton gave up on trying to dry his cheeks with his hands, and instead wiped them on Chuck’s shirt only to get a stare in return for doing so. He shrugged a little, trying to keep himself from hiccupping from the sobbing. “It still stands. I’ll do everything I can to always come back.”

            “And I’ll try not to be a complete douche canoe if I panic again,” Newton said, attempting a smile but he was fairly certain he looked like a mess.

            “Douche canoe?” Chuck looked at him with raised eyebrows and Newton gave a quiet laugh as he settled back down against Chuck’s side again. They were quiet for a while, Chuck smoking his cigarette until it was done for and he stubbed it out. It wasn’t a complete peace, there was still some tension around the man’s eyes as Newton glanced up at him and he knew he’d still have to work on gaining that full trust again. He’d thrown Chuck to his own metaphorical wolves, and it would take some care to mend it completely.

            “Does that mean I’m Beatrice?” Newton asked the question with a soft frown and he tried to stifle a yawn as he heard the rumble of a laugh in Chuck’s chest.

            “You said it, not me.”

 

            Hermann sighed as he sat down in front of his chalk boards, staring at the numbers as though they could tell him all the answers he sought. Normally they could, normally he was able to pull what he needed in life up as figures and equations that helped shaped appropriate responses and outcomes.

            He had heard more of the argument than he had let on, and he felt a spike of guilt at the knowledge. He’d returned to the lab to find them still talking lightly of Shakespeare, little space between them as Mr. Hansen had made some inappropriate allusion to their shared sex life. He had stood out in the hall feeling pity only for himself as the conversation had turned to debate, and then he had heard the words come out of Chuck Hansen’s mouth which he _knew_ would set Newton off. He knew Newton like he knew these chalkboards, every inch a story scribbled out upon space. He would have been able to derail the entire argument if he had stepped in sooner, but he had stood in shocked silence as he heard Newton let loose.

            It had been anger at himself that had made him step into the room and level that look of contempt on Newton. He had seen the expression on Chuck Hansen’s face, seen how deeply Newton’s words had struck, and he had found himself feeling a bit of compassion towards the man. Newton could slice one open with his words with the same precision in which he wielded a scalpel, and Hermann had stopped him from flaying Chuck to the bone. The biologist didn’t even realize he could do it, never stopped to think or notice just how deeply he had pressed. It was one of Newton’s flaws, if the man felt injured or defensive his first instinct was to lay waste to the thing in front of him much as Hermann had witnessed in younger years when a colleague had dared to doubt Newton’s intelligence or theories simply because of his age.

            And so Hermann had tried to be the stitch to Newton’s scalpel, if only to keep Newton from being as miserable as he had seemed that day. So, when he had realized much later on that Newton had yet to return to the hall they shared he had gone to Chuck Hansen’s bunk and knocked on the door, informing the man that perhaps it was time for him to go enjoy a cigarette


	9. Think twice before you touch my girl (Come around and I'll let you feel the burn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Hermann's birthday! There's drinking, dancing, talk of kisses past and someone gets punched! Perhaps not in that exact order!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from Eve 6's "Think Twice". <3
> 
> I've been looking forward to this chapter for a while >_>
> 
> The next few chapters are going to involve some time jumps. After that we'll be getting close to the movie timeline!

            It was Hermann’s birthday and he was in a foul mood from the moment he woke that morning. It was far earlier than he wished, but he had lain in bed for almost an hour staring up at the ceiling and just dreading the day before he realized he would not be falling asleep again. So, he decided it was best that he pull himself together and face it. In truth, he almost could convince himself that their outing that night would be enjoyable if he put a considerable amount of effort into it. Chuck had been slightly more companionable towards him since the argument with Newton earlier in the week, something that had apparently been repaired after all though Hermann could still see the shadow of tension between the two men. Newton had talked excitedly about their plans the entire day before, and it had been endearing just how happy he had seemed.

            Still, now that the day was upon them Hermann found he couldn’t quench the jumbled set of nerves and irritation that had built up in his chest. He loathed crowds, even more so when they were inebriated, and he could just picture the musty dark bar he was certain they’d end up going to. He sighed as he poured his cup of coffee as he stood in the practically deserted mess hall having found out already that their small break room was depleted of its supplies. He would have to go buy some, if he didn’t it would remain exhausted as Newton seemed to think magical elves replenished their supply.

            He was stirring in his cream in hopes that it would remove some of the acidic taste of the mess hall coffee when he overheard Newton’s name being said by one of the J-tech crew members sitting at a nearby table. He paused, listening in curiosity of just what Newton had done to even cross the men’s radar.

            “There’s no way that’s true.” This wasn’t the man who originally had spoken as he lacked the Australian accent he’d first heard reference Dr. Geiszler. Whatever had been said it clearly was something this second man didn’t fully believe though his tone was hesitant and uncertain in that conviction.

            “I’m telling you, the guy’s a root rat.” Hermann stilled as the first voice spoke again sounding self-assured and amused. “I have it on good authority that he’s been rooting around with Chuck Hansen and you have to be either desperate or up for anything to ride that pony.” Dr. Gottlieb was glad that the mess hall was practically empty so that no one else would overhear this particular conversation nor would they see what he was about to do. Normally he wouldn’t even acknowledge those who chose to spread such rumors, but this man was clearly talking about Newton in an extremely inappropriate manner.

            “Fair enough, Hansen’s a bit loose in the head; I could see him being someone who just pounds away until he’s done.” There was general laughter as a third tech spoke up, and Hermann set his cup down roughly. It clattered in the empty space, but the first man kept talking as though he hadn’t heard.

            “I’m thinking of going down to that lab, giving it a good go. Maybe I can at least get a decent gobby.” One of the men had definitely noticed he was there by this point as they stared at him wide eyed as Hermann turned shortly to take the few steps to their table. He tried to signal his companion to be quiet, but either the man didn’t get it or didn’t care as Hermann practically stabbed the floor with his cane. The nerve of this man acting as though Newton was simply someone who would pleasure him simply for showing up, and Hermann wasn’t going to stand for it. He slammed his cane into the side of the table as he came to a stop, and the three men looked up at him. Two of them managed to look ashamed, but the third who had been talking just gave him a bit of a smirk.

            “Gentlemen, it is hardly appropriate to be speaking of a colleague in this manner, especially one who I can assure you is anything but a _root rat_. If you continue to talk in this insulting manner I will be forced to report you.” Hermann stood straight, shoulders back as he loomed over the men and the apparently ring leader gave him a wide smile.

            “Oh, of course Dr. Gottlieb, that was right rude of us,” the man said, and Hermann sniffed at him slightly as he eyed him getting the distinct feeling he was being egged on. “Tell me though, he ever let you bend him over or are you not capable of that given you’re a gimp?” The other two men stayed silent though it was clear that they were feeling extremely uncomfortable with the situation, but the damn man simply smiled up at Hermann like a shark.

            “You…you insolent little imp, how dare you?! If I ever heard to discussing the personal relationships of my colleague again I will not be held responsible for my actions,” Hermann said with a hiss and the man just laughed in his face. Hermann knew he was turning red with his anger, could feel the heat in his cheeks as every fiber of his being wanted to teach this man how to show a little respect. He didn’t even realize someone had come up behind him initially until he saw the man’s smile falter for just a second.

            “Everything alright here?” Hermann actually felt relief at hearing Chuck’s voice behind him, and he turned sharply on the man who ended up being far closer than he expected and they ended up face to face.

            “This man is insinuating that Newton is easy with his affections, something he aims to take advantage of in order to…to…” Hermann was trying to find a dignified way to say what he meant, though the look on Chuck’s face said he clearly didn’t need to finish the sentence for him to understand. Chuck Hansen could be intimidating even when in the best of moods, but when he was angry the man was a live wire of tension. Hermann felt vindicated in his own anger, and perhaps a little pleased to have riled someone who could frighten the life out of the offensive little man behind him. Chuck stepped around Hermann as they both moved to face the J-tech, Hermann now letting Chuck take the lead as he leaned down close to the man’s face.

            “Chuck.” Herc spoke from a few feet away where he was wearily watching the interaction, but he had yet to actually step in to stop it from happening. Still, there was a warning tone in his voice and Chuck’s shoulders hunched slightly at the sound of it. It seemed perhaps Chuck cared about angering his father more than he normally appeared to as he seemed to rethink whatever he was originally going to say.

            “I’d watch your mouth if I were you. I’m sure you can figure out what I’ll do to ya if I ever hear you saying shit like that again, and this guy? He might not break your jaw, but I’m guessing if you give him reason he could ruin your life just by finding the right decimal to shift,” Chuck said, his tone low and angry in a way Hermann had never even heard before and would be alarmed to end up on the receiving end of. The J-tech didn’t seem to be properly concerned for his own safety however, but his two comrades appeared to have better survival instinct.

            “He didn’t mean anything by it, Chuck, the guy was just talking shit,” said the one Hermann had concluded was decidedly American by his accent. His friend turned a reproachful look on him before moving to stand, forcing Chuck to right himself in return. Herc was still watching though he now seemed ready to intervene within a moment’s notice if this turned to physical blows.

            “Right, I meant nothing by it,” the guy said, though it was clear that he was being less than genuine. Chuck’s hands fisted at his side, but Hermann had started to realize those few who were in the mess hall with them were watching. Though it would be satisfying to see that smile literally wiped off the man’s face by Mr. Hansen, he understood that it would be best if this did no further escalate. He nudged Chuck’s arm lightly in hopes of reminding the man of this, and Mr. Hansen glanced at him for a second before snorting slightly.

            “You go near him and you’re dead,” Chuck said in a low whisper, turning to what seemed to be everyone’s relief to storm off alongside Hermann who shot the man one last reproachful look. They had only gotten a few steps before the man pressed his luck and spoke up again, cocksure of himself and the fact that Chuck wouldn’t act with his old man standing a few feet away.

            “I’ll keep that in mind when I’m making him scream my name. The guy must be truly desperate if he’s letting the two of you spread him.” Chuck turned with a growl, but his momentum was cut short by Hermann’s cane swinging up to hit him in the gut. It was then to everyone’s shock, though no more so than his own, that Dr. Hermann Gottlieb punched the J-tech square in the jaw hard enough to make the man stumble back into the table.

 

            This was unacceptable, deplorable and horrifying. Hermann had stood glaring at the man a second more before turning and snatching his cane back from the younger Hansen who had a proud smirk on his face. He had made his retreat then quickly and without looking back as people moved out of his way. Hermann had just acted like some depraved idiot who took swings at people instead of handing conflict in a professional manner. But, it had felt rather satisfying even if his knuckles were aching and throbbing now as they gripped the cane tightly. As soon as he was able to turn a corner to be out of sight of the mess hall he stopped, pressing his back against the wall as he closed his eyes against the potential outcomes running through his head.

            “You’ve got a mean right hook, doc.” Of course Chuck had followed him, though he supposed it was better than the J-tech he’d just assaulted him deciding to chase him down to return the favor.

            “Please do not glorify my appalling actions, this is simply dreadful. I am going to be written up for assault for this, dear lord,” Hermann muttered, paling as he realized he may very well lose his position for it as well. He had fully assaulted a man in front of several witnesses; there was no justification for such actions.

            “You’re not going to get written up for shit, mate, the guy had it coming,” Chuck said, and if Hermann wasn’t mistaken the man was laughing at him. Hermann cracked an eye open to look at the young Aussie, and sure enough Chuck was giving him that proud smirk. Of course this would be something that the man would find, not only amusing, but acceptable as well. Had he not interrupted the attempt it would have been Chuck who had punched the man, and Hermann found himself wishing he had taken that course of action for reasons that were truly inappropriate and had everything to do with Mr. Hansen doing more damage than he had been capable of.

            “I _deserve_ to be written up, Mr. Hansen, I just assaulted a man,” Hermann said reproachfully and Chuck clapped him on the shoulder.

            “What you deserve, mate, is a drink which will be on me tonight. Guy won’t dare try to report you with my old man over hearing what he said. Herc would make it a nightmare for him,” Chuck sounded assured in this but Hermann wasn’t quite as convinced that Herc Hansen would find defending Newton’s honor to be reason enough to strike a man. “You should have kept the cane; given him a good smack with that if you wanted to be written up for something.”

            “You are a despicable human being,” Hermann muttered, pushing away from the wall to start back on his original course to return to the familiarity of the K-science labs. Chuck followed again, and Hermann debated just how much it would compound upon his punishment for the first assault if he performed a second shortly after. He realized this was not the best course of action to be debating as Chuck Hansen would very likely punch him in return and Hermann was certain that brain damage would be an unwelcomed bit of karma.

            “Hey, I’m not the one who just punched a guy,” Chuck said with good humor. “Newton won’t even believe it happened when I tell him.” Hermann rounded perhaps a little too quickly on Chuck a the man almost didn’t stop before bowling over him, and Dr. Gottlieb found himself knocking the man’s hands away from him in irritation as Chuck tried to steady them both.

            “Do _not_ tell Dr. Geiszler about this,” Hermann hissed, face pale at the prospect of how his colleague would react. Foremost in his mind was the fact that Newton would want to know why Hermann had struck someone, and the why was the worst of the situation. Dr. Geiszler would be hurt and troubled by the rumors that were apparently spreading about him would fret and worry of that Hermann had no doubt. He’d try to cover it up with bravado, but it would still bother him especially if he knew that Hermann had potentially just risked his career because of it.

            “He’s going to hear about it from somebody eventually, mate,” Chuck said, and Hermann drew himself up straight to lean closer to the man’s face.

            “Not if they bloody well know what’s good for them.” Chuck got that prideful look in his eyes again as though he alone had corrupted Hermann into this basic creature driven by anger. Hermann straightened out his sweater, trying to compose himself once more but the effect was ruined when Chuck inexplicitly put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him even closer so that their foreheads collided lightly.

            “Definitely won’t hear it from me then,” Chuck said with a grin before releasing Hermann and walking off down the hall back towards the mess. “By the way, happy birthday Dr. Gottlieb.” He called out the last bit behind him with that sarcastic tone that Hermann was far more use to handling than the strange comradery of the last several minutes. Dr. Gottlieb stood feeling confused and flustered by the man’s behavior before reminding himself that he should not continue to just stand in the middle of the hall, and he made his way towards the labs. It would take him two years and experiencing the phenomena himself to realize that Chuck Hansen had just unconsciously attempted to share something with him through the drift, and Hermann would be forever left wondering just what exactly that had been.  

 

            Newton was stoked for that night and he’d purposefully hit snooze on his alarm far more than normal in preparation because he aimed to be out late and partying hard. Well, as hard as one could when you were out with Hermann, which was actually pretty fucking hard because the guy could handle his alcohol. Newton had tried once to drink him under the table, though Hermann hadn’t realized this was what he’d been doing at the time, and he was fairly certain that was the closest he’d ever come to having alcohol poisoning. How a man who was so damn skinny could put so much away was beyond him.

            He’d entered the lab to find Hermann already at work though he seemed distracted, and Newton grinned cheerfully. The guy was probably thinking about how awesome that night was going to be too and couldn’t wait until the day was over. Ok, Newton may have been choosing to be overly optimistic there. In truth he bet Hermann was fretting over their outing, wondering whether it was a black tie event or if his normal stuffy apparel was appropriate. Hermann wasn’t someone who really ever looked forward to things that most people would consider fun.

            “Happy birthday, Herm!” Newton greeted the man, but contained his desire to loudly and obnoxiously sing happy birthday to him at least until that night. Hermann went still upon hearing his voice, and then turned to look at Newton looking slightly paler than usually and perhaps a little guilty. _He’s going to cancel._ The thought hit Newton in the chest, but he tried to keep his smile genuine even as he watched Hermann build up to it.

            “Thank you, Newton, I appreciate that. I am…looking forward to tonight’s outing.” Newton had his protest already on the tip of his tongue, his plea that Hermann just give it a chance and that if he didn’t have fun they’d leave but he was having to suddenly swallow those words in surprise.

            “You are?” Hermann frowned a little at him, meeting his eye for a second before looking off at some distant spot behind him. Something was up with Hermann, and Newton studied him to try and figure out just what. The guy was pale, maybe he wasn’t feeling well? Shit and he probably didn’t think he could cancel because Newton had been kind of making a big deal out of this. It could be his leg too; the guy’s leg acted up at times and he knew the pain killed Herms even though he refused to voice it out loud. He tried to gauge whether Hermann was leaning on his cane more than normal and noted that the guy’s knuckles were angry and red. Huh, that was a little weird.

            “Yes, I am.” He said it with more conviction this time, but Newton still felt like something was off.

            “Are you feeling ok?” Hermann gave a huff of pure frustration which seemed far more in line with his typical behavior and Newton relaxed just a little.

            “I am quite all right, Newton, I am looking forward to our outing tonight but for this moment it would be appreciated if we both kindly focused on our work,” Hermann said in that stuffy put upon manner he loved to adopt when he was feeling superior. Newton narrowed his eyes at him, trying that thing Chuck did where he just stared you down in silence until you broke. Hermann just returned the stare and Newton cursed to himself mentally. How the hell did Chuck manage to be so still during those moments? How did he resist just saying something, breaking the silence, god the silence was infuriating.

            “Right, after all the birthday spankings only count if everyone is there to join in,” Newton said jokingly while wagging his eyebrows at the man, and he relished seeing Hermann turn red with embarrassment. He waited as he turned back towards his own side of the lab for the admonishments to start, about how inappropriate and crude and whatever else Hermann wanted to accuse him of being to begin flowing in that poetic way of his.

            “You should not say things like that so casually, Newton, people may make incorrect assumption about your character.” Newton stopped short, not because of what Hermann had said so much as how he had said it. There was no anger in his words, no true chastising tone or superior flourish. No, Hermann had a strange tone in his voice that almost sounded sad or disappointed. Newton turned to look at him, to try and read just what all this was about but Dr. Gottlieb was already facing his chalkboard. He was frowning in an intense focus at the equations, and paid Newton no more mind the rest of the day.

           

            “You don’t have to worry, the old man apparently laid into everyone who was there this morning and threatened them with bodily harm if they told anyone what happened.” Hermann had been waiting outside the labs after taking a short break in his room to freshen up after what had been the longest day within his recent history. He had expected Newton to show up first, but realized that had been an incorrect assumption as the man was likely fretting over his appearance far more than was necessary. Instead, it had been Chuck who had come down the hallway to join in still wearing his jeans and grey t-shirt that had Striker Eureka’s emblem on the front right hand side.

            “I appreciate that though your father hardly had to go through that trouble. I would have deserved any consequences that came from my actions,” Hermann said primly though he couldn’t deny the tidal wave of relief that flooded through him. It was unlikely anyone would dare to go against Herc Hansen’s word, if the man didn’t physically intimidate them his close friendship with the Marshall would likely deter them. Perhaps he didn’t have to fear Newton hearing about the vicious rumors and subsequent assault that had occurred that morning after all.

            “Apparently when you go hitting people it means they mean it. Had I been the one to throw the punch I’m sure he’d actively be trying to get me court marshalled for it,” Chuck said with a slightly bitter draw though whatever anger was beneath the surface didn’t seem to be aimed at Hermann just then. Clearly it was true that the man had a rocky relationship with his father. “I suppose I should thank you for that since you sort of put yourself in my way.”

            “You hardly have to thank me; it was not your status within the PPDC I was defending in that rather disprovable manner.” Chuck gave him that boastful smirk once again, and Hermann wished he hadn’t even responded. Luckily he was saved by the appearance of Tendo and Newton at the end of the hall, the two of them already warming up to their duet of Blue Suede Shoes that Chuck only had himself to blame for.

            Hermann had been appalled by the bar they took them too; a rundown looking place which Newton assured them was totally legit. The place had been far more crowded than one would expect from looking at it outside, and they had found a table near the small open space that Hermann realized with dread was a dance floor. It was dark, too warm and when the music began playing he fully expected it to be the loud strenuous beats of techno or pop music synthesized to sound like techno. Instead, he found his first pleasurable surprise of the night a far older jazz song came on first. Granted, they still had made some attempt at ‘updating’ the song, but it held mainly true to its roots.

            “I heard this place was here, and thought it sounded like the perfect place for you. Do you like it?” Newton had said quietly, or not quietly really but at a normal level so that only he could hear it over the din. Hermann gave him a genuine smile, appreciating that the man had apparently found a place specific for taking him to for his birthday.

            “Yes, it’s lovely Newton.”

 

            It had turned out that some of those modern synthesized monstrosities were played at the bar as well, but Hermann couldn’t find it in himself to mind any longer. They had started off in a rather tame manner of having a few drinks while talking and watching those few brave souls who go on the dance floor. The dancing was mixed as well between the gyrating hips of modern dance and the careful steps of those who bothered to remember a more civilized time. Newton got drunk quickly, though that was to be expected with the man’s tolerance levels what they were. He had attempted to out drink Hermann once, thinking he was being inconspicuous about it. Hermann had grown concerned and simply stopped drinking himself before his companion had found himself in the hospital.

            About part way through the night Newton tried to pull Hermann onto the dance floor to some song with a heavy beat and repetitive lyrics, but he refused so he grabbed Tendo instead. The two danced in a rather inappropriate way that made Hermann’s cheeks flush, and he found himself grateful for the dim lighting as Chuck leaned over and half shouted over the music that he needed to learn to say yes more often. Hermann found he couldn’t disagree though he still gave the man a scathing look for the suggestion. Chuck simply gave him a grin and a wink, the man was deplorable.

            By the time the two had tired out Hermann had excused himself from the table, disappearing somewhere in the crowd while Chuck watched him go with a frown. Newton blinked in owlish surprise when he found that Dr. Gottlieb had retreated and began instantly to fret that Hermann had left. That he hated where Newton had taken him despite saying differently earlier in the night, and Tendo assuring him that Hermann had likely just gone to use the restroom. The song changed and the haunting tones of Dame Vera Lynn started to come over the speakers, and Tendo had smirked when he saw what Newton didn’t. Hermann returning from having some discussion with the DJ to stand besides Dr. Geiszler, offer him his hand and clear his throat when Newton didn’t notice him there at first. Newton had startled, looking at Hermann in shock before a grin came to his face and the two of them spent three minutes dancing to the sounds of _We’ll meet again_ while Tendo smiled at them dreamily (and more than just a little drunkenly) from the table and Chuck kept careful track of Hermann’s cane for him.

            Somehow the four of them managed to all get back to the Shatter dome in one piece that night, crammed in the back of a cab while listening to Newton and Tendo end as they had begun; singing Elvis Presley songs while practically piled on top of each other while Chuck and Hermann watched with varying emotions. At one point Tendo and leaned back in Hermann’s direct to snuggle against him, and he made a half heartened attempt to push the LOCCENT officer off of him. He should have been able to guess this would happen as both Tendo Choi and Newton Geiszler were overly affectionate drunks.

            “That was so sweet,” Tendo said, talking in a whisper under Newton’s own slurred singing. “He really wanted to dance with you and then you went all mushy and requested a song, and…” Tendo had trailed off here, Hermann swatting away the man’s hand as it traced a heart on his chest. “Mmm, it was so cute I-I…I could just kiss you.” Tendo mumbled the words at Hermann, seeming to think he was talking quietly though he very much wasn’t and Newton’s singing had stopped so he was easily heard by everyone in the cab.

            “Please don’t, the last time you did so was disastrous,” Hermann said with a heavy sigh, Chuck watching them as Newton toyed with the man’s hair. He wasn’t quite sure what to take away from Mr. Hansen’s expression just then, but the man glanced at Newton who was facing slightly away from Tendo now. Hermann couldn’t see his expression clearly, but something seemed to not be feeling well as his cheeks had gone a deeper shade of red than before.

            “If you consider that to be a disaster, Hermy, I’d love to see what you consider an amazing kiss,” Tendo said with a grin though the man appeared to be fighting the lure of sleep as the taxi stopped at a red light, the dome visible in now and Hermann wished they would just get there already.

            “You are a married man and soon to be father, Mr. Choi, it would do you wisely to remember so,” Hermann said a bit fondly, not able to bring himself to be as horrified by Tendo’s affections as he would with most. Still, when he glanced over the man’s head towards Newton and Chuck again Newton had turned away from them completely and Chuck had leveled a glare in their direction that made him think he’d done something wrong.

            “She’d think it was hot,” Tendo said with a smirk, head resting heavily on Hermann’s shoulder as he finally went silent. Hermann said a small prayer for this, looking across the seat one last time to find that both occupants were now just staring out the window. The Shatterdome wasn’t far now though it seemed to take them an extraordinary amount of time to make the trip.

 

            Newton was sulking as he sat on the edge of his bed, Chuck working on getting his Doc Martens off for him when he’d realized that Newton really wasn’t coordinated enough. He was twisting his fingers in Chuck’s hair absentmindedly as he stared off across the small space of his bunk. Hermann had kissed Tendo, or…well, even right then Newton could process that it had likely been the other way around seeing as he doubted Hermann had ever been the one to initiate a kiss in his life, but still. The two of them had gone off together when they got back, and Newton was managing to think up all sorts of scenarios where Tendo ended up whispering Hermann’s name in some dark space. His eyes were trying to leak again, they kept doing that.

            “Do you think they’re kissing now?” Chuck gave a heavy sigh that bordered on a frustrated growl. This wasn’t perhaps the first time Newton had asked the question.

            “No, mate, I don’t think they’re kissing now and I think you’re putting a bit too much meaning behind the fact that they ever did,” Chuck said, patting him on the knee before working on getting Newton’s tie off. He was being gentle which Newton decided to take as a sign Chuck was probably lying.

            “You think they friend kissed?”

            “Yeah, Newt, I think they friend kissed,” Chuck said with a roll of his eyes, finally managing to get the knot out of Newton’s tie to slip it off of him. He hadn’t failed to notice that Newton had put more consideration into his appearance for that night, and it had gone grand until that conversation in the cab.

            “Like we friend kiss?”

            “Probably not quite like when he friend kiss, mate, we rarely stop at the kissing point,” Chuck said, patting Newton on the cheek affectionately. “How about you think about that dance?” Newton’s worry melted off his face to be replaced with a wide goofy grin. Hermann had danced with him, not just danced but _slow_ danced. It had been clear the guy knew what he was doing too, it hadn’t been like those awkward high school dances that Newton had snuck into when he was young and desperately wanted to feel like he fit in. Those had been slow tight circles where you hardly moved at all, but Hermann danced like Newton’s mother had taught him to. Properly and with a bit of passion.

            “That was nice…”

            “Right, time for bed now, mate.” Newton blinked up at Chuck with that wide eyed expression again, and Chuck just barely pushed him and the biologist fell back onto the bed. Chuck grabbed Newton’s feet to swing his legs up under the covers, and Newton suddenly gave a protest.

            “I owe you a blow job, I set a reminder in my head that I needed to blow you mind through your cock,” Newton said it like it was some dire situation and Chuck shook his head at him. Newton pouted at him, reaching to try and undo Chuck’s pants and finding that apparently the man had found some sort of chastity jeans or something cause he couldn’t get the damn button to give.

            “Another night, doc, I’d hate to have to explain how you passed out and choked to death on my cock,” Chuck said jokingly. Newton gave a snort of laughter and settled for pulling Chuck down into the bed with him, snuggling against him as he wrapped his arms and legs firmly around the man to keep him in place. “I have to get the light, mate.”

            “Oh.” He eased up just a little and Chuck leaned over him to hit the switch before settling back down into the bed. They laid in silence, Newton’s mind hazily drifting through the events of the night again, dwelling on those moments like when Hermann had smiled at him and dancing with Hermann. He was determined he’d remember it all in the morning. “I want to blow Hermann’s mind through his cock.”

            “I know, mate.”

 

            The devil had a name and it was Stacker Pentecost. Why in the world had the man called a teleconference at the ungodly hour of six in the morning, and why had he requested they all be there. Newton had been woken by Chuck who said that they needed to get up. He hadn’t even processed the knock on the door earlier or the tense conversation Chuck had had with his father. He’d been too far gone and he wanted to be that far gone again, preferably in bed though he’d accept it if he fell asleep in the chair as well. Tendo was sitting next to him in equal states of pain and misery, the two of them groaning a complaint to each other in their disheveled state. Tendo didn’t even have a bowtie on, the man was practically naked.

            Newton cracked an eye to look at the man now, trying to gauge if he remembered the entire night or not. Newton had a few holes but he remembered more than he liked, but now in the light of morning with a headache so blazingly horrid that he was certain his skull was splitting open he felt a bit more reasonable about the conversation in the taxi. This was Tendo Choi; the man likely kissed all of his friends at least once, or had before he’d gotten married. Newton was trying to approach the situation rationally, he had no basis for the events surrounding the kiss or when it had even happened. And, well, it wasn't like Hermann was actually his to get all possessive over in the first place. 

            “This is the worst,” Newton decided to mutter, voice full of for the day.

            “Right you are, my man,” Tendo grumbled back, lifting his head slightly from where it was lying on the desk as they heard someone else enter LOCCENT. Hermann was trying to carefully carry a tray of coffee, and Newton fought through his surely fatal brain damage to get up and grab it from the man carefully.

            “Right, thank you, I felt we may all be in need of some coffee,” Hermann said, letting Newton take the tray without a complaint though he’d frowned down in the general direction of his left leg. Hermann sounded far too normal for the suffering he had to be going through, cause the guy had drank just as much as them last night.

            “You are a god, Herman,” Tendo said with his best attempt at enthusiasm. “My brain literally is spilling out the back of my skull.”

            “Oh thank god I thought it was just me,” Newton said, setting the tray down and they each grabbed one of the paper cups greedily. Newton sipped as his with only mild relief as he squinted at Hermann through the lights, because seriously? Someone had definitely replaced all the bulbs with a higher wattage with the purpose of blinding them. “You seem awfully…not hangovery.”

            “A master of language as always, Newton,” Hermann said glibly as he leaned close to grab his own cup of coffee. The must have showered even, he didn’t smell like stale alcohol and sweat like Newton assumed he did, he smelt fresh and clean. Newton needed to stop sniffing his coworkers. Tendo was giving Hermann a look of contempt as well and he lowered that look to Newton with a shake of his head which he clearly regretted immediately.

            “Hermann is far too German to get hung over,” Tendo said flatly though they both cracked small smiles at the rhyme he’d unintentionally pulled.

            “That’s why; he has a natural disposition that allows him to ignore the effects of alcohol.”

            “Dr. Geiszler, do I need to remind you that you’re German as well?” Hermann said with a huff, pulling a chair up to join them when it seemed like standing was getting too painful. Newton felt a twist of guilt as he wondered if Hermann had overdone it last night. He remembered the dance; he had made a point of remembering though it was in a fog like he’d dreamt it instead of actually living it. Maybe he had dreamt it. Neither Hermann nor Tendo had mentioned it, but why would they?

            “You’re a shame to your nationality, Dr. Geiszler,” Tendo said, and Newton kicked at him lightly before setting his coffee down to bury his head in his arms again. Really, the lighting was far too bright.

            He wasn’t sure how much times passed then though he could hear Tendo make a few more complaints before going silent as well as he tried to savor his last few moments of silence. Once the teleconference started they were going to have to try and act like they were human beings and not the remnants of liquefied brains and chemical seeped muscles.

            “All right you two, time to pull yourselves together.” Herc spoke brightly and loudly as he entered with Chuck in tow. Tendo and Newton both complained at him, though instead of words they just both groaned painfully as they covered their ears. It was irritating to find that Chuck was just as unscathed as Hermann as he flopped into a chair next to Newton, stealing his cup of coffee to take a drink from.

            Herc took pity on Tendo and ran through the steps of getting the conference call set up, and by the time Stacker Pentecost appeared on screen looking at them critically they had all made some attempt to look bright eyed and bushy tailed. If anything the call made Newton feel even worse though as Pentecost confirmed that the UN had set a date when all funding from them would cease, and that they were going to begin working on the plan to try and hit the breach one last time before the money all ran out. Newton and Hermann had both rather passionately, Hermann covering for Newton when the pounding in his head got to be too much, that simply bombing the breach again wasn’t a viable option. Pentecost knew that, but he also knew that they needed to try something and that was their best shot.

            Tendo would be moving to the Hong Kong Shatterdome early next year to start working on the restoration of a previously damage Jaeger that Pentecost wanted pulled from Oblivion Bay. Hermann and Newton would follow later in the year once the K-science lab at that Shatterdome could be reopened and equipped for them. They’d be in a state of transition starting in January, but wouldn’t move until everything was in place for them to work. Herc and Chuck would be staying at the Sydney Shatterdome, Herc and Chuck wouldn’t be coming with them. Newton wouldn’t have Chuck.


	10. My Heart's a prisoner to my Ribs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time passes for them all at the PPDC, and the New Year comes around again. It doesn't start out too well though as Newton gets a concussion which leads to Chuck and Herc fighting. 
> 
> Chuck treats Newton to a surprise for his birthday that has pretty much everything to do with sex, and then Newton gets a second gift as he finally hears just what is up with Chuck always placing his hand over his ribs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from "Werewolf heart" by Dead Man's Bones. 
> 
> There's violence in this one, like more than just a single punch, just a head's up. There's also porn. Birthday porn.
> 
> Thank you to Nightcur for explaining the proper use of 'chockers' a few chapters back. :)

            A number of things seem to happen within the next few months making things stressful for all of them. The UN makes its public announcement that the following year they will start the systematic shut down of the Jaeger program to make the final push to complete the Anti-Kaiju wall in its stead. There is a smaller and quieter announcement from the PPDC stating that it will continue on through private funding as long as it can to help ensure the safety of the citizens of Earth. They make a point of not mentioning where this private funding will be coming from, and no one really asks.

            Taurax comes tearing out of the Breach, and Striker Eureka is once again the one to catch the drop. Newton hides from the world the entire time the fight is going on, and a few days later when Chuck returns he finally experiences the full force of Newton’s fear. They end up where they shouldn’t due to it being the closest place Chuck could think where they’d be alone for him to try and calm the man when he meets him at the helipad doors. Inside the Conn-pod of Striker Eureka which had managed to reach home before her pilots Chuck finally gets that blowjob Newton had been promising.

            Tendo finally pries the information out of Marshall Pentecost about what Jaeger he’s attempting to pull out of Oblivion Bay. Each Jaeger that had ended up in that desolate metal graveyard was a personal wound to Tendo Choi, pilots he had failed to see through a drop haunting their empty hulls. He told Hermann in a quiet way that was completely unlike him that it would be Gypsy Danger, and this one seems to hurt worse than the others. Yancy and Raleigh Beckett had been close friends; they’d been young and eager and maybe a little too brave for their own good. Now only one half of their equation was left out in the world somewhere, a hole in his heart and mind where his older brother had once been. Hermann does his best to try and consul the man, but he finds that he is lacking.

            Hermann finds himself inexplicably growing a little fond of Chuck Hansen despite the man’s insistence on egging him on every chance he got. At the same time he finds that the younger man focuses some of that protective energy in his direction. He discovers this when a storm rolls in and Chuck takes note that Hermann is limping worse than normal, his face a tight mask against the aching pain in the bones of his left leg. The man has a quiet conversation with Newton on his side of the lab before disappearing, returning later with food and tea. He brings some for Newton too in an attempt to hide that he’d done it out of worry for Hermann, but Newton tells Dr. Gottlieb later as the man is horrible at keeping secrets.

            Tendo and Alison Choi have their first born child at the beginning of October, the group of them celebrating together and though he is happy it is clear Tendo wishes he could have been there with his wife. Staffing and time off are getting tight though, and they all gather around the monitors of LOCCENT with him to greet his son as his wife holds him up to the camera. After the required amount of time is spent showering adorations upon the child and mother, Herc signals for them to leave so Tendo can spend some time alone with his wife.

            A Jaeger is destroyed fighting a Kaiju in November and Newton goes quiet with the possibilities.

 

            By the time the New Year’s Eve rolls around Tendo has received the set date in which he will be leaving. Hermann finds himself suddenly dreading the inevitable, and the two of them spend a night up in LOCCENT drinking scotch, discussing life and making resolutions. Tendo had wanted to be at home with Alison and their son, but he’d been told he needed to be back the day after Christmas to oversee the move. Still, the man had gotten to go home at all which was more than any of them had been expecting. When the clock counted down to midnight Tendo gave Hermann a chastise kiss, and then alluded to the fact that he should go find Newton. Hermann chose to ignore that suggestion, knowing that Newton was out somewhere right then with Chuck and that those two were likely doing more than just kissing at the stroke of midnight. He decides to distract Tendo from the subject by finally sharing the incident of him punching a J-tech in the jaw. The fact that Tendo was shocked proved that Herc Hansen really was just intimidating enough to make a room full of people stay silent.

 

            Chuck had asked Newton if he wanted to try and convince Hermann to go out with them on New Year’s since they were all in one place this year, but Newton had shook his head. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Hermann to go out with them or for them to stay in with him instead, but Newton found he didn’t trust himself. He’d dwelled on the notion of the shared kiss between Tendo and Hermann for longer than he should have, but not in the way that he had expected at first. Sure, he was jealous that Tendo had gotten to kiss Hermann but he didn’t focus on that part of it. The part he had found himself contemplating was the possibility that one night he could kiss Hermann himself, and if the man freaked out try to claim it as simply being a friend kiss. Newton didn’t trust himself on a night like New Year’s Eve, and he had told Chuck he wanted to go out instead and leave Hermann to enjoy a quiet night.

            They were sitting in the bar they frequented, not Hermann’s bar, but a different place where they normally were able to find a place to sit with no problems and the noise level was always just loud enough to cover their conversations. Tonight wasn’t that way though, the place was packed with people to the point it was hard to breath and their normal booth had been taken so they’d ended up at one of those tall bar tables that Newton was always too short to comfortably sit at. Still, he was having fun being out with Chuck as they talked loudly over the noise of the crowd. Their table got jostled a few times, and after about the third time their drinks had gotten spilled Chuck realized it was the same group of guys who kept doing it. Newton rolled his eyes and Chuck’s anger though, reining him in with a little less ease than normal.

            “Do you bite your thumb sir?” Newton said it loudly and Chuck frowned in confusion as he dragged him eyes away from the man who’d just done it again. Most people had the sense to back off after one death glare from Chuck, but whatever the guy’s issue he apparently wasn’t quite ready to lay off his passive aggressive attacks.

            “What?” Chuck half shouted it at Newton, and he grinned a little before repeating it for the man.

            “Do you bite your thumb sir?”

            “Oh, lay off it, mate,” Chuck said though he was laughing. Newton had started purposefully sprinkling Shakespeare quotes into conversation just to try and pull Chuck into responding in kind. It hadn’t worked yet; the guy apparently found it embarrassing to admit he knew Shakespeare at all in public and had resisted every attempt so far. “It’s chockers in here tonight; do you want to head out?” Newton actually thought the man would never ask, and he nodded eagerly.

            “I’m going to hit the restroom.”        

            “I’ll go pay. Meet me up front.” Newton nodded; slipping off the damn chair that was likely taller than he was and starting to work his way through the crowd towards the back of the bar. He had to push himself through the throng of people, muttering an excuse me from time to time though no one really seemed to be paying any mind. He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the men’s room and pushed the door open to find the space far less crowded. There was one more man in the room with him and Newton didn’t the polite thing and took the urinal that was furthest away from him. The guy was eyeing him kind of weirdly but Newton just ignored it as the man finished up and pretended to wash his hands. _Um, ew, dude. Do you even know anything about microorganisms?_ Clearly not as the guy wiped his hands on his pants and moved to walk past Newton; shoulder clipping him as he did. Newton cursed as he stumbled, attempting to keep from making a mess before flipping the guy off.

            “Kaiju freak,” the guy muttered at him angrily before he was out the door, and Newton grumbled as he finished up and made sure he hadn’t managed to piss all over himself thanks to the douche canoe. _He_ washed his hands, proudly admiring his tattoos that he knew had clearly provoked the man in the first place. He’d had his sleeves rolled up all night due to the heat and press of human bodies and he was going to keep them rolled up, dammit. Newton Geiszler didn’t compromise for no asshole. Newton took a few moments just to breathe without the horde pressing in on him, but eventually realized that the place just smelled like piss and vomit and it’d be better to go find Chuck so they could leave.

            He stepped out and moved towards the end of the hall with the focus of making his way quickly back to the front, but the way into the main room of the bar was blocked by three dude bros standing in his way.

            “Hey, excuse me,” Newton said, and when he looked up he felt a little anxious twist in his chest. The man from the bathroom was standing in front of him, and by the looks of it the other two were friends of his. Newton gave a nervous laugh as he tried to squeeze between them, but one of the men shoved him back roughly. “Look fellas, I don’t want any problems.”

            “Outside, now,” Bathroom man barked at him, and Newton tried to slip past them again just to get caught under his arms by Bathroom man’s friends. He gave a little squeak that would have been Chuck’s name if he could breathe right then, but it was enough to catch the attention of a waitress he knew a little from being in here so often. She gave him a wide eyed look before just disappearing into the crowd and Newton had enough time to think ' _That bitch'_ before he was pushed outside. He stumbled out into the back alley with the three men following behind him, and Newton backed away from them as he turned to face them with hands held out in a placating manner.

            “H-hey guys, look I don’t want any trouble. Really, I was about to leave if you’d just let me-“     

            “You one of those Kaiju worshipping freaks?”

            “What? No!” Newton said with a frown, and the three men stopped to stare at his forearms skeptically. “Wait, ok, yeah I get where you might get that from but I’m not. Ok? I think they’re kind of awesome but I don’t-“ Newton knew it had been the wrong thing to say the moment it came out of his mouth, but he had never been very good at explaining his tattoos to people even when he wasn’t faced with imminent beatings. Bathroom man’s friends grabbed his arms as Newton, and Newton tried to pull away and explain at the same time. The first punch hit hard on his jaw and his glasses fell off somewhere, and Newton started to try and blindly fight a losing battle.

 

            Chuck had been standing at the bar longer than he liked trying to get the bartender’s attention, and his patience had started to wear thin by the time the man came over and took his money. As he turned to look for Newton in the crowd their usual waitress came up behind him looking frightened as she spoke loudly over all the other voices, and though he didn’t hear everything he got the gist. Some men had just dragged Newton out through the back. Chuck forced his way through the crowd, most people moving out of his way for him to avoid the dangerous looking man storming through the place. By the time he was slamming through the door into the hot mid-summer air the three men had Newton up against the wall, one of them punching him in the gut. Chuck didn’t need more than that, and he was tearing the man away from Newton within a second.

            At the new threat the other two men dropped Newton’s arms, the smaller man curling over as he tried desperately to catch his breath. Chuck had the first man bloodied before the other two were able to pull him off. He elbowed one of them in the nose, but he wasn’t able to move fast enough to block the swing from the third. Chuck was use to fighting _with_ someone, two people fighting together as one in sync but Herc wasn’t there. It left him feeling blind on one side, but even with that three other men were struggling. Newton had caught his breath enough to be trying to pull himself up and watched a tense moment where the three men stood back surveying Chuck like they were trying to find a weakness before they all came at him again. Newton panicked when one of them kicked Chuck hard in the back of the knee causing his leg to give out. So, without thinking Newton threw himself at the man blindly, quite literally since he still wasn’t sure where his glasses had gone, and evened out the odds some as the guy struggled to knock him off. Chuck managed to stand again, catching one of the guys with an upward swing that dazed the man enough to take him out of the fight for a few moments.

            The third man finally managed to knock Newton off of him, shoving him back hard. Newton stumbled then tripped over something and as he turned too late to catch his fall he realized he was going to hit one of the old worn down concrete parking blocks. Then things just went dark.

            Chuck had tackled the first guy down again, his friend apparently too dazed to want to continue fighting. He heard the man Newton had taken on for him curse, and then there was the sound of two sets of footsteps running away as the stranger’s friends abandoned him. Chuck landed one last blow before giving the man the chance to follow them out of the alleyway, and the guy was smart enough to take it. Chuck pulled himself to his feet, testing his knee and glad to find it held his weight just fine. He was scraped and bloody, but it hadn’t been too bad in the end. Newton’s glasses were lying nearby and he scooped them up before turning to check on the man. How in the world Newton Geiszler had managed to piss three guys off enough for them to literally drag him out back was beyond him. No, never mind, Newt had a mouth on him that somehow spoke faster than the man could think sometimes. He could probably guess exactly how he’d pissed the men off. He was being quiet now, that’s for sure.

            “What the hell did you-“ Newton was lying a few feet away near the wall as Chuck turned, and there was suddenly a feeling like a knife had been driven into the center of his chest as Chuck forgot everything else in place of moving quickly over to the man. “Newton?” He rolled his friend carefully onto his back only to find the side of Newton’s head bloody and the man unresponsive. Newton was breathing at least but that was a small consolation to Chuck as he dug into his pocket to find his cellphone. “Come on, Newt, wake up.”

            He dialed emergency services, keeping things short and to the point as he requested the ambulance, ever moment ticking by painfully slow as Newton continue to not wake up. The knife twisted slowly like the second hand of the clock keeping time, telling him that if Newton didn’t wake up it’d be his fault. He should have moved fast, been better, taken care of him and now…Chuck thought he’d be used to being a disappointment by now, but he’d never let Newton down this badly before either.

            They took too long to get there. They took five minutes, but it had been an eternity of waiting. The knife stopped twisting though when, with a groan of complaint at the sound of the sirens, Newton had opened his eyes. Chuck had been rubbing small circles on Newton’s chest with the palm of his hand in more an attempt to reassure himself that he could still feel the rise and fall of breath beneath the rib. Newton’s hand finding his and stilling it was what made him being awake seem real.

            “Chuck? What happened?” The worry didn’t go away completely but it eased off some to leave that wounded anger settling in Chuck’s chest. They let him ride in the ambulance, though Chuck had a feeling it was simply because the paramedics were a little frightened by what he might do if they refused. Newton tried to reassure him throughout the ride, but his speech was a little slurred and he seemed to lose all focus for a few short moments of time.

            Chuck had been furious when they refused to let him go back with Newton once they reached the emergency room. Newt, a little more conscious though still feeling extremely confused, managed to talk him into waiting out where the normal people usually sat while their loved ones were being taken care of. Someone recognized him though, and soon the nurses were pulling Chuck back into a private room to get him away from the camera phones and questions. Eventually someone came and stitched his lip and checked that he had nothing major damaged. His knee was a strained but luckily it was nothing that wouldn’t be back to normal within a few weeks. Herc would have murdered him if he’d gotten permanently injured in a bar fight no matter what the circumstances.

            While this was going on they told him Newton was getting some scans done, and Chuck had to sit for a long time waiting for them to bring him around to the room. It was past midnight by the time they did, and there was some discussion of it they should release him to Chuck’s care or not. Chuck had straight up told them they had to, but that hadn’t gone over well as the doctor was apparently less intimidated by Chuck’s anger than everyone else had been that night. It was Newton who ended up convincing them, pointing out that he’d be returning to the Shatterdome that had a top notch medical care of its own if something were to happen and plenty of people to watch him for any signs that his condition was worsening. With the battle won for his freedom Chuck suddenly realized that he’d have to call Herc.   He was fairly certain that Newton could hear Herc from over the phone even with him standing out in the hallway. He returned tense and silent, and Newton had enough sense about him not to ask.     

           

            Newton sat in the back of the car with Chuck feeling anxious in the tense silence, his head pounding and he wondered if the pain killers were working at all. He’d been relieved to hear he wasn’t bleeding on the brain, but it still felt like someone was hammering nails into his skull. Having Herc Hansen sending them both looks in the rear view mirror that were tight with restrained anger wasn’t helping. The man had reamed Chuck over the phone; he’d been able to tell even if Chuck had moved out into the hall to spare him some. He’d also refused to let them take a cab back and had insisted on picking them up himself. There’d been nothing but that thick tension filled silence since then, and it was driving Newton a little insane.

            He didn’t remember a chunk of time leading up to hitting his head, though he’d been assured that was normal. Newton hadn’t actually needed to be reassured about this, and he’d snapped at frustration at the doctor about how he had an advanced degree in neuroscience and knew perfectly well what a concussion felt like. The doctor had given him a stern look, but then just handed him the paperwork on what to watch for to go over on his own.

            Their little group remained silent all the way to the Shatterdome, Herc leading the way through the empty halls like a force of nature. They reached the K-science labs, passing on their way down to his bunk when Herc finally apparently wasn’t able to restrain that anger any longer as he came to a stop. The labs were empty, Hermann likely already down in his bunk at this time of night, and he turned to face the two of them.

            “Dr. Geiszler, you ok to make it down to your bunk on your own from here? I’d like to have a word with my son.” Newton hesitated, able to feel the tension rolling off of Chuck beside him and he gave Herc an attempt at a rueful smile.

            “If it’s all the same I think it’s better if I stick with you guys. Make sure I don’t pass out somewhere.” Newton meant it jokingly though he honestly wasn’t entirely certain it wouldn’t happen. This seemed to derail Herc a little, but then he shot Newton a look that clearly said that this was his decision then and motioned for them both to step into the empty space of the labs. Newton took his seat immediately, not trusting himself to stand for much longer if there wasn’t also forward momentum involved with the process.

            “This isn’t exactly the time, old man.”

            “Like hell it isn’t the time. What the fuck were you thinking, Chuck? Getting into a goddamn bar brawl like some drunken idiot, dragging Dr. Geiszler into it and almost getting the man killed. I expect better from you, I didn’t raise you to be some whacker who gets himself in these kinds of messes.”

            “You haven’t even listened to a goddamn word I’ve said or let me explain a fucking thing, old man. So I got into a goddamn fight, why the hell do you care-“

            “You’re just like your fucking uncle, throwing yourself in the middle of something not even fucking thinking for a moment what the consequences-“

            “Don’t fucking compare me to Uncle Scott. I take full responsibility for my actions, and I know damn well I should have had his back-“ Newton had to close his eyes to fight off a wave of nausea, and with it came his own anger like a hot coal in his chest. They were yelling over each other now, the two bickering and not even listening to each other. Newton opened his eyes to look at the two of them through his scratched up and dirty glasses that Chuck had carried with him until Newton had been done with his tests and scans. Watching them, both in each other’s faces now he felt that coal send out a spark and something he’d been tentatively keeping a handle on up until now snapped.

            “Oh my god, you both just need to shut the hell up!” His voice was louder and higher pitched, cracking at the end but Newton just didn’t even give a fuck right then as he stood up to march between the two Hansens. The men had stopped to stare at him, apparently just now remembering that he’d been sitting there and managing to look slightly sheepish for a second. “You, you haven’t listened to a fucking goddamn word because you’re so focused on the fact you think your son could of screwed everything up for himself. Chuck didn’t start the fucking fight, hell _I_ didn’t even start the fucking thing it was the other men. They dragged me out there and Chuck had my back because he’s a good fucking guy. You’d realize that if you ever gave him a fucking chance, _Herc_! All he fucking does is trying to prove that he’s good enough for your high fucking standards. And _you!_ ” Herc had been staring at him a little wide eyed and he looked up at his son as Newton turned on him. Chuck had seen Newton’s anger before at least, so he was a little more prepared for what was coming his way.

            “You need to stop fucking acting like you don’t care what your old man thinks, because you do. You could have been seriously fucking hurt and that would have screwed everything up for you. He’s worried about you, goddammit; you’re both just too emotionally constipated to realize it!”

            “Newton?” Hermann had been on his way to his bunk after leaving Tendo near the mess hall, and he’d heard Newton’s raised voice from down the hall. He’d picked up his pace, fearing something was seriously wrong and looked completely shell shocked as Newton stopped his attack on Chuck to turn to him. The man had some dried blood on his temple still and a dark bruise forming on his cheek bone, and Hermann immediately felt a sharp stab of anger towards the two Rangers in the room though it was short lived in the fact of Newton’s rage.

            “You do not even fucking start, Hermann! God, I can’t even look at your goddamn stupid faces anymore! I’m going to bed.” Newton stormed out past Hermann, throwing his hands up in the air as he left a trail of curse words behind himself. The three of them stood in a sort of stunned silence before Herc glanced at his son.

            “That true? You were just stepping in to have his back?”

            “Just lay off of it, old man,” Chuck said gruffly, being the next to leave to go try and find Newton. The man had turned down the hall in the wrong direction to get to his bunk and if he could he needed to redirect him before he got too far. Herc gave a defeated sort of sigh, running a hand over his face before looking at Hermann.

            “What in the world just happened?”

            “Far as I can tell I’m an ass,” Herc said, and Hermann frowned at him in frustration as this clearly didn’t answer anything. “Come on, Dr. Gottlieb, we need to make sure Dr. Geiszler actually gets back to his bunk. Won’t do us any good if he winds up wandering around concussed all night. I’ll explain while we look.”

 

            It was Tendo who managed to find Newton, the man having gotten pulled into the search after Chuck failed to catch up with him. He’d almost walked past the guy at first as Newton was tucked back in a corner, curled up with his head on his knees and his back pressed against the wall.

            “Hey buddy,” Tendo said gently, and Newton looked up at him. “You ok?”

            “Yeah, just…resting.”

            “You need to get some rest, how about we head back to your bunk and get you settled,” Tendo said, crouching down in front of Newton who gave him a soft frown.

            “It’s just down the hall; I can get there myself, I just needed to sit for a moment.” At least it wasn’t Chuck or Herc, or…oh god, Hermann. He felt the worst about Hermann because the guy hadn’t even _done_ anything yet Newton had yelled at him as though he was the cause of all his problems.

            “You’re in the Jaeger bay, my man.” Tendo looked worried, patting Newton’s hand gently as Newton looked around and realized that was exactly where he was.

            “These damn halls all look the same,” Newton said with a defeated huff, and he allowed Tendo to pull him up and on his feet. He ended up leaning heavily against him as Tendo got them moving at a careful pace.

            “That they do, my man. Should I be taking you to the medical bay instead? Being confused isn’t a good sign with a concussion, is it?” Newton had to think on it for a few moments, and Tendo watched him out of the corner of his eye looking like a worried mother hen.

            “I think it’s normal.”  

            “You think?”

            “Yeah.” Tendo dwelled on this for a moment and seemed to decide he didn’t really like this answer.

            “I think a trip by medical may not be a bad plan. It’s on the way anyway,” he said decisively and Newton can’t bring himself to argue. The medical staff that’s been required to remain available look tired and bored when they arrive, and they do a quick once over on Newton and listen to what he remembers from the packet before okaying him for going to rest as long as someone checks on his every couple of hours.

            Hermann checks on him first, quiet and worried as he hovers over Newton and gently shakes his shoulder to wake him up. Newton takes a few moments to process who’s talking to him, and then whispers mumbled apologies to Hermann for how he had acted. Dr. Gottlieb just dismisses them all, telling Newton that it’s ‘quite all right’ and ‘do not fret’ before letting him fall back to sleep. Chuck is the one that follows a couple of hours later, tense and full of a guilty worry that frustrates Newton all over again as he tells the man to just get into the bed and go to sleep. Hermann must come by at some point again because Newton wakes to hear him and Chuck talking in quiet whispers, and they sound like they’re getting along and Newton feels the first hint of happiness since the whole mess started.

            By the time Newton feels rested enough to get up and trying some food it’s already late into evening time, and Chuck’s stayed with him every moment. They see Herc in the mess hall and he watches his son carefully but doesn’t approach them. So that isn’t fixed after all.

 

            A couple of weeks had passed and Newton was feeling back to normal. He still had a hint of a bruise on his cheek and he was constantly frustrated with his hair where it had been cut short near the stitches. He’d hit his head pretty damn hard apparently, but at least he wasn’t bleeding from the brain. Tendo was gone now, which was sad, and his birthday was coming up in the next few days but he’d refused even Hermann when he’d suggested they do something for it. He just…wasn’t feeling the whole being out with people things.

            There had been a slight stir when people started uploading their photos and videos of Chuck looking battered and bruised in the emergency waiting room, but Marshall Pentecost had been quick to squash any media outburst from it with a statement. The three men never came forward to make any sort of comment on that night, likely terrified upon realizing who they had messed with and the organization that stood behind them. That was if they even remembered it happening in the first place since they were likely trashed.

            Chuck had been overly careful around him, hesitant to touch him and being overly nice until Newton had snapped at him that he needed to stop treating him like he was fragile. It hadn’t been a real fight, but it’d been enough of one. Chuck seemed to have gotten the hint though and he started to act a little more normal around him though there was something still a little off. He was actually waiting for Chuck now, sitting in his bunk with some punk rock band from the nineties playing softly. The guy had come by earlier in the day saying he wanted to do something that night as an early birthday thing. Newton was waiting as patiently as he could, but he was eager to figure out just what Chuck had planned that didn’t require leaving the Shatterdome.

            There was a knock and Chuck in his usual fashion didn’t wait for him to answer before just opening the door and walking in. Chuck gave him a smile that seemed a little…predatory and Newton sat up from where he’d been lying on the bed.

            “Hey…Chuck…” Newton said, eyeing the man to try and figure out just what he had planned.

            “Lay back down,” Chuck said, his voice a little gruff as he spoke and Newton licked his lips as he did what he was told. Ok, he could handle this; it’d been weeks since Chuck had been acting like touching Newton at all would break him. Still Chuck was giving him this little smirk that spoke of trouble, and Newton squirmed a little in place as the man climbed onto the bed to straddle him still fully clothed. “So, here’s the thing, I’m still a little pissed at you for telling my old man some of that shit you said.”

            “Oh…” So, his birthday gift was literally being pinned down to be chewed out officially for spilling the fact that Chuck actually cared what his father thought. Newton squirmed again, and Chuck pressed down with a roll of his hips that caused an ache in Newton’s gut. He might be able to put up with Chuck yelling at him if the man did that while doing so.

            “But, I also was a dick and if I had paid better attention I might have kept you from getting hurt.”          

            “Chuck.” Newton gave a frustrated sigh as he set his hands on Chuck’s thighs and Chuck leaned down to press their foreheads together lightly.

            “No, I get to talk because I’m in charge right now. We both know it’s true, the guy had been harassing us all night,” Chuck said, his tone less stern than his words before he pressed a kiss to Newton’s lips. “So, angry but also guilty feeling, however on top of that it was also a little bit hot watching you chew out the old man like you did.” Chuck gave Newton that predatory grin again as he sat back up, hips pressing down once more as his hands moved to tugging Newton’s loosened tie off. “So, I’ve decided that for everything all together with it also being your birthday I’m going to torture you...“

            “Uh…Chuck?”

            “With pleasure.” Chuck raised an eyebrow at him as though questioning if Newton was actually thinking he’d meant actual torture.

            “Ooooh,” Newton released the breath he’d been holding. He didn’t really expect Chuck to torture him, but the guy had just sort of stopped there and that wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear when pinned in bed by someone. Chuck pulled the tie free, keeping it in hand as he tugged one of Newton’s hands up to kiss the palm before tying the length of fabric around it. Chuck kept his eyes on Newton’s face, watching him for any signs that he wasn’t ok. Chuck always made sure he was ok, and apparently this applied even during supposed torture. He kept that stare almost unnervingly trained on Newt as he lifted his second hand, pressing a kiss to it as well before tying it up closely with the first. He leaned down close over Newton then, pushing his hands up above his head and kissing Newton rather thoroughly and making Newton’s head spin. When Chuck pulled away Newton found his hands were now tied securely in place to the bedframe, and Chuck pressed their foreheads together again as he slid his arms down Newton’s arms.

            “Good?”

            “Yeah, yes, good,” Newton said, straining to try and catch Chuck’s lips again but the man pulled back with a breathy chuckle. Chuck started to unbutton Newton’s shirt next, slowly undoing the buttons and from time to time pressing kisses to the newly exposed skin of his collarbone, chest and then finally after scooting down off Newton’s hips to press open mouth kisses to his stomach. He undid Newton’s pants with his teeth, and ok, Newton could see how this was torture. They’d done it a lot of different ways by now but this was definitely not the norm. They typically moved a bit quickly, a rush of limbs and lips pressed and tangled in that need to satisfy that itch. This was slow, too slow, but it was working for him. God was it working for him. Chuck had even managed to get the zipper down with his teeth, and once he’d achieved that he pressed a kiss against the growing bulge of Newton’s erection through the fabric of his boxers.

            Newton let out a breathy sort of moan trying to arch his hips upward, and Chuck’s hands pushed them back down roughly and hold them in place for a few moments to make his point. Newton made himself be still purely so that Chuck would continue, and after a few seconds passed Chuck started tugging at his pants and boxers to remove them completely. Newton did help him with this some by bending his knees slightly to make it easier and Chuck didn’t reprimand this. He moved back up along Newton’s legs then just as slowly as he’d kissed down along his torso, purposefully avoiding his cock when he reached his hips again.

            “Still have some condoms?”

            “Y-yeah, I think so,” Newton mumbled out as Chuck looked up at him through his short lashes as he lingered without touching.

            “I think you mean that you hope so,” Chuck said, raising an eyebrow and Newton very suddenly was mildly terrified that Chuck would find the drawer empty and would decide it was a sign that they should stop. Chuck rocked back, shifting off the bed to open the drawer and Newton was extremely unhappy just how very, very dressed the man was still. How was he naked and lying on the bed and Chuck was completely dressed?

            Newton watched apprehensively as Chuck opened the drawer, and then huffed a breath of relief as he saw the man fish out a condom packet and the lube. Oh thank Godzilla. Newton squirmed in place as Chuck made his way back to bed, tossing the condom and lube both onto the mattress next to Newton before mercifully starting to remove his own clothes. Chuck didn’t move quite as slowly with this, peeling his shirt off in a fluid motion before undoing his belt buckle. Newton watched him closely, mouth feeling dry as Chuck slid feet of his pants and Newton wondered if he’d been going without underwear all day. Once they were on even ground again Chuck climbed up on top of him again, sitting a little above Newton’s hips this time as he picked up the lube. Chuck squeezed some onto his fingers, and Newton started to scoot his hips up for the man to reach between his legs to press those digits inside of him but Chuck shook his head and pressed down to hold Newton against the mattress.

            Newton frowned and if he wasn’t mistaken Chuck seemed almost nervous for a second before he reached behind himself, giving Newton a couple of tentative strokes before…Chuck bit his bottom lip as he slid a finger inside himself, and Newton felt that ache turn into a warm burn as he realized that Chuck was fingering himself, preparing himself. This was not typical, Chuck hadn’t even indicated this was an option; maybe it hadn’t been before now. Chuck was avoiding his gaze now; looking down somewhere near his chest and Newton wanted to touch the guy to reassure him.

            “Chuck,” Newton said it softly, and Chuck glanced up at him. “Good?”

            “Yeah,” Chuck said, attempting his normal cocky smirk but it came off almost shy instead. He held his gaze this time, watching Newton as he worked himself open, cheeks going a bit flushed. Chuck was hard now, erection brushing against Newton’s stomach when he shifted his hips. Newton felt the man’s hand wrap around his cock again, stroking it lightly as Chuck grabbed the condom and carefully tore it open with his teeth before dropping his other hand back to maneuver the condom down along Newton’s shaft. Newton whimpered lightly at the touch, fighting the urge to press up into Chuck’s hands so the man could work at his own pace.

            Chuck leaned down once the condom was in place, taking a second to wipe his hands clean on Newt’s shirt since it was the only option other than the sheets. Newton was going to complain that the sheets would have been a better option, but Chuck shut him up with another kiss. This one was more typical of Chuck, the hungry sort of kiss that he was more use to from the other man with the skim of teeth and needy tongue.

            While they kissed Chuck shifted his hips down, one hand on Newton’s cock to position him before he pushed down. Chuck gave a soft grunt as Newton moaned into his mouth, trying but failing to keep his hips still as he felt Chuck’s warmth surround him. Ok, the hands being tied thing was definitely torture now because all he wanted was to do was touch Chuck.

            Chuck lowered himself, meeting Newton’s raised hips until he was fully seated and he paused there for a few seconds before pressing down to force Newt’s hips back down into the mattress to try and keep him from thrusting. Newton watched Chuck’s face, the man’s brows pulled down and Newton was trying to gauge whether the man was in pain. He was about to ask when Chuck crushed their lips together again, hands moving up along Newton’s sides.

            Chuck pulled out of the kiss after a few moments to sit up straight and he started doing that roll of his hips, slow and purposeful at first before building his pace. Once he seemed fully comfortable he started to ride Newton, hands steadying himself against Newton’s chest. Newton watched him between hooded eyelids, Chuck panting and moaning on top of him but never touching himself. Each time Newton tried to raise his hips to thrust with him Chuck would drop down back into that slow roll to keep him still and pinned in place until Newton.

            Chuck at one point met Newton’s eyes and gave him a heady sort of grin, and this time when Newton’s hips start pressing upward to meet the man’s hips he allowed it. Newton shifted to get leverage so he could thrust quickly up into the man as he felt his gut tighten.

            “Ch-Chuck, oh god…oh god, oh god, oh god,” Newton clamped his mouth shut in an attempt to keep himself from just screaming the man’s name as he felt himself  fall and tumble into the release. He couldn’t keep himself entirely quiet, a high whine escaping until he gave up entirely and cried out Chuck’s name. The younger man continued to ride him until Newton relaxed heavily into the mattress beneath him, and Newton complained a little when Chuck pulled off of him. Chuck kissed him again as Newton came out of his haze, and he could feel the Ranger finally start to stroke himself and he turned his head out of the kiss. Chuck stilled for a second, thinking something was wrong at first until Newton panted out, “Let me.” To make sure his point got across he turned to nuzzle against Chuck’s neck to suck on his skin for a few seconds before licking the spot.

            Chuck gave a soft growl, nodding as he pulled back and shifting upward so that he was straddled over Newton’s chest. He lifted his hips to where Newton could take the head of his cock into his mouth, a hand propped against the wall to steady himself as he gave a low moan. Newton sucked in as much of Chuck’s erection as he could, but found he couldn’t lift his head much and he gave a hum of frustration. Chuck looked down at him, seeming to debate whether he really wanted to cave in and untie his hands or not. Newton hummed lowly again, wiggling his eyebrow up at Chuck as the man moaned at the vibration against the head of his dick. Chuck reached down with one hand with a frustrated huff, and worked the knot free that was holding Newton’s hands above his head. From there Newton was able to get his hands free from each other relatively easily with the ends of the tie free. He pulled off of Chuck’s erection for a few seconds to do so, and the man frowned down at him in complaint. Once he could though Newton tugged on Chuck’s hips to get the man to lower himself some, and Newton took him in once more.

            He had originally had the thought to move slow and torture Chuck back in return, but after a few moments Chuck had started to slip his fingers inside himself again. He gave a low hum, pushing Chuck’s hand out of the way and replacing it with his own as he slipped a couple of fingers inside him. Chuck thrust back against him, and Newton gave up all thought of moving slow with this as he sucked the man’s cock in deeply so he could feel the head brushing against the back of his throat. He fought the need to gag as he slid another finger inside of Chuck, pushing and curling until he felt the man arch a little when he hit just the right spot.

            Newton pulled back to run his tongue against the underside of Chuck’s erection as he pressed his fingers again giving Newton a small thrill when he heard that low moan again. Chuck was normally was the quiet one between them. They were both conscious that other people could be out in the hall or able to hear in the bunks around them, but right then Chuck gave a whimper followed a Newton’s name said in a loud gasp. Newton quickly pushed Chuck’s hips towards him, taking him fully in again as he kept pressure on that spot inside the man and Chuck came with a loud groan. Newton swallowed everything he could, doing his best to keep Chuck’s hips still as the man rode out his own release.

            Newton pulled back from Chuck once the man was spent, taking a couple deep breaths as he pulled his fingers free and decided that, yeah, fine the shirt was the best option cause all he wanted to do was curl up in the bed right then. That’d be less satisfying if they wiped everything onto the sheets. He wiped his fingers clean again as Chuck shifted off from on top of him, still leaning against the wall. Newton stripped the shirt off and wiped his cock clean with a resigned sigh before handing it to Chuck to clean himself up with. He’d decide if he was going to attempt to clean it or just toss it later. Chuck raised an eyebrow at him to make sure he was certain and Newton just nodded his head lamely. He watched Chuck wipe himself clean before tossing the shirt over into Newton’s typical pile of dirty clothes. They settled in next to each other, Newton curling against Chuck’s side and feeling the familiar weight of the man’s hand resting on his ribs.

            “Best birthday torture ever,” Newton mumbled and he heard Chuck give a quiet laugh. He tugged Newton a little closer as he pulled the sheet up and over them. It was slightly damp with sweat, but it at least wasn’t everything else too. They laid in silence, both of them feeling too lazy to try and reach to turn the light off right then. They lay for long enough that Newton had started to doze a little, and he could feel Chuck’s hand slide lazily along his ribs.  “Hmm…can I ask you something?”

            “Sure,” Chuck said, sounding a little skeptical just what Newton was about to say but more than willing to hear him out.

            “What’s your thing with the ribs?” Newton had wanted to ask, but hadn’t been able to figure it out. It was definitely a thing with Chuck though, it’d be difficult not to by this point. He felt Chuck tense just a little beside him, and Newton grew worried he’d stepped in something he shouldn’t have. “You don’t have to tell me, I just had noticed it and I was wondering if there was a reason why it seems like you’re constantly feeling along my ribs. It’s not weird or anything, just different, its fine I kind of like it actually cause it feels nice with all the knots and shit I get in my muscles from sitting in the lab. You totally don’t have to answer, you really don’t-“

            “Newton.” Chuck said it in a disapproving tone that was almost borderline Hermannesque. Newton clamped his mouth shut, an arm wrapping around Chuck tightly as he waited for the man to speak for once. “It’s uh…something I got from my mom. She used to tell me this story when I was a kid…”

            “Oh, you don’t have to tell me,” Newton said, feeling stupid because Chuck’s mom was definitely bad conversation territory.

            “No, it’s okay,” Chuck said with a heavy sigh, though the guy hesitated and after a few long moments he pulled away from Newton to turn the light off like the darkness helped him handle talking about it. Once he was settled next to Newton again he took a deep breath before he spoke. “She used to say that when God told Adam he would need a piece of him to create Eve, Adam originally offered his heart. But God said no, because he would have to split Adam’s heart to share and a broken heart wasn’t strong enough for two people. So, Adam’s next thought was to give a rib because they were what protected the heart. God approved, and he marked Adam's ribs with all the love he would feel for Eve before taking one to shape her from. When Eve was brought to life she could feel that love, and it flourished and caused that engraving to spread and take hold. It became her love for Adam, strengthening her ribs with its mark so they could better protect her heart. From then on all their children and then their children after, whenever they felt the ache of love in their chest it was that love engraving itself upon their ribs. She always said it was all types of love, because love of any kind strengthens you and helps to protect your heart even more. Whenever she hugged me she said it was so she could feel the engravings on my bones.” He spoke with the cadence of a storyteller and it was clear that Chuck was repeating the story by memory, likely almost word for word to how his mother had told it to him. 

            “Wow,” Newton whispered it quietly into the darkness, able to hear the emotion that Chuck tried so hard to hide at all costs. That was why he’d turned the light off, and if Newton could see his face he was pretty certain there would be tears there.

            “I know, it’s stupid,” Chuck said quietly in a dismissive but angry tone and he slipped his hand down so it was resting on Newton’s hip instead. Newton scrambled, grabbing his hand to drag it back up to his ribs.

            “No, I mean… that would be so cool. Can you imagine if you could see it, it’d be like a testimony of a person’s life being able to see all that on someone’s skeleton after they passed,” Newton said, meaning it completely because he’d think that would rock. People’s remains would be treated with more reverence, they’d be living art just like his tattoos, and they would make it so you could choose to display your ribs as a testament to your love. Chuck was quiet for a long moment, and Newton was about to fill that silence again when the man rolled over and pulled Newton close against his chest.

            Newton wrapped his arms around Chuck in the darkness, squeezing him tightly as he acted as though he didn’t know the guy was crying. He splayed his hands across Chuck’s ribs, trying to both feel all those engravings while impressing his own upon the man’s bones. A lot of people wouldn’t believe it, even the man himself probably didn’t believe it, but Chuck Hansen likely had the most love engraved upon his broken and damaged frame than anyone else in the world.

            “Where are we?” Chuck said the words quietly after he’d gathered himself together enough to speak without betraying his emotions, and Newton smiled lightly against his chest. It had become less about reassuring each other they weren’t getting too close over the last year and more about checking that they were both still ok. They both knew by now how they each felt, how closely they were intertwined and how hard it was to describe just what they were.

            “We’re two friends whose bones are craved with each other’s names,” Newton said quietly, and he heard Chuck give a quiet huff of laughter that he thought was really relief.

            “We’re brothers.”

            “Well, that makes this whole thing sound really incestuous on like a disturbing level,” Newton said with a laugh and was glad to hear Chuck laugh alongside him. “But, yeah Chuck, we’re brothers.”


	11. Are you hurting the one you love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions are starting to run a little high, and people start doing and saying some really hurtful things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Are you hurting the one you love?" by Florence and the Machine. 
> 
> I originally wasn't aiming for this chapter to be quite so painful, but the little nerds all were feeling a bit stressed and vindictive apparently. I apologize for it now. *makes soothing noises* There there, my little nerds, it will be okay...sort of...not really...oh god...

            On Newton’s actual birthday Chuck made time to take him to a quiet dinner at a diner not far from the Shatterdome. Hermann had wished him a happy birthday in a quiet fashion that morning, but had refused all invitations to join the two of them that evening despite Newton’s best efforts. Chuck had even made an attempt right before they left, but was met with the same rejection.

            They were on the beach now, one of the few that were contaminated all to hell, and Newton had stretched out in the white sand beside Chuck who was sitting and looking out towards the sea. The wall stood now, cutting down into the harbor and sealing off the side of the city that had been destroyed along with Scissure. Newton had found Chuck staring off at the wall a few times now, but he’d yet to ask what he was thinking. The wall was a loaded question for most people, but Newton had a feeling it was what lay beyond that specific section of it that was drawing his thoughts. He wondered if they had ever been able to retrieve his mother’s remains or if like the ocean that wall was sealing those away for good as well.

            Chuck gave a quiet huff as he let himself fall back into the sand next to Newton after a moment, focusing instead on the stars above them that dimly showed through the light pollution of the city behind them. The sand was warm from the day and the waves still crashed here with a steady rhythm as they laid in silence for a few beats.

            “Sorry it isn’t much of a birthday,” Chuck said the first one to break the silence for once between them. Newton turned his head to look at him but found Chuck still staring upward. It seemed like everyone was being quieter lately ever since Tendo Choi had left, signaling that the changes they’d been told about months ago were finally going into effect. It was clear Hermann was missing the man; they’d been spending what little downtime they had together over the last few weeks up until Tendo had been officially relocated. That jealous side of Newton had temporarily rejoiced at the man’s departure, but it had been quickly followed by a sense of guilt. Hermann’s time wasn’t his to monopolize and to be honest he’d been a bit absent lately with having taken time to rest and recover from the concussion, and then these last several days his focus had been on Chuck. He couldn’t bring himself to regret the time spent with Chuck, but he did feel a distance between himself and Hermann that made his bones ache.

            “It’s a perfectly good birthday. I don’t need to have karaoke and dancing to have a good birthday,” Newton said with a gentle smile, brushing his arm against Chuck’s to get the guy’s attention. Chuck finally looked at him, eyes narrowed as he seemed to gauge whether he was being lied to or not. “It’s kind of nice to just have a quiet evening.”

            “Still…” Chuck ran fingers up along Newton’s arm absently, “Everything’s sort of shit right now, and with everything this next year…” Newton made a quiet noise, not liking where the conversation was leading and the soft tone in Chuck’s voice that said he was thinking of things Newton didn’t even want to contemplate right then. He shifted; rolling to press his lips against Chuck’s to cut off his words before they could start seriously dwelling on the end of the world and all it entailed. When he pulled away he let himself settle on top of the other man, hips resting between Chuck’s thighs as he rested his cheek on the guy’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. “Sorry.”

            “Just shut up.”

            “Got it.” Newton closed his eyes as Chuck let his arms wrap around him, and he just focused on the tempo of blood being forced through veins mixing with the crash of waves and Chuck’s steady breathes. Chuck still smelled of motor oil and the ocean breeze, and Newton breathed it in to steady himself as he drove away all thought. He was drifting by the time Chuck spoke again. “Dr. Gottlieb ok lately?”

            “Hm, Hermann? I…I’m not sure, he’s quiet. I’ve asked but he just says it’s nothing and ‘to go back to work, Dr. Geiszler’,” Newton mimicked Hermann’s stern tone, and then sighed as he pushed himself up off of Chuck just a little so he could look at the man and having to adjust his glasses back into place. “He almost never tells me when something’s wrong though, and it drives me insane because then I always worry it’s something _I_ did. I know he’s maybe a little bit lonely, if Hermann’s even capable of feeling lonely, not that Tendo is gone but…”

            “He should have not been such a wowser then and come with us,” Chuck said with a glare Newton was sure was intended for Hermann even without the man being there to see it.

            “I, ah, think he has his reasons for that.” Ok, now the glare was aimed at him. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Chuck his theory on Hermann Gottlieb’s aversion to spending time with the two of them. He’d dismissed it last year but it had come creeping back since then and now he was almost more certain that he was right. Chuck was trying to get him to talk, just staring at him in silence and God, how the hell did he live with these drawn out silences when there was clearly something to be talked about. “I think he has a thing for you, I’m not really sure but he was all weird about going out with just the two of us last year and I asked him about it and he basically called me an idiot for even thinking that was possible. So, I thought, ok maybe I’m just being a crappy friend so I told him I’d make sure we went to dinner at some point but he’s still just really weird when it comes to you. And, you guys have been getting along better lately which is great but he still just gets this tight lipped disapproving Hermann look when we’re being a little too familiar in the lab and so I really think he kind of likes you.”

            “Mate, you are a complete dill. I’ve told ya that it’s not me Dr. Gottlieb has a fancy for,” Chuck said, trying to stay straight faced though Newton could tell he was laughing at him. Newton narrowed his eyes, tilting his head so that he could give Chuck the full force of his look from over the top of his glasses which seemed to amuse the guy even more.

            “And I’ve told you that Hermann doesn’t think of me that way, and it’d be nice if you stopped sort of rubbing it in,” Newton said, trying very hard for lighthearted but he was feeling that ache in his chest again that wanted to gather into a ball of worry. Chuck had told him his own suspicions, but Newton had accepted a long time ago that Hermann wasn’t going to ever return his feelings. The guy couldn’t actually care for him like that, could he? I mean, he knew that Hermann cared as a friend, but it had never gone past that. The guy didn’t even like having Newton touch him in a totally friends way, much less want more than that from him.

            “Fine, if you’re so convinced he has a thing for me than I’ll take a crack on Dr. Gottlieb,” Chuck said, giving Newton his shark grin and he suddenly regretted saying anything at all.

            “Don’t you dare.”

            “Too late. We’re settling this now.” Newton pushed away from Chuck, rolling off of him to sit a few feet away and look out at the waves though he wasn’t really seeing them. Chuck let him be for a few moments before coming to sit beside him, leaning to nudge Newton with his shoulder lightly. “You ever take him to that dinner?” There might have been an apology in Chuck’s voice though Newton wasn’t sure he felt like accepting it or not.

            “No, it just…it kind of got away from me and he never brought it up again, so…”

            “So you just assumed it meant he didn’t care?” Yeah, no, Newton wasn’t going to accept that apology now that he could hear the criticism in Chuck’s voice on that comment. “Take the guy to dinner. He’ll say yes if it’s just the two of you.”

            “Maybe you should take him to dinner if you’re such a fucking expert on Dr. Gottlieb.” Newton snapped the words at Chuck, and he saw the man try to repress his own anger. People assumed Chuck didn’t have that level of control that his father did, but it was a lie. When Chuck felt like it mattered he could rein in his temper almost better than Herc, it was just with most people Chuck didn’t give a fuck about doing it. He did it for Newton though on a frequent basis, and he was probably lucky for that.

            “Maybe I will.” Right then Newton would have taken the yelling and anger over that quiet threat that made his heart stop and that anxiety finally solidify into his chest. Chuck got up then, taking the shoes he’d slipped out of as soon as they’d reached the sand with him as he walked down the beach. Newton watched him go in the dim light, hands drumming a nervous frenzy on his knees as he did. What if Chuck and Hermann did go to dinner? What if they found they actually did enjoy each other’s company? What if it was Newton who suddenly found himself spending all his time alone?

            By the time Chuck got back from his walk some of his anger seemed to have dissipated as he crouched down next to Newton, setting a hand on his shoulder when the man didn’t seem to notice him at first. The air was cooling now as a breeze blew in off the ocean, and Newton couldn’t read Chuck’s expression in the dark.

            “Come on, mate, it’s getting late.” They did their best to wash the sand from their feet before sliding back into their shoes, Chuck hovering close but never quite touching Newton again. They weren’t far from the Shatterdome so they walked down along the sidewalk, Chuck a few steps ahead of him the entire way though he was clearly trying to train his long strides to accommodate for Newton’s pace. When they finally got back the place was quiet, it really had gotten later than Newton had expected, and he thought Chuck would go back to his own bunk for the night. He kept waiting for the man to turn off, to say good night and leave, but Chuck never did as he walked the entire way to Newton’s bunk with him.

            Chuck had long ago started keeping some sweats in Newton’s bunk for when he stayed and they changed in silence as they got ready for bed.  Newton could tell that Chuck was watching him closely so he did his best to keep his face neutral, to hide the steady stream of frightened thoughts from showing through. Once they were ready Newton turned the light out and they laid there in bed awkwardly for a long moment before Newton caved in, curling up against Chuck’s side and he felt the man release a breath as he wrapped an arm around him.

            “Just don’t hurt him. If I’m right and he likes you then don’t hurt him.”

            “I won’t.” Newton relaxed some, closing his eyes as he tried to let sleep take him. If there was some hidden meaning in Chuck’s reply, some unspoken accusation that it wouldn’t be him who hurt Hermann, Newton failed to grasp it.

 

            Chuck had been gone the next morning when Newton woke up, and he had felt that knot start to take shape again until he’d found the hasty note taped to his door. It appeared like it had been a last minute thought from Chuck, the words scribbled down instead of the usual neat print he’d be surprised the man typically used. He had early morning training with his father apparently, and if Chuck was anything it was dedicated to beating the crap out of his old man in the Kwoon Combat room. Granted, Herc typically gave as good as he got and it was always promised to be a show when the two of them trained.

            Newton sighed, pulling himself into some semblance of normality before heading up to the K-science labs where he found Hermann already staring at his chalkboards. He knew that Hermann was on to something, but the man had gone tight lipped on it as he spent hours just staring and going through those numbers in his head. It was just another thing that Hermann wasn’t sharing, though it was possible that he just wasn’t ready to yet. Newton had his own hypothesis in place that he hadn’t voiced to Hermann either when it came to their work.

            “I trust you had a good evening with Mr. Hansen.” Newton startled, thinking Hermann hadn’t even noticed him come in until the man spoke up while his eyes lingered on his work. He finally turned to look at Newton when he didn’t get a response, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

            “Uh, yeah, it was all right.” It lacked any real conviction and Hermann gave him a long look before opening his mouth to say something, but that was the moment that Chuck decided to make an appearance. Hermann snapped his mouth closed, turning to look back at his boards and Newton couldn’t help but send Chuck a look. _See? This is what I mean!_ Chuck’s steps slowed as he seemed to try and read Newton’s expression, and then he changed his trajectory much to Dr. Geiszler’s horror. Chuck strode over to Hermann’s side of the lab and coming to a stop beside Dr. Gottlieb so they both had their backs to Newton.

            Hermann looked at Chuck from over the rim of his glasses, his look far more effective than Newton’s likely had been the night before, but even this Chuck met with a charming smile. Fuck, where the hell had Charming Chuck come from? A guy shouldn’t be allowed to be both an ass and Prince fucking Charming all at the same time, though Newton knew that Chuck was capable of it. Most people just never saw that blinding smile that brought out those endearing dimples. Fuck. Hermann seemed just as thrown off by the smile as he looked at Chuck suspiciously, and Chuck reached over to straighten the man’s collar. Newton turned sharply in his chair, banging his knee against the table as he decided he wasn’t going to watch this. He hated Chuck, he could go to hell, only not really because Newton would be devastated if that actually happened.

            “Sorry Doc, you had a little something,” Chuck said innocently to Hermann though Newton could just tell he was letting that hand linger. And Hermann? Where the hell did Hermann get off on letting Chuck just casually touch him without smacking him in the gut with his cane? Did Hermann let people casually touch him all the time and Newton hadn’t noticed? Was Newton the exception to the casual touch rule? How was he jealous of both of them at once to where it was making him decide he hated them both?

            “Is there something I can help you with, Mr. Hansen?” _Oh, I’m sure there’s plenty you could help with him Dr. Casually straighten my collar…man_! Newton accidently knocked the wireless mouse off his desk and it clattered to the floor. When he scrambled to pick it back up he found both men turned to look at him from over their shoulders, Hermann a slightly disapproving frown while Chuck gave him a dark grin. Fuck him, fuck…fuck fuck fuck Chuck Hansen. Newton managed to collect the mouse which luckily didn’t appear to be too mangled from its fall, and he turned to stare at his computer screen in angry determination.

            “I was wondering if you’d like to go to dinner, Dr. Gottlieb.” Newton ground his teeth together, hands fisting in his lap as he fought the urge to say something horrible. Why the hell was Chuck doing this? To prove some point, of course, but what point?

            “I have already told both of you, I do not wish to go-“        

            “I didn’t mean the three of us; I meant just the two of us.”

            “I…what?” Newton tried to stop listening, but he was too enraged and jealous and…well, curious. He was curious if Hermann would go to dinner if it was just him and Chuck, no Newton there to be in the way and be a nuisance. Hermann sounded completely shocked by the suggestion, and Newton could just picture Chuck casually touching his arm or something way too personal like that.

            “Dinner, the two of us. My treat even.” _Please say no…_ “I can stop by around eight.” _Come on Hermms, say no._ “I’ll consider it rude if you say no.” Chuck was teasing, but Newton knew it was over. Hermann wouldn’t want to be _rude_ , of course not; he was only rude to Newton. “It’s settled then, see you tonight, doc.” Who was Hermann to be called _doc_ by Chuck? Chuck called Newton doc, not Hermann! Ok, so maybe he had some recollection of Chuck calling Hermann that before, but not with that hint of fondness in his voice. So it was settled, he hadn’t even heard Hermann agree but clearly he must have shown some indication that he definitely wanted to have dinner with Chuck probably followed by having him for dessert. And now Newton could feel Chuck walk over to him, standing behind him to gloat he was sure. Chuck leaned down over him in the chair, cheek pressing against Newton’s hair so he could speak in his ear. “You’re pissed and you can hit me later for it. Like I said last night, _I_ won’t hurt him.”

            _Yeah, well, what about me?_ Newton thought angrily though he refused to speak. Chuck eventually just left, walking out of the lab without another word to him.

 

            Hermann knew something was up; it had been clear in how Newton had acted from the moment that Chuck Hansen had walked into the labs that morning. He could only assume that this preposterous dinner was related somehow, and that was the only reason he excused himself from the labs to change into something that wasn’t covered in a layer of chalk dust. Newton didn’t acknowledge him as he said good night, and Hermann worried over this the entire time he was getting ready clear up until Chuck met him just outside the now empty K-science labs.

            “Wasn’t sure you’d show?”

            “I was under the impression this wasn’t an optional outing,” Hermann said dryly, and Chuck gave him a smile that was almost apologetic.

            “Everything is optional, Dr. Gottlieb.” The man was unusually quiet as they left the Shatterdome, Hermann feeling like this was some form of ridiculous date though he couldn’t fathom the possibility of this being Mr. Hansen’s intentions. The ranger seemed lost in his own thoughts as he drove them a short distance to a diner that was tastefully decorated, and the waitress gave Chuck an appreciative look as she took their order. Hermann was used to being able to drag the truth of a situation out of somebody with silence, though he was also used to dealing with Newton who couldn’t stand the long lapses in conversation. Chuck did not share this discomfort apparently as he stared out the diner window at the street until Hermann cleared his throat discreetly to get his attention. It was somewhat unnerving sitting across for Chuck while the man looked so adrift.

            “Is there something you wished to discuss, Mr. Hansen, or is this absurd outing of ours truly for naught?” Chuck looked at him, raising an eyebrow that seemed to criticize Hermann’s use of vernacular.

            “Newton thinks you fancy me.” Hermann felt his face go red hot as he suddenly was hit with the realization that this _was_ intended as a date. Newton had gone and spouted off his erroneous conclusions to Chuck Hansen about where Hermann’s affections lie, and now the young man had…had…Hermann couldn’t fathom that Chuck had invited him on a date for any fondness of his own, so surely this was supposed to be a…pity date? Hermann was infuriated, embarrassed and appalled by the entire situation. “Calm down, I don’t believe it.”

            “What?!” Hermann sputtered the word out, seeing the waitress approach with their drinks but suddenly seem to realize she had something else to do when she saw his face. Chuck was just watching him with a steady gaze as he appeared to be waiting for Hermann to regain some composure.

            “I know it’s not true, Newton’s the one you want, but the dill won’t see it. Says he knows you well enough and that you don’t feel that way.” Hermann had managed to calm himself slightly, but at this comment he could feel his cheek heat up all over again. This time it was pure destitution that caused the flush of red, and he dropped his eyes from Chuck’s steady gaze to look at the table.

            “I do not know what Mr. Choi may have expressed, but I can assure you that-“

            “Tendo didn’t tell me anything, it wasn’t hard to figure that one out on my own, doc.” Hermann tried to come up with a way to counter this, but his words were failing him and he eventually just made a feeble gesture of dismissal like he was brushing Chuck’s words away. Was he really so transparent? And, if his feelings were so very clear to those around him then why had Newton himself not come to the same conclusions? Perhaps he had, perhaps his attempts to suggest others whom Hermann could focus his affections on were his attempt at rejecting him gently.

            “If you are concerned that I may harbor feelings towards Dr. Geiszler that could potentially interfere -“

            “I’m not here to warn you against interfering, Gottlieb. Hell, go ahead and interfere it’d be about goddamn time.” Hermann narrowed his eyes, things finally settling into place as he realized just what this was. There should be no earthly reason for Mr. Hansen to encourage him to admit his feelings, whatever they may be, unless he felt there was no threat of them causing a rift between Newton and himself. Chuck Hansen was so certain that Newton held no affections for Hermann that he was wishing for Dr. Gottlieb to make a fool of himself by admitting his feelings. Here he had almost started to appreciate the man, realize just what Newton saw in him that had drawn them together. Chuck Hansen did have a spark of intelligence and a fierce loyalty to Newton, but it was his cruelty that he was wearing on his sleeve just now.

            “If I did happen to have any affection towards Dr. Geiszler, which is a ridiculous thought, I would not give you the satisfaction of embarrassing myself by admitting them to the man if that is your aim. You should be ashamed of yourself if you can justify your desire to separate Newton from all others in your attempt to control his time,” Hermann practically hissed at Chuck as he spoke, letting out more than he had intended. Yet, since the first time he had become aware of the relationship forming between Newton and Chuck he had felt the ranger was holding a monopoly on Newton’s free time. He had never felt like it was something he’d done by force, but the words had slipped out with the accusation and the man’s expression darkened as he gave a huff of frustration.

            “You two…I swear you’re both the most intelligent people I’ve ever met and the biggest couple of fucking morons on the planet,” Chuck said sounding defensive and angry as he muttered the words under his breath, leaning back in the seat to study Hermann from across the table. “Go ahead then, why not get it all out?” Hermann knew he should bite his tongue to keep himself from saying anymore hurtful things that he’d thought over the last year, but had always known were shaded by his jealousy. And yet, as Chuck stared silently at him he found his words at last just as he wished to hold them back.

            “From the first you have done nothing but use up Newton’s affections, becoming a distraction and nuisance in his life. You have forced your way into his heart and now you are so deeply seated there that he will never be able to eradicate your presence without great pain to himself. You have so little disregard for him that you did not even contemplate the stress that you would subject him to by becoming such an important fixture in his life while you go out and risk yourself for some fundamental need to prove your worth in a fight where the odds are quickly stacking against you. You are flippant in the face of his concern, you have put him at risk with your insistence on taking him to unsavory places and quite nearly got him killed, and one of these days you are most certainly going to place the duty of breaking his heart upon my shoulders when you do not come back. You will be gone and it will fall upon me to tell him that, and _I_ will be the one who must stand by his side watching his world fall apart because an inconsiderate child chose to shatter it with force just as he likely breaks all the delicate things in his life.”

            Hermann suddenly became very aware that people were staring at them, but more than that he registered the expression on Chuck Hansen’s face. It would be anger to most, but no…even Hermann had come to understand what Chuck’s rage truly looked like and this wasn’t it. No, this was a pain that ran so deep it had been scarred over time and again until its appearance had taken on a false rage. Hermann had an inkling for the first time just how much the man may value his opinion, something that he hadn’t even contemplated before until he’d managed to bring it crashing down upon Chuck in his own wave of inconsiderate ranting.

            “Well, nice to finally know how you feel, doc.” Chuck slid out of his chair and Hermann watched feeling suddenly helpless in the quiet of the restaurant. He watched the man pull his wallet out to drop some bills on the table, more than was likely needed for the meal they’d ordered but he clearly was not intending to eat now.

            “I…You do not have to pay-“

            “I said it'd be my treat. There’s enough there for a taxi back too. Have a nice a dinner, Dr. Gottlieb.” Hermann tried to protest again but Chuck didn’t give him a chance to get the words out as the man walked away, and Hermann heard the door swing open forcefully behind him as the bell sang a violent tune. Hermann sat for a long time, barely touching the food when it came as he was faced with Chuck’s plate sitting across from him like some silent specter reminding him of his own childish behavior.


	12. Let's call it a truce for now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out Hermann got a little closer to some things than he had intended, and he isn't the only one to suffer the repercussions. Not everything gets mended completely in the end, but it's a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Truce" by Joe Henry
> 
> I'm lingering longer than I originally expected again. 
> 
> Also, I adore you all and wish I could give each of you s'mores and hot cocoa. (Food is how I would typically show my affections, it's just much more difficult to do so online). 
> 
> But seriously, I love this fandom.

            Newton had caught a glimpse of Chuck in the hallway the night before after the _date_ must have ended, and at first he felt a ping of satisfaction to see it had apparently ended so quickly. Something was wrong in the way Chuck was carrying himself though, and when Newton tried to approach him the man had just brushed him off and gone past. He heard Hermann return later that night after he’d retreated back to his bunk, and he peeked out the door to watch the man make his way down the hall. Something was definitely wrong. Hermann looked tired and perhaps guilty, and Newton didn’t sleep well that night.

            He lay in bed all night fidgeting and early in the morning he dragged himself out of a fitful sleep and got dressed so he could make his way to the combat room where he could hear the sounds of a fight. He hadn’t gone into the room but peeked around the door to see Chuck and Herc. Their motions were fluid and familiar, but there was a brutal edge to Chuck’s attacks that had Herc moving to avoid blows instead of his son pulling back. Finally the elder Hansen caught a swing from his son and used Chuck’s own force against him to twist his arm behind his back and taking him down to his knees.

            “What the hell is up with you today, kid?” He pushed Chuck forward a little as he let him go, standing and waiting for his son to get back up to his feet as Chuck rolled his shoulder a little.

            “Just drop it old man,” Chuck said without any of his usual fire, turning to face Herc again but making no move to swing when the man stepped up close to him. Herc looked ready to push but stopped when Chuck wouldn’t meet his eyes, didn’t immediately step up to the confrontation like Herc was expecting.

            “Son?” Herc tentatively pulled Chuck close so their foreheads met, and for the few seconds before Chuck realized just what he was doing Herc felt the hurt and doubt that made his eyes soften. “Chuck wha-“

            “Just leave it,” Chuck said, seeming to realize that his father was prying and he pushed the man away. “We’re done for today.” Chuck stormed out, not noticing Newton standing with his back pressed against the wall as he turned to head towards the showers. Herc followed a few seconds later but he did manage to catch sight of Newton as he eyed him critically. Whatever he had gotten from Chuck it apparently hadn’t been enough to tell him just what had his son upset as he stepped close to Newton with all that intimidatingly protective force behind him.  

            “What the hell’d you do?”

            “I…” Newton tried to scramble, tried to think if it could have been him but his uncertainty seemed to piss Herc off as the guy made a noise of disgust.

            “Just fucking fix it,” he said, shoving Newton lightly back against the wall before walking away. Newton stared after him as he tried hard to think if he had done something, if he’d been the one to say or do something to make Chuck upset. But, though he could think of a few things that may have pissed Chuck off he was positive that this had happened sometime when they were apart. The last person who had seen Chuck before he’d gone sullen and dark had been Hermann. Newt clung to this as he finally stormed off towards K-science, determined that he’d figure out just what had happened. Of all the outcomes he’d pictured for Chuck and Hermann’s date he hadn’t even thought about the fact that Hermann may be the one to hurt Chuck.

 

            “What the hell did you say to him?” Hermann startled when he heard Newton’s high pitched and angry voice suddenly come up behind him, and he turned to face the man as Dr. Geiszler got in his face and jabbed a finger into his collarbone. “What the hell did you say?”

            “Dr. Geiszler.”

            “No, just tell me what the hell you said to Chuck that upset him so much!” Hermann pressed his lips into a stern line, but then sighed as he looked away not able to meet Newton’s eyes. He _had_ done something and he even knew that he’d done it. This only managed to fuel Newton’s anger as he managed to somehow back Hermann up against his stupid chalkboards with their stupid equations.

            “I said some things out of anger which I should not have. I did not realize he would take them as hard as he did,” Hermann said quietly, glancing at Newton as the man continued to hold him under that accusatory look. He was pinned in place by force of Newton’s anger, and he looked at him with guilt and regret as he tried to convey how awful he felt. “I attempted an apology this morning, but he did not wish to speak to me. I had absolutely no intention of causing the man any strife.”

            “Jesus Herm, just what the hell did you say?” Newton said, giving Hermann a little shove though there was no real intent behind it. He tried to cling to his anger but it seemed to ebb away only to be replaced with an apprehensive fear as he ran a hand through his unkempt hair. Hermann was debating whether he should give a full account or not of his outburst the night before, but if anyone had a chance at correcting his mistake with Chuck it would be Newton.

            “I was upset, I thought he was…trying to make a fool of me, and I made some comments…I told him he was selfish, that he was too demanding of your time to the extent that he was driving others away from you. I accused him of not caring for you, of not thinking about how it affects you when he is sent out on drops. I took some of my own old resentments out on him when they were not his to bear and I do regret it Newton.” Hermann tried to measure his words and speak carefully; doing his best to outline what he had callously thrown at Chuck the night before without letting the true influence of his own emotions leak through. Still the words came out too quickly and he felt that it was clear that, in part, his jealousy had lead him to give Chuck the verbal lashing of the night before. He wanted the honest concern that was there to come through instead; he had watched Newton fall about once before and was worried that the next would be worse. It was all too similar, the days Newton spent frightened and anxious in the lab while someone he cared for was out risking it all. It was something Hermann had never wanted the man to go through again, and he did blame Chuck to an extent for making it happen. 

            Newton was staring at him now as though he were the terrifying beast who had emerged from the depths, and Hermann felt a cold weight in the pit of his stomach. Dr. Geiszler seemed to try and form his emotions into words but instead gave up and shook his head at Hermann before turning away from him. It felt more like a blow than any insult Newton could have screamed at him. They both set about their work though they were each too distracted to truly achieve anything, and Newton kept looking at his watch as though he was expecting someone. Whoever he was hoping would make an appearance failed to show however and by the end of the day the man seemed dejected and tired.

            “Newton, I…I am very sorry for what I said. If you see Mr. Hansen…please, try to convey that for me,” Hermann said as he noted that Newton was getting up to leave.

            “Yeah, whatever…”

 

            A couple of days had gone on at this pace, Newton arriving looking tired as though he hadn’t slept. If he’d spoken to Chuck he didn’t tell Hermann about it, but from the way the man twitched and worried Dr. Gottlieb guessed that Mr. Hansen was still avoiding both of them. After the third day Herc Hansen made an appearance in the lab, walking directly to Newton who had shrunk down in his chair like he anticipated a blow.

            “I told you to fix it,” Herc said, attempting to talk quietly though he failed to keep his voice low enough for Hermann to not hear every word. Newton achieved this goal in a much better fashion, talking so softly that Hermann wasn’t entirely certain he had responded. “I don’t care, the kid won’t tell me what the hell you did and if I didn’t know that he’d definitely never speak to me again for doing so I’d likely kick your ass off to Siberia somewhere. Fix it now.” By the end Herc’s heat had waned into an almost pleading tone, and he bit his tongue from responding to whatever quiet promise Newton whispered. Hermann didn’t understand why Newton hadn’t told Herc that it wasn’t _him_ who had caused the damage. It should have been him dealing with Herc’s demands for the situation to be repaired, not Dr. Geiszler.

            Newton hadn’t even given Hermann a glance before turning back to his work, his shoulders hunched up around his ears. Hermann determined then that no matter what it took he’d make an effort to mend the situation. He had honestly expected Chuck to shrug off his words after a few days, but he felt that guilt hit him anew as it became clear he’d done more harm than he’d thought possible even on that first morning when Newton had confronted him. He waited for Newton to leave the lab again that evening before he sighed, steeling himself against whatever was about to come. He could not lose his temper again no matter what barbs or fists Mr. Hansen may throw.

             It had taken Hermann much longer to find Chuck Hansen than he had hoped, but the man had not been in the places one would have expected either. Hermann had even dragged himself up to the helipad with the knowledge that it was where Newton and Chuck frequently met up, but the man hadn’t been there. Newton had been though, sitting alone out in the dark with a lit cigarette hanging loosely from his hand as he waited for someone who appeared to have no intent on showing. Hermann had watched him for a few seconds realizing that he’d already known in a way that this was how the man had been spending the last several nights in a row.

            Where he finally found Chuck was alone, sitting in the darkened combat room with a pair of headphones on to drown out the world. Hermann hadn’t been certain he should disturb the man, but after a moment of lingering in the doorway Chuck had made the decision for him as he opened his eyes to give Hermann a flat stare. They had passed a long moment together like that, both of them so still as to be some moments captured in paint cast upon some canvas by a careless artist. It was Chuck who managed to break out of the stillness of time dropping his eyes for a moment to the floor.

            “Come to ream me some more, Dr. Gottlieb?” Chuck had always accepted Hermann’s desire to be called by his title and surname, but there was a stiff sense of formality the man usually was disinclined to use in his tone as he removed the ear buds with a tug on their cord. Hermann hadn’t realized that there had been a warm and familiar tone in Chuck’s voice the times they’d spoken before now when it became abundantly clear that it was gone.

            “No, I…” Hermann frowned, feeling foolish and uncertain of himself in the face of the cold greeting. Chuck motioned for Hermann to sit down beside him on the padded floor, and he followed the direction for lack of a better plan. He had hoped to make things right, to set things straight between them all but he was suddenly frightened that he’d find himself to be lacking in this task. He had to try though, it was clear now that this attempt to fit the pieces back into place entirely for Newton’s sake, though that played a large role, but for his own sake as well. He winced as he lowered himself down carefully, stretching his bad leg out in front of him while Chuck pretended not to notice the effort it took.

            “I wanted to apologize for what happened a few days ago. I believe I was under the false impression that you were trying to make me appear foolish, and I lashed out at you in an unacceptable manner as retribution.” He was glad for the darkness of the room just then, the only light coming from the hall. It made it easier to speak somehow, made his words come easier despite the fist of guilt in his chest.

            They sat there in a tense hush and Hermann was beginning to understand just what Newton had meant when he once told him that Chuck Hansen could wield silence like a weapon. Hermann tried to gauge what the man was thinking; to amass some clue to what truly was going through Chuck’s mind. Still not a word was spoken, and he felt like Newton must when a moment had gone too still to handle. He wondered if he should leave now that he had given his apology, if this was meant to be his dismissal. His shoulders sagged as he contemplated the fact that he may have lost his chance and this had become irreparable; if he had managed to destroy something not just for himself but for Newton as well in one fell swoop.

            “I do think of him, you know.” Hermann felt himself flinch when Chuck spoke as though the man had slapped him by speaking. Chuck spoke quiet but steady; it was this calm that lacked the anger or accusation Hermann had expected that stung the most. “It’s not that I don’t think about him or care what he goes through. It’s about all I think about. I used to accept that I’d die in a Jaeger, and I was just fine with that. If I went the old man would go with me and there’d be no one left to care. Another footnote in a war, and if we lost the war then I wouldn’t even be that.” Chuck paused here, glancing at Hermann as though he wasn’t sure he should go on. Dr. Gottlieb did his best to give convey his encouragement, tried to use that quiet pause as a tool of his own. He wasn’t sure if it was truly his success or Chuck’s own need to speak that won him the next admittance from the man.

             “I’m thinking of Newton every time I climb in that Jaeger now, because he ruined it. There’s someone I’ll be leaving behind. You were right, when I started this whole thing, when I first thought of it, I wasn’t thinking of how it might affect him or me. I figured we’d have some fun but that it’d be no skin off my back. I was wrong though, he was more than I thought he’d be and now I’ve been skinned raw. How am I supposed to keep him safe at all costs when some Kaiju comes tearing out of the breach and keep him safe from himself if I don’t come back?” Hermann swallowed roughly, leaning his head back against the wall as he contemplated this, contemplated how wrong he had been. “I feel like I’m the damn Kaiju and I’m tearing things apart. You made me see that.”

            “Mr. Hansen….Chuck, you are hardly the Kaiju in Newton’s life.” No, that would be him, Hermann Gottlieb, the man who clearly had some inadequacy when it came to understanding human nature. “I will admit the man has seemed far happier this last year than he has in a while even with his anxiety over losing you. It…I may have felt some jealousy at that as his friend.” Chuck narrowed his eyes at him, but Hermann was not going concede on sharing his feelings towards Newton even now. It would achieve nothing and he did not wish to have a repeat of his outburst the night before if the man tried to push. “How about we come to an agreement where Newton is concerned? You will do your best to ensure his safety in the way you are best suited, and I will in turn be here to help ensure his stability while you are doing so. Agreed?”

            “I can agree to that,” Chuck said after a few seconds had ticked by, and he held his hand out to Hermann. They shook on it then, a pact made like some secret for them to share. Chuck pulled himself up off the floor before helping Hermann up whether he wished for the aid or not. “You should ask him about that dinner he owes you.” Hermann wasn’t sure what prompted the change in conversation, but Chuck was still speaking quietly as though they were speaking of some sacred thing. Perhaps they were.

            “I’m sure he has forgotten about that entirely, and even if he hasn’t I’m not certain he wishes to spend much time in my company just now,” Hermann said as he straightened out his shirt before reclaiming his cane.

            “He hasn’t forgotten and give him a couple of days. He’ll be glad you brought it up and more than willing to take you out.”

            “Really, your insistence on some romantic relations between Dr. Geiszler and I make little to no sense, Ranger Hansen. I do not-“ Hermann was speaking before he even realized it, and when Chuck interrupted he found himself glad for it. They had just come to some form of peace, and here he had been about to clumsily shatter it again.

            “Hermann, just ask the damn moron to dinner. As friends if you insist though we both know how you really feel.” Chuck interrupted sounding stern and tired, and Hermann faltered at the use of his first name. It had sounded almost strange coming from Chuck, but there had been a hint of that fondness underneath the disapproval. It was the same sort of warmth he’d heard when Chuck spoke Newton’s name, and though he wasn’t sure he deserved to share that intimacy it made Hermann feel an unexpected pang of honor to have earned anything similar to it, especially given how abysmally he had treated Chuck.

            “I will ask him as friends, that is all I can ask of him just now, Chuck. I…this is not an admittance of anything so I’d appreciate it if you did not…allude to any deeper feelings to him.” The man clapped him lightly on the shoulder, and Hermann thought for a moment the man gave him a smile. It didn’t reach Chuck’s eyes though, a hollow sort of smile but it was more than he had expected.

            “Not my place to tell him, even if he’d believe me,” Chuck said before leaving the combat room first. Hermann sighed quietly once he was alone, still feeling a tug of unease that he had simply managed to place a bandage over the wound he’d caused.  

 

            Newton had given up after his cigarette had burned out, accepting the fact that Chuck wasn’t going to show again that night. After hearing just the summary of what Hermann had said he’d felt an empty dread in his stomach the rest of the day which was met with spikes of anger towards Dr. Gottlieb. He knew Hermann well enough to understand that short synopsis hadn’t truly expressed how vicious the man had likely been. They’d had their fair share of fights, and though Newton frequently stepped over the line with a precisely placed insult or accusation it was Hermann who could expand upon the slightest damning detail until it was laid out like a map of one’s own inadequacies. Still, he hadn’t been able to make himself point Herc’s angry concern in Hermann’s direction. Newton was familiar with the Hansen’s brand of rage by now, and though Herc didn’t hold back as much as Chuck did Newton could still handle it.

            It was Chuck’s avoidance of him that hurt the most, something had struck a chord deep enough that even Newton hadn’t been safe territory for the man. He wished he had the ability of feeling what Chuck felt in the drift like Herc did, that he was capable of just knowing how the man felt so he could try to soothe those pains.

            He’d been too distracted by his thoughts when he first entered his bunk to realize he wasn’t alone. He had closed the door behind him, leaning against it as he closed his eyes and felt the push of the cold metal on his back. He opened his eyes after a few seconds of letting himself remember when Chuck had him pressed up against the door, and he’d almost jumped when he saw the man sitting on the edge of the bed watching him. Newton had to take a deep breath to keep a startled scream from escaping and Chuck gave him an apologetic look.

            “Sorry mate.”

            “No, its fine…just wasn’t…jeeeesus,” Newton pressed a hand against his chest for a moment before fully realizing the Chuck was there, actually sitting there waiting for him. He felt a flood of relief and happiness that he tried to shore back just in case he was about to be crushed. “Uh, haven’t seen you around lately?” Chuck was already in his sweats though there was no sign he’d changed in Newton’s room which meant he’d likely not planned on being there originally. Whatever had changed his mind Newton was hesitantly thankful for it.

            “Well, I may have been avoiding you,” Chuck said, apparently trying for a joke though it fell a little flat between them. Newton hesitated for just a moment before moving to stand in front of Chuck, arms slipping around his shoulders as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He waited, hoping he wouldn’t be pushed away but trying to prepare himself for it to happen. He was afraid Chuck was there to tell him that they were done. If it was just the sex Newton would be ok with that, though he’d miss it, he’d still have Chuck. What he was truly terrified of was that Chuck would revoke their friendship completely, that words that hadn’t even been his own would be the thing that broke this apart.

            “I thought we didn’t avoid each other,” Newton said in a chastising tone, breathing a sigh of relief when he felt Chuck finally wrap his arms around him in return as he rested his forehead against Newton’s chest. “Hermann was being an ass; by the way, he’s like that sometimes. He says he’s sorry.” Newton was a little torn, because he still kind of wanted to tear Hermann apart but he really wanted this to all just blow over too. His words came out in a rush of breath as he tried to focus on how he should feel or at least how Chuck would want him to feel.  

            “I know, we talked. He was right about some of it though.” Newton frowned down at the top of Chuck’s head, and gave a disgruntled huff. Like hell Hermann had been right. And what did he mean they’d talked? When had they talked and why had Chuck stopped avoiding Hermann before he’d come to see Newton? Or had Hermann actually gone to find Chuck? That wasn’t likely, Hermann hated to admit he was wrong about something. “Mind if we don’t spend the whole night talking about it?”

            “Oh, yeah…I’m fine with not talking if you…” Newton didn’t want to ignore it, he wanted to talk about it and find out just why Chuck had avoided _him_ when it had been Hermann who had said all the horrible things. He wanted to know just what parts of what Hermann had said Chuck thought were right and how Hermann had said it. What he really wished was that he could have been there to hear it himself so he could fully judge just how angry he _should_ be at Hermann. No, what he really wished was that it hadn’t happened at all because he didn’t want to be angry at Hermann or have Chuck hurt in the first place. He pushed Chuck back lightly so the man was sitting up straight again, and Newton climbed into his lap so he was straddling him. It brought them to level ground this time as Newton hugged Chuck tightly, burying his face against the man’s neck. He held on for a long while, in part for himself but also because he wanted Chuck to know he wasn’t just going to let go.

            “I’m okay, Newt, really,” Chuck said after a few moments, hands running down along Newton’s back in a comforting manner. Newton cursed silently at himself, he was supposed to be the one doing the comforting here but somehow it always turned around to Chuck taking care of him.

            “Right, let’s get ready for bed, yeah?” Newton pulled back, letting the younger man go and moving to climb off his lap. Chuck caught him by the wrist to gently pull him back down, placing a light kiss on Newton’s lips. Newton gave him a smile before patting Chuck’s cheek gently, the man letting him go so he could change. Chuck watched him which made Newton feel a little awkward, but he knew if he spoke he’d would ask questions and they’d just agreed not to talk about it right then. Newton could be ok with this, he really could, or at least he could not ask those questions that were just so ready to leap off his tongue if he opened his mouth for even a moment. He instead hummed a song quietly to himself to fill the space with something, anything as he stripped his shirt off.

            His tattoos covered both of his arms fully now, moving over his shoulders with the waves starting to encroach up along the back of his neck. He’d added the two Kaiju who now faced off from each other on his back just a few months ago, Ceramander and Spinejackal in profile as they clawed at his shoulder blades and it was the space between them where the waves crashed together that Chuck brushed his fingers across unexpectedly.

            “Have you ever thought of getting a Jaeger?” Newton glanced at Chuck over his shoulder to try and read the man’s expression. He had a light frown on his face though it didn’t seem disapproving or anything like that. Newton hadn’t thought to ask Chuck how he felt about the new additions to his tattoos and the man hadn’t ever brought it up other than to make Newton let him take a look at them after they’d been done. He’d been trying to figure out how to design Taurax to add him as well, but he hadn’t ever really contemplated getting a Jaeger tattoo.

            “You have a specific one in mind?” Newton said trying to keep the conversation light as he slipped out of his jeans and boots all at once and getting them tangled up awkwardly so he had to steady himself on the desk to get free of the mess. He didn’t get the typical sarcastic response he would have expected and Newton glanced up at Chuck as his glasses slid down his nose perilously close to falling off. Chuck was looking at him with an eyebrow raised and though there wasn’t exactly anger there Newton could tell that the man wasn’t in the mood for light joking. So, things were back to being completely normal and Newton sighed. “Honestly, no, I hadn’t ever really thought about it. I always felt…well…I get this as a reminder of why it’s important to keep pushing forward. I guess…its like, if I got a Jaeger tattoo and then that Jaeger didn’t…come back…god, ok.”

            Newton had to take a deep breath, really wishing they could have fallen into that light joking conversation instead of pushing into this territory. He was finally free of his jeans and standing there in his boxers feeling vulnerable as he tried to think through his feelings on the subject. Chuck waited just like he always did, but after a few moments he reached out to pull Newton towards him so that the man would sit next to him on the bed.

            “I guess I’d feel like getting a Jaeger that was surrounded by all the Kaiju would change the meaning. It’d show just how overwhelming this all is sometimes,” Newton said after a lapse in the conversation that had dragged on far longer than he’d planned. It was hard though because he knew Chuck did have a specific Jaeger in mind, and he couldn’t picture Striker Eureka surrounded by the defeated Kaiju without his brain trying to fixate on that thought of Chuck not coming back.

            “Maybe it wouldn’t show that, maybe it could show how despite the odds we all have something to fight for. It could show how we came together to defy all this shit,” Chuck said, uncommonly fidgety next to Newton before he seemed to become frustrated with himself and he put his arm around the other man in an attempt to still that movement. It didn’t work completely as Newton felt Chuck’s fingers drum lightly on his ribs for a beat or two. Newton shifted, pulling his legs up so they rested across Chuck’s lap and he curled up against the man. Something was still off, Chuck wasn’t as solid as he normally seemed.

            “I’ll think about it.”

            “You don’t…thanks…” It was an odd sounding response, but Newton tried to push his mind past it. Chuck was with him right then, and though things weren’t back to normal at least he was there. Eventually Chuck shifted them both back into the bed, keeping an arm around Newton as he leaned to turn the light off before they settled in a tangle together. Newton lay awake listening to Chuck as the man drifted off, breaths becoming a slow and steady like the gentle crash of waves against the shore. Chuck’s heart beat a tempo in Newton’s ear as he drifted off at last, dreaming of the ocean and the scent of a salty breeze.


	13. Always on the tip of my tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck finally makes some progress on getting Newton and Hermann to face their feelings. Karla gets Hermann to agree to something he finds extremely embarrassing but endearing at the same time. Chuck and Hermann talk maths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My synopsis's sort of suck, I know this. 
> 
> The chapter title is from "Tip of my Tongue" by the Civil Wars. 
> 
> I need to learn some willpower and spread these out throughout the week instead of dropping them all at once as I finish them over my weekend. 
> 
> Any and all science talk is rather dubious in nature. I am a chemist in training, not a physicist, though string theory and the multiverse is actually really kind of sexy to me from what I've read and watched through TED talks and podcasts. >_>

            A little over a week had passed and things seemed to be slowly returning to some semblance of normality. Newton hadn’t forgiven him completely, he reminded Hermann of this on a regular basis though they were back to their typical arguments and bickering for the most part. The man’s spirits had improved drastically from those first few days after what Hermann could only think of as ‘the incident’. Since then he’d spent more time than was necessary dwelling on the conversation with Chuck. Despite his outburst at their aborted dinner Hermann had known that Chuck was loyal to Newton, had understood that since the day in the mess hall when the man had defended Newton but not himself from the insults being thrown. He should never have voice doubts concerning that fact though it had still startled him to hear just how far that loyalty appeared to lie.

            It was this that had him stuck, however, as Chuck had continued to insist that Hermann broach the subject of his own feelings towards Newton. He had thought it was due to some desire to make Hermann look like a fool, to cause some unease between Newton and him out of Chuck’s own wish to keep Dr. Geiszler close. He was having a hard time making his initial conclusion fit the data, and he’d found himself regarding Newton in curiosity a few times over the last couple of days. He had not been realizing he was doing it at first until finally Dr. Geiszler had turned around in his chair to give him an exasperated look.

            “What?” Hermann snapped out of his thoughts, startling as he sat up straight in his chair and realizing that he’d been staring blankly across the space of the lab at his colleague for an undetermined amount of time. He was supposed to be working on the calculations on what force would be require to collapse the breach. If they were going to be taking on this insane attempt he needed to make sure they had the best possible chance at truly closing the breach this time, and he’d been switching between his work on this and solidifying the predictive model for the frequency of breach events. Instead, he’d just spent the last…ten minutes staring across the lab at Newton Geiszler trying to unravel if perhaps there was a different reason for Chuck Hansen to have pushed for him to admit his feelings. Hermann felt his face flush as Newton glared at him, so he was still perhaps slightly more irritable towards Hermann than normal.

            “I…I apologize Dr. Geiszler, I am perhaps a bit distracted today with our impending move.” It was a lie, though he had been sure to include some truth in it to keep it from being obvious. He had little to be concerned about with their move to the Hong Kong Shatterdome which would happen within the next coming months. He had his chalkboards, computer and a few personal items to take with him. If anyone was to be distracted by the sheer amount of clutter he’d have to organize it would be Newton. His specimen collection alone would prove to be a headache to deal with, but the man also tended to gather clutter that he then refused to part with. This was the case of the beat up old piano that sat covered in papers and music, likely long out of tune now and forbidden from being played in Hermann’s presence even if it wasn’t. Hermann had threatened to burn the thing if Newton dared play it again after the man had given an impromptu performance whilst singing a song about how Dr. Gottlieb had a ‘stick up his ass.’ That had not been the finest of moments for either of them.

            “You’re distracted? Jesus, do you know how many specimens I have to try and catalog in the next couple of months? You have it easy, Hermms,” Newton said with an exaggerated groan as he twisted back around in his chair to face his desk. “Anyway, try to be distracted in a different direction. I can feel your eyes on me, dude, and it’s a little weird.”

            “It is not as though I was intending to stare,” Hermann said defensively as he turned to pull up his email simply for something to focus on as he fought down embarrassment. He really should be working, not trying to unravel the mysteries of his lab companion who very clearly couldn’t have feelings for him in return if he thought Hermann simply looking at him was _weird_. There was very little of importance in his inbox though he did spot one message from Tendo Choi that he clicked open with a slight smile. The man had been eagerly forwarding on pictures of his son with captions which mused on how the child had taken after him. Today though it was a simple message detailing how things were progressing with the Jaeger they were reconstruction, a quick note about Mako Mori and how she was proving to be brilliant in her redesigns of the weaponry and a short update on how Tendo was doing. Hermann was almost finished reading when his eye landed on the final few sentences of the email, and he gave a huff of frustration.

 

            _P. S. So, since you refused to discuss it the last time we talked, have you finally confessed your true feelings to one Dr. Newton Geiszler and passionately made love to him yet? Because, really, if you haven’t after that whole near death concussion thing I’m going to be disappointed. Oh, tell Newt I hope he’s doing well and his brains aren’t too scrambled! I know he’s sitting right there, mere inches away, so very close Hermann. ;)_

 

            The man was infuriating, as though Hermann needed any more aggravation on this subject. It had always seemed like Mr. Choi knew the perfect moment to bring up a subject one would normally not speak of. The man truly had eyes everywhere, and he for a moment was reminded of the fact that Tendo and Chuck were apparently closer than he’d thought. Would Mr. Hansen have mentioned what had occurred to Tendo? No, he doubted that. The man had managed to stay silent on Hermann’s assault of a J-tech; surely he’d not go spreading something that could potentially fan rumors about Newton himself. Hermann hit the reply button, squinting down along his nose as he typed a reply back to Tendo, addressing first the information on the Jaeger reconstruction and what little news Tendo had about his own personal life. And then finally:

 

_P.S. As far as the matter of Dr. Geiszler and me, it is a moot point. I am lucky the man speaks with me at all even as his colleague after the last couple of weeks. I thought perhaps…_

 

            Hermann stopped himself there and stared for a long while at the computer screen, debating on hitting the send button or deleting those last few lines completely. He knew they would prompt Tendo into asking him to explain himself, and he dreaded that. However, Hermann had found that he longed to have someone to share his thoughts with, to tell someone of his indiscretion towards Chuck without them judging him, at least not too harshly. He had missed his conversations with Tendo, and it was this that prompted him to hit send. He regretted it immediately and he snorted softly in frustration at his own stupidity.

            He heard Newton’s chair swivel and he glanced in the man’s direction expecting to get chastised for perhaps thinking too loudly or some such nonsense, but Newton’s attention wasn’t even on him. He had turned but only so he could stretch in an attempt to reach some tool he had sitting on the cluttered cart where he had a number of samples stored. Hermann met his eye for a second, and Newton almost tilted out of his chair before catching himself and scrambling back to work. Dr. Gottlieb narrowed his eyes for a moment before turned back to his email to make sure he had not missed something and found near the bottom of the long list of memos and notices, most which didn’t pertain directly to him, that he had an email from his sister. Karla rarely emailed him and instead chose to call if she wished to check in though now that he thought about it he remembered seeing a missed call from her a couple of days ago that he had chosen to dismiss in the moment and then forgotten about.

 

            _Hermann,_

_Call me or else. We need to talk._

_Love or something,_

_Karla_

 

            Hermann frowned at the brevity of the email and felt some concern boil up inside of him. He tried to get some meaning out of the scant few words included in the message, but there was very little to go off of. He hoped that nothing was wrong, and more than that he hoped that their father wasn’t trying to coerce Karla into being his messenger. Hermann had very intentionally been ignoring _his_ calls and emails. He stood, grabbing his phone as he decided it would be best to deal with this now. The last thing he needed was to have some further distraction from his work. Newton glanced in his direction again with a light frown, apparently feeling as though Hermann was serving as a pest intent on interrupting his work so Hermann stepped out of the lab to find some solitude in their small break room. He started the kettle so he could make some tea as he dialed Karla’s number, hearing the phone ring a few times before his sister breathlessly picked up. 

            “It’s about time. Can we video chat?”

            “Ah, no, now is not an opportune moment for that Karla. I apologize. Now, what was so important you wished for me to call you?” Hermann frowned as he pulled down a box of tea. His sister sounded as though it was indeed something serious she wanted to discuss, and he tried to prepare himself for some bad news or impromptu message from Lars Gottlieb told in his sister’s unique way.

            “I need you to listen before you give your answer, ya? And, keep in mind that this was Vanessa’s idea,” Karla said, sounding nervous which only made Hermann’s insides twist. Karla and Vanessa had married two years ago much to their father’s displeasure as if he’d had his way Vanessa would have married Hermann instead. Unfortunately for him his two middle children had proved to both have different inclinations. He could hear Vanessa now, the familiar tone of his childhood friend’s voice playing through the speaker in a teasing and loving tone to Karla and the phone was suddenly changing hands on the other end.

            “Hermann, your sister is freaking out more than she needs to be so before you get yourself worked up as well know there’s nothing wrong.” Vanessa had apparently stolen the phone away, and now he could hear Karla’s disapproving tones in the background. “We’ve been discussing something, and have come to a conclusion that I know you may not agree with but we have decided if we don’t do it now we may never get to. Are you willing to listen?”

            “Yes, of course,” Hermann said with perhaps a hint of petulance in his voice at the fact they felt he needed coaxing into cooperation over a simple conversation. The kettle gave a faint whistle and Hermann pulled it off the heat before it could work up to a full scream, unwrapping one of the tea bags to place into his mug before pouring the water in on top of it.

            “Ok, we want to have a baby.”

            “I hardly see how this warrants this sort of urgency. It is none of my business if you both wish to have a child aside from my congratulations and warning that it is indeed a terrible time to be starting a family.” Really, this hardly seemed to be worth sending an email demanding a phone call much less the fuss the two were making over it. They’d discussed the thought of starting a family before and Hermann had expressed his willingness to support them though he’d voiced his own opinions about how it would not be an ideal time given the turmoil they faced. Still, since even before the attacks and before the two had faced down Lars to tell him they were in love he’d heard them discuss children and families. It was a long coveted dream of theirs that he could not begrudge them.

            “Well, that’s the thing. We’ve given it a ton of thought and we really want this to be our child, the both of us. Karla’s afraid it sounds selfish to want that instead of adopting, but we may only get this one chance…like you said this isn’t the best situation in the long term.”

            “I am missing something, aren’t I? How do you two expect to produce a child that genetically…?” Hermann froze in the act of removing the tea bag from his mug as it registered and he stood as he heard Vanessa say his name cautiously over the line. “You wish for one of us to be the father, don’t you?” Surely it would be Dietrich; it made the most sense in his mind as the man shared many of Karla’s features. They both took after their mother, softer faces and similar completion whereas Bastian and Hermann both had their father’s more angular appearance.

            “We were hoping that you-“

            “Me?” Hermann coughed the word out in a scandalized tone and he heard Karla in the background. She was ranting about how she had known he’d freak out, and Vanessa was telling her to shush sternly. “Why in the world would you wish? I…would Dietrich be better suited, I-“

            “Why in the world wouldn’t we ask you, Hermann?” Vanessa spoke gently, a tender tone that spoke of many shared secrets from their childhoods.

            “I…aesthetically-“

            “You’re gorgeous and don’t try to say otherwise. Not only that but you’re brilliant. If you refuse we will ask Dietrich next of course, but we talked about it and we wanted to ask you first. We…Karla,” Vanessa was abruptly cut off as the phone suddenly sounded as though it was dropped and his sister returned to the line with a breathless nature which suggested she was holding Vanessa off.

            “Say you’ll do it, Hermes, for us. Be our child’s Uncle Daddy.” Vanessa broke out into laughter, and Karla’s more subdued giggles followed as the two of them seemed to lose all composure on the other end of the line.

            “You will not be calling me ‘Uncle Daddy’ to this child or so help me-“     

            “So you’ll do it then? You’ll get my loving wife pregnant?” There was another fit of laughter and Vanessa chastising Karla between breaths.

            “Stop it or he’ll really say no!”

            “He won’t say no,” Karla said, a love and hope in her voice that had always rendered Hermann useless to resist his sister’s will. He slumped against the countertop, tea forgotten for the time being as he shook his head.

            “Very well, you will have to figure out the details of…ah…I won’t be able to come to you, and we will be handling this in the appropriate manner.”

            “Hermes! You mean you actually want to have sex with Vanessa.”

            “That is not what I was insinuating, Karla, perhaps I should reconsider-“

            “No, no, don’t go reconsidering. We understand you cannot leave work; we are already working with a fertility center to try and arrange things. We will figure out a time for you to…er…deposit…Oh; this really is far too awkward. We will send you the details, Hermes.” Karla went silent and Hermann wondered if she had hung up on him out of embarrassment upon realizing just what this all would entail, but after a second he heard Vanessa say his name quietly into the phone.

            “Are you still there, love?”

            “Yes, though why I am not entirely certain. This is perhaps the most inappropriate conversation,” Hermann said, frowning down at the floor and he could hear the smile in Vanessa’s voice.

            “Thank you. It means the world to us, it really does.”

            “Yes, I know. I would not have agreed if I didn’t understand how important it was to both of you.”

            Hermann took some time to try and compose himself before he returned to the lab, not entirely certain if he felt honored or mortified by the conversation and what it entailed. Despite his efforts something must have still shown on his face as Newton gave him a worried look when he returned.

            “Everything okay Hermann?”

            “Yes, everything is fine, Dr. Geiszler.”

 

            Hermann had been unable to focus the rest of the day and having Newton sending him worried looks while clearly having to fight the urge to just ask what the phone conversation had been about had made things worse. He had decided to retire early the night before and was now awake during those morning hours where everything was still and peaceful. He had decided to focus on his calculations for the amount of force that would be needed to disrupt the breach and cause it to collapse upon itself. It wasn’t looking as promising as he had hoped for being a last stand, but he wasn’t completely discouraged yet. He was surprised when he heard someone enter the lab and even more so when he found that that person was Chuck. He looked exhausted and was wearing a pair of sweats as though he’d been getting ready to head to bed.

            “I’m afraid Dr. Geiszler will likely still be a while before he comes down to work, Mr. Hansen,” Hermann said, eyeing the man critically as he pulled the chair away from Newton’s desk to sit down in it facing the wrong direction. “Perhaps it would be better if you come back later.”

            “Won’t be conscious later, I’ll just wait for a bit and if he’s not down here in a while I’ll leave,” Chuck said with a shrug and Hermann nodded for lack of a better response. He tried to focus on his work but he could tell that the man was watching him and he turned to give Chuck a questioning look. “You haven’t asked him.”

            “Asked who what precisely?” Hermann said stuffily though he already knew the answer. He had thought several times of asking Newton about their dinner, but he had yet to find a moment that had seemed suitable. Newton still lashed out at him randomly in moments of anger though they were becoming less and less frequent, and the times in between the anger they were busy both attempting to find some hidden clue that would help them in the final assault. It was a clue that may very well not even exist, but they would both try despite that possibility.

            “Don’t bullshit me, Hermann.” Chuck kept a steady gaze on his face even as Hermann frowned disapprovingly at him for his informal manner. It wasn’t the fact that Chuck apparently now felt comfortable using his first name so casually, though truth be told it still managed to knock Hermann off his normal trajectory. For a long while he had kept things carefully structured to where only Newton dared to refer to him in an unprofessional manner during their work hours. Tendo had followed, slipping into the habit as though he had never called Hermann anything else other than those times he chose to truly infuriate Dr. Gottlieb by calling him ‘Hermy’. And now Chuck Hansen felt he was privy to the use of Hermann’s first name on a semi-regular basis.

            “There has not been an opportune moment to do so. You were correct in the fact that he appears to have started to forgive me however there are times he seems to remember his anger in a fresh wave. It has made it difficult to navigate.”

            “If you asked him he’d probably lighten up,” Chuck said, looking past Hermann to study the boards with a slightly confused expression. “I was never great with maths. Programming I got, but Tendo was never able to get me to grasp much past algebra.” Hermann frowned at the subject change, surprised that Chuck was dropping the subject so easily without further pushing. He turned to the boards though, stepping back slightly so that Chuck could get a full view of them.

            “These equations are likely more advanced than anything Mr. Choi would have approached with you at a grade school level. They are dealing with the affects that the breach influences upon our dimension, specifically the tensile strength of its structure where it bridges the gap between our reality and theirs. The breach appears to span through a trans-dimensional plane due to some means of forced coupling through the space-time continuum. This section here describes our physical field of time which appears to be influenced by some form of magnetized matter to create the breach itself.” Hermann pointed to a section of the equation glancing back at Chuck and found himself pleasantly surprised that the man was paying close attention to what he was saying.

            “The breach gives off a slight magnetic pull, doesn’t it? The first time we hit it they were hoping that pull would drag the nuke down into it,” Chuck said, shifting to stand and join Hermann at the board.   

            “Yes, that data is what we have based most of our knowledge of the breach upon though that magnetic pull failed to influence the nuclear device in the predicted manner. Instead, it detonated still outside the breach and failed to collapse its structure. So far my equations indicate that we will need to somehow get the detonation to take place within the pathway of the breach at just the right location with the right amount of force to disrupt that coupling effect.” Hermann attempted to indicate throughout the string of his equation sections that pertained to the calculated force of detonation and its influence upon the calculated stability of the breach from the data they had collected over time.

            “If the magnetic influence somehow managed to prevent the device from entering the breach though…”

            “Yes, though all indications show that is not the case. There was not a change in polarity; it is possible that the first device simply failed to enter the breach because it was, in essence, closed at the time.”

            “Meaning what? A Kaiju has to be coming through for us to drop the device?” Hermann said, leaning against his cane as he stared at the equations.

            “I fear that is precisely what my calculations are beginning to show. The breach is always present, but as we know it is not always active. It is like a doorway that must be opened before something may pass through it. That is why we have the warning that we do before a Kaiju attacks, the breach must prepare and open before one can come through to our world.”

            “Well, that’s going to make this plan one hell of a bitch to pull off,” Chuck said with a sigh and all Hermann found he could do in response is nod. If they had to wait for a Kaiju to be coming through the breach before dropping the payload it would give the creature every chance to stop them. And, that was only if dropping the bomb into the breach would work in the first place and there wasn’t some other factor they had not discovered yet.

            “So what? You two are science bros now and have stayed up all night talking about string theory and the multiverse without me?” Hermann caught sight of the small smile that came to Chuck’s lips at the sound of Newton’s voice, and the man turned away from him to face Dr. Geiszler.

            “Well someone has to keep Dr. Gottlieb company in case one of your specimens manages to twitch back to life.”

            “Dude, do you know how awesome it would be to having a living specimen!” Newton’s voice raised an octave in his excitement and Chuck leveled a critical look at him.

            “No.”

            “Spoilsport. Hermann, you agree don’t you?” Newton gave him a hopeful look from around Chuck, actually leaning around the man to give Hermann a wide eyed puppy dog stare.

            “You deceased specimens are bad enough, I believe Mr. Hansen is correct in his conclusion that a living specimen would _not_ be awesome,” Hermann said with a scoff and Chuck smirked at Newton.

            “See? Science bros.”

            “Shut up,” Newton said with a pout though he gave them both a considering look like he wasn’t entirely certain if he should believe the two of them were getting along. In truth Hermann wasn’t certain himself how he had fallen so easily in step with Chuck given the emotional destitution of their last couple of conversations. “Seriously though, I thought I was up early and you two are in here talking about trans-dimensional doorways into the unknown. What gives? And you look like hell Chuck.”

            “Thanks,” Chuck said blandly, moving to sit in Newton’s chair before the man could get to it and earning himself a glare. ”I was waiting for you. Not going to be able to be around much the next few days.”

            “Oh…” Newton glanced between them again, instantly seeming to assume that something had gone wrong again. Chuck snagged Newton gently by his shirt, tugging him a few steps closer to give him a flat look.

            “Training. The old man’s pushing that we do a few fourteen hour sessions. I think it’s retribution for a few weeks ago,” Chuck said, making Newton meet his eye so that he knew the man was listening. Hermann turned away from them again, feeling that old familiar ache in his chest at the manner that Chuck and Newton interacted. Everything was so very casual between them, a familiar intimacy that one wouldn’t expect after a little over a year when your baseline comparison was the half-baked formality that was Hermann and Newton’s relationship which had been developing for almost ten times longer. “Dr. Gottlieb was saying though that you two still have a dinner you need to go to.”

            Hermann went completely still when he heard the words come out of Chuck mouth, and he listened for what Newton’s response would be. It felt like those moments dragged out for hours and h wanted nothing more than to turn and see what expression was on Newton’s face, to witness what may be transpiring between the two men behind him just then. He took a deep breath though and held himself in place to wait.

            “Oh...yeah, that’d be nice. We never have gone out to that Mongolian place have we?” Hermann relaxed slightly, turning to face them as seeing Chuck send him a wink. They were still close together, Chuck leaning forward slightly in the chair while Newton stood in front of him giving Hermann an unreadable expression.

            “No, I…uh, hoped we could perhaps make a point of doing so before we get too involved in the move up to Hong Kong.” It wasn’t a lie, not so much that simple statement on its own. Newton gave him a smile though that made Hermann forgive Chuck for stepping out of line, and he returned Dr. Geiszler’s grin with a far shyer version of his own.

            “Cool, how about we go tonight since Chuck’s gonna be busy anyway?”

            “That sounds nice,” Hermann said in agreement and Chuck stood from the chair with a grin, letting it roll a short distance away as he leaned to press a kiss against Newton’s forehead.

            “That’s settled then. I’m going to go try and sleep before the old man tracks me down and forces me back into training,” Chuck said, his tone lighter than it had been for the last few weeks. Newton caught him before he could pull away to give him a tight hug before letting Chuck go. The man clapped Hermann lightly on his shoulder as he passed, leaving the two doctors to stand awkwardly for a few seconds after his departure.

            “I suppose we should both get to work so we can be finished before too late then, huh?” Newton said to break the silence more than anything else.

            “Yes, of course,” Hermann said feeling terrified and elated to at last be getting his dinner with Newton.

 

            Newton was still feeling thrown off by that morning though in a good sort of way. He’d been certain when he first heard Chuck and Hermann’s voices coming from the K-science lab that they’d were arguing, picking each other apart again despite the relaxed flow of their words. He had felt momentarily stunned to find them standing at Hermann’s chalkboard discussing the breach as though they’d done it a million times before, as though there had never been bad blood between them.

            Newton had continued to be angry at Hermann, blaming him for Chuck’s moments of distracted thought though he’d started to believe it wasn’t entirely Dr. Gottlieb’s fault. A lot of things had started to happen rather quickly this year, and he knew that Chuck had been dwelling on some of the indications long before Hermann had ripped into him. Newton, Herc and Hermann were likely the only three who realized that something was going on with Chuck. The man was still brash and intimidating, keeping a tight control on any repairs or modifications made to Striker Eureka in preparation for the next drop that could come at any moment now that they’d had a few months of peace.

            Chuck was sitting on the edge of his bed now, showing up a short while ago to find Newton agonizing over just how effortlessly disheveled he needed to look for taking Hermann to dinner. It wasn’t a date; he knew that and was reminding himself constantly of the fact as he pulled his tie off in frustration. If it wasn’t a date then he shouldn’t wear a tie, should he? He always wore a tie though it was his one attempt at looking professional so it’d then be weird for him not to wear a tie, right? He groaned in frustration, tossing the tie aside as he ran his hands through his hair only to realize he’d likely just ruined any stylizing he’d just finished with a moment ago. Chuck was carefully not saying anything after getting scolded by Newton for a comment about the man’s methods. He was laughing though, maybe not full on laughing at him, but he was sitting there with a smirk and bright eyes as he carefully did not say what he was thinking.

            “Dude, shut up, I don’t know why I care it’s not like it’s a date,” Newton said, more to remind himself of the fact once more rather than to make the point to Chuck. This was apparently a date in Chuck’s mind. “The guy didn’t even ask me, you had to corner him this morning and he probably felt like…obligated to go along with it. He probably wants nothing to do with me.” Newt dropped down on the edge of the bed beside Chuck and then fell back so he was staring up at the ceiling.

            “Stop being an ass, the guy is your friend if nothing else and it’s not like I twisted his arm,” Chuck said with a roll of his eyes that made Newton wonder if he’d been getting lessons on that too from Dr. Gottlieb. Chuck leaned over him, placing a hand on his ribs in a familiar sign of endearment as he kissed the corner of Newton’s mouth. Newton huffed lightly before catching Chuck’s lips in a full kiss, tugging at the guy’s shirt. They weren’t having sex as often lately, they hadn’t had a lot of time where they both weren’t exhausted or frustrated. “Go have dinner with Dr. Gottlieb, charm him with your…eccentric nature.” Newton smacked Chuck on the shoulder causing the man to laugh as he placed a kiss on Newton’s jaw. “Hell, fuck Dr. Gottlieb if he lets you.” Newton gave a snort of derision at this and he felt Chuck nip at his jaw.

            “I hardly think that Dr. Hermann Gottlieb would ever do anything as passionate as fucking. He probably…I don’t know he probably calls it something super ridiculous and stuffy that focuses more on the awkward nature of pressing genitals together rather than the pleasure one derives from it.” Chuck had pulled back to look at him with that smirk again as he did a horrible job of not laughing at Newton. “God dude, seriously shut up!” Chuck did start laughing at this and Newton couldn’t help but join him because it was nice to hear Chuck laughing again. And, yeah, maybe he was being a little ridiculous.

            “I don’t know I think Dr. Gottlieb may be more passionate than you think,” the man finally managed to get out and Newton patted Chuck’s cheek in a condescending way.

            “Oh you poor young, naïve thing. Dr. Gottlieb doesn’t even like to be touched, the only thing he’s passionate about is his chalkboards. He probably uses his own body to erase them.” This caused Chuck to laugh again and Newton was glad, though he felt like he was being a little unfair to Hermann in his teasing. The man wasn’t even there to get all indignant and embarrassed that they were discussing his sexual tendencies.

            “I think you may be underestimating Dr. Gottlieb, I’m fairly certain there’s a few other things he’s passionate about,” Chuck said, settling on kissing Newton’s neck now and if the guy was trying to convince him to go he was currently doing a horrible job at it with all this affection. “Besides, he has long fingers and legs and I don’t think that limp is entirely due to a handicap.”

            “Oh my god, did you really just try to make a euphemism about the size of Hermann’s cock? Please don’t make me contemplate whether the guy’s well hung when I’m supposed to be sitting across from him at dinner all night.”

            “Like you wouldn’t have been thinking about it anyway.” Chuck grinned though he pulled away from Newton now despite the man’s protests. “Come on, finish your primping. You don’t want to make him wait; I imagine he’s someone who hates waiting.” Newton sighed, pulling himself up off the bed by taking hold of the back of Chuck’s shirt and pulling himself up awkwardly. He may have managed to throw a few gropes in there too, because if he could convince Chuck it was better for him to stay pinned to the mattress beneath him Newton could avoid making an ass of himself as he was certain he’d do eating alone in a restaurant with Hermann. Chuck didn’t fall for it though, pushing Newton off the bed to force him to face the inevitable.

            “I look like shit,” Newton said as he contemplated the tie on the floor again and Chuck dragged himself up off the bed to stand in front of him. He gave him a fond little smile that Newton still found himself feeling smugly pleased about because that smile belonged to him only. Chuck ran his hands through Newton’s hair to straighten it back into its normal muss instead of the slightly haphazard mess it’d turned into and then he straightened Newton’s button up shirt, a dark blue this time based on Chuck’s suggestion that he not just look like it was another day in the lab. Otherwise he just looked like himself, he looked like Dr. Newton Geiszler who wore his sleeves and pant legs rolled up and his hair all a mess.

            “You look good.”

            “You sure you’re ok with this?” Newton watched Chuck’s face closely, trying to gauge if there was some sign that this wasn’t ok. He did want to go to dinner with Hermann, wanted to have an opportunity to spend time that wasn’t work with the man, to try and at least get things back on track with their friendship if not advance things further. He wanted to know if Hermann truly didn’t mind casual touch, make him laugh and smile and yes; Newton really did want to know what the man looked like naked. But he was slightly terrified that he’d lose this friendship with Chuck in exchange. They had agreed when they first started all this that if one of them found something more they’d stop, but he didn’t want that to mean their friendship would stop. Part of him knew it was ridiculous to think Chuck would just drop him entirely, but…well; Newton was nothing if not a tangled mess of ‘what ifs’.

            “I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t, mate.” Newton sighed and he wrapped his arms around Chuck to hug him tightly, and he was glad to feel the guy return the embrace. Chuck gave good hugs, it was a shame more people couldn’t experience the type of hug Chuck could give. It was full bodied and all-encompassing and it made Newton feel safe and at ease like he was wrapped up in a warm cocoon.

            “Where are we?”

            “Right now, we’re both about to be late. Other than that we’re right where we’ve always been, Newt. Mates who like to make things more complicated than they should be.” Newton made a quiet noise at this, a little hum in the back of his throat as he closed his eyes and held on a little longer. He wasn’t quite ready to let go just yet, and Chuck didn’t make him even with the threat of pissing Herc off for being late to their training session. It wasn’t like Newton wanted some weird Newt sandwich with Hermann and Chuck both (though the thought made his brain short circuit for a second as he pictured that tangled mess of beautiful anatomy) but he did want them both in his life. Chuck was sturdy and solid and a lot more caring than people really ever saw, but Hermann made his bones ache and could send Newton adrift in a happy glow when he graced him with one of his rare smiles.

            “Seriously mate, we’re going to be late.” Chuck spoke softly, patting Newton’s back to signal that they really needed to go and Newton gave a sigh as he pulled away. Newton pulled away, running his hands through his hair again in a moment of distraction and ruining all his efforts once more. “You know I’m with you, right? Even if you manage to pull your head out of your ass and tell him how you feel we’ll still be mates.”

            “Won’t be the same.”

            “Doesn’t need to be,” Chuck said, picking a piece of lint off of Newton’s collar before smoothing it back into place. “Now, no staying out past curfew and I expect you to treat that young man with respect.”

            “God Dad, I don’t need a lecture,” Newton said with fake exasperation and they were laughing once more before Chuck pushed him gently towards the door. Hermann had just stepped out of his own bunk when they entered the hall, apparently running late for once in his life, and he gave them a startled look. Newton smiled when he saw him, because yeah…Hermann looked good. He’d switched out the oversized sweater and jacket for his own button down shirt, but he had a dark burgundy waist coat on over it that was far too formal for Mongolian food but was perfectly suited to him. Chuck gave him another little shove, mumbling something along the lines of ‘go get him’ before turning to head down the hall towards the combat room but not before giving Hermann a wink behind Newton’s back.

 

            There had been nothing but drawn out silence between them during the cab ride, and Newton fidgeted nervously until Hermann had cleared his throat in a subtle sign of disapproval. _Well, fuck, this isn’t going well so far_. Newton glanced at the man thinking Hermann would be looking down on him, nose held in the air as he clearly regretted this decision. Hermann was watching him with a steady look though that wasn’t really all that disapproving and perhaps just a little concerned.

            “Are you all right, Dr. Geiszler? I hope that I did not…interfere with any previous plans you may have had.” The insinuation that those plans would have been with Chuck was clear, and Newton shook his head with wide eyes. He needed to relax because he was clearly making Hermann feel uncomfortable and that was the last thing he wanted. What he really wanted was to make Hermann comfortable enough to give him one of those smiles that had been growing in rarity. What he wanted was Hermann, and suddenly Newton was contemplating certain physical aspects of the man and he felt his face flush with heat. _Goddammit Chuck_. He was going to have to smack the idiot for bringing up the subject of Hermann’s….just Hermann’s everything right before this date. _No, not a date. Fuck_. Hermann was staring at him as though he was concerned about Newton’s health, and Newt tried to give a relaxed laugh that came out as an anxious giggle.

            “No, no there weren’t any other plans. There’s just you, only you.” Why did that feel like a confession? “Chuck just had stopped by to make sure I didn’t go out to dinner looking like a mess. I, uh…” Newton trailed off and feebly motioned at his outfit. He should have worn the tie.

            “Well, he…did a decent job. You look…nice.” Hermann sounded sincere if perhaps a little hesitant, but Newt would take it. Hermann saying that Newton looked anything more than an unprofessional catastrophe was something. Hermann looked out the window on his side of the cab. The sun hadn’t really set yet this early so it was still bright out, people milling around on the sidewalks and traffic in the streets. The days would start growing shorter soon but for now summer was still clinging on.

            “You look really nice too, Hermms. I mean, who would have known you had all that under your grandpa sweaters,” Newton said, aiming to compliment Hermann back in an appropriate manner but perhaps going a little further than he had intended. He could see the red creep up along Hermann’s neck as the man blushed, and Newton was ready for him to be furious.

            “Thank you.” Hermann spoke the word quietly, still not looking at him but it was better than Hermann scolding Newton. Dr. Geiszler relax just a little thinking that maybe things weren’t going quite as terrible as he thought, though things still felt tense and weird between them. They use to be able to just talk, Newton wasn’t really sure when they had stopped to be honest. Sure, they bickered and argued about work constantly in the lab and every now and then they’d ask how the other’s family was but…they hadn’t really talked in a while. Newton suspected that was his fault. He’d always known about his feelings for Hermann from the start, they’d already started to take root before they’d even met face to face because the man on paper had been impressive enough. Still, he hadn’t realized how fully integrated those feelings had become until after Caitlin.

            He frowned; dropping his eyes down to his lap as he forcefully pushed those memories back. Hermann had been there for him, had been the root system that had held his crumbling world apart and in return Newton had become terrified and pushed the man away. He hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it until months and months later, and by then the silences had grown long between them. He didn’t think they’d ever fully recovered from it, and Newton was convinced they’d never surpass it either.

            “How…is your family doing, Newton?” Hermann spoke and Newton startled having forgotten where he was for a moment as he looked up. Dr. Gottlieb was watching him with a soft frown, lips pressing into a thin line. He’d seen that look far too often, Hermann was worrying about him and Newton felt stupid. This was supposed to be a nice dinner, not the train wreck he was creating in its stead. Before he could answer; before he could even try to act like a normal human being who didn’t get lost in his thoughts like they were a forest, the taxi came to a stop outside the small Mongolian place.

            “Oh, hey, no let me,” Newton said when Hermann moved to pay the fare, leaning forward to grab his own wallet in a fluster. The cab driver gave them a look as though he thought they were both insane and seemed relieved to have them out of his taxi when he finally drove off.

            “I, uh, thank you. Perhaps I can get dinner then to make things even?” Hermann was leaning on his cane in a self-conscious manner as he eyed the restaurant. It was fancier than Newton had remembered, and he was suddenly very happy he didn’t look like a complete mess. It wasn’t a high scale place but the décor was soft and light and the atmosphere was quiet even with the circular grill standing in back where they cooked the food. He was about to protest, about to insist that he pay instead but he mentally kicked himself. He couldn’t make this seem like a date, because it wasn’t. It wasn’t a date no matter what he wanted or what Chuck said.

            “Oh, hey yeah. That will work. Thanks Hermms.” Newton gave him a smile and felt a flutter when Hermann returned it. It wasn’t one of his true smiles, not that wide grin that brightened his face and made the corners of his eyes crinkle, but it was enough for right then. Newton led the way into the restaurant, telling the hostess that it would be just the two of them. They had to wait by the door for a few moments before they were taken back to their table, but once they were settled into place things seemed a little easier.

            “Your family, how are they?” Hermann repeated his question from before after the waitress had taken their drink order and Newton stared blankly at him for a moment before remembering that Hermann had asked him that back in the cab.

            “Oh! Oh yeah, they’re good. Dad and Uncle Ilia are still in New York right now though they’ve been talking about going back to Germany now that Uncle Ilia’s contract is up. Um, mom is…somewhere, I never can keep track with her. She’s still not great about letting me know what her plans are, but last I heard she was France. I was going to try and go visit her over the holidays, but well…we each only got a couple of days this year and she was booked during them so…” Newton shrugged, drumming lightly on the table as the waitress brought them their drinks and a couple of bowls. It was one of those places where you chose what you wanted in the dish and then they cooked it for you, and Newton snatched both bowls to his side of the table. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Hermann was relying a bit heavily on his cane that day, but he knew the man would deny it if he asked. “Bet I can remember what you like.”

            “Really, Newton…” Hermann said disapprovingly and Newton shook his head sternly. “I can get my own food.”

            “Nope! If I get it wrong and you hate it then I’m buying,” Newton said, slipping away from the table even as Hermann leveled that familiar glare at him. The man didn’t follow though, remaining seated in an unexpected show of cooperation. Newton glanced back at him, taking a few moments to breathe and try to shake off the high energy nervousness that had taken hold. Hermann sat quietly at the table, staring at his drink in a distracted manner and Newton bumped into someone on accident as he failed to pay attention to where he was going. The man gave him a dark look but Newton was quick to apologize as he quickly scurried to the bar that held the different ingredients.

            It had been years since they’d been near a good Mongolian place so he had to try and think back for a few moments on just what Hermann had habitually ordered. It may have been a little weird that Newton remembered in such precise detail as he started to gather the ingredients into Hermann’s bowl, throwing things into his own in a more haphazard fashion as he went along. But, well, taking things down to their base components to full understand how they worked together was sort of Newton’s thing. Hermann liked some spice, preferred chicken and steak over seafood, hated the little tiny baby corn but loved mushrooms, peppers and sprouts. On a whim that was perhaps a risk he’d regret he put a hint of cinnamon in with the spices, something sweet to cut through the cayenne pepper.

            Once he was certain he hadn’t forgotten anything and had the right proportions Newton threw in some spice on top of his own bowl that was overflowing just a little with a mixture of meat and veggies, a raw egg on the side that they’d cook in for him. He made his sweeter rather than spicier but he decided to be brave and sprinkled the smallest amount of cayenne onto his as well before moving to hand the two bowls off to the cooks. He turned back to the table and found Hermann watching him, and he broke into a smile. Hermann eyed him critically as though attempting to ascertain whether the man was aiming to poison him or not. If Newton wasn’t mistaken there was a smile on Hermann’s lips when he turned his gaze back to the table and picked up his glass to take a sip of wine.

            When Newton finally returned to the table with the two plates he set Hermann’s down with a flourish before sliding back into his chair. He sat watching Hermann closely, waiting for him to give his evaluation of Newton’s attempts as he took a bite. Hermann chewed thoughtfully and Newton’s leg bounced beneath the table in a show of nerves. He got a look for that one as their wine rippled like there was some underlying current influencing them within their glasses. Newton forced himself to be still.

            “You are not going to watch me like that the entire time we are eating, are you?”

            “Dude, just tell me if I got it right.” Hermann studied him for a long second, at least the guy wasn’t like gagging on the food, but still he was killing Newton with the suspense. He had to have gotten it right; he desperately felt the need to have gotten it right because he really did want to pay for dinner. He wanted to give the date vibe maybe just a little bit, but this would be a way to do so without making it outright obvious that he wanted there to be a date vibe. He could still claim innocence if Hermann suddenly reminds him that they are just friends, or worse, just colleagues.

            “You could have perhaps been heavier with the pepper, however…” Hermann sighed, frowning as though it was painful to admit though Newton already was celebrating on his side of the table. “If I did not know you and your ability to remember ridiculous details so well it’d be almost disturbing how accurate you were after all this time.”

            “Disturbing or not, I get to pay for dinner,” Newton said with a wide grin, and there was that small shy twitch of Hermann’s lips again. He was determined he’d win one of those brilliant smiles that lit up the room by the end of the night. “So, dude, how’s your family? Is Dietrich still pining after that Canadian chick who’s way too hot for him?”

            “Ah, last I heard he was no longer ‘pining’. My brother’s ability to endear himself to people has always been overly developed, and apparently being French Canadian does not make you immune to his charms. He seems rather serious about this one though he always seems serious at the beginning,” Hermann said as Newton finally dug into his own food and suddenly felt his eyes water. It was as though that small hint of pepper had decided to coalesce into one spot and take him off guard. He grabbed his water, taking a sip as Hermann made a point of acting like he was unaware of the man’s discomfort until Newton had regain composure. “You should know by now that you are incapable of handling anything even remotely spicy.”

            “Hey, it was just…like a seed or something. I’m fine, it’s fine,” Newton said though his voice was high and strained. He’d power through the food on his plate if it killed him however if it meant not getting that an ‘I told you so’. “How is Karla and what’s her face?” Newton grinned and Hermann rolled his eyes a little. Newton and Vanessa had bonded over mimosas and teasing Hermann when she’d visited alongside Karla back when they’d first fully revealed their relationship to the entirety of Hermann’s family. Hermann had already know, honestly Newton was pretty certain the only person who hadn’t known had been Lars. Somehow it had become a thing between Newton and Vanessa to pretend they didn’t remember each other’s names after that first trip and Newton wasn’t even sure how that had happened. Still, when he had unexpectedly received his invitation to their wedding it had been addressed to ‘Dr. That guy’. Hermann had walked Karla down the aisle in their father’s stead, the man refusing to attend, and Dietrich had officiated over the ceremony. Newton had maybe cried a little.

            “Karla and Vanessa are doing well. They have…decided to have a child,” Hermann said, pausing as though he was debating the prudence of sharing this detail.

            “Wow, good for them! I’ve heard that adopting right now can be a bitch though, they realize it might take them a while right?” Hermann frowned lightly, picking at his food for a moment before sighing.

            “They have decided not to adopt. Their goal is to have a child that is biologically theirs.” Newton paused mid bite to look at Hermann as he got the feeling there was more to this than the man was saying. Well, clearly there had to be because unless Karla Gottlieb somehow managed to miss the basic biological fact that two females of their species were incapable of producing children there had to be more to it.

            “Karla and what’s her face understand that they…”

            “Yes, my sister is not an imbecile, Newton, she understands that they alone cannot produce a child,” Hermann said sternly and Newton narrowed his eyes.

            “So how exactly?”

            “Dear lord, Dr. Geiszler, is it that difficult to reach your own conclusion based on the data given? They wish for me to be the…donor for their child so that they can both share similar genetic material with their offspring.” Hermann said it in a flustered rush and Newton couldn’t help the wide incredulous grin that was spreading across his face.

            “They want you to be their baby daddy?”

            “Please do not make a big deal out of this, Dr. Geiszler, I should not have told you in the first place,” Hermann said, bowing his head to hide his face as he became self-conscious of people staring even though there was totally no one paying them any attention.

            “Oh my god, there’s going to be a little Hermann hybrid running around. I just… I can’t…Why did you tell me sooner?!” Newton sounded suddenly stern and Hermann looked up at him in surprise as Newton frowned across the table at him. This was huge, this was a big deal and Hermann hadn’t shared it with him immediately and that actually really bothered Newton.

            “I…we…we only had the conversation yesterday, Dr. Geiszler. I wasn’t even entirely certain if I wished to agree to the ridiculous suggestion,” Hermann said a little defensively though he looked slightly ashamed of himself. Newton felt bad then because really Hermann didn’t _have_ to tell him anything, but he had sort of come to expect to hear about the big news at least. Though, if the conversation had only occurred yesterday…

            “Oh, that’s why you were all weird and distracted yesterday! I was worried your asshole father had called again or something.” Newton had picked up on that at least, the phone calls that Hermann ignored with an angry flare and the emails he hastily deleted with a curse. It hadn’t taken a rocket scientist to figure out that Lars Gottlieb had swung his attentions back around to telling Hermann how wrong he was for backing the Jaeger program.

            “Well, he has been trying to reach me recently but no…it was indeed my conversation with my sister that had me distracted.”

            “Did you agree?”

            “Hm?” Hermann was clearly distracted all over again as he looked at Newton without registering what was being asked.

            “Did you agree to be their baby daddy? You said you weren’t certain.” Newton gave Hermann a playful grin from across the table, and the man took a drink of his wine to hide a smile. Newton knew it was a smile, he saw the way the corners of Hermann’s eyes crinkled slightly but that wasn’t good enough. No, he wanted an unconcealed full Hermann smile.

            “You will not be calling me their ‘baby daddy’ but yes…It’s a preposterous idea and why in the world they would choose me is simply beyond my grasp, but I did agree.” Newton gave Hermann a warm smile that seemed to throw the man off completely as he became flustered and almost spilt his wine. He composed himself in the face of the tender look though, giving Newton a frown. “What?”

            “I get it. I completely get why they would choose you,” Newton said and he saw gifted that smile though Hermann was quick to try and hide it behind a frown. It had been there though, bright and gorgeous and embarrassed at the flattery.

            “I…well, thank you Newton.” Hermann sputtered out before taking another drink of wine to hide a pleased smile. The rest of the dinner passed in companionable conversation, it was the more at ease Newton had felt them be in a long while and he really hated it when dinner ended. Hermann protested that he had not actually agreed to let Newton pay if the man was capable of correctly preparing his food to his liking, but Newton won simply because he charmed the waitress more. They caught a cab ride home, sitting close but Newton made certain he didn’t touch. He wanted to, he wanted to experiment if Hermann was really so opposed to physical contact as he had come to assume, but it had been such a nice night he hated the thought of ruining it.

            They returned to their hallway, Hermann pausing to say goodnight to him when they reached Newton’s door first. Newton had to remind himself again that this wasn’t a date, that he couldn’t kiss Hermann goodnight or ask him to stay. It was hard though, Hermann lingering close with his cheeked flushed slightly with the wine they’d perhaps had both drank a little too much of.

            In the end Newton hugged him, hugged him because he could always blame the wine for making him too affectionate. Hermann had always said alcohol made Newton more physical in his affection, so it was a completely reasonable excuse. The truth though was that Newton hugged him because he couldn’t kiss him, but just not doing anything was likely to drive him insane. He pulled back before Hermann had a chance to properly react, and upon seeing the surprised look on Hermann’s face Newton retreated quickly into his room with a mumbled goodbye and a lopsided grin. Along with the crash of waves Newton would dream of chalkboards and smiles that made his heartbeat race.

 

            Hermann stood staring at Newton’s door for a drawn out moment that was perhaps longer than was completely proper. It had been a wonderful evening, one that reminded him of a time when things had been a bit easier between them. And then, standing there out in the hall, he wasn’t sure what he expected. He had wanted to speak the words that always lingered on the tip of his tongue around Newton, had perhaps almost even said them in a reckless show of courage as Newton had looked at him. Looked at him like he had wanted him. Then there had been a crush of arms around his center, Newton’s face pressed against his shoulder and Hermann had ached. He’d been almost afraid to return the embrace because he might not have let go, but Newton had pulled back far too quickly with his cheeks flushed and giving him that grin as he disappeared out of Hermann’s sight. It was an expression he had seen before when Newton had perhaps drank just a little more than his limits allowed.

            He had thought that…just maybe, but no. Newton was always more affectionate when he was intoxicated and this time Hermann was the one present for him to thoughtlessly cling to. Hermann finally turned to walk the short distance down the hall to his own bunk, silent and aching and suddenly very glad that those words had caught in his throat. Still, one must be happy for welcome surprises, the feel of Newton squeezing him tight if only for a second even if it wasn’t a press of lips or a confession of love. Even if it wasn’t enough to soothe the hollow feeling inside him as Hermann attempted to sleep, but unable to get those bright green eyes and tattooed skin out of his mind as he tossed and turned restlessly into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated if I was going to bring up Vanessa considering I clearly am deviating from canon by not having Hermann be married. I thought of putting her with one of his siblings, and when Karla crossed my mind I sort of fell in love with the idea. Especially as it then enabled me to include the fact that Hermann is going to technically be a father, though it will be in that awkward 'Uncle Daddy' sort of situation. Hermann is extremely embarrassed by what it will take for him to be the donor in this specific situation, he may just die of it.


	14. Kiss me hard before you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck and Herc have one last confrontation concerning Newton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summary sucks XD It's in part because this sort of is the wrap up that will take us to right before the movie timeline. The next chapter will have a time skip with a summary of what happens during the next few months and then if I manage to plan it right it should end right around the very beginning of the movie timeline. (Though we all know I tend to draw things out so it's possible it will happen throughout the next two chapters). 
> 
> This chapter title is from "Summertime Sadness" by Lana Del Ray (I'm currently obsessed with her music.)

 

            Newton was startled awake by the feeling of someone falling down into the bed beside him with a heavy sigh and after a moment he recognized the form of Chuck lying on top of the sheets. The man sounded as though he was already asleep just in those few seconds and Newton shifted to curl up against his side without a word wondering just how hard Herc was going to push his son over the next few months. He understood the need to train and keep in shape just like they’d have drift sessions set up to make sure their connection stayed strong even if there was no need to call them out for a drop. However, they’d been going at a hard pace this entire week so far and Newton was hoping it’d let up.

            “How’d the date go?” Chuck sounded groggy like he really was half asleep when he finally decided to ask the question. It pulled Newton back out of his own beginnings of sleep once more and he gave the man a light hug that was received with a soft grunt that sounded a little like pain and made Newton feel bad as he eased up a little.

            “It was nice, really nice,” Newton said with a quiet sigh. He had regretted the hug just a tiny bit because he was sure that Hermann wouldn’t just drop it. He’d probably make some comment about how improper it was and how Newton really needed to watch his affectionate nature or something like that. He’d made comments like that to Newton this last year all of a sudden and Newton didn’t really get where it was coming from other than Hermann not being appreciative of the PDA between him and Chuck.

            “Why did I find you alone then?” Newton may have intentionally squeezed Chuck’s ribs just ever so slightly for that one. Chuck knew very well why Newton was alone. Did the guy really expect someone like Hermann Gottlieb to climb into bed with him just because they had a nice dinner together? It would take a lot more than dinner for that sort of intimacy to happen; he was certain of that.

            “I’m not alone, you’re here,” Newton said, deciding right then that he was too tired for this. Besides, even with the potential that Hug-gate 2024 might blow up in his face he was still feeling pretty elated with how the night had gone. If Chuck was a more awake than he currently seemed to be he would have likely taken more retribution against Newton for sassing back at him than the light cuff on the ear that came off as more of a brush of fingertips along his skin.

            “You should have asked him to stay,” Chuck said, trying hard to fight off the yawn that interrupted him, “Or did you and he said no?”

            “I didn’t ask. It didn’t seem right to ask and he would have said no,” Newton said with a pout and wishing that Chuck would just fall asleep. He was killing the buzz Newton had even though he knew that wasn’t the ranger’s intention. “I did hug him.”

            “Really? My, that’s shocking. I’m sure he’ll file a sexual harassment claim against you in the morning if he isn’t doing it already.” Even when he was suffering from exhaustion Chuck managed to put that heavy drawl in his voice that conveyed such a pure level of sarcasm that it always left Newton a little baffled. How could people ever not appreciate that kind of blunt mocking honesty? Oh right, cause it made Chuck seem like an ass. Still…Oh god…

            “You don’t think he will, do you?” Hermann had filed so many complaints against Newton for these small little things he did. This may not seem like such a small thing though, and what if the higher ups actually took this one seriously. What if he wasn’t allowed to work with Hermann anymore? What if he had made the man feel that uncomfortable?

            “Stop freaking out, Dr. Gottlieb isn’t going to report you.” Chuck spoke the words softly though he was chastising Newton as he sense the tension that ran through the smaller man’s body. Newton was more than happy to bury himself against Chuck as the guy rolled over onto his side to pull Newton against him. “You two are idiots.”

            “I resent that comment coming from someone who _still_ insists on saying things like ‘smarts’,” Newton said quietly and Chuck gave a huff of laughter.

            “You’re telling me everything once I’m conscious again.” Chuck said as he ignored Newton’s comment rather than taking the bait. Newton snuggled against him, sliding both his arms around Chuck despite knowing he was going to wake up with that dead arm syndrome on his right side. He smoothed his hands down along Chuck’s back and smiled at the quiet appreciative sound the other made, his breaths already evening out as he drifted to sleep. Newton hoped that they had at least a couple of hours before his alarm would go off or that Chuck would sleep through the noise.

 

            Chuck had an easier time waking up than Newton when his alarm actually did go off, and Dr. Geiszler was left thinking how unfair that was as he dragged himself into the shower. Chuck had offered to join him even though he’d showered the night before after training was done, but Newton had just mumbled at him in response. Sleepy sex was nice, sleepy shower sex was dangerous. Sleepy showers in general were dangerous and there was a moment where Newton was fairly certain he’d fallen asleep under the spray because he startled when the water suddenly turned freezing cold. When he pulled himself shivering from the bathroom with a towel around his waist he found his room empty though there was the scrawled note on his door that was becoming tradition for Chuck lately. This one simply said **Coffee** in permanent marker.

 

            Hermann was feeling a tad more sluggish than he would have liked after dinner the night before. He’d perhaps drunk a little more wine than necessary and it had been followed by a restless sort of sleep. Things had gone well with Newton even if the man had managed to ruin Hermann’s initial plan of paying for the dinner. Still, it had been a lovely evening that had seemed far more like their old familiar banter than the tension of the recent years. It had given him hope that those strained moments and the times where their bickering had developed into true arguments were a product of the stressful environment opposed to any real personal discord between them.

            Then there had been the hug that had most likely been fueled by nothing more than Newton’s own alcohol consumption. It had left Hermann feeling both elated and hollow at the same time and he hadn’t managed to reconcile the two emotions still now that morning had officially arrived. He was the first one in the lab once more though he couldn’t claim to be surprised by Newton’s tardiness or even potential absence from the space today. They tended to work most weekends in the previous several years and with the impending move there was plenty to do. Still, it wasn’t a requirement for them to up Saturday mornings unless the Marshall requested it. Hermann hoped that it would be this fact and his inebriated state from the night before that kept Newton from showing his face rather than the man remembering the embrace and feeling too embarrassed to be in the room with him.

            When he heard footsteps he looked up expectantly to find his visitor was Chuck looking rather rough around the edges but wide awake nonetheless. He was carrying a tray that had three coffee cups snuggly tucked into place and he gave Hermann one of his sharp smiles that typically meant the man was about to criticize or try to unnerve him. It was lacking its normal effect right then though, edges softened by a deeply rooted fatigue.

            “Morning Hermann.”

            “Good Morning Chuck.” He eyed the young man critically and wondered just how much rest he had managed to get last night. Though he knew that Herc Hansen wouldn’t listen to him directly about the dangers of pushing, not only Chuck, but both of them too hard when there could be a breach event at any moment he was considering sending Tendo an email. The LOCCENT officer seemed to have more sway; not to mention a far more personable touch to approaching delicate situations. Chuck set the tray down on Hermann’s desk without asking if it was all right before pulling a cup loose and handing it to Dr. Gottlieb.

            “I thought you might need that this morning, doc.”

            “Thank you Mr. Hansen. It was a long night,” Hermann said gratefully as he realized that this wasn’t simply the coffee from the mess hall but something from the small café that was nestled down the street from the Shatterdome.

            “Clearly not long enough if you two really did only have dinner with no dessert,” Chuck said, clearly waiting until Hermann was sampling the drink on purpose as his grin returned when Dr. Gottlieb choked slightly on the latte. Hermann attempted to give the man a withering stare while doing his best to recompose himself, grabbing a napkin from the tray to dab at the drops which had fallen upon his coat.

            “Mr. Hansen-“

            “Dr. Gottlieb-“

            “-that was highly inappropriate and-“

            “-you should have asked him to stay when he hugged you.”

            “-I…what? He told you?” Hermann had been doing his best to talk over Chuck’s commentary but the man had simply powered through until he’d thrown Hermann off completely. Newton did remember hugging him and apparently it was a moment worthy of commenting upon to Chuck. When would the two have discussed it? Why had they even discussed it and had Newton been mortified that Hermann would take it to have more meaning than it did? Less perhaps?

            “He told me last night, well, early this morning when I got done with training. I asked him how your date had gone and he’d told me that he hugged you goodnight. You should have asked him to stay.” Chuck had now freed his own cup of coffee from the tray, his focus seeming to zero in entirely on the beverage as he finished his explanation and he took a long sip out of the cup. Hermann suspected that the man had managed to down half the beverage in one go.

            “I’ve told you before, Mr. Hansen,” Hermann said with a long suffering sigh as he tested his drink once again now that he’d dealt with the mess. It was rather heavenly to have a decent cup of coffee. “You assume too much of the affections between Dr. Geiszler and I.”

            “Are we really back to that again?” Chuck raised an eyebrow at him from over the top of his drink and Hermann flushed a little. Fine, so the man wasn’t going to let go of the fact that he knows very well just how Hermann feels towards Newton.

            “You know very well that I’d rather we not discuss this. Newton and I had a lovely evening out as friends, the man hugged me after imbibing too much alcohol and then disappeared into his room before I could even react. That is the extent of this conversation and I will not discuss it any further.”

            “You’re lucky I’m too tired for this shit this morning, Doc, you’re going to have to say it eventually,” Chuck said a little darkly as he managed to finish his drink within the span of seconds. Hermann chose to latch onto this string of conversation in order to divert any further questioning about dinner the night before.

            “Speaking of that, have you had any rest today? Why are you not perhaps still sleeping?” Chuck shrugged unceremoniously, eyeing the other cup of coffee as though he was contemplating just how upset the intended recipient would be if he chose to drink it instead.

            “Newton’s alarm went off and seeing as I actually invited myself in to his room last night,” Chuck said, the words heavy with meaning as he managed the painful act of taking his eyes off the coveted coffee cup. Apparently he had decided he should resist the temptation a little longer.

            “Clearly then it was for the better that I had not asked him to stay in mine,” Hermann sniffed slightly, head held high so he could look down at Chuck along his nose though the man just tilted his head ever so slightly forward to return the stare from under furrowed brows. How Newton had gotten this man under his thumb quite so easily was beyond Hermann at that moments; granted Hermann would be loathed to admit that Newton had him in a similar position. Chuck was the one who appeared to be benefitting the most from the situation though.

            “Even if he’d been in your room and I’d found his bed empty, Hermann, I would have done the same exact thing that I did with him last night,” Chuck said as Dr. Gottlieb made a face at the insinuation. This only managed to make Chuck laugh as he shook his head, working on freeing the last cup from the carrier tray as he gave in to temptation. “I slept. That’s all, though that’s not always all and you know that just like you know I wouldn’t lie about it if we had fucked last night.”

            “Dear Lord, Mr. Hansen, can you not-“

            “No, I really can’t,” Chuck said sarcastically before Hermann even got the words out. He only took a sip of the second coffee, perhaps still showing some restraint in not downing it immediately as he eyed the flustered and red faced Dr. Gottlieb. He dropped his eyes after a few moments as Hermann turned his back, seeming perhaps a little apologetic. “Really, we just talked for a few minutes then slept.”

            “I do not care what you did, Mr. Hansen.” There was a heavy sigh from behind him and Hermann glanced over his shoulder to find Chuck staring off at Newton’s side of the lab, cup resting against his chest as he reclined back in the chair. Right then it was clear that Hermann’s first assessment that Chuck was managing to be wide awake had been inaccurate. The young man seemed to be putting on the forced image of having caught some second wind but right then Hermann could see through the cracks around the corners. “Why are you not getting some rest, Ranger Hansen? You will do no good if you do not take care of yourself. Surely you are not training again today.”

            “Hm?” Chuck seemed to slowly emerge from his thoughts as he turned back to Hermann and a few seconds later gave another shrug as though pushing off the suggestion of sleep. “I’ve got some coding for Striker Eureka to go over, they’re trying to improve response time if that’s possible on her. Plus, Tendo asked if I wouldn’t mind going over some of the old coding on Gypsy Danger to suggest improvements. Mako is leading it and Tendo says she’s good but that I have more experience on the actual follow through inside a Jaeger.”

            “Could that not perhaps not wait until after you’ve slept?” Hermann was considering that email to Tendo again and wondering if perhaps he was starting to overstep some bounds with Chuck. It was becoming the norm for Hermann to worry about the man despite how infuriating he found him, yet another way that Chuck Hansen was becoming some extension of Newton as that was the closest non-familiar tie Hermann had to equate the situation with. How had Tendo stated it? Newton and Chuck appeared to be a packaged deal? Of course Newton would ‘package’ himself with someone like Chuck Hansen. Hermann had not failed to grasp some of the similarities between the two men during their last year together.

            “Sleep is for the dead, Hermann,” Chuck said, the words emphasized by a yawn as Chuck glanced back at the door, ever conscious of his comments if Newton was present. Luckily for him the man still had not appeared and they both wondered for a small moment if he’d managed to fall asleep again. Well, Hermann worried he was truly being avoided especially now that he knew the night previous had been discussed at some length.

            “You really should not make comments like that.”

            “I know, I know.” Chuck actually flinched slightly at the chastising from him. The man had been doing his best to be mindful of his comments, especially after the last terrible blow up between Newton and him for just that sort of thing. “How ‘bout War waits for no man?”

            “I believe the Black Label Society stated that it was time which waited for no one, Chuck,” Hermann said, suppressing a smile as Chuck gave a soft laugh. “They are a deplorable band.”

            “Not really my favorite of the stuff he listens to either,” Chuck said, not having to mention who they were talking about. It was just as well as right then Newton finally made his appearance in the lab somehow looking more put together than normal. Well, when it came to Newton Geiszler saying the man looked ‘put together’ would be a generous way of putting the fact that Newton appeared to have put the same amount of care in _not_ looking at all professional as he had the night before.

            “I’m pretty sure you both must be inhuman to manage to be awake enough to be discussing one of the best heavy metal bands formed in the late twentieth century.” Newton whined a little though his eyes lingered on Hermann for a few seconds in a curious way before he looked down at Chuck. The ranger had turned in the chair to face him, coffee cup being offered his way despite Mr. Hansen having drunk a portion of it already. “Oh thank god.” Newton took the cup from Chuck greedily, taking a sip and giving an appreciative sigh as he sunk down to sit in the man’s lap.  Hermann turned away, bowing his head for a few seconds before looking up at his chalkboard over the rim of his glasses. He could hear Chuck saying something quietly to Newton in a tone that came off as disapproving though Hermann couldn’t quite make out the words themselves. “Ah, hey, um…I had a good time last night Hermms.”

            Hermann blinked owlishly at Newton when the man appeared at his side; face slightly flushed as he rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. Dr. Gottlieb glanced behind them to find Chuck sitting alone in the chair again, staring down at some of the papers on Hermann’s desk though he suspected the man’s attention was on them instead.

            “I found it rather enjoyable as well, Newton. It would be pleasant if we could go for dinner again, perhaps even on a semi-regular basis once we’re settled.” Hermann caught the hint of a smile coming to Chuck’s face before the man turned in the chair so that he could stand up. When he looked back at Dr. Geiszler the man was looking at him with wide eyes and a bright smile that made Hermann’s heart figuratively miss a beat though it felt rather literal in that second. Hermann gave him a shy sort of smile in return, clearing his throat as he felt his cheek heat. He found himself wondering once more if Chuck Hansen didn’t actually understand this situation better than either of them, because in that second with that smile trained on him Hermann could almost imagine his feelings for Newton were mutual.

            “I better go start work on that coding,” Chuck said, stretching in an exaggerated manner which seemed to actually hurt the man a little. Newton snapped out of his moment of consideration for Hermann to look at Chuck in surprise.

            “You’re not training again tonight, are ya?” Hermann allowed himself to breathe again now that he wasn’t under Newton’s gaze, watching the man walk quickly to catch up with Chuck as the man headed towards the doors of the lab. Chuck paused his steps long enough for the shorter man to come up beside him, lifting a hand to mess Newton’s hair which prompted a protesting squeak from the man.

            “The old man wants us to do a run on the PONS, they’ve been giving him shit for his age again and saying they don’t feel he can keep a strong drift going. We’re going planning to show them how fucking wrong they are. The only person I drift with is that old bastard, and they’re not going to try and push some rookie jack ass on me at this point,” Chuck said with a hint of venom in his voice.

            “Come by afterwards?” Newton spoke quietly and Hermann did his best to turn his attention to his notes or his email, anything but openly listening to the two of them though he could still see them in his peripheral vision. Chuck put a hand on the back of Newton’s neck, pulling him close to press a quick kiss on the man’s forehead.

            “Sure, as long as you two drunkards haven’t decided to go off together in the meantime.” Both Hermann and Newton flushed at the comment though neither of them realized as they avoided looking at one another. Newton lightly hit Chuck on the arm and the man rolled his eyes before turning to step out of the labs. “See you, Dr. Gottlieb.”

            “Goodbye Mr. Hansen.”

 

            By the time he showed up for the drift session with Herc Chuck was finding himself wishing he’d slept more. He had intended to nap that afternoon after working on the coding, but he’d gotten caught up in a debate with one of the J-techs on the implementation of the changes and it had dragged on. That and he’d made sure to go over the coding for Gypsy Danger with an extremely critical eye but had found that Mako Mori had done better than he’d expected out of someone who’d only run simulations. Still, she was green and had never piloted which had made him doubt she’d be able to meet the needs for the Jaeger’s functionality.

            Now they were suiting up, Herc watching him with that stern look which said he was already expecting Chuck to fail him. They’d been putting Herc under the microscope for the last couple of years at least and had more than once flat out voiced doubt that he was mentally capable of drifting and maintaining that drift. Chuck knew he was held responsible for this as well, though that doubt usually wasn’t voiced outright by anyone other than Herc.

            “Initiating neural handshake in 3…2…1…” It was the same hit of memories and thoughts that Chuck was more than familiar with navigating by now; memories of their mutual loss that was always spiked with Chuck’s anger and Herc’s bitter pain, the Jaegers and the training, the fights and arguments, the shared resentment towards Chuck’s uncle for his actions that got him removed from the program, and Chuck’s resentment towards Herc himself. All of this was understood, all of this was old news just like the swell of love that was peppered with pride was familiar despite still feeling like a foreign concept after all these years. The drift caused silence and the Hansen’s weren’t known for expressing their emotions as it was. During the breach it could be easy to believe that he wasn’t the disappointment to his father that he knew he was once they were disconnected.

            It was the recent memories that they’d been getting caught up on lately, the swirl of blue and tattoos that was Newton Geiszler. Chuck fought hard to protect these thoughts and memories while Herc fought to understand despite his disapproval and frustration with the situation. He still didn’t like Newton, didn’t want Chuck to have anything to do with him even though Herc had shut up on the subject a while back. It wasn’t that he didn’t see that Newton was valuable to the PPDC, didn’t appreciate his intelligence or what could be learned. It was how he acted, the brash nature and how he wasn’t above making someone feel dumb if they didn’t immediately grasp the importance of his work. It was the fact that the man was fucking around with his son, and the fact that Chuck had so far managed to hold back on sharing the extent of his feelings towards the biologist. Instead it was only the images he got, the first things that Chuck almost always thought of going into the drift, moments and glimpses of intimacy that made Herc’s temper rise in a protective tide. Chuck couldn’t hold everything back, especially when it seemed the man was constantly running as background noise in the kid’s mind.

            Still, the drift would always complete with only perhaps the slightly hitch in the connection. They’d settle into their familiar patterns of determined focus on their task, and they’d hold steady as long as was needed. They’d hold out to the end of the goddamn world if they needed to because that’s what they were built for. Herc sometimes wished he’d never let Chuck climb up into a Jaeger.

            Herc could feel the fatigue on Chuck’s mind, thoughts and images slipping through more than normal despite his attempts to stay in the moment. Herc did is best to compensate even as he gritted his teeth slightly as most of those thoughts were of the damned doctor. Once they’d run through some simple tasks and tests that would help confirm that, yes, Herc could still maintain a drift and could definitely maintain one with his son; they were finally disconnected. They’d gotten removed from the drift apparatus and Herc was watching his son closely while Chuck pulled his boots back in place looking sluggish and depleted. 

            “Don’t old man.” Chuck spoke before Herc could even comment, and the elder Hansen was glad they were the only two left in the room. It was clear that Chuck had picked up on his annoyance in the drift, was still picking it up as they dealt with the immediate fall out of it. There was the normal warning tone in Chuck’s voice though it was softened as he tried to keep how tired he was from showing through.

            “You’re exhausted.”

            “I wonder why,” Chuck said flatly, lifting his eyes to level a look at Herc. That look always reminded him of Chuck’s mother, and he felt an ache in his chest beneath his ribs. The kid was more him than her, but from time to time an expression would pass that took his breathe away in memory.

            “Don’t you think it’s time you remove certain distractions? If we’re going to go through with this plan that Marshall’s concocted don’t I’d rather have you focused,” Herc said, broaching the subject as carefully as he could in an attempt to not start a fight right off the bat.

            “Don’t know what you’re talking about, old man.” Chuck finished getting his toe tied with a exaggerated tug before standing up from the bench. Herc stepped in his son’s path to keep him from just walking out and he saw Chuck’s jaw muscles tense for a moment. Chuck had only hit him a handful of times outside of training, and it’d been years since he’d last done it in a fit of anger over his Uncle Scott being kicked out of PPDC. Chuck understood that situation now and that specific anger was directed towards his uncle anymore.

            “You know very well just who I’m talking about, Chuck. I’ve stayed quiet about it until now, but we can’t have this shit going on when we go for the breach. I don’t understand just what the hell you’re doing fucking around with the guy, I never have since you try to keep it locked up in your head, but it has to stop.” Chuck’s eyes darkened but Herc didn’t flinch as he stood his ground. His son was just slightly taller than him and Chuck often tried to use it against Herc like he did with so many other people, but they both knew that it wasn’t going to get Herc to do anything much less back down when he had a point to be made.

            “Newton is none of your business, old man. He’s not a distraction-“

            “Bull shit, he’s in your head every goddamn time we drift even with you trying to keep me locked out of that part of your head-“

            “Maybe if you didn’t try and pry into my life every time we drifted,” Chuck snapped back and he gave Herc a light shove. Herc didn’t necessarily shove back but he refused to be moved by his son as he steeled his nerves for the fight that was going to ensue whether he wished to stop it or not.

            “How the hell am I supposed to stay out of your fucking head when we drift kid? You can’t tell me he’s not a distraction when all I see are you two. I mean, shit son, do you really think I care to know the guy blew you in the goddamn Conn-pod? He’s a distraction and he needs to go. You don’t need some guy who’s nothing but a fun time screwing this up. You cut him out of the picture by the time he leaves for Hong Kong or you make me understand why the hell you can’t, do you hear me?” This time Chuck used more force, pushing past Herc with that stubborn set in his shoulders and Herc caught him by the arm. There was a second he thought Chuck was going to hit him, and it was clear that Chuck thought about it before stopping himself from taking that swing. Herc wondered if he’d stepped too far, he’d gathered that Newton was perhaps a little more to his son than just someone to have a bit of fun with but the kid kept his actual feelings locked away and that frustrated Herc more than anything else about the situation.

            Instead of hitting him Chuck took a different course of action that Herc didn’t immediately follow as his son pulled Herc close, knocking their foreheads together roughly and closing his eyes. It took a few seconds and a tug of emotion for Herc to realize that Chuck was trying to actively share with him, something that the kid never did. Chuck didn’t share with Herc, not verbally or like this within the established and constantly present ghost drift.

            “You want to understand, old man, then come on,” Chuck said like it was a challenge, and Herc pressed a hand to the back of Chuck’s head as he closed his eyes and tried to focus without pushing back with his own thoughts before his son could change his mind. There was a sudden flood of loyalty and fierce love that hit Herc in the gut, a feeling that he’d caught whispers of in the drift previously over the years when they’d been on better terms and Chuck hadn’t held such a tight lock on his emotions. Only this time the force of those emotions were centered around Dr. Newton Geiszler, and there was a sense of fond adoration that felt like that touched the part of his mind that still held the memories of his younger brother from a time before Scott had gotten screwed up and come to resent him. Chuck was the one that broke the connection, both of them with eyes perhaps a little glassy with emotion as Herc stared at his son. “ _He’s_ my family, old man, you don’t tell me to give that up for anything.”

            Herc watched his son walk away from him and stood in silence wondering if this was retribution for not making it in time, for not saving her. Why else would the people he cared for most and tried to protect with every fiber of his being always end up resenting him for it if it wasn’t some fucked up form of karma for failing back then? He wouldn’t ask Chuck to give that up ever again; no one should lose a brother.

 

            Chuck had been in a weird mood when he arrived at Newton’s room that evening, and Newt hadn’t been entirely certain how to approach the quiet turmoil. Eventually Chuck had just pulled him close, mumbling a halfhearted apology before hugging Newton against him. Newton just waited, letting Chuck be the one to let go first and then he had pushed the man gently so he was sitting on the bed. He stripped Chuck’s shirt off for him with a concerned frown at the tired slump in the man’s shoulders before telling Chuck to lie down.

            Chuck just let himself fall backwards, only halfway achieve what Newton had wanted as his legs continued to hang off the bed. Newton huffed just a little at this but decided he may as well get Chuck’s jeans off too since they’d not be very comfortable to sleep in. Chuck had closed his eyes and didn’t open them even as Newton undid his fly and then pulled the jeans free of is legs to leave the man just in his boxers.

            Chuck watched him with eyes that were barely managing to stay open, that tension still set in his jaw that said he’d likely had an argument with his father. Newton had learned to recognize those distinct signs that meant Herc or Chuck had done something to set the other off. Honestly more often than not Chuck was the one who did something. This time seemed a little different as there was a hint of some raw edges that didn’t feel like the typical anger.

            “I’d drift with you.”

            “What?” Newton had given a soft chuckle at the suggestion but when he glanced up at Chuck’s face he could tell the man was being serious. Newton felt bad then as Chuck adverted his gaze and shook his head to indicate that Newton should just forget about it. Newton was already in his boxers, he’d been hoping they could mess around a little that night, though upon seeing Chuck upset the thought had gone out of his head. Still, when he climbed up on top of the man he was still aware the thinness of the cloth between them. He smoothed his hands down along Chuck’s chest thoughtfully before letting them settle on the man’s sides over his ribs. “Hm, I think we might be able to maintain a drift though you wouldn’t really want to hear what goes through my head. It’s sort of constant chatter and background noise, I’m pretty certain it would drive more people insane if they were subjected to it. I’m amazed I manage to keep any of it straight.”

            “You’re constant chatter even without being in your head,” Chuck said with just a hint of his typical humor in his voice. It was flat sounding though, too serious to really manage a joke just then.

            “True, maybe it’d be no different and we’d have an awesome compatibility. Still, I don’t think we’d ever get the chance. I’m no Jaeger pilot, I’d end up trying to cuddle the Kaiju to death or something, and they won’t approve a drift without there being the potential for a partnership in piloting a Jaeger. Granted if they installed a speaker into the thing I may be able to talk them into submission.” Newton was glad to hear that husky breath of laughter again and leaned down to press a kiss to the corner of Chuck’s mouth. There was a small part of him that felt bad about it, that felt like he was betraying Hermann just a little but he reminded himself that Hermann wasn’t his and he wasn’t Hermann’s. He couldn’t betray someone who wasn’t his and likely never would be, at least not the way he’d like. Chuck was his and vice versa in that moment even if it was in their own unique way. “You okay?”

            “Yeah, it’s nothing,” Chuck said though the frown returned to his brow and Newton tried to smooth it away with his lips.

            “Where are we, Chuck?” The man seemed to think this over as he let his hands settled on Newton’s hips, and right then Newton wished they could drift because he couldn’t read that expression on Chuck’s face.

            “Here. Can we just be here for right now?” Newton’s brow creased now but he made sure he was smiling when he pulled back from Chuck enough for the man to see.

            “Yeah, we can be here,” he said quietly, fighting off that feeling that something was changing and Newton wasn’t certain if he was ok with it. Chuck pulled him down into a kiss, the crush of eager lips and tongue and Newton decided he’d contemplated it later. Right then all he wanted was to be here in the moment with Chuck, the man’s hands sliding up his thighs to tug at the fabric of his boxers. When Newton moved away long enough to strip them both of their remaining clothing and to grab a condom and the lube Chuck sat up to watch him. Newton prepared them both before he climbed back into Chuck’s lap, lowering himself down onto the man’s cock with a soft whimper.

            It had been since his birthday since they’d had sex last, and this time Newton rode Chuck as the man sat with his arms around him. Newton could feel Chuck’s hot mouth moving along his collar bone placing kisses along the skin before the man focused his attention on a spot on Newton’s chest above his heart. He felt the suck and pull of Chuck’s lips, his tongue pressing soothingly even as he bruised the skin. Newton’s rhythm faltered for a few seconds as he threaded his fingers through Chuck’s hair, tilting his head to press a kiss amongst the messy bronze locks. When Chuck pulled back to press a light kiss on the new bruise upon his skin Newton let his hips rise and fall with a renewed vigor, driving them both to completion with a desperate and eager force.

            They sat like that for a long time before Chuck finally shifted and lifted Newton up, the man’s legs linking around his waist as he carried Newton into the bathroom to deposit them both into the shower long enough to rinse off. Chuck never completely let him go, there was always some contact between them even after they finished and returned to the bed still damp and bare. Chuck tugged Newton under the covers without a word, and they tangled themselves together in their usual mess. Chuck fell asleep quickly, no longer able to fight the pure exhaustion that had settled into his bones. Newton shifted to change positions and he felt Chuck’s arms tighten like he was unconsciously worried that Newton was leaving.

            “Don’t worry, I’m not leaving you,” Newton said quietly and he felt the man relax besides him back into that deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really nervous and kind of sad to be hitting the movie timeline in this story despite knowing I'd hit it eventually.


	15. So I'm not sure why it always goes downhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes after Newton and Hermann are moved to the Hong Kong Shatterdome. The breach events begin to happen more frequently over the months, and the effects of the UN pulling its support of the PPDC starts taking its toll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from "The Cure for Pain" by Jon Foreman
> 
> This is another bridging chapter but with it we officially hit the movie timeline within the next chapter. Sorry the last two chapters haven't been quite so eventful guys, but they needed to bridge the time a little to bring us to the next plot heavy section. *fluffles*

            In the end Newton and Hermann left near the end of May, their lab space empty with only a few straggling pieces of furniture left behind. Newton’s time leading up to this had been split between cataloging and approving the move of his samples and time spent with Chuck. The two of them had gotten into the habit during the last couple of months of disappearing together in the evening, and Hermann had gathered they spent most of their time out on one of the beaches from comments that Newton made. Both of their moods had fluctuated rather drastically during the short time they had left and it had become easier to simply let things be.

            In April there was another breach event after months of peaceful quiet, but it was Cherno Alpha that caught the drop. They all gathered together to listen and it was Hermann who felt a twinge of nerves at the relay of information coming from the battle. The Kaidonovsky’s came out victorious in the end though and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

           

            When they arrived at the Hong Kong Shatterdome they had been greeted by Tendo Choi who had pulled Hermann and then Newton into a hug after the months of not seeing them. He showed off what little had so far been completed on Gypsy Danger though he made it clear that it was more Mako Mori’s project than his own. Ms. Mori, for her part, smiled at the praise after greeting Hermann with a soft bow and Newton with a quick hug. They had both spent time with Mako as she was growing up and it made them both feel pleased that she still had affection for them. Newton mentioned Chuck briefly to her in relation to the Jaeger coding and her eyes had narrowed slightly.

            “He is a very…” Mako paused, seeming to try and find a respectful way to state what her thoughts on Chuck were, “He is an excellent pilot and he is certain to tell you that himself.” Newton had just laughed at that and made some comment about assumptions and first impressions.

           

            Hermann spent the first weekend organizing his appointment with facility that would be handling his…donation for Vanessa and Karla. Newton teased him endlessly and then had found a great amount of joy when they finally scheduled him to go in on his birthday. Newton offered to go with him as moral support with a wide amused grin, saying it wasn’t every year that Hermann would get to spend in a strange room jerking off for family on his birthday. Hermann had clearly declined the offer though he spent a shameful amount of his time that day contemplating the suggestion once made to him by Chuck of ‘find a way to shut Newton up’. By July he had received the news that the pregnancy had taken though Vanessa asked him to keep it quiet until further along. There were nerves in her voice but also joy.

 

            July had also been the month that all hell had broken loose as Kaiju suddenly started to come through the breach with only weeks separating the events. Striker Eureka caught almost every single one of the drops and Newton was a complete mess of nerves and fear. Chuck called almost immediately after he reached whatever Shatterdome he’d found himself returning to, and Hermann was thankful for the man’s thoughtfulness. Newton fell into a quiet focus that seemed almost manic in its drive. Their new lab had a couch inexplicably placed in the corner and Hermann started to find the man passed out on it more often than not, refusing to leave the lab to even sleep. He still would not tell Hermann what theory he was testing that had him so focused though he heard snippets of conversations with Chuck which indicated he’d found some common connection between the newer samples coming in with the older ones from years ago.

 

            October was the worse month yet when another Kaiju came through the breach while they were sharing a meal in the mess hall after Hermann’s insistence that Newton needed to eat. It had only been days since Chuck and Herc had defended Brisbane from Rachnid when another Kaiju came bursting out of the ocean and they got sent out again with Mammoth Apostle at their side. Newton had sat with his head down low over the table, humming to himself as he attempted to drown out the conversations happening around them when they heard one of the Wei triplets announce that a Jaeger was done, both pilots were dead.

            Those tense moments of silence that seemed to suddenly surround them in a bubble of fear had dragged on forever. Newton had gone perfectly still, his face falling blank as Hermann said his name in an attempt to get the man’s attention. He was already putting those walls up, already falling into that same pattern of defense he’d developed when they’d lost Caitlin Lightcap and Hermann could feel his heart breaking. Newton had lost a part of himself back then and he worried just what the man would lose now. Hermann’s phone had gone off and he was tempted to ignore it until he saw the text was from Tendo Choi.

_God, tell Newton itsnot them. It’s not Chukc._ The man had clearly typed it in a hurry from his position up in LOCCENT and Hermann was immensely grateful for the people in his life in that moment as he moved to sit beside Newton on the bench so he could talk quietly into his ear and show him the text from Tendo. As he tried to speak they heard the cheer go up as Striker Eureka managed to take the Kaiju down one and for all, and it was only then as Newton seemed to process that Chuck was alive after all that Newton had broken down into tears. Hermann had held the man close, glad that no one paid them any mind other than a few spare glances of interest and he held the other man close as Newton sobbed against his shoulder.

 

            It was after this that they shared another dinner together, this one more subdued than before and was quickly followed by another night out with Tendo in tow. The man was reeling from the loss of two more pilots, two more people he had grown to know even if it was only through communications that took place during fights. October was also the month that the UN began to officially shut down those Shatterdomes that were still being funded by them. One by one they went dark even as the public began to worry that the wall truly wasn’t enough. They didn’t even get a full month to pull themselves back together before another Kaiju and another deployment of Striker Eureka.

            The officials started to publicly express doubt and blame upon Herc Hansen’s shoulders for the damages that the cities he was fighting to protect took during the attacks; pushed that he wasn’t maintaining a drift and using it as evidence to further criticize the PPDC and their Jaeger program. Hermann had no doubt that his father was behind the attacks, targeting those who should be praised for the risks they were taking in order to further his own agenda sounded just like the man.

 

            By the beginning of December the Vladivostok Shatterdome was shut down and the Kaidonovsky’s arrived at the Hong Kong Shatterdome. The Russian government had stepped forward to purchase Cherno Alpha from the UN and had given full permission for the PPDC to continue to use what was now property of the Russian government alone. It appeared that not everyone had as much faith in the wall as the UN was trying to promote.

            Hermann went to greet them both and Newton had followed out of curiosity more than anything else. He had heard Hermann and Tendo talk about the two Jaeger pilots before in a fond if slightly exasperated way but he hadn’t expected them to be quite so intimidating. Sasha had spotted Hermann first and placed a hand on her husband’s arm to get his attention while they watched Cherno Alpha be loaded within its docking bay. She had sauntered over to Hermann to pull him into a gentle but encompassing hug before stepping out of the way to allow Alexys to greet him as well.

            Hermann had steeled himself for the greeting before it happened, the bear of a man taking Hermann’s by the shoulders to plant a firm though chaste kiss on Hermann’s lips before hugging him. Damn Tendo Choi, Sasha and Alexys had been witness to that drunken kiss years ago and after Tendo had suavely explained that friend kisses were ok this had become the typical greeting from Alexys. Hermann had long ago figured out that this was not because the man truly believed it was an appropriate gesture but simply that he found it amusing to watch Hermann turn a dark shade of red.

            “It is good to see you, Dr. Gottlieb, it has been long time,” Alexys said with a grin that made the man look far less threatening and more like the giant teddy bear he was. Hermann had for a long time been under the impression that the man didn’t speak as Sasha often took the lead in conversations, but he’d come to find that this was just preference with the two. Alexys had a soft quiet rumble of a voice full of warmth and affection when he chose to use it.

            “Who is this, Hermann?” Sasha was eyeing Newton critically where he stood and Hermann turned to face him as though suddenly remembering he was there. Newton had an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at the man standing just behind Hermann though it seemed almost like anger barely reined in by terror.

            “Ah, yes, Sasha and Alexys this is Dr. Newton Geiszler, my colleague and friend from the K-science division. Dr. Geiszler this is Sasha and Alexys Kaidonovsky,” Hermann said in way of formal introduction and Newton seemed to shake himself out of whatever thought process had frozen him in place momentarily.

            “It’s nice to meet you both,” Newton said, offering his hand to Sasha first under the false impression that she was less intimidating than her husband. The blonde woman had given him a wide smile that seemed just a hint feral as she gripped his hand tightly and leaned close, and Newton paled slightly.

            “Oh, you are Dr. Geiszler then? Hermann told us much about you though he did not mention that you were such a крошка,” Sasha said as she towered over Newton and Alexys gave a laugh. He said something to his wife in Russian that sounded as though he was chastising her lightly as he gave Hermann a wink and Sasha eased off of Newton slightly. “You are good partner for our Dr. Gottlieb, ya?” Hermann’s cheeks had gone a little pink again as he shot Sasha a look and she gave an innocent shrug.

            “Uh, yeah, Hermann and I work well together,” Newton agreed uncertainly, knowing he had missed something but no one seemed like they were going to explain it. His eyes widened a bit when Alexys stepped towards him and the Russian man practically lifted him into a hug.

            “A friend of Dr. Gottlieb is a friend of ours. It is wonderful to meet you, крошка.” Newton would wait until they were both far away and out of earshot before asking Hermann just what they were calling him, and Hermann would explain with a bit of pleasure at Newton’s indignant look that it had in essence meant ‘little crumb’. However, when Newton had drilled him on what Alexys had said to his wife in Russian Hermann had looked slightly embarrassed himself and had brushed the question off by claiming he hadn’t fully understood it. Newton knew he was lying.

 

            Newton got Hermann a new telescope for Christmas, the man’s former one he’d kept with him had been damaged a few years ago during a move and Hermann had been lamenting its loss since then. Dr. Gottlieb was slightly shocked by the quality Newton had sprung for and was glad that he had thought to get a gift for Dr. Geiszler that year as well. He felt like his present of the complete and re-mastered collection of Godzilla films had paled in comparison but Newton had stared in shock at the box set found online for an extraordinary cost as though it was gold.

            Chuck called Newton a few days before Christmas to tell him he’d get his present the next time they’d see each other in person but he promised to send Newton a picture of it so he knew what he was getting. Hermann heard the phone call end and a few seconds later Newton’s phone had chirped that he received a message. When Hermann asked just what was so funny that Newton had broken down into laughter the man had just shook his head, not wanting to explain that he’d just gotten a picture of Chuck Hansen’s cock complete with a box wrapped around it. Newton made sure to text Chuck back to tell him what an ass he was for getting Newton something that was really just a present for himself.

 

            A few days had passed before Chuck called again and the tone of this phone call was drastically different. Newton had answered it casually enough but his voice had gone up an octave when he heard Chuck on the other end of the line, and after telling the man to calm down a couple of times Newton had left the lab while Hermann watched his back with growing concern. Hermann moved to his computer, aiming to send a quick message up to Tendo to ask if he knew of something that would cause Chuck Hansen to be upset but as he glanced at the open email screen his question was answered. He opened the message and read the official release stating that the Sydney Shatterdome would be shut down within a few days on short notice from the UN and that they were refusing to release Striker Eureka to the PPDC for any price.

            They planned to decommission the Jaeger instead, tearing it apart and melting it down to be used in the continued construction of the wall. Hermann sat staring at his computer in numb silence, not envying Newton just then as he likely tried to calm a young man who’s life had suddenly been taken out of his control.

 

            “Chuck, buddy, calm down-“

            “They’re taking her. They’re taking her and ground me and the old man-“

            “Hey, just…take a second to breathe-“

            “They’re going to melt her down and turn her into goddamn scrape-“

            “Chuck! Breathe!” From the second he had answered the phone Chuck had started in on him with a furious edge to his voice and Newton could imagine the fierce expression the man was likely wearing. Something was clearly wrong and he’d moved out of the lab before trying to get Chuck to slow down enough to grasp what the man was talking about. Chuck paused now after Newton snapped at him, and he could hear the guy take a deep breath and count quietly backwards from ten. Apparently Herc had been trying to teach him some anger management skills though Newton wasn’t sure they were really working right then.

            “They’re shutting us down. The Shatterdome, Striker Eureka, all of it.” Chuck spoke tensely over the line and Newton shook his head lightly. There was a mistake clearly; something had gotten messed up in the line somewhere because Striker Eureka was supposed to be sold to the PPDC. The entirety of Operation Pitfall was resting on that Jaeger’s shoulders as it was the fastest and toughest Jaeger they still had in the running.

            “Chuck, I don’t think they probably just meant that they’re shutting the Shatterdome down finally and that you’ll be coming up-“

            “No Newt, they’re taking her. They refused the sale, the Marshall is furious he was on the phone with the old man just a little while ago. They’re taking her and they’re going to melt her down to be used as scrape for the goddamn wall, and it’s Dr. Gottlieb’s fault,” Chuck hissed through the line and Newton felt an icy stab of confusion in his chest as he glanced towards the lab. Would Hermann do that? Why would Hermann push for…oh…oh no…

            “What do you mean Hermann’s responsible, Chuck?”

            “His old man is the one that signed off on it, pushed to refuse the transfer of ownership fully to the PPDC from the UN. Tell that son of a bitch that whatever the hell-“

            “No, no, Chuck, just no, you can’t blame Hermann for this. His father’s a royal douche bag; he’s been trying to kick the legs out from under the Jaeger program and Hermann…ah, figuratively, since forever. Hermann hasn’t even spoken to the guy for over a year now. You can’t blame Hermann for this, he probably doesn’t even know and if he does he’s going to be furious,” Newton said, giving a little groan of dread. Why? Why did Lars Gottlieb have to try and ruin everything? There was a long pause over the line and he prayed that Chuck listened to him. Chuck and Hermann had been getting along so well for a while, they’d even talked a couple of times on the phone since they’d been moved up to Hong Kong. Granted, Chuck had called Hermann the first time just to pick on the man but they’d shared a few conversations about Jaeger coding and breach mapping since then.

            “You sure on this?”

            “Yeah man, I’m a hundred percent that Hermann would have had no part in this,” Newton said adamantly as he glanced towards the lab. He could see in through the doors from his location in the hall and Hermann was sitting staring angrily at his computer screen appearing to be typing something with quick punctuated strokes. If Hermann hadn’t known about this before the phone call Newton was getting the feeling the man knew now by the dark expression on his face that Newton had only ever seen when Lars Gottlieb bothered to call his son. He heard Chuck give a heavy sigh on the other end that didn’t sound as relieved as Newton had hoped.

            “Doesn’t change the fact they’re taking her…”

            “Pentecost will fix it. He’ll find a way to keep her in the game,” Newton said hopefully though he had to admit the thought of Chuck not walking up to the breach with a nuclear device strapped to the back of his Jaeger gave Newton a certain sense of calm relief.

            “If they take this away from me then what the hell am I, Newt?” Well, that pained him and caused Newton to feel guilty for the relief he secretly harbored at the news. There was defeat in Chuck’s voice, that anger and fury dying away to leave the man sounding young and lost. Newton wished that Chuck was there or that he was still down in Sydney, that he could see the other man’s face to try and get a complete read on just how bad this was. He knew it was pretty fucking bad.

            “You’re you, you’re Chuck,” Newton said soothingly and he heard the snort of derision as he pressed his back against the wall and slid down to the floor to sit.

            “Great, so I’m a washed up nobody who’s had the only thing he’s good at in life taken away. I was supposed to finish this, Newt, me and the old man were supposed to close that damn breach at all costs.”

            “Not at all costs,” Newton said with a frown, feeling a hand tighten in his chest. He hated when Chuck talked like this, he’d gotten better at not making comments that insinuated he was supposed to die before the end of the war. He no longer alluded to the fact that he saw no future past the closing of the breach or that he had no intention to outlive his father. It had been enough to make Newton think those thoughts had faded, but now there was that raw edge in Chuck’s voice that said they’d been there all along lurking beneath the surface.

            “The only thing I’m good at is piloting that Jaeger, Newt, fighting this damn war. Now I don’t even get the chance to see it through to the end. If we even manage to get that breach closed I’ll have no place at all now.” Hermann had emerged from the lab cautiously now, his features tight with frustration though they softened a little as he met Newton’s eye.

            “You’ll always have a place, Chuck, please don’t talk like this. There’s so much you could do, you could live a normal life,” Newton said in a pleading tone, watching Hermann as the man came to stand beside him before carefully lowering himself down onto the floor next to Newton. Hermann held his hand out to him in a silent request for the phone and Newton had given him a light frown of confusion as he waited for Chuck to respond. “You still there?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Hermann wants to talk,” Newton said quietly before handing the phone over, and though he knew he shouldn’t do it he rested his head against Hermann’s shoulder. He was surprised when the man shifted to put his arm around him, pulling Newton just a little closer as Hermann lifted the phone to his ear.

            “Mr. Hansen…Chuck?” Newton couldn’t hear what Chuck said in response but he guessed it couldn’t have been too horrible as Hermann simply listened for a few moments before speaking again in his calm and steady tone. “I have attempted to put some things into motion that will at least delay the plans to fully decommission Striker Eureka. I cannot guarantee any result aside from this, though the Jaeger will still officially be considered decommissioned on the thirty-first they will not be removing it or disassembling it for at least a week longer. I have notified Marshall Pentecost that he has some extra time to…procure Striker Eureka for our uses.”

            Newton glanced up at Hermann as he listened, wondering just where he’d gotten the pull to manage even a delay when the Marshall hadn’t appeared to be able to even achieve that. Hermann could be intimidating, perhaps even frightening, when he set his mind to something in such a pointed manner. His Hermann could be a warrior in his own right when he had purpose. He spoke with Chuck for a while longer, mainly seeming to reassure the man of the same things Newton had been trying to say and claiming he couldn’t explain his methods. Eventually the phone was handed back to Newton and he had to pull away from Hermann slightly too comfortably hold it up to his ear.

            “I’m sorry, Newt, I just…” Chuck trailed off still sounding so unlike the cocksure Jaeger pilot that it made Newton’s inside twist slightly. “My entire life since I was ten has been nothing but Jaegers. That Conn-pod is my home and I honestly…”

            “No, its ok Chuck, really,” Newton said, feeling tired all the sudden and leaning against Hermann’s side.

            “No, it’s not...even if whatever your doctor did doesn’t work I’ll try, ok?”

            “Where are we Chuck?” Newton said it quietly, feeling a little self-conscious with Hermann there to overhear. He heard the slight huff come through the phone in a slight burst of static.

            “Currently we’re all up shit creek without a paddle hoping we don’t really end up completely fucked,” Chuck said without any humor in his voice. “You and me though? We’re brothers till the end.”

            “Good.”

            “I’ll call later once I’m not…I’ll call.”

            “All right Chuck.” They hung up after another awkward pause and Newton realized Hermann’s arm was still around him. The man didn’t ask about the conversation or offer any information within those few moments of quiet before Newton just settled against him again deciding that if it was really that big of a problem Hermann would berate him for it. “What did you do Hermms? To get that delay?”

            “I…ah, I hacked my father’s account and sent out a formal letter stating that Striker Eureka was to stay within the Sydney Shatterdome for a week after it is decommissioned so that the proper paperwork could be finalized for its disassembly. I would have tried to longer but I risked him discovering the issue before Marshall Pentecost decided how to act on the situation.”

            “Shit Hermann,” Newton said, perhaps more than just a little impressed both at Hermann going against what was considered professional protocol as well as the lengths at which the man had been willing to go. “Wait, you’re not going to get into real trouble for this are you?”

            “We will see,” Hermann said quietly, lips pursed into a thin line that didn’t do anything to ease Newton’s mind. Newton allowed himself one more selfish unprofessional act then as he wrapped his arms around Hermann, squeezing him tightly. It had never occurred to Newton that he could lose them both.

           

            As it turned out Hermann’s transgression would never be noticed as the day after Striker Eureka was placed under official decommission status Mutavore broke through that supposedly impregnable wall to tear towards Sydney as though it knew the city was now unprotected. Only the Kaiju would find that it was as Herc and Chuck, with the help of whatever staff was left within the Shatterdome, had kick started Striker Eureka into action and affectively saving the city from complete destruction.

            Newton had even come up to LOCCENT to listen this time as Tendo monitored the Hansens throughout the fight. The anxiety was still there, but he could hear that sense of purpose in Chuck’s voice again as the man fought. In the end Mutavore was defeated and the UN had retracted it’s denial of sale to the PPDC of Striker Eureka after the public outcry over the failure of the wall. After all, why tear apart a Jaeger that stood against the Kaiju time after time for the sake of constructing a wall that had failed during its first direct attack?

            Operation Pitfall was back on track now that they’d once more reclaimed one of their paddles. Now all Marshall Pentecost needed to do was manage to find the second one wherever it had disappeared to five years ago.


	16. You Show up like a Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck arrives to the Hong Kong Shatterdome with the promise of an interesting gift for Newton. Hermann suddenly realizes he had a flaw in his thinking that causes him an unexpectedly large amount of emotional pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically day one of movie timeline! I'm going off of Pickle-plum's analysis of the timeline in the movie as it makes far more sense to me when compared to the extended timeline of the Wiki article. You can find her analysis of that timeline here: [Timeline](http://pickle-plum.tumblr.com/post/78263250624/not-that-it-matters-in-the-slightest-but-is-there-any)  
> That would make this occurring on Dec. 30th and then ending extremely early in the morning of Dec. 31st before Stacker arrives with Raleigh.
> 
> Chapter title is from "Elements" by A Fine Frenzy

            Newton had disappeared after Mutavore had been defeated and hadn’t come back to the lab since which had made Hermann nervous until he heard that the Hansens would be arriving within the hour. It would be no great shock then that the man would be waiting for their arrival after months of not seeing Chuck face to face. There was little Hermann could do with the data from this recent breach event until it had all been properly processed so he was glad for the distraction when Tendo Choi arrived with two cups of coffee and a plate with bagels on it.

            “Thought we’d celebrate,” Tendo said with a wide smile as he set everything down on Hermann’s desk, glancing over towards the other side of the lab questioningly.

            “What exactly are we supposed to be celebrating?” Hermann said, motioning for Tendo to grab Newton’s chair as he sat down in his own. Tendo waited until he had joined Hermann before grabbing one of the bagels off the plate and indicating which cup of coffee was for the doctor. He took a bite that was likely larger than could truly be advisable as he leaned back in the chair looking as exhausted as they all felt.

            “Striker Eureka stopping that Kaiju? The plan being back on track? Managing to somehow be alive? There’s a lot of things we could be celebrating. Don’t question the celebratory bagels, Hermy.”

            “I wish you would not call me that.”

            “Yeah, I know,” Tendo said with a flash of a smile that made Hermann roll his eyes. “Sooooo….Chuck’s going to be back.” Hermann gave a quiet sigh as he tried to weigh how he felt about the situation. Of course he was pleased knowing that Newton would be happy, and he was glad in his own right that Chuck Hansen was still alive and well and back where he belonged. Still though, there had been a closeness developing between Newton and him that had felt different than just their previous baseline. That was likely to be disrupted now.

            “Newton will be glad and I am happy to hear that Mr. Hansen no longer needs to be concerned about the decommissioning of Striker Eureka,” Hermann said, settling on the most neutral response he could muster though Tendo saw right through it.

            “You know he’d back off from Newton if you just said how you felt, my man.”

            “There is nothing to say,” Hermann tried to sound cross but it fell flat and Tendo gave him a pitying look. “Besides, it would be petty of me to try and come between them right now even if I were so inclined. It is up to the two of them how their relationship proceeds now though there is, unfortunately, every chance that this attempt on the breach will end poorly. I hope, and not just for Newton’s sake, that it will not however…”

            “Yeah,” Tendo said quietly to say he understood what Hermann was getting at. The attempt on the breach was their last shot but they all knew it wasn’t much of one. Between that and the fact that Hermann had confirmed they’d need to wait for the breach to be active and open in order for the drop to be made. The odds were perhaps not in the favor of those Jaeger pilots who would be sent out for the task. Tendo sat up a little straighter, pushing a smile on his face in an attempt to lighten the mood. “You sort of like Chuck, don’t you?”

            “Mr. Choi…”

            “I meant as a friend, Hermann. You’ve grown fond of him, I can tell.”

            “Mr. Hansen has managed to somewhat endear himself to me. He is unexpectedly bright, extremely loyal and far less violent than rumor would have you believe.” Tendo chuckled at this, taking another bite of his bagel and Hermann marveled at the fact the man managed to not choke. “That, of course, isn’t to say that he is not capable of making a nuisance of himself.”

            “I’m not certain he’d get along as well as he does with Newton if he didn’t at least make himself a little bit of a nuisance,” Tendo said thoughtfully, staring off at the chalkboards for a long moment before looking back at Hermann. “How are Vanessa and Karla doing? That baby is going to be here before you know it.” It was his attempt to steer the subject matter to something less painful for Hermann in an attempt to keep him from dwelling upon it.

            “They are doing well. Only a few more months left to go before Vanessa’s due date if the world manages to hold itself together that long.” Tendo winced, sighing as he seemed to realize that any topic of discussion was going to be a painful one. When the world is about to end even the more joyous conversations could turn depressing. “This plan…it must work, Tendo.”

            “Don’t I know it, brother.”

 

            Newton had waited eagerly for when the helicopter was supposed to arrive with the Hansens on it, feeling both anxious and giddy as he loitered in the hallway just inside the helipad doors. They had opened a few times but so far it hadn’t been Chuck and Herc and he was starting to feel fidgety and was wondering if he’d had the wrong time. Striker Eureka would be following after them though there had been some decontamination necessary first at the closed off Sydney Shatterdome before it could travel all that way. It’d be there the next day though, and Newton was almost as ecstatic about this as he was that Chuck was back.

            The phone call with Chuck the day before had frightened Newton a little, not because of the original burst of anger from the man but it was that quiet fear he’d heard in Chuck’s voice near the end. It was Chuck doubting he was worth anything if he didn’t have a Jaeger to pilot. That had made him more anxious than when it became clear they’d have to take on Mutavore.

            The doors opened again and Newton perked up as he heard an Australian drawl come from outside. A moment later Chuck and Herc both made an appearance looking tired but perhaps a bit giddy themselves. They were talking somewhat congenially for once about the repairs that would need to be done on Striker Eureka, though the moment Herc spotted Newton his back had gone just a little straighter and his jaw had tightened. Chuck smiled though, a blinding and brilliantly true smile that perhaps spoke of a little bit of trouble but it’d be nothing Newton couldn’t handle. He brushed past his father to pull Newton into a tight hug that squeezed all the air out of his lungs.

             “We got her back,” Chuck said in his ear and Newton gave a quiet laugh though he was watching Herc a little. The man’s adrenaline buzz seemed to have worn off completely in those seconds as he looked at Newton a little strangely. It wasn’t the normal thinly veiled anger that Newton had become somewhat use to before, it was almost a little sad seeming and he dropped his eyes when his son glanced back at him for just a moment with a warning in the set of his features. Newton suddenly felt extremely awkward standing there, and he gave a nervous laugh as he tugged on Chuck’s arm.

            “Come on,” he said, trying to give Herc an apologetic look for…whatever this was and dragged Chuck down along the hall. Chuck talked excitedly as they moved through the Shatterdome, more words coming out of the man’s mouth than Newton thought he’d possibly ever heard all at one time from him. There was still some of that anger as he dug into the UN and the decision to ever try and decommission his Jaeger but there was that familiar cocksure adrenaline-fueled attitude that Chuck took on after most drops that drove it on. This time he might have just dialed up to like…eleven, and Newton was trying not to laugh at how _young_ Chuck came off when he was like this.

            Newton was leading them down towards the labs, aiming to peek in on Hermann just to make sure the guy was ok. Hermann had been quiet since the phone call, the two of them eventually going back to work though Newton had caught Dr. Gottlieb more than once staring over at him thoughtfully. Newton wasn’t really sure what that was all about though the guy always seemed to pay extra attention when he was worried Newton would have an emotional breakdown. Yet, Newton had held it together in part because of what Hermann had done. He still couldn’t really _believe_ what Hermann had done, and there was a part of him that was extremely sad that no one would realize the badass actions taken by one Dr. Gottlieb. It was probably for the best though, because even if Hermann hadn’t lost his job or something like that the guy’s father would have likely exiled Hermann to Siberia or someplace equally cold and miserable.

            “You’ve got a present coming by the way,” Chuck said after a moment sounding smug and proud of himself in a way that had Newton giving a bark of laughter.

            “Dude, I don’t know. If it’s not still wrapped with a bow I think it will kind of kill the spirit of your gift giving for me,” Newton said jokingly and Chuck’s grin sharpened just a little.

            “Well, you’ll probably be getting that gift now too but that’s not what I’m talking about,” Chuck said and Newton narrowed his eyes as he turned them down the hall, the lab door standing open a short distance away. Someone was apparently in there with Hermann because Newton could hear the murmur of voices, but he was far too focused on Chuck’s shit eating grin to try and figure out who the other voice belonged to. He pulled them to a stop, tugging Chuck off to the side of the hall to try and corner the man by the wall so he could give him a pointed look.

            “What else did you get me?” Newton attempted to imitate that tone that Hermann could pull off without a hitch that clearly said ‘tell me this instant or I promise you will get no peace, so help me God’. He must have failed because Chuck just continued to grin while lifting an eyebrow in amusement at his attempt to intimidate. Newton wasn’t good at physical intimidation, he was much better at causing mental destitute in the face of ignorance and stupidity.  He apparently wasn’t even very good at the Hermann voice, though he knew he lacked the ability to roll his arms quite as severely. “Chuck, tell me or I will literally not touch you until you give me that damn present much less unwarp anything else.”

            Chuck was clearly doing his best to hold back his laughter as he tugged Newton close and somehow switched their positions on him suddenly so that the shorter man was the one pressed up against the wall.

            “If I tell you it ruins the surprise.”

            “That’s fine, I hate surprises!” Newton said adamantly and then sighed under Chuck’s stare. “Fine, I love surprises, surprises are the best but I really wanna know.” Newton whined, he wasn’t above whining and if he didn’t know now it was going to drive him crazy. He loved surprised, but he loves surprises when they were completely secret and got sprung on him with no indication, like Hermann had done with that bottle of Kraken almost two years ago, because if he had any indication they were happening beforehand he just went mad with the anticipation.  Chuck placed one arm against the wall above Newton’s head to lean close to him, pressing a quick kiss to the man’s lips.

            “What do I get if I tell you ahead of time?”

            “My undying love and the best blowjob you’ve had in months?” Chuck snorted lightly in amusement though his cheeks actually went a little pink when Newton’s hands went to his pants as though the guy was going to undo them right there and go to town. Not that Newton would, no…not _knowing_ that Hermann was just in the next room because he wouldn’t be able to take the look on Hermann’s face if he witnessed that. The three D’s, disapproval, disappointment and disgust, would be way too much coming from him.  

            “You’re lucky that it will also be my only blow job in months or that might not seal the deal, but fine,” Chuck said, leaning down so their foreheads touched. “They managed to get living tissue off of Mutavore once we were done with the bastard. It’s even a brain.” Chuck tapped Newton on the temple lightly and Newton practically short circuited as he stared in awe at Chuck. Living tissue was unfathomable, especially with the morons who usually ran the retrieval teams, but a living chuck of brain tissue. A light when in just then in his mind as Dr. Geiszler’s brain gave birth to a tiny embryo of thought, something beautiful and maybe slightly terrifying but that would advance everything so much further not to mention, make him an absolute rock star.

            “Dear God man, a blow job is not enough,” Newton said in an awestruck tone that made Chuck give a breath of laughter before kissing the corner of Newton’s mouth.

            “Hey…Chuck.” They both froze when they heard Tendo from the direction of the lab’s door and Chuck pulled back a little to look at him. Tendo was glancing at Hermann as though he wasn’t entirely certain what the man might do but didn’t expect it to be good. If Newton’s brain wasn’t reeling with the possibilities, thoughts and plans moving too fast for him to even fully finish one before another started, he might have noticed the sudden quiet tension between the other three men. He might have seen the look of actual apology that crossed Chuck’s face, Tendo’s apprehensive stare as he look between them and Hermann’s wounded expression. Newton might have realized that something was going on and may have even been able to grasp the meaning of it if he hadn’t grabbing Chuck by the wrist, turning a bright smile on the other two men before starting to pull Chuck down the hall with the intention of dragging him to his room not only to express just how much he loved his gift but to also drill the man on the ins and outs of how they’d managed to get through the skull plate fast enough or how the brain had managed to still be clinging to life in the Kaiju was officially dead.

            “See you two later, Chuck and I have to do some catching up,” Newton said eagerly over his shoulder when Chuck had resisted his first attempt to pull him down the hall. Again, if Newton had been able to focus instead of having the dizzying bubble of elation and excitation pulling his focus away from the present he would have realized that Chuck was still watching Hermann with a searching look almost as though the man was seeking some sort of approval. If Newton wasn’t secretly worried that he’d see that look of disgust on Hermann’s face, because of course he’d walk out of the lab right as Newton was talking about blowjobs, he might have been willing to really look at the man.

            Hermann gave Chuck Hansen a short nod, and when the man still stared at him with that damned pitying expression as though he doubted Hermann’s resolved in the matter he gave a dismissive wave of his hand. It wasn’t his place to deny Newton anything or to resent Mr. Hansen for being the one who had claimed in affections even if for just a short moment Hermann had thought…Chuck finally let himself be lead down the hall by Newton who started chattering excitedly to him about something. Hermann startled when Tendo rested a hand on his shoulder, turning to find that same pitying stare coming from his friend.

            “Hey, brother, you ok?”

            “Yes, Mr. Choi, I am perfectly fine. I do not know why everyone is acting as though someone has died, I am not an idiot; of course those two would continue their relationship once they were in close proximity again. It is not as though there was ever any indication that things had changed,” Hermann snapped viciously though this did nothing to remove that expression from Tendo’s face.

            “Oh Hermann,” Tendo said softly, hugging him rather suddenly and Hermann was about to protest when he realized for the first time that his eyes were brimming with tears. Hermann had known or at least should have known, but Hermann had allowed himself to make a mistake. Dr. Gottlieb had allowed himself to make conclusions based on Dr. Geiszler’s more recent observable behaviors and Mr. Hansen’s previous reassurances. Hermann, without realizing he was doing it, had allowed himself to start hoping.

 

            Chuck let Newton clamor on about how excited he was about the new sample, about Chuck being back and that they didn’t have to exist purely in telephone conversations. Once they were inside Newton turned to plant a firm kiss on Chuck’s lips, but the man pulled away with a frown on his face that said Newton had done something wrong. Dr. Geiszler tried to think just what it could have been but was coming up short as Chuck moved to sit in the edge of Newton’s bed.

            “Hey, uh…everything ok?” It would be easiest just to ask with Chuck, the guy would tell him. He might tell him loudly depending on just how badly Newton had fucked up, but he’d at least call him on it. Chuck was willing to call everyone on just about anything.

            “You even notice that we kind of upset Dr. Gottlieb?” Chuck said, sounding frustrated and perhaps a little worried and that made Newton freeze in place. He hadn’t noticed, in part because his mind was so focused on just what his present was, but if he was honest with himself it was also because of those three D’s he’d wanted to avoid.

            “Dude, honestly, yeah maybe hearing me talking about blowing you wasn’t the highlight of his day but the guy knows how we are. We’ve done plenty of the flirty thing in front of him before, I don’t get why it’s such a big deal now,” Newton said, dropping himself into Chuck’s lap and trusting that he wouldn’t just get dumped out and onto the floor. Chuck looked almost like he was considering it for a moment as he gave Newton one of those stares, the one that always unnerved Newton a little because it was so serious with this sort of angry current beneath it. He’d gotten that look a few times; an extraordinary number of those times had involved conversations about Hermann. “Dude, really…now?”

            “We said we’d stop if one of us got involved with someone else. Anything happen the last six months you feel the need to tell me?” Chuck apparently decided not to dump Newton onto the floor though he held the man’s gaze with one just daring him to try and feed him some bull shit answer to this.

            “No, you know that because I would have told you the second I got a chance to,” Newton said with a huff, the buzz of having Chuck around again being worn down by the reminder of things he didn’t have.

            “You said you two were getting closer?”

            “Yeah, we are! Or; maybe were if he was really that upset. Was he, like, super upset or just a little? Either way, we didn’t get _that_ close and you know that if we had I would have, like, called you up and told you that hell must have frozen over or something.” Chuck still looked a little doubtful and Newton frowned lightly. “Did he really look that bothered by it?”

            “He didn’t look ok that’s for sure.”  Chuck said it pointedly though his eyes had softened a little as he let his arms slide around Newton at last. Newton chewed on the thought for a few seconds, and he allowed himself to wonder for a moment if maybe there had been some clues that Hermann and him had been moving in _that_ direction. The man hadn’t seemed as opposed to having Newton in close physical proximity over the months and had even started to initiate a few casual moments of contact. He’d done something that was more than just a little illegal for Chuck, though they could just as easily been seen as another sign of Hermann’s potential Chuck shaped crush. That didn’t seem all that probable anymore to Newton though since the man had not just crushed, but completely annihilated, any thought of him liking Chuck at that horrible dinner. And maybe…just maybe Newton could start to think that it was for him…Hermann had looked at him in a couple of times in a way that had completely disarmed him in the moment. “Newt?”

            Chuck pulled him out of his thoughts and Newton gave him a wide smile that was perhaps a little fake looking. He had felt that tug on his heart though that spoke of hope, but as soon as his thoughts had been interrupted he had realized how ridiculous he was being. Hermann had hated him for years after they met, and the man barely tolerated him even now at times. Newton was somewhat amazed the man even considered him a friend. This was why he didn’t dwell on these kinds of things, he had felt that tug on his heart which had turned into a twist as he realized he was giving himself false hope.

            “Can we just be happy right now and maybe just have a lot of very enthusiastic welcome back sex?” Newton’s voice was a little higher than normal, strained as he tried to sound cheerful and excited still like he had been before this whole conversation had happened. Chuck almost seemed ready to say no but then he buried his face against Newton’s neck and placed a rough kiss on his skin. “I’m happy you’re here.”

            “I’m happy I’m here too,” Chuck said, voice muffled against Newton’s collar. Chuck’s arms hugged him close and Newton didn’t need to see his face to know the man was trying to decide something. “Fuck it,” Chuck said softly almost as though he hadn’t meant to say it out loud before he pulled another one of those dizzying moves that changed their position so quickly and smoothly that Newton almost didn’t know how they got there. He was pressed down into the mattress with Chuck’s body covering his as their lips met in a crush as that heat and need came cascading back down on them, because just maybe Chuck wanted to be a little selfish right then and stop thinking about anything but the two of them for a while as well. He’d worry about feeling bad about it later.

            It had been a long six months since they’d seen each other between the increasing number of breach events, the time spent apart over a year of constantly being around the other and the growing stress that came with the PPDC’s dwindling budget and sway. All Newton wanted right then was this, something that was comforting and pleasurable with one of the people he trusted most anymore. Chuck’s hands pushed up under his shirt, sliding along his skin before pausing over Newton’s ribs in a way that made him smile against the other man’s lips.

            They had tried phone sex a couple of times, but both times they’d simply ended up laughing helplessly unable to contain how ridiculous it had felt. This didn’t feel ridiculous though as Chuck pulled Newton’s shirt off of him instead of messing with the buttons and he peppered Newton’s chest with demanding kisses before grazing his teeth over one of the man’s nipples. Chuck’s hands had already found the buckle on Newton’s belt by the times his lips found their way down Newton’s stomach, and Newton let his hands play through Chuck’s hair.

            Chuck slowed on removing Newton’s pants, placing lingering kisses on his skin above the waist of his jeans before finally getting them undone and pulling them down along Newton’s legs. Chuck had Newton’s half erect cock in his mouth before the man had time to complain that he was the one who was supposed to be blowing someone. Newton gave a soft whimper, hips pushing up as he was reminded of just how good Chuck was to him.

            Newton pushed down on Chuck’s head lightly, trying to direct the man’s lips further down his shaft as Chuck started to suck with an eager determination. Newton’s eyes fluttered closed as his hands grip in Chuck’s hair, the man’s mouth was damp and hot as his tongue pressed against the underside of his cock before swirling around the head as Chuck pulled back. It was good, it was so fucking good, but it wasn’t what Newton had in mind and he finally managed to focus his overheating mind enough mutter Chuck’s name with some sort of authority in his tone in an attempt to get the guy’s attention. Chuck looked up at him expectantly though he passed that damned tongue over the head of Newton’s cock again as he did.

            “M-more,” Newton said, motioning towards his desk where he knew he still had some supplies that had followed him with the move to the new Shatterdome. Chuck pulled his mouth off of Newton to replace it with one hand as he leaned back to search in the drawer with the other. Chuck stroked him slowly as he took his time and Newton was sure that it was on purpose just to make him squirm. It felt like forever before Chuck managed to produce the lubricant and condom from the drawer, and sure maybe they’d been a little buried, but still.

            Chuck took a little more time in getting Newton prepared than he would have six months ago since it’d been a while. He pressed teasing kisses along the insides of Newton’s thighs as he did so, kneeling beside the bed on the floor as he worked the man open with his fingers. He watching Newton’s face with focus until he had the man panting and grinding down on his hand and finally Chuck pulled his digits free and pulled on Newton’s hips to bring them even with the side of the bed.

            “Roll over,” Chuck said, voice deep and husky in the first obvious sign of how turned on he was right then. Newton obliged as Chuck finally undid his own pants, not bothering to pull them off but only pushing them low on his hips so his erection was free of them as he stood. He rolled the condom into place before coating it with a light layer of lube as Newton settled himself on his stomach. Chuck pulled him back gently again to get him positioned so he was in essence bending over the edge of the bed. Chuck gave a low groan as he pushed inside of Newton, hands steadying the other’s hips until he was fully seated inside of him.

            From there it was fast and just the right level of rough as Chuck drove himself in and out of Newton with all those emotions from the last few months driving them forward. It reminded Newton of the first time they’d done this back in that shower almost two full years ago now. There was the raw need and a reckless sort of abandon as Chuck leaned forward, hands on either side of Newton on the mattress as the man tried to get more leverage, pressing Newton’s hips down.

            Newton closed his eyes, hands gripping the sheets as he allowed himself to be drawn into the wonderful spike of pleasure as his cock throbbed where it was trapped between his abdomen and the bed and Chuck found that angle that was just right to send jolts of _yes_ up his spine. He panted Chuck’s name in response to the man’s own growl, feeling Chuck’s lips on his shoulder as he gasped with the feeling of his own little death.  

 

            Hermann had finally convinced Tendo to leave him alone after he snapped at the man about how he didn’t need to be coddled like some child. Tendo had left but he’d still given Hermann that worried and pity filled stare before he left. Hermann hated that look; he’d been on the receiving end of people’s pity far too frequently in his life though it was commonly in connection to his leg and not his love life. To be honest, though far from inexperienced in the field of relationships, Hermann hadn’t exactly had an exciting love life over the years and it had become even less so during the last five. He’d had a few serious things, including one he had once thought would stick but had ended with some anger and bitterness, and he’d had a few ‘flings’. He’d always hated the term ‘flings’ despite how accurately it described those rash moments of heat between two strangers or acquaintances.

            His understanding of Chuck and Newton’s relationship when it first had begun was that it wouldn’t last long. Then he’d seen how the two were together and he’d started to feel that empty pain as he realized that Newton might have found something that would last and didn’t involve him. He’d always been confused how Newton had treated the situation as though they were a fling, a careless thing that didn’t mean anything more than sex and comfort, but Hermann had been told by both participants that this was all their relationship was. Back in the hall during their reunion Hermann had felt that empty pain again only it was a sharp stab instead of a dull ache.

            Newton had been looking at Chuck Hansen with such an unguarded adoration and love, a way he had and never would look at Hermann. It wasn’t as though it was the first time he’d seen Newton look at the man like that, nor was it the first time he’d seen Chuck Hansen staring back as though Newton meant the world to him. Still, it had hurt in such a startling way after those months where Hermann had begun to believe that perhaps he truly could have won Newton’s affections; months where Hermann had allowed himself to think that the distance would cool their tumultuous relationship even for there to be a chance. It hadn’t helped that Chuck had given him that pitying look as well when he realized they weren’t alone. The man had looked like a child who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and then he’d had the nerve to seek Hermann’s approval to go ravage his lab partner. Tendo had seemed to think this was some sign of Chuck trying to be courteous but Hermann felt as though it’d simply been another way to dig at him.

            Once he was alone in the lab Hermann had attempted to get work done and to prepare himself for the briefing they were scheduled to have with the Marshall the next day but it was to no avail. He’d finally moved to the couch, the one where he’d found Newton asleep so often and he’d carefully drop a blanket over the man’s resting form in the early morning hours, where he had once fallen asleep himself to wake and find Newton curled up a short distance away and the blanket over Hermann instead. He sat with a heavy sigh, slipping his glasses off so they dangled from the chain around his neck and he pinched the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his stinging eyes shut. He was a fool if he’d thought there was any chance Newton might decide Hermann was worth lessening his relationship with Chuck. He sat back then, keeping his eyes closed as he mentally chastised himself for allowing himself such a vulnerability.

            He awoke as he suddenly realized there was another presence close by and he stared into the blue eyes feeling disoriented. Chuck pulled back and Hermann was almost about to start reaming the man for invading his personal space while he slept when he realized the blanket was draped over him. This act of kindness threw Hermann off his path for a second, and Chuck took advantage of this to sit down on the couch roughly beside him. The man’s hair was a mess, his clothing rumpled and Hermann had little doubt what he’d been getting up to not long ago. That spike of angry pain found its mark again as Hermann’s heart gave a twinge in his chest.

            “What do you want, Mr. Hansen?” Hermann spoke primly, clipping his words as he folded the blanket and set it aside a bit aggressively. Chuck watched him out of the corner of his eye as he did as though trying to figure something out without having to ask for the information out loud before he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs, hands hanging between his knees as he looked at Hermann.

            “If something happened between you two that should change how things are you should tell me,” Chuck said, a not quite apology in his voice. It was perhaps good that the man hadn’t actually apologized to him for earlier as Hermann may have given in to that. Chuck had that expression Hermann had previously had determined was pity on his face, but now it looked slightly more like guilt.

            “Nothing of the sort has happened, Mr. Hansen, I don’t know what you are implying-“    

            “You know damn well what I’m applying,” Chuck said, speaking with anger that had boiled to the surface with Hermann’s act of playing ignorant. It made Hermann stop short to give a glowering stare at the man but his scathing looks had never affected the man quite the same way they did Newton and he ended up being the one to break the eye contact in an unnerved fashion. “Hermann, you say it and I’ll put a stop to things. Not saying we won’t still be friends or close, but we won’t fuck around anymore.”

            “There is nothing to say, _Ranger Hansen,_ and I would appreciate it if you’d leave if you’re simply here to be vulgar.” Hermann pulled himself off the couch with a little effort as he’d apparently been sitting at an awkward angle and his leg gave a twinge that started near his hip and shot down to his knee. It’d been aching lately as the weather had grown dreary here, the pins that still rested in place seeming to freeze the bone that surrounded them. Chuck caught his elbow to steady him and Hermann wished the man would stop being considerate towards him when all Hermann wished was to be angry.

            “We both know that’s not true, _Hermann_ ,” Chuck put just as much sarcastic emphasis on his first name as Hermann had instilled into his as he chose to stay seating even as Dr. Gottlieb turned to look down at him. “If you say it, if you tell me you love him,” Hermann attempted to interrupt here but Chuck stood and was suddenly very close and intimidating, “You say that one fucking word, preferably to him, and I’ll back off. He’ll be yours, but if you can’t bring yourself to say it after all this time then I’m not putting him through that. I won’t risk hurting him unless I know it’s so he can be with you. If you won’t say it you have no right to be pissed off at either of us for continuing with what we’re doing.”

            “I…” Chuck raised his eyebrows expectantly at him as Hermann faltered, trying to bring those words he knew he felt and had felt for longer than he cared to admit. They wouldn’t come though because in the end it wouldn’t matter if he spoke them out loud, gave them life as he breathed them out into the universe; he had seen the way Newton had looked at Chuck. “Even if there was something to say, Mr. Han-…Chuck, I would not be able to…”   Chuck gave a huff as he rolled his eyes, shaking his head lightly in disbelief.

            “Fine, have it your way. I’m done with this; you figure it out on your own. Striker’s coming in and we need to get started on repairs. Tendo called down earlier, Newton’s specimens will be arriving in a few hours and followed by the Marshall. You both have debriefing at 1900 with him.” Chuck grabbed Hermann’s cane where it had at some point slipped to the floor beside the couch as he’d slept and handed it to him before moving around the doctor and storming out of the lab.


	17. The damage now gleams, see how it glows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh Becket arrives and Chuck's already tired of hearing about him. Newton gets dismissed in the lab and can't let the offense go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter this time, sorry guys. I wanted it to end here though cause shit is about to hit the fan. The next chapter will be longer and will lead us almost immediately into the day of the Battle for Hong Kong. *internal screaming* (I'm a little overwhelmed by the thought, clearly.)
> 
> Also, I'll be just filling in the gaps between what we clearly see in the movie during these chapters that take part during the movie with a few exceptions. 
> 
> Chapter title from "Us of Lesser Gods" by Flogging Molly.

            A few hours had turned into a good portion of the day before Newton’s samples arrived due to a storm that had delayed the shipments from getting to the Shatterdome. The man had come down to the lab eventually during that time period, and after a short bit of awkwardness between them where Dr. Geiszler was being a little too careful to watch what he said they’d fallen back into bickering once more. Hermann had tried to stay mad at the man though he’d finally come to the conclusion that Chuck was right; he had no room to be pissed off at either of them for their relationship. The fact that the decision was somewhat driven by the fact that Newton found some of that excitable energy that had faded since they’d come to Hong Kong didn’t fail to make an impression on him.

             Once it had let up enough Hermann had accompanied the man up to the helipad to help get everything inside quickly as the rain ‘letting up’ hadn’t meant it had stopped. Far from it in fact and by the time they were getting the large container that held, of all things, a living portion of Kaiju brain into the elevator the Marshall had returned with their new pilot.

            New was figurative, Raleigh Becket was an experienced pilot but he’d been retired for about five years now since his brother had been killed. Newton had made an ass of himself, of course, showing off his tattoos and proudly telling the man all about how he’d like to see a living Kaiju up close. By the time the conversation had been over Newton had decided the man was a jerk, Hermann had decided he rather liked Raleigh Becket and they’d both been informed they’d be debriefing very soon.

            It was the debriefing that had been the disastrous moment where Newton had sprung his plan on the Marshall. Hermann couldn’t believe what the man was suggesting, a drift with that chunk of Kaiju brain that he was so proud of, drifting with a Kaiju in general. It wasn’t that Hermann didn’t think Newton could figure out a way to do it, the man was brilliant and insane. It was the fact that it was the most dangerous thing that Newton had ever suggested, it was the fact that it would likely be fatal and that Newton was suggesting he do it himself. Newton sometimes terrified Hermann and this was one of those times, a time when the man had thoughts that were so exceedingly brilliant yet stupid all at the same instance.

            Hermann had dismissed the idea quickly when Newton had first casually mentioned it to him before the briefing as though seeking his approval, and Hermann had scoffed while telling Newton that it was impossible. It was Herc Hansen who had first shut the idea down, the man ducking his head when Newton first made the suggestion as though containing his private thoughts. Hermann couldn’t avoid letting some of his relief and joy at the Marshall agreeing that it wouldn’t work slip through as he made his scathing remark to Newton as they were left alone once more. Herc had looked back towards Newton with a frown that was quite potentially concern.  If the Marshall had agreed to the experiment, if he had told Newton to go forward with the plan it would have been the end of the discussion no matter what Hermann or Herc had said. Newton had left shortly after this to find Chuck and Hermann had hoped that he hadn’t perhaps been too harsh. Still, it was best to shut Newton down in a strict manner before he got his hopes up. Hermann sighed, feeling as though he had far more pressing things to worry about as he stared at the equations he’d just explained to the Marshall. If he was correct they only had a matter of days.

 

            Newton had found Chuck later on sitting with Max in the Jaeger hanger, the two intimidating Russians standing near and talking with him. They had stopped when Newton walked up and Sasha had given him that shark grin of hers again as she called him crumb or whatever it was that Hermann had told him the Russian word had meant.

            “It was good catching up with you both,” Chuck had said with more respect than Newton had been expecting given his habit to insult his fellow Jaeger pilots. Alexys patted him companionably on the shoulder though and Sasha leaned to place a kiss on Chuck’s cheek in an almost motherly way. The two Kaidonovsky’s gave Newton a nod in farewell though there was some question in their looks that Newton didn’t quite understand.

            “We will talk more, Little Hansen, ya?” Sasha shot the question back towards Chuck over her should and he’d nodded in acknowledgement.

            “Can we…can we go somewhere else? Are you done here? I’m assuming you’re done here,” Newton said, getting a look from Chuck for the nervous edge to his voice. The man glanced in the direction of his father who was talking still with the jerk from the elevator earlier.

            “Yeah, we can get out of here. Come on, Max.” Chuck patted the side of his leg, calling the dog along with them as they started out of the Jaeger hanger. Max followed along happily as they headed towards Chuck’s bunk this time instead of Newton’s. It would be closer, all the pilot’s bunks were close to the hanger in case they were needed. “You ok?”

            “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just, no one ever listens to me. I try to tell them things and they don’t listen. And then there’s Hermann who should listen but he doesn’t, no, instead he insults me and tells me that my ideas are ridiculous. Calls me a goddamn Kaiju groupie and dismisses me completely. I mean what the hell is that?” Chuck raised an eyebrow at him as they turned down the hall, the place empty just then.

            “What exactly was this idea he shot down?”

            “It was-“ Newton paused, and for the first time in a long while he felt sure of his own theories and ideas. He was afraid to tell Chuck because he’d already had one person who he trusted to always listen shoot him down and dismiss him. He didn’t want to find that Chuck would end up doing the same thing, it would be a little too much just right then. He had to _prove_ them wrong first, had to show that it would work and then he could brag to Chuck about what a rock star he was and Hermann could just suck it. “The Kaiju have to be clones, they have to be! Because the DNA sequencing doesn’t lie, man, it just doesn’t. They are the same and the samples were six years apart, it’s not like it’s just the recent samples have a few similarities. No, they are exact.”

            “You’ve been working on that for a long time now. Hadn’t you told Dr. Gottlieb that?” Newton floundered for a second because of course he had told Hermann that theory. Hermann had seemed to think it was a little farfetched but the man had never completely dismissed it before.

            “I had but he had to try and be all impressive in front of the Marshall today,” Newton finally said with a huff. This lying thing was hard but it would pay off in the end. He’d be able to tell Chuck all about his awesome win once it was completed. He’d already started a list of what he would need and where he might be able to get it. With the restoration of Gypsy having taken place in house the last few months it meant that they’d brought in parts, and those parts he could use to shimmy together a PONS device for sure.

            “Eh, it seems to be that kind of day. My old man spent the entire morning waxing poetic about the amazing Raleigh Becket, the son he wishes he had and the Jaeger pilot I’ll never be. The damn bastard hasn’t even piloted a Jaeger in five years,” Chuck said, putting extra emphasis on Raleigh’s name and letting his natural drawl pull the vowel out long.

            “Are you serious? That guy? That guy is a total jerk,” Newton said, and Chuck draped an arm over his shoulders as they reached the door to his bunk. Max sat waiting expectantly until the door was open and then he trotted on inside to lay down in the bed that Chuck had for him. That dog was spoiled, man.

            “You just saying that because I think he’s a jerk?” Chuck sounded amused by this, letting Newton step inside first before following and closing the door. Newton dropped onto the edge of Chuck’s bed, falling back as he pushed his hands through his hair and ending up in a lazy sprawl.

            “Nah, man, he’s legitimately a jerk. Met him in the helicopter and he was all condescending and shit.” So, ok, Raleigh hadn’t been _that_ terrible really but he hadn’t been awesome that’s for sure. It was uncool of Herc to be making Chuck feel like less than he was though and if Raleigh was the cause of that then he definitely was a jerk. Chuck kicked off his boots before dropping down on the bed besides him with an equally exhausted flop and Newton rolled towards him slightly.

            “Mako wants to pilot with him.”

            “Mako? Little baby Mako who hasn’t even been in a Jaeger yet?” Newton wasn’t certain he liked that idea at all. He already had to deal with Chuck being out in a Jaeger almost constantly but having little baby Mako out there too? He remembered that little girl with the red shoe and she didn’t fit inside a Jaeger in his mind.

            “She’s not bad, at least in simulations, but the Marshall wouldn’t allow it even if they ended up being drift compatible which I can’t see.” Newton slid just a little closer to Chuck, tucking himself carefully under the man’s arm so his head was resting on his shoulder. Chuck just pulled him close, pressing his cheek against Newton’s head as they both stared up at the ceiling.

            “Hermann says we’re going to be out of time soon.”

            “Then we better hope Raleigh finds someone compatible right quick. They start the trials the day after tomorrow.” Newton made a quiet noise of agreement at this though he’d mentally backtracked to his own project he needed to finish before that deadline. He’d have to be up early, get started on it right away. He should be working on it now but just then it felt nice to be tucked against Chuck’s side, the man’s warmth removing the chill that had lingered since they’d been stuck out in the rain. He’d been happy then that Hermann had come with him even though he’d worried about the man constantly the entire time. Now he was just angry at him and really wanted to prove to Hermann that he wasn’t completely crazy, that it could be done.

            They stayed quiet for a while, the familiar weight of Chuck’s hand resting on the side of his ribs. He thought maybe the young man had fallen asleep when he felt Chuck shift to roll over onto his side, and he hugged Newton against him .

            “You know that shit might get bad,” Chuck said quietly and Newton closed his eyes tightly against the words. He knew what Chuck was doing, trying to prepare him in case he didn’t come back from that last drop. He slipped his arms around him, holding on with everything he had as he kept his face pressed against Chuck’s chest. “I’m sorry.” He spoke it quietly, Newton feelings the vibrations of Chuck’s voice against his cheek. Max gave a quiet whine from down on the floor as Newton felt the ranger, his ranger, press a kiss to the top of his head.

            “Hey…Happy New Years,” Newton said quietly as the fact of what day it was suddenly hit him. In a few hours they’d be rolling into the first of January, another year and perhaps their final one. They fell asleep like that, both of them waking up early and stiff when Chuck’s preset alarm went off. They had lazy sex that morning, Newton spooned up against Chuck as neither of them had enough energy to do anything more creative than that. Afterwards they showered together to save time, Chuck teasing Newton when the man had complained about the lack of conditioner in Chuck’s shower.

            They parted ways that morning, Chuck going to finish working on the repairs of Striker once more so they could make the final push to complete them before they had to make the drop. Newton wandered off in the direction of the lab at first, but then cut off to disappear down to the depths of the Shatterdome to where storage was held. He’d spend the morning pulling together his list of items he’d need for his PONS device before he finally went up to the lab. He knew he’d have to make an appearance at some point in the day or Hermann would get indignant. Hermann had said a cautious hello to him which Newton returned with his best attempt at pretending that nothing was up.

            “About yesterday, Dr. Geiszler…” Hermann had started at one point and Newton had just held up his hands, shaking his head to silence the man.

            “Don’t worry about it, Dr. Gottlieb. I mean, clearly, even the Marshall thought it was a ridiculous idea and we both know how much you value _his_ opinion.” So, that whole acting like nothing was up thing had just failed horribly if the way Hermann’s eyes had narrowed at him was any indication. When the man asked where he’d been all morning Newton had, somewhat vindictively, told him he’d been having sex with Chuck. Hermann had pursed his lips and for a moment Newton thought the man had looked upset, but not in Hermann’s usual way. Hermann had almost looked as though he was suddenly immensely sad and Newton immediately felt both very confused and very bad. The man had then snapped at him about how glad he was that Newton could see the imbecilic nature of his suggestion the day before and Newton felt that fury driven determination rise inside him again.

            He was going to prove Dr. Gottlieb wrong if it killed him.


	18. Now the End appears and my eyes are filled with fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last few days pass quickly with things happening too fast. Newton drift's with the Kaiju brain, Chuck finds things suddenly completely out of his control and the Battle for Hong Kong takes far too much from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting so close to the end guys. I shouldn't sit here watching the movie while I write cause it sort of hurts. 
> 
> Chapter title from "Heart of the Sea" by Flogging Molly

            Another day had passed of approving repairs, running tests and making sure that Striker was back to full capabilities. It was a long day, his father reprimanding him several times for his attitude towards Raleigh when Chuck had voiced his thoughts on bring on a Jaeger pilot who hadn’t served for five years to be their back up when they had two perfectly good teams at the ready. Stacker wanted Cherno and Crimson to stay near the coast though, to stay as the line of defense for the cities if during the drop the Kaiju turned its attention towards some shore.

            That night Newton had stayed in his bunk again, Max snoring lightly in his bed as they curled up in the bed. Newton had been preoccupied and seemed as though he’d been doing just as much hard labor as Chuck with how fatigued he’d been. Chuck was starting to get the feeling that the man was hiding something from him, but whatever it was Newton was managing to stay tight lipped about it for once in his life.

            “I’m going to go watch Ray-leigh’s trials with the potential pilots tomorrow if you want to come. I want to see just how fucked we’re going to be,” Chuck said at one point, Newton’s head tucked under his chin as they were curled up together in the dark of the room.

            “I think its Rah-leigh,” Newton had said, breath brushing against Chuck’s throat as he shifted a little besides him. “I’d like to come watch but I really need to finish working on this analysis thing tomorrow.”

            “What are you working on now?” Usually the question would have prompted a torrent of words which Chuck would only really understand two-thirds of but he’d grasp enough of what Newton was getting at to not feel completely overwhelmed by the man. Even when the things Newton threw at him were a little beyond him the man would always take the time to explain it carefully if Chuck asked him to. This time though he got a long pause before Newton answered and the man kept it short.

            “Just the usual stuff. Have to do something, right?”

            “Right.”

 

            Chuck had stood in with the crowd, luckily tall enough to see over the Wei triplet’s heads since they took front and center. Ray-leigh wasn’t half bad but he was holding himself back despite taking the potential partners out on by one. He wasn’t really trying and Chuck had watched with carefully contained frustration. They needed someone who wouldn’t hold anything back. The man had then called Mako out and Chuck had to dip his head to hide the smile. The Marshall wasn’t happy about that one and Mako called Becket out on his bullshit in her blunt yet polite manner.

            Their fight had flowed smoothly and in the end Mako had wiped the floor with Becket to Chuck’s delight. Even the Marshall shutting down the idea of Mako being Raleigh’s partner didn’t wipe the smirk off of his face as he lingered. The two could potentially work. Raleigh was still a jack ass and Mako was untested within the drift, but the compatibility was there. The Marshall would change his mind, and hopefully Gypsy would manage to be piloted with at least some confidence.

            He met Newton that night at the scientist’s room instead of his, Max off with Herc for the evening instead of following Chuck around. They were both in better moods that night than they had been the last two as Chuck brought a couple of trays down from the mess hall so they could eat in privacy.

            “So, Hermann seems pretty sure that there’s going to be another breach event tomorrow but he swears its going to be a double event,” Newton said seemingly out of nowhere as they sat on the edge of the bed eating lasagna and chunks of garlic bread. Dr. Geiszler rolled his eyes a little at his own comment. “You’d think the guy _wants_ there to be a double event just so he could say his precious little equation was right.”

            “Dad said that when you two debriefed a few days ago that Dr. Gottlieb’s data seemed pretty solid,” Chuck said, attempting to sound neutral on the subject. He’d purposefully not gone to the labs since the other morning and so he hadn’t seen Hermann since then. He’d really only seen Newton in the evenings as it was with everything they needed to do in order to prepare for the attempt on the breach.

            “Oh, yeah sure, _Hermann’s_ data was solid. _Hermann_ deals with the handwriting of God and everything else is just lies,” Newton said angry and sarcastic. He’d been that way anytime Hermann had been brought up since the debriefing despite the fact that he was usually the one to mention the man. Chuck had expected it to fade after a day or two, but Dr. Gottlieb must have struck pretty deep this time. Newton glanced at him as he chewed on his last piece of bread and seemed nervous for a second. “Your dad tell you anything else about that?”

            “The debriefing?” Newton nodded owlishly in response. “He told me you had some ideas that seemed pretty out there that Pentecost dismissed but that’s about it. Why?” Chuck narrowed his eyes, trying again to see if he could get information out of Newton.

            “Oh, no reason, just thought maybe he’d told you what _he_ thought of the clone thing.” Newton wasn’t a convincing liar. If he was worried about Chuck hearing about the debriefing though it meant that Herc would know what was up since he’d been present. If his father wasn’t too busy doting on his new wonder boy tomorrow he’d have to ask.

            They finished eating and Newton had sat up going over some notes while Chuck sprawled in the bed and dozed. He was pulled out of a dream that was made of fragmented memories from the drift when Newton climbed into the bed besides him and Chuck was surprised to find the light was off. He reached out to find Newton in the darkness and pulled the man close.

            “Thought you were asleep,” Newton said happily, the grin coming through in his tone of voice.

            “Mm, not now,” Chuck said as Newton’s lips found his shoulder before the man started down his body. They spent the next couple of hours just slowly exploring each other as though they didn’t already know every detail. Newton liked to hum various tunes when he went down on Chuck, most the time Chuck couldn’t even guess the songs though that might have been his preoccupation with the feeling of Newton’s lips and the vibration of vocal chords. Chuck’s hands still more often than not settled along Newton’s ribs and if anything the man seemed more open with the sign of affection now that the story had been shared. They found their way there now when Newton straddled him, lube and condom fumbled into place when it was clear they both wanted more.

            Newton had freckles across his chest though the space was slowly being filled with more tattoos. There still wasn’t a Jaeger in amongst the Kaiju but Chuck had accepted that decision a while ago. Chuck had a shadow of circuit burns from one of the previous battles with a Kaiju when they’d taken some damage that had caused a short and it had left faint markings on Chuck’s thighs. Newton sort of loved them because they were a sign that the Hansen’s always pulled through.

            Neither of them chose to acknowledge the heavy sense that they may not get another chance like this. Newton, in part, because he half expected the drift he had planned for the morning would actually kill him. He’d planned it purposefully to coincide with Raleigh Becket drifting with his new partner for the first time because he’d known that everyone would go to watch the event, even Hermann. In the same way Chuck half expected that, if not tomorrow, within the next day or two they’d be sent out on what could very well turn into a suicide mission.

 

            The next morning Chuck woke up to find that Newton, for once in the last few years, had woken up and left before him. He reached over to look at the time only to realize he was running late for Becket’s first drift with his new partner. If the test went well and there was a solid connection it would mean they were set to head for the breach. Chuck had rolled out of bed and gotten dressed, the Shatterdome quiet and empty as everyone else would be waiting to see how the test went as well. When he reached LOCCENT he found his father and Tendo though the Marshall wasn’t present which struck Chuck as a little odd. Everyone had heard that Pentecost had given Mako permission to be his drift partner and Chuck found it hard to believe the Marshall would miss this. He voiced this thought to the other two men and got hesitant looks from both of them.

            “There was something else he had to deal with,” Herc had said shortly, eying his son with a small frown. The test hadn’t gone well, Becket had gone out of sync and it had taken Mako with him. She’d been the one to run after the rabbit though and by the time they got Gypsy shut down Chuck was shaking his head. So much for the supposed dream team.

 

            Herc had pulled Chuck aside while they waited for Becket and Mori to get back out of the pilot suits. Chuck was pissed and disappointed already, he’d thought they maybe he’d be proven wrong about Raleigh and the chances of him managing a drift after so long. He was expecting his father to tell him not to confront the other two pilots or to show some respect and that first drifts were always hard. That wasn’t what Herc had to tell him though.

            “You’ll want to know that Dr. Geiszler apparently decided to pull together his own drift apparatus and has drifted with the chunk of brain that came from Mutavore,” Herc said, looking perhaps a little guilty and perhaps more than a little worried.

            “Why the hell would he do that? He never even mentioned that-“

            “He brought it up in the debriefing when the Marshall first got back.” Herc squared his shoulders as he watched Chuck closely, feeling the ripples of his son’s worry and anger slipping through in that ghost of a connection that lingered between drift partners. Even without it he could see the emotion for a few unguarded moments before Chuck settled on that anger as he so often did.

            “You fucking knew he was thinking of doing this?”

            “I told him it was too dangerous and the Marshall agreed and denied his request. I didn’t think the bastard would go jimmying together some half-assed PONS-“

            “You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me.” Chuck had gotten into Herc’s face, closing the space between them as he tried to push his father into getting angry himself. The truth was that Herc felt guilty though, he had known and he’d chosen not to tell Chuck that Dr. Geiszler had mentioned it because he didn’t want Chuck to be distracted. They couldn’t afford for Chuck to be distracted but now there was no way to keep what had happened from him.

            “I should have told you son but I-“ Chuck made a sound of frustration, shoving Herc roughly but before things could escalate further they both were interrupted by the Marshall coming into the room. Herc gave his son a warning look but Chuck turned on Pentecost anyway, focusing that anger on the man as he went off on the Marshall for the failed drift between Raleigh and Mako. They were supposed to have their backs, he was supposed to know he could close the breach and save the world, save Newton, but now everything was being taken out of his control and Chuck just needed someone to hit. It didn’t take long for the Marshall to dismiss him and Herc pushed him out of the room with a warning to stay put, intended for them to finish their interrupted conversation once he was done.

            Mako and Raleigh were out in the hall and upon seeing them Chuck knew just who he needed to hit. The tether on his anger that he’d just barely managed to hold while speaking with the Marshall snapped then. By the end of the confrontation he’d insulted both Becket and Mako, who had given him a slightly betrayed look for his words, he’d gotten his ass kicked by Raleigh and he’d told his father that their entire relationship only existed because they were drift compatible. Still, by the time he’d reached the K-science lab he’d found his temper had only faded slightly because he hadn’t confronted the one person he was truly upset with. Newton had kept something from him, had lied to him and then proceeded to go and do something so insane that Chuck hadn’t really believed it when his father had first told him.

            Hermann was the only one in the room when Chuck entered though Newton couldn’t be far as his leather jacket was draped over the back of a chair near his desk. The makeshift PONS and the now still Kaiju brain were still sitting in place to serve as confirmation that this was entirely real.

            “Where the hell is he?”

            “Mr. Hansen, now is not the time for your theatrics. Dr. Geiszler has been through an ordeal and I believe-“            Hermann had stepped into his path to keep Chuck from going further back into the lab space, handle of his cane coming up to press against Chuck’s chest to keep him from passing.

            “Give me one fucking reason,” Chuck said with a low growl, the distance between the two of them almost nonexistent. Hermann blanched slightly but stood his ground, leveling a warning glare at Chuck.

            “Excuse me, Ranger. If you are threatening bodily harm than you most definitely have no place in talking with Dr. Geiszler at this point in time.”

            “Give me one fucking reason why I should listen to you when it concerns Newton. One thing that makes it so you know better than I do what’s best for him, because if you can’t do that _still_ then you need to get the fuck out of my way, _Doctor_.” Hermann floundered at this, seemingly more comfortable when he thought Chuck was threatening him with physical violence instead of with the truth.

            “This is not the time or place-“

            “Say it.” Hermann pursed his lips, dropping his eyes from meeting Chuck’s gaze for a second before giving him a steely look.

            “We both know how I feel, Chuck.”

            “And yet you still can’t say the goddamn words, so get out of my way Hermann because I’d really prefer not to knock you on your ass but right now I just might.”

            “Chuck!” They both flinched slightly when Newton spoke up from where he had just appeared at the back of the lab. Chuck looked over towards him and wondered just how the medical staff had decided the man was functioning just fine. His left eye was bloodshot and red even with the distance and there was blood on his shirt left from a nose bleed. “Hallway. Now.” Newton stormed off towards the hall and Chuck turned to follow him. Hermann caught his arm with the handle of his cane though, stopping him momentarily as Chuck gave him an impatient look.

            “The Marshall has asked him to do it again. You must convince him not to, he will not listen to me.” Hermann looked frightened and worried as he whispered the words to the Ranger in a rush.

            “I’ll try.”

 

            As soon as they were out in the hall Newton rounded on Chuck, giving him a shove against the wall without even thinking the man might push back. Chuck didn’t though the anger was clearly just below the surface, but Newton wasn’t going to let that deter him just then.

            “What the hell was that man? Not cool!”

            “Oh, was that ‘not cool’. You know what isn’t ‘cool’, Newton, you fucking drifting with the goddamn Kaiju brain and not saying a fucking word to me about what you were planning. You’re insane!” Newton had looked slightly guilty until the end bit and he suddenly bristled again as he turned on Chuck, not caring if Hermann could hear them inside the lab or if anyone else was lingering in the hallways.

            “Ahaha! I’m insane? Is that right? Well, this insane guy just managed to prove himself right and pull of the most amazing thing. Maybe I didn’t tell you before now because I knew you wouldn’t have listened just like everyone else! None of them listened, not a single one even the guy who I thought had enough respect to understand I don’t just throw out ridiculous theories for no reason.”

            “I would have listened!” Chuck practically roared the words at him, shocking Newton into silence as he ruined any illusion there had been that Newton had him cornered against the wall. Newton backed away from him in surprise, not because he was afraid of Chuck, but it had been the intensity of emotion that had terrified him. He had guessed that Chuck would be upset at him for not mentioning his plans, but not that there’d be this anger and fear and hurt thrown in his direction like a tidal wave.  “I have always listened! I would have listened to every goddamn word that came out of your mouth if you had just trusted me enough to tell me. And then you know what I would have done? I would have told you how stupid and foolish the idea was. How dangerous the idea of drifting with a Kaiju was and how you wouldn’t be doing it! I’m the one that goes out and risks my life for this shit not you!”

            “I had to do it!” Newton found his voice again though he hated how high pitched and broken it sounded right then. It couldn’t carry the force that Chuck could muster.

            “Why? To prove them wrong?” Chuck sounded a little disgusted at this, and Newton was suddenly afraid he’d screwed this up. He had wanted Chuck to be impressed or proud even if he was angry, but Chuck wasn’t impressed like the Marshall had been. And the truth was he had done it to prove them wrong, he’d done it to prove Hermann specifically wrong. That wasn’t the reason he’d first thought of drifting with the Kaiju though, no, there’d been a different reason for that.

            “Yes, I wanted to prove them wrong but I also wanted to do it for you!”

            “How the hell was this for me?” Chuck stilled sounded pissed and was still yelling though there was more fear in his voice now.

            “Because if I could find out some way to know that we’re going to actually get this damn breach closed it would mean you’d be safe!” There was finally some silence between them, the seconds dragging out long as Newton held his breath. He finally felt able to release it when Chuck gave a quiet sigh, his forehead meeting Newton’s as his hands settled on his ribs.

            “You aren’t doing it again.”

            “I have to.” Newton said Chuck’s eyes narrow, the arguments rising up behind them again and he tried to put a stop to it. “What would you say if I asked you not to go out in a Jaeger again?” Chuck’s jaw tensed and for a moment Newton thought he was still going to yell again.

            “I’d say that I have to.”

            “Right, so you can’t tell me no on this. Besides, I have to meet with a uh…contact of the Marshall’s to see if I can even find another brain first so it might not even happen.” Newton could tell this was the right thing to say and if he felt a little guilty in not mentioning that the contact was a black market criminal, well, hopefully it wouldn’t come back to bite him. “I have to get going, I’ve already wasted too much time as it is.” Chuck backed off though he still didn’t look overly happy as Newton stepped around him to head back into the lab. “I’ll come find you as soon as I’m back. I promise.”

            “Just be careful,” Chuck said, Hermann watching them both with apprehension after having heard almost every word that had been laid out in the hall. Newton grabbed his jacket, making sure he had the card that Pentecost had given him before moving to give Chuck a tight hug. He said short but excited goodbyes to the two of them, adrenaline carrying him out the door even as the other two watched wishing he’d just stay. “Where the hell were you?” The rage wasn’t there anymore, but there was still accusation in Chuck’s tone as he spoke to Hermann.

            “Me? Where were you? None of this would have happened if you hadn’t procured that damned brain for him in the first place,” Hermann said scathingly, feeling defensive after hearing Newton practically say it was because of him that he’d gone through with this foolish idea.

            “You think I don’t know that already?” Chuck sounded tired and Hermann couldn’t find it within himself to jab at the man again despite his anger at Chuck giving in to Newton’s reasoning’s for going off to perform a second drift. Chuck moved over to the couch to sit and after a few moments Hermann moved to join him.

            “I’m closing that fucking breach no matter what,” Chuck said after a long pause and Hermann had looked at him with concern. There was conviction in Chuck’s voice and though Hermann agreed that the breach needed to be closed for good for everyone’s sake he suddenly wished there was a way to make sure Chuck wasn’t anywhere near it when it happened.

            “You’re going to make me do it, aren’t you?” Chuck gave him a questioning look, one eyebrow raised to prompt further elaboration. “You’re going to make me responsible for breaking his heart.”

            “I can’t make promises,” Chuck said shortly and they both tensed as they heard the first alarms saying that there was breach activity. “You’ll take care of him if I don’t come back?” Hermann felt his own heart break a little in that moment. It broke for Chuck because of that fear he could hear within that moment, it broke for Newton and how he knew the man would handle another loss and it broke from himself because he had heard those words before from a friend who had not ended up returning.

            “I shall to the extent in which he allows,” Hermann said quietly, the words echoing those he had spoken years ago to Caitlin Lightcap. “He will not be the only one who would be saddened by your loss.” Chuck had stood from the couch and he looked back down at Hermann to give him a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

            “Thanks.” It was short but sincere and then the man was gone, going out to suit up so they could protect the world once more. Hermann would make his way up to LOCCENT as the Jaegers were deployed, watching as more people he cared about found themselves snatched from the world.

 

            Two out of the four Jaegers were gone, their pilots going with them, and Chuck and Herc had been stranded out on Striker while one of the Kaiju’s had torn into the city. They were dead in the water with Leatherback right outside their door, Otachi heading straight towards the heart of Hong Kong where Chuck knew Newton was somewhere out on the streets, and all they had were some flare guns. They had both decided it was time to do something truly stupid, and then Gypsy had come tearing into the fight. They were given the advantage the other Jaeger’s hadn’t, the two Kaiju were divided, and they had kicked some ass.

            By the time they’d gotten pulled back into the Shatterdome and the reboot on Striker’s operating systems were underway things had gone hectic. They were doing the mission as soon as everything was back up and running, there would be another breach at any time according to Hermann’s predictive model and they’d need to be carried out to the breach and be ready. Herc was injured though so when he’d been told to suit up Chuck hadn’t listened.

            Chuck had always known one thing for certain in his life after that Kaiju had torn any normalcy away from them eleven years ago. That thing had been this; if he died inside a Jaeger it would be with the understanding that his father was going with him. If either of them were killed it meant the other would be too and neither of them would be left behind to deal with that hurt, anger and loss all over again. No one would be left feeling guilty or lost, no one filled with regret. But now, Herc couldn’t be the one who would go into the drift with him and there was no one else Chuck could imagine heading into this fight with.

            He couldn’t pilot the Jaeger on his own even with the systems back online, Gypsy would have to run this one themselves as there seemed no other options. He’d gone to confront Tendo about what was going on, frustrated with the man’s insistence that he needed to be suited up. What he wanted to do was call Newton, find out where the man was and drag his ass back to the safety of the Shatterdome. That was when his father had shown up with Marshall Stacker wearing a pilot’s suit. It was clear what it meant and Chuck had felt an unfamiliar sense of panic rise in his chest as he looked at Herc questioningly.

            “We can’t just send Gypsy, son, we need you to get suited up,” Herc had said as the group split, Mako going to confront Stacker about his decision to climb back into a Jaeger. He had done as he was ordered, he always did, but before he’d gone to get suited up after the Marshall was giving his rousing speech he called Newton.

 

            Newton had jumped when his phone had rang, Hermann had already called to tell him he was attempting to get the PONs device to him, and he’d pulled the mobile from his pocket to find Chuck’s number. There was a sweeping sort of relief at seeing the man was alive and able to call him and he had stepped away from Hannibal to answer.

            “Chuck! You’re alright?”

            “I’m fine, Newton. Are you? I heard that thing broke through into a shelter.” Chuck sounded tired and tense on the other end of the phone. Newton took a deep breath, debating how much he should tell him but deciding that it would be best to tell him everything. He was tired of hiding things from Chuck and he didn’t want the man to find out later, plus it was kind of terrifyingly cool and though Chuck wouldn’t see it that way Newton still had to share.

            “Hey, yeah, I’m fine. Mildly terrified because I was in that shelter, but Gypsy showed up before things got too…ah, close. Look, I kind of think that thing was coming after me-“

            “What? What are you talking about?” Chuck’s words were clipped and short and any fatigue that had been in his tone disappeared to be replaced with gruff alarm.

            “Well, you know, I hadn’t really thought about how the drift goes both ways, right? So, when I drifted with Mutavore and found it was a hive mind that kind of probably means that they all possibly took notice of me.” Newton winced slightly, waiting for Chuck’s response on the other end of the phone and fully expecting there to be yelling. Lot of yelling and probably some swearing. Newton could deal with that, he felt better having told Chuck and he glanced back towards Hannibal’s team wondering just how long they were going to take to get him that secondary brain.

            “They found you in the drift and now they’re trying to find you here…” Okay, that wasn’t yelling; that was a quiet fear that Newton hadn’t anticipated and hurt it a little, and well…fuck.

            “I’m fine though! Gypsy did her thing and I’m totally fine, Chuck.” Newton wanted to soothe that fear that he’d only heard once before when Chuck thought he’d be left without a Jaeger or a purpose. He could hear a long pause on the other end of the line, and when Chuck spoke again there was a renewed conviction in his voice.

            “We’re getting ready to head out to the breach for the final drop-“

            “What? No! Wait, you can’t I have to do this drift first, we have to know it will work!”

            “Newton, we can’t wait any longer, there’s another breach event and we don’t have the power to keep fighting the Kaiju off. It’s now or never,” Chuck spoke carefully and with a stern tone to keep Newton focused, “I want you to know that-“

            “Don’t you dare say goodbye,” Newton hissed into the phone and Chuck stopped for a few seconds before just going on.

            “If something happens with either of us Newton I wanted to have said it at least once. I don’t always say things because I’m so use to the damn drift doing all my talking for me, but I need to say it once to you.”

            “No, Chuck please, you’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine, just stop,” Newton spoke in a pleading tone, ducking his head to try and keep the conversation private out amongst all the black market workers. Chuck wasn’t supposed to do this, he wasn’t supposed to say goodbye. Newton’s chest felt tight and his eyes stung as he heard Chuck give a quiet sigh over the crackle of the line.

            “I love you, Newt. You go do what you need to do and I’ll go do my job, and hopefully once this whole mess is over we can laugh about how soft I’ve gotten. For now though I need you to know I love you, you’re my family and always will be.” Chuck’s voice faltered near the end and Newton could picture just how he looked as he tried to hold back his emotions.

            “I love you too,” Newton said in a quiet voice, trying to follow Chuck’s example as he took a deep breath even while it felt like his heart was being crushed. “Come back.”

            “You know I can’t make promises,” Chuck sounded regretful and there was a shout from somewhere on his end. “I have to go get suited up. Be careful Newton.”

            “You too, Chuck.” Newton heard the line go dead and he took a second to steady himself as the world seemed to tilt. But, no, he needed to do this and he needed to do it now more than ever. They were going out there blind with no idea if this whole stupid plan was going to work, and if Newton had any way to make sure Chuck had the best chance at coming back he was going to take it. He went back over to Hannibal, pulling himself together as he came to stand next to the man. They needed to move faster.

 

            Chuck had hung up the phone and moved with focus to get suited up. He had decided something during that phone call, and he knew now that he would break Newton’s heart if it meant keeping him alive. If the Kaiju really were coming for the man they wouldn’t stop after just one failed attempt and like hell Chuck was going to get them have another go at it.

            He’d always thought that saving the world was a good enough reason, was enough to fight for even to the death. He’d been shown over the last few years that there could be reasons to live too, that there could be reasons to be cautious. Saving the world was still a reason to fight, but perhaps not a good reason to reckless throw himself into dying anymore.

            Chuck had two reasons to end this fight now that were more important to him than saving the world as a whole. The first was the fact that if his father wasn’t going to be in the Conn-pod with him, if his father wasn’t fighting alongside him then Chuck wanted to do everything he could to make sure his old man never had to climb into a Jaeger again. If Herc was going to be the one left behind he wanted his father to die as an old man bitter with life whether it was with Chuck there or not.

            The second reason was Newton. He would close that breach for Newton to keep the Kaiju from getting to him. He would close it so the man could have the rest of his life to show the world just how much of a rock star he really was. Chuck would close the breach so that Dr. Newton Geiszler never had to face done the monsters he loved ever again.

            He focused on this as he got suited up, ignoring the sting in his eyes and fear in his heart. He’d do what he was trained to do and he’d do it for the two most important people left in the world, not for the world as a whole. When he saw his father in the hall he wanted to tell him everything, but the man had cut him off before he could say a word. They both knew, they both understood all the hurt between them had never diminished the love they had for each other. They were family and they forgave all that hurt in the past right then.

            Chuck was Herc’s son and Herc was his father. And so, Chuck said goodbye and left to fight for his family.


	19. I'm lying in the ocean Singing your song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The breach is closed but at what cost? Life after the end still has to go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, last chapter (for this one at least).
> 
> Chapter title from "Dark Paradise" by Lana Del Rey.

            Newton had been frantic energy and impatience when Hermann had reached him, dismissing Hermann’s concerns that there were only two Kaiju once again. It should have been three and Hermann couldn’t doubt his equations this late in proverbial game. Something was wrong but there was little he could do as Tendo had already cut the tense phone call off. He needed to focus on what was happening now though and while watching Newton get the drift apparatus set up Hermann realized he had already made a decision without consciously settling upon it.

            He was terribly afraid that this second drift would be the thing that broke Dr. Geiszler, he’d already done this once that day and it had had frightening results. Finding the man on the floor of the K-science lab in the midst of a seizure and not knowing if he had found him in time had been the worst moment in Dr. Gottlieb’s life; even worse than watching the inter-dimensional beings come tearing out of the ocean for the first time all those years ago because Newton was the thing most precious to him.

             There was no saying what a second drift could do even without taking into consideration that now there was a fully formed and undamaged brain to perform it with. And so Hermann had finally stepped up, not caring if Newton saw just how deeply Hermann felt for him because it would give the man a better chance at living. He could deal with any fallout from the choice when it came as long as he knew that Newton had survived. Granted there was every chance that the relief of the man’s survival would be short lived if the world truly came to an end.

            The drift had been confusion and fear, flashes of images from their pasts and rises of emotion that covered the spectrum. Then they’d hit the hive mind, the ripping and tearing teeth and claws and murderous intent. There wasn’t anger involved with the Kaiju, no there was hardly emotion at all there. It was just need and drive, desire to destroy and eat and tear apart. The need to follow the orders given to them by those who bred them, controlled them. Amongst the clamor of gnashing jaws and frenzied brains they could see the breach and they understood. The plan would not work, not the way it was intended, but it could if they could manage to pull off a small deception.

 

            Newton’s leg had jittered up and down the entire helicopter flight back to the Shatterdome, the makeshift PONS left behind in the care of some techs and a single security member for the time being. This was too important to waste time trying to load the device back into the helicopter to be taken with them. They had gotten back in the Shatterdome just in time to warn the Jaeger pilots that they needed to trick the breach into thinking the device had Kaiju DNA for it to pass through.

            What had followed had been both the most crushing and joyous thing they could have experienced. Newton at one point seemed to suddenly realize that Herc was there, standing in LOCCENT with them instead of in a Jaeger with his son. Hermann hadn’t told him, hadn’t thought to mention that Chuck wasn’t piloting Striker Eureka with his father, but right at that moment he wished he had. Newton had stared at Herc with a look that bordered on horror before directing his attention to what was happening with the battle.

            They had listened as the two Jaegers fought desperately to get the upper hand on the Kaiju, but once the Category five had left the breach things were clearly not in their favor. Newton had hovered close to him as though Hermann could shield him from the panic that was coming through on the other end of the Comms, but there was no protecting him from the end. As they all realized that Pentecost intended for them to sacrifice themselves and Chuck agreed everyone’s eyes had gone to Herc; everyone except for Hermann who had looked silently at Dr. Geiszler standing beside him. There was no mention of escape for either of the pilots, they were at the moment of last resort if there was any hope of the breach being closed and now Gypsy Danger would have to do so.

            Newton had gone completely still in those seconds building up to when the device went off sending Striker Eureka into terrible silence. He had stood staring at the screen as though what he was seeing couldn’t be true but as they got confirmation that Striker Eureka was gone he’d closed his eyes as a tremor had run through him. Hermann had gotten hit with a wave of emotion through what must have been the lingering connections of the drift and he could feel Newton’s devastation for a few eternal moments. He reached out discreetly, taking Newton’s hand in his and holding on tightly as though he could be a tether in the sea of loss. Newton’s hand was practically lifeless in his but Hermann didn’t let go and by the time the man had opened his eyes again it was clear what was happening. Those walls were being put into place and Newton was doing everything he could to remove himself from this moment. Hermann didn’t just see the process occurring behind Newton’s eyes but he could feel it too as brick by brick Dr. Geiszler went numb.

            Even as Gypsy Danger pushed onward towards the breach, at last tumbling down into it with both pilots still inside Newton stood completely still. It was as though he’d turned into a statue in that spot though he had flinched with a sign of life when Tendo announced that Mako’s evac-pod had broken free to the surface. He wouldn’t lose two people at least, though Hermann had a feeling that was little consolation at this point. Newton had lost the most important person and as the minutes dragged on it was clear to both Herc Hansen and Newton Gesizler that there would be no miracle. There was no third pod that broke signaling that perhaps Marshall Pentecost had chosen to go on his own instead of having the young Aussie go with him. There would be no bodies for the funerals.

            As the cheers broke out as it was finally clear that the breach was closed and that both Becket and Mori had survived, Newton had finally turned to look around at the crowd of people behind them. He seemed lost and confused as he took a few steps away from Hermann, breaking their contact at last. Tendo had stepped around Hermann, nudging the man in Newton direction as he himself went to follow Herc out the door. Neither of them should be alone at this point in time.

            It was difficult not to smile at the jubilation of everyone in the room, difficult not to feel relief at knowing the breach had been closed and they were safe for the time being. Newton turned to look at Hermann as he registered that the man was standing close so their arms brushed. Newton was closing out the pain and attempting to focus on the joy and relief and despite himself Hermann had risked a shy smile. Newton had broken into a grin that looked sad and distant but he threw his arm around Hermann, allowing himself to celebrate that the end was no longer nigh.

 

            Hermann had stayed close over the last few hours as they’d hovered around the edges of the celebration. Newton hadn’t wanted to be alone, had wanted to be surrounded by all the relief and happiness of the crowd because it made it easier to shut out what he was feeling himself. Hermann had finally insisted though that Newton had needed to get some rest considering he’d now been up for almost twenty-four hours straight and had endured two drifts with an alien race during that timeframe. Newton had thought of asking him to stay and it seemed as though Hermann thought of offering but in the end he’d wandered off to his own room and left Newton on his alone.

            In the dark as he lay in his bed that for once seemed far too large and empty it had become more than Newton could handle. By the time he’d grabbed the bottle of Kraken and headed up towards the helipad the Shatterdome was quiet. People had partied as long as they could and now in the early morning hours just before sunrise the place had fallen quiet once more. There were a few stragglers but Newton ignored them as he focused on his destination and at last broke out into the cool morning air. There were clouds hanging low in the sky as though they were mirroring his mood. He looked around and felt like something was missing and as he realized what it was he ached deep in his bones. Chuck was what was missing. Chuck would always be missing now.

            He drank then going between desperate sadness to irrational anger as he watched the sun finally start to lighten the horizon out over the water as a slim crack of light beneath the clouds, like a breach all its own. He could feel the pull of the ocean, the ebb of flow of the waves like the rush of blood through veins; the salty scent blowing in on a breeze as though it was mocking his loss. The anger came flooding back then and he’d needed to throw something, anything. He’d already pulled his arms back and let the bottle set sail in a long arc before he realized just what he was doing and he stared in horror.

            “No, fuck, dammit,” he cursed as he heard the bottle of Kraken shatter on the rocks below, the sound just barely audible over the lapping water and wind. He sighed, standing limply where he was as he tasted salt water; his own tears another bitter reminder.

            “Must have been an expensive bottle of liquor, doc.”  Newton froze momentarily at the voice behind him feeling a tug of hope, but he already knew even before he turned to find Herc standing behind him that it was an impossibility. Herc, Max sitting obediently by his feet, was eyeing him critically, a bottle of something in his own hand while his other arm still rested in its sling and Newton felt quite suddenly as though he was intruding. Newt felt like he had lost everything but Herc Hansen really had and the last thing he probably needed was Newton infringing on his time of mourning.

            “Sorry Herc…Marshall, I ah, I’ll let you be,” he had stammered a little, rubbing quickly at his cheeks to try and remove the signs of tears before starting towards the door. Herc stopped him though, the hand holding the bottle coming up to catch him as he passed.

            “You’re not going anywhere. You and I? We’re going to drink,” Herc said, nodding towards the wall that was almost identical to the one back in Australia where Newton had sat with Chuck too many times to count. He stared at Herc as though he wasn’t sure he’d heard him right but the newly appointed Marshall just turned to walk back to that wall, pressing his back against it and letting himself slide down to sit on the cold concrete of the helipad. Newton followed more slowly, making sure not to sit too close as Herc took a drink from the bottle. The dog circled around to find a spot before flopping over on top of Herc’s boots, staring at them both expectantly like they could make Chuck appear out of thin air. Herc handed the bottle to Newton then and it turned out to be scotch, good scotch at that, and Newton hesitated for only a second before taking a large gulp of it. They both sat for a long moment then watching the sun struggle to bring morning through the tumultuous clouds. “He knew…we both knew that there was a chance we wouldn’t see the other side of this thing. Just always sort of figured we’d go together…”

            “He called me to say goodbye.” Newton was afraid he’d spoken to quietly but Herc heard him, leaning to take the bottle back for another drink.

            “He told me goodbye too. I just hoped that maybe…it’s not Stacker’s fault but I can’t help but blame the bastard.” Herc set the scotch down between them this time so they could each drink as they saw fit. It was fairly full but Newt didn’t let that fool him any, he knew that Herc was likely just as far gone into the drink as he was. He’d just brought a new supply with him when he’d come up here. “That’s his scotch. Figured he owed me that much. You were good for him, you know? I didn’t see it for a long time but you were.”

            “Ah, I don’t know about that. Thanks though.” It felt a bit awkward between the two of them as they let the moment pass and Newton wondered if he was supposed to leave again. Herc didn’t tell him to though and so he picked up the bottle instead, though even taking another drink failed to ease the silence for him. Newton always had hated silence. “He always cared what you though, you know, he acted like he didn’t or that he hated you or whatever but he really did care. He just didn’t always choose to listen and I’m kind of glad that he decided not to listen when it came to me. I think he kind of helped me through some shit.”

            “I always knew he cared…I think that’s why I harped on him so much because when it came to everyone else he didn’t seem to care at all. I thought if I got on him about some of it that maybe…I shouldn’t have been so hard on him. I was always too hard on him.” Herc’s voice had faltered and Newton stared with uncertainty on how to handle it.

            “You were his dad though, that’s kind of what dads are for isn’t it? I mean, mine was always a little tough on me. It didn’t usually work but that doesn’t mean he didn’t try.” Herc gave a noncommittal grunt at this, bowing his head for a second and Newton looked away to give him some privacy.

            “He was better around you. Still a little shit but better.”

            “I never really asked him to be one specific thing or another…” Newton spoke and gave a quiet sigh. It wasn’t an accusation towards Herc, but they both knew there had been expectations placed on all of them by the world at large. “He wasn’t supposed to leave. He always said he couldn’t make promises but I think I started to assume that was a promise in itself. You two always came back but then you weren’t with him and…” Newton choked a little on his emotions and he cursed quietly as he fought to regain control over them. He felt an arm go around his shoulders as he curled in on himself, trying to put walls back into place that were crumbling around the edges, and Newton let himself be pulled in close.

            The man was warm and familiar as he hugged Newton to his side with his good arm while Newton grabbed the bottle of scotch desperately. It wasn’t the same, not exactly; Herc was just different enough from his son to give that unnerving feeling that the person you were talking to wasn’t actually that person. It was like when you left something in one place only to come back and find it wasn’t where it should have been but you know there was no way it could have moved on its own.

            “I wish I had been with him,” Herc said, voice close and steady once more. “I’d like to hear about him, how he was with someone who didn’t place so much expectation on his shoulders. I picked up some from the drift but…knowing from the drift and hearing them out loud are two very different things.”

            “Ok…yeah…” Newton said, taking a deep breath to try and steady himself. Herc was trying to distract him for both their sakes, knowing it would be easier if they didn’t dwell on the fact that Chuck was gone. Newton sat up a little more and Herc slipped the arm off from his shoulders to take the bottle from him. They were perhaps going through it faster than was really recommendable, but it helped numb things out so that it wasn’t so hard to think about Chuck.

            The sun rose and Herc listened with a proud sort of smile as Newton went on about trips down to the beach and times at either a bar or the Shatterdome. He told Herc about the time he’d gotten Chuck just drunk enough to convince him to sing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ at a karaoke bar. That had been before Newton had gotten hurt and Chuck stopped taking him to places that served more alcohol than food. He told Herc about how Chuck could hold his own in a conversation about coding, space, biology and, most of all, literature. It hadn’t just been Shakespeare, though it was clear that had been the man’s favorite.

            Herc shared too, seeming surprised himself just how many stories he had where he wasn’t just fighting with his son. There’d been good times too, in and out of the Jaeger. He’d taken Chuck out for his twenty-first birthday just months ago and they’d ended up winning two hundred and fifty bucks off a couple of bikers while playing poker in the back of some bar. Chuck had been uncharacteristically relaxed with him for once and the two had joked easily while reading each other’s cues without even having to share a look. When they’d finally stood from the table and Chuck had grabbed his jacket with Striker Eureka’s logo on it the two bikers called them out. Instead of a fight though the men had bought them drinks and had gone on about how great they’d been doing at keeping the ‘Kaiju bastards’ at bay.

            He talked about Chuck when he was young, how he’d grown up too fast and gotten taller than his father before Herc even realized it. He’d just looked at his son one day and realized that Chuck had an inch on him that he could have sworn wasn’t there moments before. How he’d also gotten smarter than Herc but that one hadn’t been a surprise to him. Chuck mother had always been brilliant herself, and even without her there to actively influence him their son had turned out to be so much like her. The sun was up and behind the clouds, the day grey and cool even now that they were fully into the morning hours. The scotch was running low but neither of them really took much notice. Herc was now telling Newton about a certain fight in the mess hall.

            “I thought for sure the kid was going to sock the guy in the jaw, but it ended up being your Dr. Gottlieb who did the honors,” Herc said and Newton gave a cough of laughter as he choked on the mouthful of scotch he’d just taken. Herc patted him on the back with a laugh of his own as Newton shook his head.

            “No way Hermann punched a guy.”

            “Oh, he did and it was a glorious punch. The guy deserved it though.” Newton leaned back against the wall once he was able to breathe again and he shook his head incredulously.

            “I’d love to know what that guy must have said to prompt that.”

            “Eh, he was saying a lot of shit about all three of you. But, it was you that they both wanted to sock him for; was saying you were root rat if I remember right.”

            “Huh…That actually explains a lot,” Newton said with a soft frown, thinking back to when Hermann had suddenly become concerned with how Newton was perceived by people. They slid into another silence which had grown less awkward though was still unwanted as the quiet allowed the pain to slip through. “What happens now?”

            “We talking big picture or just for the moment?” Herc glanced over at Newton and could see the sadness settling around him again. They were still sitting companionably close and he felt a protective tug in his gut that made him put his arm around the man’s shoulders again. There was going to be a lot of things that got set in motion over the next few months and it was his job to protect them, all of them.

            “For the moment. I can’t…I can’t think about the big picture just yet.” Newton curled into Herc’s side, a little beyond drunk at this point which made it easier to seek the comfort. If he closed his eyes he could almost convince himself that the man was Chuck instead, but there was still that something that kept him conscious of the difference.

            “More reports than I care to think about. I guess I’ll have to uh, start making the arrangements…” Herc cleared his throat as the emotion caught him off guard. It had been easier when they were talking about Chuck like he was still there, but the loss was settling in over them both once more. For Herc in was a hole in his heart and mind that came in the shape of his son and for Newton it was an ache deeply rooted in his bones.

            “There won’t be a body…” Newton pulled his glasses off so he could press the heels of his hands against his closed eyelids as he felt the tears well up again, sitting up for just a second to try and pull himself together. “God, sorry…I’m sorry.”

            “Its fine, kid…it will be all right,” Herc said with a quiet sigh, reaching to take the bottle from besides Newton with the need for more of that numbness that the alcohol brought but instead he found the scotch was gone and there would be no more relief.

            “No it won’t.”

            “You’re right…it won’t.”

 

            Hermann had found Newton’s room empty when he’d gone to check on the man when Dr. Geiszler had yet to emerge even after breakfast. It was a subdued morning thanks to the late night celebrations, and Hermann had been one of the few who made their way to the mess. He’d felt a bit of panic at the realization that Newton had wandered off at some point that morning, and after finding the K-science labs empty he’d gone up to the only other place he could think of for the man to be. The helipad was quiet and the clouds were making the morning grey and cool. When he’d stepped outside he’d thought the place was empty at first until he saw them sitting down along the wall a little ways. He’d thought it was just Herc at first and he was about to turn back around until the man called his name.

            “Dr. Gottlieb.”

            “My apologize Marshall Hansen, I was looking for Dr. Geiszler.”

            “You found him,” Herc said, his voice still a bit hushed and there was a little bit of a slur to his words that spoke to the liquor the man had likely imbibed in the night before. Hermann frowned, turning to look back towards the man and realizing for the first time that he wasn’t alone. Newton was sitting curled up against Herc’s side and by all appearances he’d fallen asleep there. Herc’s arm was still resting over Newton’s shoulders while his other arm sat in its sling. “Should probably take him down to his bunk so he can sleep it off.”

            “I apologize for him Marshall, he-“

            “Its fine, doc.” Herc gave Newton a nudge to try and wake him, but at first Newton just curled further against him until Herc gave another push.

            “Jesus Chuck…” Newton spoke with a petulant tone and everyone present gave a wince. Newton sat up suddenly as he seemed to realize where he was and he stared at Herc for a long second. The Marshall bowed his head to hide the flicker of emotion on his face that was part pain and part irrational anger. “Oh God…I’m…” Herc lifted his hand and ruffled Newton’s hair with a hint of drunken affection, pulling himself together enough to give a sad smile.

            “Why don’t you go with your Dr. Gottlieb so you can get some rest?”

            “What?” Newton blinked and looked at Hermann owlishly, his eyes a bit glassy from the alcohol and the renewed tears he’d yet to fully process. “Oh…hey Hermann…he’s not mine, you know.” The last part was aimed at Herc who just lifted an eyebrow skeptically.

            “Thank you for looking after him Marshall,” Hermann said, feeling the need to try and direct the situation to a conclusion. He wasn’t certain what had led to Newton and the Marshall being up here together, but he was getting the sense that Herc was ready to be alone. He offered Newton his hand and helped pull the man to his feet and Newton leaned against him to keep steady. Herc just lifted a hand in an acknowledging wave for his gratitude, looking out towards the sea with distant eyes. “Come on, Newton.”

            “Dr. Geiszler.” They’d almost reached the door when Herc spoke up again and Newton pulled them to a stop to look back. “Say it. Don’t rely on the drift. It’s important to say it too.” Hermann frowned, looking at Newton to see if the man understood what Herc was speaking about. “He would have wanted you to say it.” Newton stared blankly for a few moments towards Herc before something changed subtly in his features and he gave a short nod.

            “Right. Come on, Hermms.” Newton nudged him as though he was the one that needed any prompting, and Hermann gave Herc one last look as they stepped through the door. The man had gone back to staring out at the ocean with a pained loss written on his features and Hermann hoped it wasn’t a mistake to leave him on his own.

            Hermann managed to get Newton back down to his bunk with some effort. The man had clearly had more too drink than was advisable though Hermann found it difficult to fault him for it. Newton had been silent the entire way through the Shatterdome and it was again that stillness that made Hermann worry for him.

            “Thanks Hermms.” They were the first words he’d said since they’d left the helipad and it was after Hermann had made sure Newton was securely in his room and lying down in bed before he’d spoken them. Dr. Gottlieb stopped by the door and looked down to where Newton had curled up in a tight ball beneath the blankets.

            “It is no trouble at all, Newton.” He waited a moment or two to see if Newton would say anything else, but the man could already have been asleep for the silence that lingered there between them. Still, there was some tug in the back of his mind that let Hermann know that Newton was still conscious and that there was something he was thinking of saying. When there was no move by the man to speak though Hermann reached for the door handle.

            “Will you stay?” The words were quiet and muffled but Hermann still heard them, couldn’t have missed them with all his focus being centered on Newton as it was. He stopped again to look down at him, and Newton seemed to already be regretting his decision to speak. “I’m sorry, I just…I don’t want to be alone, but it’s ok. You don’t have to stay; you can go I’ll be fine.”

            “Of course I’ll stay Newton.” _I would stay forever if you would just ask it._ Hermann pulled away from the door, watching as Newton seemed to give a deep breath of relief. Newton watched him as he carefully took off his shoes, hesitating for a moment before settling in the bed besides Newton so that he was sitting up with a pillow behind his back. It was a few seconds longer before Newton scooted over to him, curling up besides Hermann and slipping an arm around him as he closed his eyes tightly. Hermann would stay; eventually dozing slightly himself long after Newton’s sobbing breaths had faded into the even configuration of sleep.

 

            The next couple of months had been long and difficult between the need for reports and questions. Hermann had done much of the work for Newton who hid in his room most days. Every now and then Hermann would manage to coax him out for a meal and when that failed Herc would disappear into the room with him for a few minutes of quiet conversation. Hermann wished he could ask what the Marshall said during these conversations, but they seemed intensely private. Herc always looked intensely sad after them when he came out of the room to tell Hermann that Newton would be along shortly, and sure enough Dr. Geiszler would emerge with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

            Following the required paperwork from the PPDC it had then been dealing with the numerous funerals and attempting to keep the media at bay. They’d had public services for each of the Jaeger pilots lost during those last couple of days, but this hadn’t been enough. Their private funerals were tense and dogged with media standing outside hoping to catch images of them all mourning their friends. Raleigh had gotten in the face of a reporter who had attempted to corner Mako after Pentecost’s funeral, and Herc had ended up stepping in to try and smooth things over though his words had been short and terse to the reporters.

            Chuck’s funeral had been equally as messy though this time Mako and Raleigh had played the role of barrier between the reporters and Herc. Herc’s brother Scott had shown up though he’d been little help with the proceedings as he chose to be drunk from the moment he landed until the moment he left once more.

             Newton was left mercifully alone to duck into a taxi after the services as word had not gotten out to the general public about the relationship he’d had with Chuck. Once they funerals were all through, the Kaidonovsky’s and Wei triplet’s following in short succession with what family they’d all had in attendance, they’d had a time of quiet.

 

            Newton had started to finally act a little more like his normal self, though there was a frantic edge beneath the surface that had Hermann on edge. Instead of the long silences there was a familiar pattern forming that they both recognized from after Caitlin’s death. Dr. Geiszler was trying to shut out the pain and loss instead of dealing with it, and it would have likely worked the way he wanted to if it wasn’t for the fact those damn walls would break down at random times. Newton was finding that whenever he tried to wall the thoughts of Chuck in to hide them away like he did with that other unbearable loss in his past his defenses would only hold for so long. This lead to numerous times where he seemed to be completely fine one moment and then breaking down into uncontrollable tears the next.

            He’d managed to keep these times under wraps and to himself for the most part until one day he was sitting in their small group in the mess hall. Tendo was talking about how Allison would be coming to join them soon as Newton sat besides Mako, and he’d felt it as everything just seemed to collapse. The next thing he’d known he was sitting and sobbing uncontrollably between Mako and Raleigh, the two of them using their bodies to shield him from curious looks while Tendo leaned across the table trying to soothe him in a manner that seemed far calmer than the panicked look on his face would indicate.

            There were mornings where Newton would wake up and he’d forget. Those were the worst because for a few blissful moments he’d think that he’d find a note from Chuck hanging on his door explaining where he’d gone. The loss would hit him all over again then and he’s spend half the day curled up in bed until Hermann showed up to try and get him to at least go eat something. If that didn’t work the man would just sit with him, rubbing gently circles along Newton’s back with his hand while he listened to Newton sob. Newton appreciated the silent nature of Hermann’s comfort, the simple acknowledgement of his pain and a comforting presence.

            At times it would be Herc who would come instead and they’d sit. Sometimes they’d talk but other times they didn’t need to. If anyone understood Newton’s pain it was Herc and vice versa. Each time Herc would eventually reach over to ruffle Newton’s hair in an almost fatherly way before he’d pull himself up and try to straighten himself out into the military official he was expected to be now.

            “Good talk.” He’d say it each time before he left. The first time it had caused Newton to flinch a little but now the phrase that had clearly been passed from father to son was almost a comfort.

            There were days where Newton could almost believe he was doing better. There were days where he didn’t imagine the sound of a breathy laugh or the lingering touch of a hand on his ribs. Those days were few and far between.

 

            At the end of those first two months their small group of survivors had taken a day to try and act like their lives were normal as they found a quiet and private beach to disappear to for the day. Allison had arrived with their son, Macbeth, which Allison made a point of saying they should call Mac for short. Newton had truly smiled for the first time in months when he met the kid, and he’d spent a good hour just talking nonsense with the child. Mac was digging in the sand now with Mako while Tendo and Allison sat talking with Hermann. Newton had wandered off to wade in the waves, and Hermann had temporarily lost track of him with the relaxed feeling of the day.

            He had felt it even before Tendo’s smile had faltered and the man nudged Hermann lightly as he nodded off down the beach a little ways. Hermann already knew something was wrong, he had started to get better at distinguishing when it was the crest and fall of Newton’s emotions he was feeling instead of his own and the crushing sense of loss had been too sudden to be his alone. He’d been somewhat surprised by the lingering tug of emotions between the two of them, something that had yet to be discussed just like a great many other things. With Newton’s fragile state Hermann hadn’t felt right pushing those conversations onto the other man just yet.

            He looked where Tendo had motioned towards and found Newton standing down the beach about knee deep in the water. He was simply standing and staring out at the ocean, swaying slightly with the waves like a piece of flotsam caught in their current. However long he’d been standing there wasn’t clear but Herc had apparently noticed as well from where he’d been talking with Raleigh. The Marshall waded out to where Newton was, stopping beside him to speak into his ear as Raleigh watched from a short distance away as though ready to go in after Newton if he made a move to go deeper.

            Hermann had been worried for Newton, concerned and saddened, but this was the first time he’d felt an actual fear. He was scared for Newton, frightened by the crushing loss settling cold in his chest that sang not only for Chuck Hansen but of all the loss they’d experienced during the years; frightened by the fact that it felt, perhaps, a little like it sang for the breach as well.

             Newton’s walls were failing much like the Wall of Life had under the crushing mass of Mutavore and though Newton had been forced by those around him to face the loss of Chuck Hansen, Hermann was afraid of what it might mean if those past losses all came crashing down upon him before the man had managed to heal.

            It would only be a week later when Newton would first bring up a conference that didn’t exist at an old hotel that was closed for good. Hermann would go along even after Raleigh and Mako had warned him that Newton had let his deception slip to them. In the end Hermann would always go and Hermann would always stay simply because Newton willed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated whether this should be the last chapter. I debated on how to write this last chapter. I've been debating up until this exact moment about this chapter. However, it feels right and I can't picture how else I would approach it. In the end, this felt like the best way to leave it and it leads into the Potential Imprints of Human like things. 
> 
> I feel like Newton would have been made to face Chuck's death more aggressively than Caitlin's, in part because the war is over and there's time to truly mourn but also because there's more people around that can force him not to shut it all in. 
> 
> Newton does still hear Chuck at one point in PioHLT but it's a small one-liner that might be hard to pick out. Looking back I would have included more of Chuck if I'd had my head canon for the two of them sorted out a little more when I wrote it but I also feel that is more about him dealing with the loss of Caitlin who he never did properly mourn. 
> 
> I am planning to continue within this series with things that line up with all of this. The next one will be more about Newton/Hermann after PioHLT. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who has read all the way through this. I appreciate it and adore you for it! The Pacific Rim fandom is amazing.


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